Just for a Moment

I was excited for our Friday Night Karaoke date, which is taking place off campus! I hadn't been off campus since Mami was sick and that was neither for a good reason or much fun. Tonight was different; tonight Roxy, Jonny, Ally, Mike, Jack, Emily, Kellin and I were headed to a karaoke place not too far off campus, in cab anyway. We were leaving with JT’s permission of course. This is what I needed with all the stress that comes with the semester’s end nearing. With all the papers, skits, dance routines, play practice, and pressure of being number one are enough reasons to be driven insane. If I didn't have Kellin of course, who made sure my life was in constant balance. We studied together, laughed together and practically live together to be honest. We were only ever apart when we were sleeping or in class. He even went to play rehearsals with me. In fact last week at rehearsal he got into a little thing with Zac, it went something like this:

“Zac, do me a favor and stop flirting with my girl. I am not Vic man; you aren’t going to be rid of me. So just cut the crap okay? You may be her leading man on stage but I am her leading man, period.”

Of course I missed him actually telling Zac that, Roxy filled me in while we were in the dressing rooms. Usually that kind of thing would make me feel super embarrassed but I was glowing from Kellin’s words. He was making it known that he would not go down without a fight. Zac backed off since then but we are still good friends. I am happy about that much. If things would have gotten weird, well that would be horrible for me. I mean I am the one who sees him all the time. I knew in an odd way Kellin and Zac were cool, especially ever since Lounge Night last year. They had this easy going friendly vibe with each other, which kept my rehearsals tension free.That’s more than could be said about Vic and Kellin. I mean yes, they were still very close, but ever since Ally overheard Vic telling Kellin he better not mess up because this time he will be there to pick up the pieces. Well let’s just say there is just a bit of underlining tension. Mostly when I am not around, weird huh?

Anyway, aside from the usual love drama everything was pretty chill. I mean I had the greatest drama teacher, the best of friends, and an amazing boyfriend who made sure I didn’t get so down on myself. I would call that a massive improvement after what happened two months ago. I shudder at just the thought; my therapist even says I seem to be in a great place. I felt great, no worries just your average school stress and occasional 'lovers' spat with Kells. Plus our plans to spend winter break at our parent’s house, I was just so excited for them to meet him. I was also super nervous! I was going to meet his mother and siblings. I bit my lip, while fixing my hair in the mirror. For the hundredth time I wondered if we were moving too fast. That’s when he walked into my room and my doubts flew out the window.

“Get out baby, I am not ready yet!” I put my hand on my hip, standing only in tights and a tank top.

He wrapped his hand around my waist from behind and stares at us in the mirror. “We are one hot couple.” He kissed my shoulder, one of his favorite things to do. “Hurry up; the others are waiting for us. Even Alan, and if Alan is ready before you there is a problem.”

“Oh hush,” I place my hands on top of his and smile. “I was finishing up a paper; I do have school work, you know?”

He twirled me around to face him, “I know.” He kissed me, “but I also know we have a date and unless you want to blow the others off and stay in,” he bit his lip, “which I know you don't, then hurry up.”

He walked out of the door and Roxy walked in. My face was bright red from Kellin’s comment; I swear that boy will be the death of me. She laughed at my expression and tossed my red blouse at me.

“Let’s go Dolcezza. We don’t have all day for you to daydream about Kellin.” She stuck her tongue out at me. “Don’t you want to spend time with him in this reality?”

“You never finished telling me what happened with Brendon.” Her face flushed and she sighed.

“I hate you Dolcezza,” she laughs.

“I love you too Loca.” I blow her a kiss in the mirror.

She talks to me about Brendon’s rude behavior toward Jonny as I finished getting ready. She says she thinks it’s because he knows Jonny is hers. Of course she has yet to have a face to face encounter with Brendon, or any encounter at all, thanks to some super strategic planning. So far so good, for her anyway. Jonny, on the other hand, won’t stop complaining that the guy has it out for him. Clearly, he was clueless about Brendon’s past with Roxy. We had discussed at length her coming clean about the whole, hey-the-new-teacher’s-aide-is-my-ex-fiancé thing but we weren’t sure where to begin. I mean he is going to be pissed because a) Roxanne here never told him that she was once engaged, information she didn’t even share with me until like two days ago. B) He has been here for like two months now which makes it seem like the reason she hid it was because she still has feelings for Brendon. Which she does, not that she wants Jonny to know that though. And of course c) he was easy to piss off. This all caused Roxy to zip her lips even tighter, in fact she has barely hissed at blonde bimbo since Brendon got here. A sure sign that she had a guilty conscience weighing on her. I guess its a good thing that no one has picked up on it except me and Kellin.

We emerged from the room and Roxy kissed Jonny right away. I gave her a guilty-conscience-much-look and she gave me a small smile. I dropped it when my boyfriend whispered in my ear, in French might I add, that I look beautiful. Distracting me from the very pressing female best friend matters. Not sure when he picked up French but in that moment I didn’t care. I turned to face him and I wrapped my arms around his neck. We stood like that for a few seconds before Roxy cleared her throat and tapped her foot as usual. I slipped my hand into Kellin’s hand and we walked towards the entrance to satisfy the diva. We split into two cabs and headed on our way.

