Fall of Rome

“I cleared out a few drawers in my dresser,” Dylan said, as he set my bag by the bedroom door and pulled me into his room. “The top two are yours and you can have whatever closet space you need.”

I smiled back at him, chuckling as I reached down to unzip my bag. “How long are you planning on having me stay exactly?”

After taking a small step forward, he wrapped his arms around me, which pulled my attention away from my bag, and pressed his face into my hair. “As long as you’ll stay, I guess.”

We both knew that would never be as long as we wanted to, because he’d have to film and I’d have to go back to see my family. My parents always got anxious when I was gone for more than a week and there was no point in me staying when Dylan spent twelve hour days on set anyway. We tried it once and it ended up the only time we were together was when we were asleep.

When he pulled away, he looked down at me with a small smile and his lips reminded me that we still hadn’t kissed since I had landed. Usually that was the first thing Dylan did, but I assumed that with all of the hugging and spinning that it slipped his mind.

Before I could lean up to kiss him, he reached down and finished unzipping my bag for me and did his best to help me unpack. There wasn’t really much rhyme or reason to the way I was putting things away, but Dylan probably thought there was, because he’d look at me every time he was about to set something down to make sure it was in its proper place.

About half way through my suitcase, I noticed him taking longer to pick things up, which was usually what happened when he did chores. He was never much of a cleaner, and I had to admit that I wasn’t either. We were a perfect pair when it came to that sort of thing.

We reached the bottom of my suitcase and Dylan picked up one of his old t-shirts he had given me when we first started dating. I wore it every chance I could and after four years of constant washing it was dull and faded.

He held the shirt in his hands for a few long moments, holding it like it was something other than a simple t-shirt – like it was some sort of priceless heirloom he’d lost so long ago. His mouth opened and closed as he looked at it, until he finally turned to look at me.

The expression on his face wasn’t the happy one he had when he had been holding me a few moments before, and it was like he was hardly even looking at me.

“El,” he said, his lip quivering as his gaze met mine. “I – I have something I need to tell you.”

Right then, I immediately felt like I was going to barf. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that something was wrong. From the way his hands shook to the pained look in his eyes, it was obvious that something was wrong.

I tried to remain calm as I spoke, tilting my head as I looked at him. “What is it?”

“I – um – here,” he said, pointing to his bed. “Sit down.”

Honestly, I was thankful that he asked because my knees were trembling and I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to stand before they began knocking together.

I thought that he would tell me as soon as I sat down, but he paused for a long moment while I looked at him and he looked at me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to get out with it and tell me or if I wanted him to wait as long as possible so everything could be okay for a little while longer, but before I had a chance to decide, his mouth opened and he began speaking again in a flurry of words that shook just as much as my hands.

“El, I – I’m so sorry.” He choked on his words, pressing his head into his hands and covering his eyes. I couldn’t do anything but look at him as I waited for the truth to come out. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

By this point, my entire body felt cold, like all of my heat had left the second that Dylan opened his mouth. I was frozen in place, my lips trembling as I looked down at his shaking form. I wasn’t sure if he was going to look back up at me again, but he did, twisting his body so he could take my hands in his. His skin was touching mine, but it was like I could hardly even feel it.

“It all happened so fast, El, and I – I don’t know why I did it, really. I just – I would take it back if I could. I would give anything to take it back.”

My whole body was aching and he still hadn’t even confessed what that something was. All I knew was that whatever it was had him a total and complete mess, and I could only imagine what it would do it me.

I didn’t really know if I’d ever be able to speak again with the way my body was aching, but words came out of my mouth with a forced breath that came from the very bottom of my lungs.

“Dylan, what – what is it?” I choked out, my fingers beginning to shake as I looked at him. “You can tell me anything.”

Dylan bit his bottom lip so tightly I thought it would go raw. His eyes flicked to the floor and he let out a long sigh before looking back up at me. I knew him well enough to know that whatever news he had wasn’t going to be good.

“El, I – I slept with someone else.”

I could’ve swore at that moment that my lungs completely collapsed and there was absolutely no fresh air being pulled into my body anymore. I’d never felt my chest ache so horribly bad and all I wanted to do was keel over into a ball on the floor.

“Slept with? What –what do you mean?”

“I had – I had sex with her, El.” His words barely came out before he was choking, shoving his head in his hands as sobs wracked his body. I’d never seen Dylan cry so much. He looked back at me again, his eyes bright red. “I’m so, so sorry, El. I never, ever wanted to hurt you.”

Dylan’s words stung my body like the sharpest bee sting, straight through my heart and all around my lungs. I could feel it in my stomach and in every struggled breath I took.

“You – how could – why would you even bring me out here?”

Tears began pouring from my eyes and all I wanted to do was get as far away from Dylan as I possibly could. I stood up from the bed, taking a few hurried steps backwards to put space between us. I was still looking at him and him at me, and he stood up and tried to move towards me.

“El, I –” He reached his hand out for me, tears lining his eyes as he took a step forward. “I need you here so – so I can make it better.”

“You can’t make this better, Dylan. You can’t take back what you did.”

The tears fell from his eyes, but still, he took another step. “Please, El, please. I love you so much. Please, just please, let me try.”

I took a step away from him, holding my hands in a stopping motion. I could hardly even look at him anymore. It felt like he was a completely different person standing in front of me and all I wanted to do was get away from him. He was the cause of all the pain I was feeling, and maybe, just maybe, if I could get away from him then the pain would stop.

“It was the biggest mistake I’m ever made,” he breathed out, his eyelashes batting as another tear fell down his cheek. “Eleanor, I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am. Please, El, give me a chance to make it better. I can’t live without you.”

Dylan was talking – saying a million little words that all sounded so wonderful in my head – but none of it mattered because all I could think about was him with that girl, whoever she was. It wasn’t what I wanted to think about it at all, but no matter how much I tried to focus on his words, I couldn’t get thoughts of him and her together out of my head.

Without saying anything, I spun around as quickly as I could, taking the few extra steps until I was out of his bedroom. I needed to get out of there and away from him and the sooner the better. His hand was on my arm the second I made it out of the doorframe and he turned me around to face him, tears still falling from his eyes.

“El, please, please don’t go.”

“I need to get out of here, Dylan. I need to get away from you.”

Dylan’s lips trembled as though I was crashing his whole world down the way he had done to me. He just looked at me for several moments, and I could feel his pulse racing from the fingers on my arm. His eyes looked so far away, and he batted them quickly before speaking again.

“I understand,” he said, biting his lip. “But please don’t go. I’ll leave if that’s what you want, but please don’t leave.” He kept his eyes on mine while he waited for a response, holding my arm more tightly in his hand. “Is that okay? Can you do that?”

I didn’t know why he was so insistent on me staying, but I didn’t have the energy to argue against it. I simply nodded my head and Dylan gave me a small smile, with his eyes and cheeks all puffy and red. He held that smile like it was the only thing that was going to keep us from falling apart.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, okay?” He kept his eyes on me, but I didn’t say anything back. “I love you, El. I love you so much.”

I didn’t pay much attention to him leaving, just stayed frozen until I heard the sound of the front door shutting. The sound of that closing creak was like a bomb setting off inside of me and I immediately collapsed to the floor, my sobs taking over my body and making me shake. I couldn’t think or breathe. All I could do was cry because the only boy I had ever loved had completely broken my heart.