Fall of Rome

Dylan and I walked side by side as he continued to guide me down the road, until we popped up at the entrance to a small park, complete with a cobble sidewalk and forest walkway. A man stood just outside the entrance selling food tightly wrapped in foil, and Dylan picked something up for both of us before we began following the path through the park.

He stopped us as the first lake we saw, forcing me to walk through the grass until we hit the edge of it. There was no seating there, but that didn’t seem to bother Dylan, and he sat on top of the soft ground before patting his hand against the space next to him. There was a chance I’d end up ruining my pants with some sort of grass stain, but complaining about dirt was the last thing on my mind at that moment, so I slumped down into the spot next to him.

He looked at me briefly and smiled, and I looked away. His smile was just too familiar and I wasn’t ready to feel familiar yet.

Dylan let out a sigh, sensing that there was something permanently upsetting me, and he slumped back a bit, resting his body weight on his hands. His gaze fell back on me and he spoke, though his voice was just barely loud enough for me to hear.

“El, I know I’ve probably said this a thousand times already, but I feel like I can’t say it enough. I’m so, so sorry, El. I’m so sorry for everything.” I turned my head to look at him, and his cheeks were flushed with how upset he was. “I wish I could take it back. I’d do anything to take it back.”

“Dylan, I –” I took in a deep breath, still keeping my eyes on him. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

Dylan nodded his head gently, as if that was the only answer he needed, and bit his bottom lip. His head was probably raging with a thousand little thoughts, but he bit them all back with a deep breath. His eyes drifted away from me for a moment before they came back again, now accompanied by a small smile.

“Do you remember that summer we were out at the lake with my parents?” I nodded and his smile deepened. “I threw you in the lake first thing when we got there and you were covered in the most disgusting water I’ve ever seen. You had mud all over your face and there was all that algae stuck in your hair –”

“I remember,” I interrupted, a small smile creeping to my face as the memory flooded over me. “And your dad threw you in as payback.”

Dylan chuckled. “He’s always been on your side, hasn’t he?”

I nodded. “Rightfully so.”

Dylan laughed again and smiled. “Remember when he almost walked in on us? And you had to try to get dressed under the covers while he had his back turned.”

That memory ached a little bit, just because the thought of Dylan being intimate with anyone seemed to be a sore spot for me, but I nodded my head, trying for once to play along with it.

“He never said anything, did he?

Dylan shook his head. “Nah, but I think he probably knew, don’t you?”

“Probably,” I said, chuckling a bit as I nodded my head. A thought came to my mind and I couldn’t help but to ask. “Do they know? Do your parents know… about what happened?”

Dylan cleared his throat, his eyes growing soft. “I – I didn’t have the heart to tell them. I mean, I can if you want me to –”

“No,” I said, interrupting his thought before he had a chance to finish it. “You don’t have to do that.”

Dylan nodded, his gaze falling out to the lake in front of us. “They’d probably hate me if they knew. Not as much as you, but they’d hate me.”

“I don’t you hate you, Dylan. I –” I didn’t know what else I wanted to say, but it was hard to get the words out, so I just repeated myself. “I don’t hate you.”

Dylan gave me a small smile, but it wasn’t the least bit genuine. He probably didn’t believe me, and I couldn’t blame him. I hadn’t been acting like I didn’t hate him.

“Remember my senior prom?” I asked, pursing my lips as I looked at him. “You’d just gotten your first part in a movie and everyone kept bugging us about it.”

Dylan smirked at me, chuckling a bit as he spoke. “I seem to remember you bragging to quite a few of your friends about how you were dating a famous movie star.”

“What?” I smiled back. “I did no such thing.”

“Whatever you say, Eleanor.”

“I seem to remember you bragging to quite a few of my friends about how you were a famous movie star,” I joked, smiling at him as I slumped back a bit.

He shrugged his shoulders, not even bothering to deny it. “That guy kept flirting with you. I had to do something to get him to shut up.”

“Oh, bullshit,” I chuckled, slapping his shoulder a bit.

He rubbed his wound a bit, faking like he was in pain. “It’s true. That Jake kid kept trying to get you to dance with him.”

“Jake Thompson? He did not.”

“He so did, El. He came up every new song to ask you.” Dylan shut his eyes as he chuckled, the memory filling his mind. “God, I was so jealous, El. I thought I was going to stomp his face in before the night was over.”

“You? Stomp someone’s face in?”

He nodded. “The way he kept looking at you – I swear, I was going to kill him if he did it one more time.”

Somehow, the thought of Dylan being jealous over someone talking to me was oddly flattering. I don’t know if it was because I was feeling so insecure about the cheating thing or because I always thought of myself as the one who was jealous.

“Did you know he still goes to my university?” I asked, resting my head on my own shoulder as I looked at him.

“I didn’t,” Dylan responded, his eyes tightening up a bit. “I did not know that.”

“Yep. I see him nearly every day.”

I could see Dylan’s cheeks get flusher with every word I spoke, and something about that excited me. I wanted him to be jealous. I wanted him to feel the same way I did. I wanted to see that he cared.

“What for?”

“We have a communications class together,” I continued, watching as Dylan bit his lip. “We’ve had to work on projects together a few times.”

“You never told me that,” Dylan said quickly – a little too quickly if I might add. “You – uh – you like working with this kid?”

I shrugged. “He’s alright. A bit too conceited for my liking. Always talks about how many weights he can lift.”

“Sounds like a dick,” Dylan said, his eyes tightening as he looked out at the lake. He looked so genuinely concerned and I had to admit that there was something about that I liked. “You know, I – I could try to fly back home more often. Over weekends and things. I mean, if that’s something that you would want.”

He was looking back at me again with a hint of concern in his eyes, as if this were one of those make or break moments for him that would determine whether our train was moving forward or backward. I didn’t know much of what I wanted at that point, but I did know that, if Dylan and I stayed together, I would want him to visit more.

“That –” I stuttered a bit, probably making him more nervous than he already was. “I think that sounds like something we could do.”

I don’t think I’d seen Dylan smile that big since we landed in England, and he tilted his head. “You think?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

Dylan smiled again, lifting himself up from the grass as he wiped his hands against the back of his pants. He reached his hands out for me, and even though I knew he was just trying to help me up, it felt like we were moving just a little bit fast. I used the very tips of my fingers to wrap around his hands and barely even used his weight to help me up. I don’t think he noticed, though, because he was still smiling.

“We should probably try to get back to the hotel, you think? So we’re not roaming around lost when it gets dark.”

Dylan and I walked side by side until we reached the street, and I finally got him to agree to get a taxi, because a driver would be able to find his way to our hotel much more quickly than a pair of lost foreigners would on foot.

By the time we got back to the hotel, I was dead tired after spending the entire day exploring and getting lost in a new country. It was strange, though, because I wasn’t ready to go to bed. Instead, I found myself wanting to stay awake as long as I could to keep talking to Dylan. I just wanted to hear his voice as he talked about all the different memories that had once made me fall in love with him. I wanted to hear everything, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being too trusting. I couldn’t help but remember what he had done.

I don’t know if I was trying to punish him or trying to keep distance for myself, but instead of giving into temptation, I changed into my pajamas and slipped into the bed, while Dylan moved to the sofa, which had to be horribly uncomfortable.

Luckily, I was so exhausted that I didn’t have enough time to regret not staying up with Dylan before I began drifting off to sleep. Just as my eyes began fluttering between open and closed for the last time, I heard Dylan’s voice across the room.

“Goodnight, El. I love you.”