Unlike Ally and Jack, who were in a cab with us, we didn’t spend the whole ride making out. We spent the ride making fun of the odd music the cab driver was playing. Believe it or not, eighty percent of the time I spent with Kellin was goofing off. The other twenty percent was split between homework (7%), serious conversations (12%) and making out (1%). Wouldn't that be a shocker to everyone? I held his hand as we spoke about how being number one of the top five is great but, hard work. Then we got into a conversation about which band was cooler Simple Plan or Blink 182. By the time we arrived, Jack and Ally were still at it by the way, we were in a heated superhero discussion. I am pretty sure that I am winning. We hopped out the cab still talking about Batman versus Iron Man. Us leaving the cab while Jally, a ship name us in the group gave them, made out, thus forcing one of them to pay for the ride. We kept debating while we approached the entrance. When Kellin saw his defeat in sight, he kissed me, biting my lower lip and wrapping me in his embrace.

“Sore loser,” I laughed as he let go.

“Maybe I just find this whole debt attractive.” He intertwined his fingers with mine.

“Whatever,” I kiss his cheek as we walk into the Karaoke place.

When we get to our private room Roxy, Emily, Mike and Jonny were already there. They had started singing and eating before we got there. I shouted at Emily and Roxy that the four of us girls had to do a spice girls song. So we searched for a good one, while the boys goofed off and did some backstreet boys. We laughed and did some light drinking, no one wanted to get to school and get in trouble. We sang and took tons of pictures doing some very silly poses. My favorite was the boys kneeled down in front of us, begging for forgiveness. It was definitely one for the scrapbook. I was happy the waiter was so willing to be our photographer, we tipped big before we left.

By the time we entered campus it was way past curfew, which we also had permission for. We decided to go to the pool, in our clothes. This we didn't have permission to do, so we had to be quiet. We all jumped in, trying hard not to giggle too loud. The heaviness of my clothes feeling strange and comforting at the same time. This pool was huge and every couple swam off to their own corner for some couple time. Kellin and I on the deep end, alone. Everyone else stayed closer to the shallow parts since they weren't too comfortable with the pool floor being so far away. I was grateful for all the swim lessons I took as a kid. That’s the only reason I could be here with so much confidence.

Kellin was facing me, tracing the slope of my nose with his finger. His eyes were glowing with emotion. He paused and wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. I lifted his head up and stared into his eyes. In an instant we were driving underwater hand in hand, we sat on the pool floor. Eyes opened just looking at one another, we stood up and then we were kissing. I felt weightless, as if he wasn’t holding on to me, I would float away. His hand roamed my body and it felt like we were in a bubble of perfection. Everything felt so new, foreign, and exhilarating. I wrapped my legs around him, forgetting that at some point we would need to surface for oxygen. He put his hands on the small of my back, rubbing his fingertips in small circles on my spine. I felt my lungs start screaming for air and Kellin must have too, he kicked off the pool floor. Our heads broke out of the surface, lips still locked. Then a chorus of ooooos erupted from our friends and we broke apart. My breathing was heavy, face flushed.

“Let’s go before we get caught.” Emily said in a loud whisper.

Everyone agreed and we headed off to our rooms under the beautiful night sky. Of course we were all shivering like crazy since it was the end of November and freezing out. I pushed Kellin’s wet hair out of his face, feeling warmth when my skin touched his and it spread throughout my body. I wasn’t shivering anymore but I was terrified of what this feeling could mean. That kiss, it was beyond words, I was just so amazed. Not in its downplayed, overused sense. No, in its purest sense. I was literally in awe of what had just happened. I was blushing all the way to my dorm room, where Kellin kissed me good night before heading to his room. Roxy was sleeping over tonight so she rushed to her room to shower before heading back. That left me with enough alone time to dwell on that moment. When I showered the water felt like it had changed like it held a secret even I didn’t know.

I felt like I floated out of the shower and into my room. Where Roxy was already in my bed under the covers, eating chips. The TV was on, watching Boy Meets World, of course. I pulled up a pair of Kellin’s sweatpants, that I stole from his room, and a t-shirt before crawling down next to her. We silently watched Boy Meets World for a while, before her phone went off. She figured it was Jonny so she grabbed it quickly to reply. She figured wrong, what she saw was a text from Brendon. The first time he has contacted her in years.

‘I miss you Roxanne.’

That was it, but it was enough to crack whatever façade Roxy had been pulling. She looked me in the eyes and started to cry. I just held her for a while but then I had to ask. The curiosity was too much for me not to know.

“Why did you guys break up?” I asked while stroking her hair.

“Careers I guess,” she said calming down. “Panic! At the Disco was his baby and he needed his time. I wanted to be in this school more than anything else. In our pursuits, we kind of drifted. Next thing I knew, we had just called the whole thing off. It hurt at first but we both figured we would end up splitting down the road due to life paths. I knew it wasn’t what I wanted, but I went along because it also made the most sense to me. There isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t regret it, even with Jonny.” Her eyes were filled with an unspoken guilt and I sympathize. “I mean I love Jonny but let’s face it; with all the stuff he tries to pull with these little easy girls, it drives me crazy. Brendon was never like that, he wasn’t afraid to make it known that I was his whole world. And well, I miss that. I miss him.” She started to cry again. “I wish he didn’t text me. I wish he would go away.”

I held her until she fell asleep, exhausted from her bittersweet day. As I was drifting off my phone went off.

‘You mean the world to me baby. Just making sure you know that. I love you and sweet dreams.’

I smiled knowing that Kellin was the boy girls dream about having. He was the most perfect pain in the butt, I could ask for.