Status: will be updated whenever I get inspiration
The Fear of Falling Apart
fourteen
Running through the airport, Oli knew it was his last chance to make a move on Robin. As far as he knew, she was going to France not to return. That’s what she had told Carol, telling the elder Sykes woman that she could come visit as soon as she and Mae had set up. But he couldn’t let her leave, especially if Mae was his daughters. He had rights, didn’t he?
Dodging out of the way of an elder gentlemen, who tutted at the tattooed male, he continued to run. Hoping to make it to terminal thirty one before Robin and Mae would leave, out of his life, for possibly good. He hadn’t done this much exercise since he had been on stage, almost a year ago. The band had taken time out, writing their new album and having time to adjust to their new changes. Jona had been replaced with Jordan, a male whom was a wiz with technology. His eyes found gate thirty one as he sped up, bumping into a man roughly his age before yelling sorry and continuing to run as he stopped, noticing the attendant stood there looking bored.
His eyes scanned quickly for the blonde French girl, or a push chair that could indicate that Mae was close by. Nothing. He tugged on his hair in frustration, letting a strangled groan leave his lips in frustration as people looked at him, all of whom were presumably waiting for their flight. His eyes continuing to search for her in a desperate attempt.
“Oli?” A voice came, one that made his breath stop in throat as he turned, seeing Robin stood there, passports in hand with a baby carrier on the crook of her arm, Mae fast asleep as she sucked on a pacifier, wearing a white baby grow and knitted hat. Robin looked beautiful in his eyes, her hair down in loose curls while she wore a black beanie, a white button up shirt with a leopard print breast pocket and a pair of skinny jeans, on her feet rested a pair of high top converse, white to match her top. A leather jacket over her shirt while her carryon bag was a grey shoulder bag – probably containing Mae’s milk.
“What are you doing here?” She frowned, her eyebrows scrunching in confusion as she looked at the male, she couldn’t help but ignore the butterflies that flashed in her stomach, she hadn’t seen him properly since the day she last saw Carol, who had attempted to convince her to stay in the country – with no luck.
“I, I came to stop you.” Oli managed to get out as she shook her head, looking down at her feet before adjusting the blanket that covered Mae from the cold air conditioning.
“Don’t do this.” She whispered as he looked at her, his face now holding the confusion as her eyes were wide, almost full of tears. Oli tried not to reach forward and cup her face, to smash his lips against hers; instead he opted for shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
“I mean it, Robin. Don’t go.” He murmured, stepping closer to her as he looked at Mae. The tot fast asleep as he smiled at the beauty of such a simple baby.
“If she’s my child, then I want to see her. So you can’t leave.”
“That’s all you want?”
“Flight 893 to Lyon, France is now boarding.” The annoying over speaker sounded as Oli looked at her again, make or break. It would be this answer, he wanted to retract everything he had ever said about being in love with her, but he couldn’t. He was absolutely and utterly in love with her and she knew that, he knew that, everyone knew that.
“It is.” He admitted, hating himself instantly for being such a coward as she nodded. Looking at Mae then at him as she shifted the bag on her other shoulder.
“I’ll get a DNA, if she’s yours. I’ll come home.” She offered as Oli nodded, watching as she sighed, beginning to walk past him.
“It was nice knowing you.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” He chuckled as she shook her head.
“If you’re anything to do with Mae, other than her uncle, then of course I won’t. And tell Tom that his car insurance called, he can’t get the damage covered.” She stifled a laugh as Oli smirked, nodding at her as he walked over, hugging her gently and kissing her temple.
“You be careful out there, you promise?” Nodding, she promised him, handing the attendant her and mae’s boarding passes as he checked them, nodding and allowing her on the plane.
“I’ll call you.”
“You best.”
“Bye, Oliver.”
He watched as she walked away, kicking himself for not manning up about his feelings and admitting them while she was awake, even though she had told him she loved him. He was still unsure if that was down to the drugs he was on or if she was being serious and she did love him. He sighed once more as the attendant grabbed more passes from other passengers and allowed them on the plane.
“I want you to stay for me.” He murmured to himself, knowing it was too late.
-
Oliver
Three weeks. That was all it had been.
Three weeks and I was a wreck.
I had thrown myself into my work, a stupid thing to do in the state I was in, but it was working. I had written three songs already for the album, Sempiternal and currently I was working on the fourth, I had already known that most of the songs were somehow aimed at Robin. It was clear.
And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate
Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
Tides will bring me back to you
My writing had become nothing more than a scrawl, I felt like I was lost without her. Dead almost, the life leaving every ounce of my body as I watched her walk away from me in the airport. It was my fault and I knew it. I didn't want to admit it, but it was.
Tom and I hadn't sorted things out I wanted, hoped we would, but it seemed unlikely at the moment. He still wanted my head on a platter served cold. I didn't blame him.
But she contained each thought I possessed, from the moment I woke up, it was her, the moment I fell asleep, it was her. I felt like it was a never ending nightmare, I missed Mae more than anything. I didn't even know if she was my own, but she was still my family, daughter or not.
My head and heart were in a storm, each of them lashing at each other as they continued to fight about what I should do. One telling me to go to France, find her and bring her home, while the other told me that if we were meant to be, she would return.
Tides will bring me back to you.
Vulnerability, an emotion few feel as raw as I did today. I had locked myself into my studio once more, sitting cross legged on the wooden floor with my note book in my lap, a pen behind my ear as I chewed the end of the other one that I held in my tattooed hand.
I wanted nothing more than to drag her home, to cradle her and keep her as my own, but the chances of her agreeing were slim. My mind had continued drifting back to the one night we shared, it may have been drunk, but every detail was still on my mind. There was no denying I was utterly in love with her, I felt like a fool. I felt an idiot because I let my brother treat her the way he did, he cheated on her, something that I would've never dreamed of in a million years.
