The Poison in Your Blood

I wake up in my bed. I can feel him under my head and I don’t protest. I move myself closer to him and I yawn slightly. He tightens his grip on me and I sigh. “How are you feeling?” he asks me.

“Tired,” I say honestly. I didn’t dream while I was unconscious. It’s probably better that way. My dreams would have just been weird, and probably somewhat terrifying. Its dark in the room and I wonder how long I was out.

“Feel free to go back to sleep,” he says. He runs his hand over my hair gently and I close my eyes before taking in a deep breath. I feel relaxed at his scent and I cuddle against him.

“How long was I asleep?”

“A few hours,” he says. “You passed out pretty quick, I was a little worried at first.”

“You didn’t kill me,” I say. I try and laugh but I’m not really feeling the laughter. I put my head on his chest and I’m disappointed when a minute passes and I haven’t found his heart beat.

“Lana,” he says after a few minutes of silence, “That can’t become a habit. It’s not healthy for our relationship.”

“I didn’t want you to leave me,” I say. “I spend my whole life in this apartment or at work. I haven’t had a real relationship in a long time and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m lonely and I didn’t want you to leave me.”

“Your reasoning doesn’t matter, Lana. I can’t just feed on you whenever I need to.”

I feel myself frowning in the darkness and I run my hand over his chest. “Your heart doesn’t beat,” I whisper.

“No, it doesn’t,” he says. I suddenly want answers. I feel like I’m entitled to some. After all I just let this guy drink my blood; I think I deserve to know some shit about him. I’m not surprised his heart doesn’t beat, that’s something you come to know about vampires I guess. All the fairy tales say they don’t have heart beats. But I want to know the rest and damn it I’m going to find it all out tonight.

“Why do your eyes turn black?” I ask. I feel him tense.

“Lana,” he says.

“I want to know,” I insist. “I let you bring me into this, I let you…feed…on me, I want to know some stuff and I’m hoping you will tell it to me.”

“It’s late, Lana. Maybe you should rest.”

“Don’t,” I snap. “My last…boyfriend…did that to me. Shut me out of everything, kept everything a fucking secret. Don’t do that to me.” I hear him sigh and I feel his grip on me tighten.

“It’s not that I want to keep it all a secret. I just don’t want to upset you.”

“Austin,” I say. “I’m already upset by this whole thing. I’ll be less upset if I have some answers. Why do your eyes turn black?”

“They don’t really turn black,” he says. “After…I changed…or whatever…that’s how they look.”

“Then why are they blue sometimes?”

“They were that color before, and I am supposed to be able to keep them like that so nobody notices there is something strange about me. I’m just not very good at it.”

“That wasn’t a satisfying answer,” I say. There is a pause.

“They turn black when I can smell blood. Which is probably why they are always black when I’m around you. Because you intoxicate me. It’s worse when I haven’t fed in a while…” he pauses again.

“The first time we had sex they kept switching…”

“Because when you’re having sex your heart rate goes up and your blood moves faster. That’s why I told you before if I was going to kill you I’d have done it already. And why I told you for a long time I couldn’t bring a girl within a hundred yards of me. Because I couldn’t stand it…I would bring them home for one night stands and their blood would start rushing and next thing I knew I had a body to get rid of. It all became very complicated.”

“How long have you been a vampire?” I ask as I try and get that vile image out of my mind.

“Two years, give or take,” he says.

“Is that why you and your wife spilt up?”

“No,” he says and he’s tensed up again.

“How did you become…?”

“Lana,” he sighs.

“Austin.”

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” he says. “I shouldn’t have told you about myself, if I tell you about somebody else then I’ve given up their secret.”

“Was it your ex wife?” I ask suddenly. There is a slight pause.

“I can’t say who it was,” he says. I cringe. I’m pretty sure he answered my question without actually answering it and the whole idea of that scares the hell out of me.

“So, will a stake through the heart actually kill you?”

He laughs out loud then. “No,” he says when he’s mostly finished laughing. “I don’t know that there actually is a way to kill me.”

“Can you love somebody?” this comes out in a whisper. There is a long pause and I stare into the darkness while I wait for him to answer me. I feel bad for asking and like maybe I’ve crossed some kind of line.

“I think I must be able to love somebody,” he says after a long time. I run my hand up his body and across his chest.

“Why do you think?”

“Because I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like to love somebody,” he says.

