Impavid

“How totally fucked is this all?” Johanna’s venomous voice caught me off guard as I ducked under her stick. We were using sticks to practice combat, hers shorter and heavier to imitate and axe, mine longer with one side heavy to imitate a trident. “This quell? It’s complete bullshit. The deal was we could live in peace and now their dragging us back here.”

“You know why they’re doing it,” I answered, spinning around her and lashing out with my stick, cracking it across her back. She didn’t even make a sound, though I knew it hurt. She turned to face me, glaring. I shrugged and grinned at her. “They want to exterminate us like we’re some mutt they created.”

Johanna attacked savagely, screaming as she hacked at me with short, strong blows. I deflected them, grunting with effort as I met her smacks. I stepped to the left at the same time she leapt forward, catching me in the chin. I stumbled backwards and ducked as she swung at my head while I thrust my hand forward, opening my palm to let the stick be thrown forward before clasping it a few inches from it’s end. It hit her in the stomach.

Bringing her arm down on it, she knocked it out of my hand. She swung at me hard but I jumped into a backhand-spring, landing a few feet away from her and grabbing a stick from the array of weapons, spinning it and taking my stance. She straightened, dropping her arm and looking at me with an annoyed expression.

“That was new,” she commented. “Never seen you do that before.”

I dropped out of my defensive pose. “We have these cliffs back home that we dive off of into the water. It’s like this adrenaline junkie thing. A lot of us used to do back flips and stuff off of them. I just learned to do them on land on occasion.”

“Impressive.”

Everyone broke for lunch. I jogged over to Finnick immediately as everyone filtered out of the training room and into a large cafeteria where lunch was severed. There were still districts missing from the area but most of the room filled in, chatter ringing as the lunch line filled with people filling their plates.

I stood between Finnick and Johanna who were both talking amicably. Johanna’s counterpart from seven, Blight joined us in line, talking to Finnick as well. I remained silent, glancing around the tables and wondering how seating was going to go. Lunch room sitting meant a lot in the games. In my first games, I knew that it was a matter of status and ally lines. Now I couldn’t tell if it was going to be a drawing of allies or if it was going to be a matter of who knew who the longest.

Once again, I filled my plate with fruit. I also grabbed something that resembled fish. Normal water was my choice for a drink. Finnick and Johanna both followed suit of the healthy plates, whereas some of the other tributes seemed to know that this was going to be one of their last few meals.

“Lana!” I turned around to look into the face of Enobaria. The attitude from earlier that day was completely gone, face open and approachable as she waved me over. “Help me move this table?”

“Yeah, sure.” Finnick nodded and grabbing my tray, balancing it in his hand. I followed Enobaria, grabbing a table, both of us hauling the edges to fit it together to a table that Cashmere and Gloss had pulled up. Brutus and Chaff were grabbing chairs and putting them in their prospective places. “Who’s idea?”

She rolled her eyes. “Who do you think?”

I jerked my thumb in Brutus’ direction and she nodded, smiling and showing her sharpened teeth again. It was like the moment she was out of battle mode, she could pretend that she was likeable. But I knew she wasn’t likeable, nor did I want to like her. “Figures.”

Sitting together as a group was weird at first. Everyone seemed to tried to figure out what to say before everyone began to burst into joke and teasing one another. For the first time since the games started, a normal feeling begins to level out. I sat across from Cashmere and Gloss, both of whom are incredibly nice to me. Between Johanna and Finnick, I was in a good seat, never having to feel awkward.

Our old games are topics only talked about lightly. Some made a joke about something weird that happened in their games- because we all as a group had at least one strange experience- but no one delved into their games at a deep level, like there was some unwritten rule that we weren’t supposed to talk about how we got there.

The quell was brought up frequently, people making jokes about what the arena could have been. Finnick went as far to say that he hoped we got into the arena and it’s a bunch of fields and the only weapons there are pillows. We all laughed at the idea of trying to beat one another to death with pillows, but as lunch died down, so did the happiness.

Back out In the training places, I took up teaching Gloss how to make knots while Finnick taught Cashmere trident tactics. It was weird to see them apart for the first time since I had met them years ago. Gloss was silent at first, working on his ropes as I slowly did my own, following my steps. His rope work was surprisingly good.

“Twelve years,” he said finally, making me slow my efforts. He looked down at his ropes, continuing to tie them. He shook his head, jaw working. “Twelve years of riches and total contentment and then I get asked to come back here.”

“Makes you mad, doesn’t it?”

He shrugged. “It is what it is. But if I’m going to die, I’m certainly not going without a legacy, am I right?”

My thoughts echoed back to what Enobaria said about racking up a high body count. Something occurred to me, then. “I know what you mean. You seem to have this rope thing pretty down. Mind if I switch stations?”

“No, go ahead. I’ll see you later.”

Smiling and nodding, I stepped away from the station. Finnick had just finished teaching Cashmere how to use tridents. She saw my approach and thanked Finnick politely before passing me, nodding her head and smiling politely. For all of their politeness, only some of it was genuine. “Can I talk to you?”

Finnick frowned, nodding. We made ourselves comfortable by sitting at the plant identification station, the matt soft under us as we flipped through the keyboards of leaves, matching them to benign or dangerous in breed. “What’s going on?”

“The careers don’t think they’re going to win,” I said very quietly, keeping my keys on my keyboard. “They have no idea who is going to win but they aren’t in this to win. They’re in this to kill as many of us as they can and go out with a bang.”