I felt an idiot.
But my heart will stay with you.
Dodging out of the way of an elder gentlemen, who tutted at the tattooed male, he continued to run. Hoping to make it to terminal thirty one before Robin and Mae would leave, out of his life, for possibly good. He hadn’t done this much exercise since he had been on stage, almost a year ago. The band had taken time out, writing their new album and having time to adjust to their new changes. Jona had been replaced with Jordan, a male whom was a wiz with technology. His eyes found gate thirty one as he sped up, bumping into a man roughly his age before yelling sorry and continuing to run as he stopped, noticing the attendant stood there looking bored.
His eyes scanned quickly for the blonde French girl, or a push chair that could indicate that Mae was close by. Nothing. He tugged on his hair in frustration, letting a strangled groan leave his lips in frustration as people looked at him, all of whom were presumably waiting for their flight. His eyes continuing to search for her in a desperate attempt.
“Oli?” A voice came, one that made his breath stop in throat as he turned, seeing Robin stood there, passports in hand with a baby carrier on the crook of her arm, Mae fast asleep as she sucked on a pacifier, wearing a white baby grow and knitted hat. Robin looked beautiful in his eyes, her hair down in loose curls while she wore a black beanie, a white button up shirt with a leopard print breast pocket and a pair of skinny jeans, on her feet rested a pair of high top converse, white to match her top. A leather jacket over her shirt while her carryon bag was a grey shoulder bag – probably containing Mae’s milk.
“What are you doing here?” She frowned, her eyebrows scrunching in confusion as she looked at the male, she couldn’t help but ignore the butterflies that flashed in her stomach, she hadn’t seen him properly since the day she last saw Carol, who had attempted to convince her to stay in the country – with no luck.
“I, I came to stop you.” Oli managed to get out as she shook her head, looking down at her feet before adjusting the blanket that covered Mae from the cold air conditioning.
“Don’t do this.” She whispered as he looked at her, his face now holding the confusion as her eyes were wide, almost full of tears. Oli tried not to reach forward and cup her face, to smash his lips against hers; instead he opted for shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
“I mean it, Robin. Don’t go.” He murmured, stepping closer to her as he looked at Mae. The tot fast asleep as he smiled at the beauty of such a simple baby.
“If she’s my child, then I want to see her. So you can’t leave.”
“That’s all you want?”
“Flight 893 to Lyon, France is now boarding.” The annoying over speaker sounded as Oli looked at her again, make or break. It would be this answer, he wanted to retract everything he had ever said about being in love with her, but he couldn’t. He was absolutely and utterly in love with her and she knew that, he knew that, everyone knew that.
“It is.” He admitted, hating himself instantly for being such a coward as she nodded. Looking at Mae then at him as she shifted the bag on her other shoulder.
“I’ll get a DNA, if she’s yours. I’ll come home.” She offered as Oli nodded, watching as she sighed, beginning to walk past him.
“It was nice knowing you.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” He chuckled as she shook her head.
“If you’re anything to do with Mae, other than her uncle, then of course I won’t. And tell Tom that his car insurance called, he can’t get the damage covered.” She stifled a laugh as Oli smirked, nodding at her as he walked over, hugging her gently and kissing her temple.
“You be careful out there, you promise?” Nodding, she promised him, handing the attendant her and mae’s boarding passes as he checked them, nodding and allowing her on the plane.
“I’ll call you.”
“You best.”
“Bye, Oliver.”
He watched as she walked away, kicking himself for not manning up about his feelings and admitting them while she was awake, even though she had told him she loved him. He was still unsure if that was down to the drugs he was on or if she was being serious and she did love him. He sighed once more as the attendant grabbed more passes from other passengers and allowed them on the plane.
“I want you to stay for me.” He murmured to himself, knowing it was too late.
-
Oliver
Three weeks. That was all it had been.
Three weeks and I was a wreck.
I had thrown myself into my work, a stupid thing to do in the state I was in, but it was working. I had written three songs already for the album, Sempiternal and currently I was working on the fourth, I had already known that most of the songs were somehow aimed at Robin. It was clear.
And like a deer in the headlights I meet my fate
Don't try to fight the storm
You'll tumble overboard
Tides will bring me back to you
My writing had become nothing more than a scrawl, I felt like I was lost without her. Dead almost, the life leaving every ounce of my body as I watched her walk away from me in the airport. It was my fault and I knew it. I didn't want to admit it, but it was.
Tom and I hadn't sorted things out I wanted, hoped we would, but it seemed unlikely at the moment. He still wanted my head on a platter served cold. I didn't blame him.
But she contained each thought I possessed, from the moment I woke up, it was her, the moment I fell asleep, it was her. I felt like it was a never ending nightmare, I missed Mae more than anything. I didn't even know if she was my own, but she was still my family, daughter or not.
My head and heart were in a storm, each of them lashing at each other as they continued to fight about what I should do. One telling me to go to France, find her and bring her home, while the other told me that if we were meant to be, she would return.
Tides will bring me back to you.
Vulnerability, an emotion few feel as raw as I did today. I had locked myself into my studio once more, sitting cross legged on the wooden floor with my note book in my lap, a pen behind my ear as I chewed the end of the other one that I held in my tattooed hand.
I wanted nothing more than to drag her home, to cradle her and keep her as my own, but the chances of her agreeing were slim. My mind had continued drifting back to the one night we shared, it may have been drunk, but every detail was still on my mind. There was no denying I was utterly in love with her, I felt like a fool. I felt an idiot because I let my brother treat her the way he did, he cheated on her, something that I would've never dreamed of in a million years.
I felt an idiot.
But my heart will stay with you.