Silent

If my head allowed me to love anymore I’d love my Nana the most. She loved me, which was nice. And I think I loved her but it was very superficial I think. I hoped it wasn’t that it was deeper but I was too afraid to look that hard to figure it out.

My grandmother curled my light brown hair carefully, making sure each perfect curl laid just right. “First date in a long time.” She smiled and I nodded. She tisked at me and straightened my head back out.

“Do you like the dress I picked out?” She asks and I shot her a thumbs up, not wanting to move my head again. She takes what used to be my bangs but have long since groan out and pins them back with a cream colored bow. I saw the dress she had laid out for me. I was going on a date, not to my first day of kindergarden, but if it made her happy so be it. She lets me dress myself, thank god and she comes in to zip me up before handing me a purse.

The doorbell rings and she squeals, she was happier about this than I was.

She runs down and I slowly follow, to find John getting a nice firm talk from Pop. I take his hand and drag him out of the house, waving my hand behind me.

He chuckles as I climb into the truck.

“For someone who is very vocally, shy you are quite demanding.” He says and I roll my eyes quickly giving him the finger, feeling playful. He honestly looks shocked, like I wasn’t capable of such a crude action.

He climbs into the truck and smiles at me. “You know that your behavior is very contradictory to your outfit.” He chuckles and I roll my eyes, taking out the mirror from my purse. I let my hair down and mess it up a little, I take out my eyeliner and make myself actually look my age instead of 14. I smile back at him and he laughs.

“Better, what did your Grandma dress you?” He asks and I give him a hard look. “Holy shit she did!” He laughs. “What does she think you can’t fend for yourself?” He asks and I don’t answer at all, I just put on lipstick. He sighs and pulls into the mall parking lot.

“You know, calling your grandfather to ask if you wanted to go on a date… I felt like I was courting you.” He says and I smile. “It was actually kinda of nice, doing this old school. No phones, no nothing.” He says and I nod. “Do you even have a phone?” John asks and I rolled my eyes.

Of course I had a fucking phone.

We get out and walk into the mall. What the hell are we doing here? I like surprises, though. Was he taking me shopping?

I smile and take John’s hand as he leads me though the mall. Build-a-Bear?

“Okay. Don’t judge. I was going to do just movie and a dinner but thats so boring and you’re not boring so I was thinking and I couldn’t come up with anything so I googled date ideas and-”

I held up a finger to his lips to stop the rambling. I smiled and dragged him in, looking at the bears. I’d never done this before but I always wanted to.

I pick a standard bear- the white one and John just smiles, moving on. I cough and gesture to the unstuffed bears. “Oh- I’m not going to-”

I roll my eyes and go back to the bears, I pick out the little black cat and hand it to him. He grimaces. “I don’t like cats.”

I roll my eyes. Prissy for someone who didn’t want one. I pick out a matching bear to mine and hand it to him, smiling. He chuckles and we move on to where we get it stuffed. “Soft medium or firm?” The lady asks, smiling. I shrug and hand it to her. “Oh Uhm- Medium then?” She says and I nod. She stuff both of ours and hands us each a little red heart.

“Okay. Jump up and down twice.” She said and we look at each other before jumping. “Now twirl twice.” We twirl. “Now hop on one foot.”

We do all of her silly instructions before she says, “kiss the heart, make a wish to yourself and place it into your bear.”

I do it and then John does it. He chuckles and we hand her the bear to close them up. “You can go over and dress them now!” She smiles and we walk over, he was blushing.

“That was embarrassing.” He mumbles and I laugh.

“You have a really pretty laugh and I’m dying to hear what your voice sounds like.” He sighs and I clam up. Not really putting forth anything.

“No- Aellea. I’m sorry I’m-” He starts but I walk away to go through the clothing. I decide to make the bear look like john, considering I can’t really think of anything else. John doesn’t talk as we dress up the bears.

A little gray hoodie a plaid shirt, jeans and converse. I don’t find him a little beanie so I just put the gray hoodie up and slip his ears though the holes. I smile and pet the fur back.

He put his in a little dress and the same black converse I’d put mine in.

We walk over to the computers, still a little tense from when he said he wanted to hear my voice.

I sit down to name mine and type in John II. “Actually,” He speaks up. “It’d be John VI.” He smiles. “I’m John the fifth.” He says and I smile and nod, typing that in. I finish typing in my information and he sighs, “Aellea, why don’t you talk?” He asks.

My head jerks up. No one has ever asked that. Not the threapist my Nana made me go to for a little bit, not my Pop, not my Nana, none of my old friends. I hadn’t been asked that in the 343 days I hadn’t been speaking.

“I hadn’t had anything important to say.” I said. Loud and clear, no roughness in my voice from going unused. It sounded just as I remembered.