Uncharted Territory

When I woke up from my nap, my hand was clutched tightly onto Josh’s shirt while my head was still resting softly on his chest. I flicked my eyes up and his met mine immediately.

“You’re up,” he said, smiling down at me while he moved his hand once over my forehead to flick a piece of hair from falling in my eyes. “Are you feeling better?”

I nodded my head before pressing it closer into his chest. “I think all those fruity drinks have passed through my system so we should be safe from anymore laughing fits for the rest of the evening.”

Josh chuckled as he made a clicking noise with his lips. “Man, you were looking pretty cute when you were laughing so hard you could barely breathe,” he said with a wink.

I tightened my eyes at him before lifting my head up, and I wished instantly that I hadn’t done that. There was no telling when I’d get another chance to cuddle up next to Josh, and I let the perfect moment slip away from me far too soon.

When I sat up, Josh shifted his body around and I wondered if the way he was laying at somehow been uncomfortable, though he didn’t say anything to me about it if it was.

“What time is it?” I asked, rubbing my eyes as I looked out the window and found that it was already dark outside.

“A little after nine. I watched two movies without you.”

I let out a soft groan that wasn’t loud enough for Josh to hear. I couldn’t believe I’d wasted the entire day sleeping, especially since we were set to leave the next day. Josh had probably had something planned for him and Natalie to do that I would be tagging along for, but he was the one that had offered to get day drunk, so chances were it wasn’t something he wanted to participate in anyway.

“You wanna go down to the beach again?” Josh asked when I didn’t say anything, him already standing up from the bed and straightening out the blanket from where we’d been laying.
I nodded my head quickly, standing up the same as him. “That sounds nice.”

It was too dark to get in the water, so we both threw on shorts and a t-shirt before heading back down to visit the ocean again. The beauty of it was almost breathtaking with the stars that littered the sky above of us and the soft waves that lapped at our feet.

The last time we had walked down the beach at night, it was painfully obvious how upset Josh was. He was still reeling over the situation with Natalie, but this time he seemed more relaxed, with his feet kicking the sand loosely while his hands hung lazily in his pockets.

After a few moments of walking, I finally got the courage to ask the question that had been hanging in my head ever since we left California.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, looking at Josh through the tufts of hair that had fallen in my face.

He looked back at me, chuckling softly. “Better than you, I suppose. I didn’t have half as much to drink as you did.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I said, letting out a small laugh as I shook my head. “How do you feel about Natalie?”

Josh’s eyes fell away from mine and down to the sand, where his feet kicked the grains as we walked. “I figured that was what you meant.” He pressed his lips together than looked back at me again. “I feel… relieved, I guess.”

“Relieved?”

He nodded his head, twisting his lips as he looked at me. “I was getting married, Erin.” He let out a long breath and stopped dead in his tracks, turning his body so he was facing me. “I was getting married and for some reason the only person I thought about was you. What kind of cake you would’ve liked. What dress you would’ve worn. Whether or not you would have cried.” He sighed, running his hand over the back of his neck. “I spent every moment with Natalie wondering what it would be like if it was you. If I had told you how I felt all those years ago. How different things would be. You were my missed opportunity, Erin. All I could think about was you, you, you.”

My jaw dropped as I looked at him, and I imagine that was probably not the reaction I should have given him, but I was too frozen to do anything else. “Josh, I – I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, shaking his head while he looked back to the sand again. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

I paused, my mind reeling. “Why – why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t think it would matter,” he said softly, slowly lifting his head so his eyes met mine again. “I didn’t think – I was with Natalie and I just didn’t think you would care.” He paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes. “What would you have done, Erin? Convinced me to leave her? I know you, Erin. You would have told me to ignore it. Said I was really happy with Natalie and that I was just confused. Cold feet or something like that. I know you, Erin.”

I paused, pressing my lips together. I couldn’t say anything back, because he was probably right. Even when Natalie left him and he told me that he didn’t think he loved her at all, I tried to convince him otherwise. I think, deep down, for some reason I couldn’t completely comprehend, I was always trying to push him away.

“Tell me now,” I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. “I swear I won’t say any of that.”

A lump was beginning to form in my throat, and it was getting impossibly more difficult to breathe as Josh took a step closer to me, his hand reaching down to mine. The instant our skin touched and he wrapped his fingers around mine, my breathing hitched again.

“Erin, I think – no, I know that you’re the girl I should’ve been with.” He let out a long breath, his eyes looking straight into mine. “I love you, Erin, and I should have told you every single day since I realized it. It was always gonna be you with your fireflies and your pigtails that you kept too high up on your head. Before I could talk – before I even knew what love was – I should have known that it was gonna be you.”

It felt like the oxygen had been ripped from the air around us, and I swore if I didn’t do something soon I was going to become catatonic. My pulse was racing through my skin, right to where Josh’s fingers were touching mine, and I could barely breathe.

“Erin – you can – say something, please.”

I swallowed deeply, pushing the lump in my throat down, and with a long breath I was able to speak again. “It took you long enough.”

Josh laughed at that, his shoulders sinking down like a weight had been lifted from his back, and his free hand moved easily around my back and pulled me closer to him. His eyes were looking down into mine with our faces so close that our noses were almost touching, and he smiled again.

He tilted his head to the side and leaned forward, pressing our lips together in a perfect moment that ripped away all the breaths I had been desperately clinging onto.