I think my heart beat catches in my throat. Me of all people shouldn’t be the person he falls for. No man has ever really loved me with the exception of my father. My father adored me, but that doesn’t count really, does it? Jonathan surely never loved me. He just loved to fuck with me. I think he still gets off on that in some ways.

“Please, don’t lie to me,” I whisper and I turn away from him. I press my body into my pillow, holding it tightly against me, and I can feel tears building up in my eyes. Why am I crying? It’s so stupid. I feel his arm around me and his breath in my hair.

“I’m not lying to anybody, Lana,” he says. “I’ve told you things I shouldn’t have. I’ve opened up my life to you. Don’t think for a minute I’d ever lie to you about anything, darling.”

A tear falls out of my eye and runs down my nose. I can’t stand it anymore. I need to be close to him, because I haven’t really been close to anybody in a long time. It’s a need that consumes me and I roll over to face him and press my lips against his hard, holding onto his face with both hands. I force my tongue into his mouth and press my body against his.

“I’m feeling better,” I say when I pull away for air. “Am I still in the danger zone?” I whisper.

He laughs before tightening his grip on my body. “No, I’m feeling better myself,” he says and I push him onto his back.

I straddle him and pull the t-shirt I’m wearing off over my head and let it fall to the floor before leaning down and kissing him on his mouth again. I feel one of his hands close around my breast and give it a little squeeze. I groan against his lips at the sensation. I can hardly describe the way I feel when we get this close to each other. His smell is all around me and I’m drugged by him.

Before I have a moment to think he’s got me on my back and he’s biting gentle little nips down my neck and collar bone. My nerves are on high and I’m ready to scream out loud by the time he gets to my breasts. He bites very gently, playfully, at my nipple and I can feel the tension building up inside of me already. His hand slides down my belly and under my panties and I can feel his skin against my skin and I squirm a little at the feeling. At first he just kind of cups me in his hand and gives me a gentle stroke with all his fingers. This makes me a little anxious and I thrust my hips forward.

“Patience, Lana,” he says in a taunting voice and for a second I could just slap him. Then he picks up the pace a little using two of his fingers to stroke me. His fingers are moving in a circular motion and I feel myself getting closer to the edge. Then he puts both fingers inside me and I take handfuls of the sheet beneath me and flex my hips towards him as he does some kind of magic with his hand.

Just as I reach my breaking point he stops. “No!” I cry as he pulls his hand out of my underwear.

“Shh.” He puts his finger to his mouth to hush me and then he kisses me on my lips, hard and passionately until it hurts a little bit. I feel the elastic of my panties snap and I curse him mentally. That’s the second pair of my underwear he’s ruined. He forces my legs apart and he thrusts into me and I yelp both with excitement and surprise at the sudden feeling of fullness. I reach around him and pull him down onto me and force my lips against his. When he started thrusting against me I close my eyes and let my body feel everything. I can feel his hair between my fingers and and his lips on my jaw and my neck and for a split second having him that close to my throat worries me but then he takes my breast into his hand and gives it a squeeze and I forget about anything other than how amazing he feels.

I put my hands on his shoulders and push him onto his back. There is something kind of exciting about being in control. I rock against him and put my hands on his stomach to keep my balance. I can feel myself getting closer and closer and the sounds coming from my throat are getting louder. As I reach my climax he rolls me over again and pulls out before flipping me onto my stomach. I adjust onto my hands and knees and he pulls be back onto him forcefully by my hips. I let out some kind of animal sound and when I feel him wrap my hair around his wrist and give it a tug I lose it completely, and I scream into the pillows.

When he’s finished he rolls off me and leaves me panting on my stomach on the bed. I feel sweat in my hair and my muscles basically feel like Jell-O. Not all that pleasant. Though I have to say, you know the sex was good when you can’t stand up when it’s over. We lay in silence for a little while before he rolls onto his side and runs his hand down my hair. I turn my head to face him and I can see in the darkness the blackness of his eyes. I think I’m finally getting used to that because it doesn’t send a shiver down my spine.

“What is this thing we are doing, Austin?” I ask. “Are we in a relationship, or are we just having sex?”

“You tell me,” he says and pushes my hair out of my face.

I don’t know how I feel about him. Well that’s not true. I know exactly how I feel about him, and I think in a way that scares the hell out of me. I’m 28 years old and the only man I’ve ever loved never loved me back. Now I’m here in bed with somebody who loves me and I think I’m falling in love with him. But it scares me to think I’m falling in love with somebody whose heart doesn’t even beat. How long can I love him before it gets too complicated? How long can I love a vampire?