“What makes you think they’re not just going in to win?”

“This morning Enobaria asked me how big I thought I could get my body count. I wondered why that would matter if she planned on killing me. And just now, Gloss said that he wasn’t bothered by going back in, but he was going to make himself a legend before he died, you know? They’re in it for the glory. If one person can win, they want to outshine everyone else by slaughtering everyone.”

“So that’s what the pleasantries is all about.” Finnick nodded, a sour look coming across his face. “They don’t care who they have as allies. They’re going to wipe everyone out before they’re brought down.”

“Which makes them a problem.”

“It makes them a huge problem. They’ll hardly be surviving.”

“They’ll just be hunting.”

The rest of the day was filled with mindless tasks. No one was training with their specialty, everyone just trying to share their own talents with someone else. It wasn’t like we were training at all as much as it was like us being at an expose and sharing ideas and concepts.

In our living quarters, I showered clean. The capitol showers were similar to my own at home, but they had several more settings. The water spouting out of the shower smelled like lemons, very different from my own water that often smelled like sand and saltwater.

Dressed in a sleeping dress with soft shoes on my feet, I found myself in the wide space of the living area. Just as I began searching for Finnick, he appeared from out of the hallway, dressed in a pressed suit. My brows pulled together as I frowned, gesturing to the get up. “What the hell are you wearing that- oh.”

The question fell flat when his face looked reserved and dejected. I swallowed hard, trying to force down the rage welling inside of my chest, realizing that Snow thought it appropriate to make Finnick available, though he was training to go back into the games. “Nothing changes, apparently.”

“Don’t go.”

“You know I have to.”

“But what if you didn’t?” I argued, walking back and forth then. In my minds eye, I could see other people touching Finnick. I could see them laughing as they draped themselves on his arm, as they paid him in their secrets. My fists balled and I couldn’t help how mad I felt, especially knowing that I was someone he enjoyed kissing. “What will he do then? Kill you before you go into a death match? Hurt you? Slap you on the wrist? He can’t do anything to us anymore!”

“Lana-"

“He can’t keep hurting us! He can’t kill off every single one of us because we want a happy life that is outside of capitol jurisdiction! He can’t take away everyone’s wants, he can’t-“ I broke off, realizing that I was crying. I wiped my tears furiously, looking up at the ceiling. Finnick walked towards me but I held out a hand, stopping him. “-He can’t just do whatever he wants with you. He doesn’t own you.”

“Snow may own me, but he doesn’t own my heart, alright?” I looked at him and nodded. I bit down on my lip, refusing to let anymore tears escape. It seemed like keeping my promise that I wouldn’t cry anymore was harder said than done. “Are you going to let me kiss you goodnight, or are you going to stand there and look at me like I forgot it was your birthday?”

“Shut up,” I huffed, running across the expanse of the living area and throwing myself into his chest, hugging him before I pulled myself out of his chest, standing on my toes and kissing him. He lips were warm and soft against mine. It was a short kiss, but it still made my heart race faster. “Sorry about the tantrum. I’m tired of people trying to rob you of your well deserved happiness.”
“You know I’ll come back when I can.”

I nodded. “Just be safe. Don’t drink too much either, I don’t want to have to carry you home and baby you because you partied too hard.

Despite the gravity of what he was off to do, Finnick grinned and kissed me again on the brow before departing. When he stepped into the elevator, he gave me a small wave before the doors shut, leaving me standing with only the vox’s standing in the corner of the room.

Bellona was wherever it was she went to, and Mags was asleep in her own room. We knew what to do on our own without her help, so the woman stayed back, living in peace. It was only two hours after Finnick’s departure while I sat on the couch eating fruit that Mags came out.

I looked up over the couch at her, smiling happily. She gave me a warm smile as I gestured for her to sit with me. I was watching the full games of tributes who I was going to be dealing with in the games, the current tape on the male tribute from district five, Doc was his name, and I was studying his movements and any patterns in his fighting.

Mags quietly ate strawberries with me, watching as well. She tapped my arm about ten minutes into her sitting, gesturing to something. I picked up the control and reversed it to where she pointed. I hit the play button and watched as Doc fought against a girl from district one. The arena was a dry landed with mountains and cliffs. They were currently fighting at the base of a mountain. I watched as the girl grabbed a rock as she rolled, slamming it into his left ankle. He yelled out and crumbled for a moment before winning in a scuffle.

“Do you think that hurt his ankle much?” I asked Mags. She nodded, making a motion to go forward. I did until she tapped me again. I stopped the tape. It had played through the rest of his games and it was highlights of the victory tour. I noticed that whenever he walked up a set of steps, he limped slightly, favoring the left ankle. “So he’s got a weak left ankle. Mags, you’re brilliant.”

At some point in watching videos, Mags dozed off. Finnick came in late in the night, quietly walking into the room. He looked surprised to see that I was still awake but his surprised melded to an expression of fondness when he saw Mags asleep on my shoulder, my arm around the woman.

Without saying anything, he joined us on the couch, sitting next to me. I leaned into him and he loped his arm around me, his hand reaching for the one that was around Mags shoulder and linking our fingers. I smiled up at him softly and tiredly. “You sure have been affectionate lately, you know.”

“I don’t give a damn what Bellona wants anymore. I know what I want and that’s that.”

“Sounds good to me.”