Falling in Love All Over Again

"I-" Jack started but was quickly interrupted by noises on the bus, he moved out of Alex's grip slightly and looked out of his bunk to the that the guys were back, he didn't know if this was good or bad, he knew how he was not going to tell Alex that he still loved him with all of his heart and was upset that the older boy didn't notice, and that he had started cutting himself - which was something he wasn't sure he wanted to tell Alex ever though he knew it was a major part of why he was so upset and stressed all of the time - but now the other boys were here and could hear him he most certainly wasn't going to do that, he just couldn't, he didn't want the other boys to see him weak and vulnerable telling Alex that, hell, he didn't want Alex to see him all weak and vulnerable, but he knew there was no other way if he were to tell Alex about his feelings, he sighed and shook his head, "It's nothing Lex, just me being dramatic and over thinking that's all," Jack said giving Alex his best fake smile.
Alex sighed and nodded, he knew that's not was Jack was intending on saying, but he didn't want to pressure the younger boy, specially since they had only just made up and he didn't need Jack hating his guts all over again, "Alright Jay, but you know you can tell me anything right? We're best friends, not secrets between us," Alex said giving Jack a smile, Jack nodded but instantly started to feel really guilty, he had two massive secrets, one he was planning on telling Alex- eventually - and the other he never ever wanted Alex to find out about, ever.
"No secrets," Jack whispered his eyes averting Alex's, he couldn't lie straight to his face like that, he sighed and looked up at Alex and gave him a small smile, "You should probably go back out to the guys tell them we're all good again, I'll be out in a few minutes, just need to collect my thoughts," he said smiling at Alex again. Alex nodded slowly at Jack and sighed, he knew there was something wrong, he knew Jack's smiles were fake, Jack never made him leave his bunk like this, but what was wrong? That's what he didn't know, and he wanted to know oh so badly, but he knew whatever it was, was big, otherwise Jack wouldn't have been so upset, and he would've told him already, he sighed and shook his head running his fingers through his hair, he had to find out what was wrong with Jack, and soon, before it started to effect him more and more.

***

A few days later and the boys were so almost on their break, just two more shows and they'd have a month to themselves to do whatever they chose to do, which normally was drink themselves silly and play video games all day still half hung over, ahh the great life of a rock star. Alex needless to say was really excited about this, as much as he loved touring and he loved their fans he needed sometime to himself to just think about everything and not be in the spotlight for a while.

Jack on the other hand was slightly scared, he hadn't been home since he started harming himself and he didn't know how well he was going to handle being alone, he knew the boys would come and visit them, after all they were really close and they don't just shut each other out when they're on break, but he didn't know how often and that scared him, he was scared of going insane without the other boys around him, he scared scared of cutting too deep and bleeding to death - though he was dramatic it was something that he was really scared of - he was scared of not having Alex around him to keep him sane, he knew that the boys would only be a phone call or a text away, but he was scared that he wouldn't be able to make it to the phone in time. Jack sighed and shook his head, he was just over thinking this all, wasn't he? He wasn't going to go insane without the other boys, he was going to be fine, exactly like he was before he got into this mess, right? He sighed and slumped back onto his bunk burying his face into his hands letting out a half hearted groan all he could do now was hope and pray that everything was going to be alright for him and he wasn't going to go completely insane without Alex and the others.

***

Today was the day, the day that the boys started their month long break, all the other boys seemed to be very excited about this and Jack just couldn't bring himself to be excited he was just too worried about everything, he was over thinking it all, right now he was sitting in his bunk his head in his hands as he tried to calm himself down slightly, trying to not continue his slow spiral into complete and utter madness.

Alex was currently in the bathroom cleaning everything out and making sure that everyone had everything, he bit his lip and raised an eyebrow as he saw a small toiletry bag, he hadn't seen this before which was confusing, he knew whoever was in possession of this strange bag was trying really hard to either hide it, or the contents inside the bag. He so badly wanted to open the bag, see what was inside, but he was scared if he opened it whoever owned it would find out and kill him for being nosy or something like that, so he set it up on the bench and continued half cleaning the bathroom, his eyes occasionally flicking up to the bag, he wanted so bad to know what was in there. After a few more minutes curiosity got the best of him and he opened it, and looked through, the bag looked normal, exactly the same as any other bag would look, the same contents, maybe he'd seen it before and just forgotten about it after all he didn't usually remember this kind of stuff, he was about to stop snooping through the bag when something caught his eyes, a shiny slim metal object, he furrowed his eyebrows, not sure what it was, he pulled it out and gasped, now he knew exactly what it was, and it scared him, who on the bus would do this? He bit his lip and shoved the metal object back into the bag, maybe if he pretended that it wasn't there then it would go away, maybe he was just being dramatic, maybe someone had just broken their shaving razor and kept it in there, but he knew that wasn't the truth, he knew there was more than one in there and he wasn't from a shaving razor, it wasn't and he knew that it wasn't, but he so badly wanted to pretend that it was.

He sighed and pushed the bag away placing it back in the place that he found it trying to pretend that it didn't exist, that no, no one was cutting here, everyone was fine, no one felt so bad that they had to do that to themselves, but he knew that he could pretend that it didn't exist all he liked it would still be there, it wasn't just going to go away no matter how much he wanted it to, it would still be a problem, and acting like he hadn't seen it would just make the problem worse not only for whoever was doing it, but for him, he knew it would away at him, he would get so wrapped up in this, too wrapped up in this, and the fact that their break was now was just going to make it even worse, there was no way he could find out who was doing this, and that scared him, what if by the time they went back on tour they were down on band or crew member? Oh no, he couldn't have that, he just couldn't.

In that time Jack had gone to the bathroom to collect his precious babies, he'd seen Alex see them, and now he was scared, what if Alex knew it was him? What if Alex hated him after he found out? All these thoughts were spinning through his head, he needed to get out of here as soon as possible before he let his thoughts consume him.