Helping Hand

I was going on holiday with my parents, and Oli of course. I was going on holiday.....with them. For three weeks. To California. Literally, if anyone has a gun, just shoot me now, save me the pain of it all.

And WHY California?! All people do there is lounge around on the beach and call each other 'dude.' The cities are where things are happening, California is just a waste of time. And for THREE WEEKS no less.

On the plane on the way there, Oli had a stupid grin on his face the entire time. My parents chatted animatedly, I just shoved my earphones in and pretended to be asleep.

After arriving and unpacking, I walked downstairs to my parents.
"Oli's gone out to the sea, go join him, it'll be fun." I sighed but listened to my mother and walked across the beach which literally started underneath the house, and headed towards the waves.
Oli was sat out on a dock, shirtless, feet dangling in the water.

"Hey." I sat down.

"Oh, hi." He said in a slow, relaxed voice.

"Are you? Are you high?" He chuckled.

"I love it here already....the ocean's so alive. It's different to England somehow. Sounds different. I always feel so at home next to the sea." I wanted to snort at him, but he spoke so softly and passionately I was silenced. I had to take off my shirt after a while, I knew I looked good without a top on, but I was a bit embarrassed for some reason.

We were at the stage when we were almost falling asleep when someone shouted.
"Heads up!!!" I looked up to see a surfboard flying towards us. I threw myself off the dock, into the water, pulling Oli with me. When we surfaced, spluttering slightly, the board crashed onto the dock and slipped off it. I angrily pulled myself up, followed by Oli, and watched as a blonde guy swam quickly towards us and pulled himself up too.

"Hey I'm so sorry guys, I got totally wiped out back there. Good save though dude. I'm Sky." I sighed inwardly as this guy fitted every single stereotype of what a Californian should be:

• He was tall, muscly, and tanned.
• He was a surfer.
• He had sandy blonde, shoulder length wavy hair.
• He was overly friendly and relaxed.
• And he used the word 'dude.'

"I'm Kellin. This is Oli."

"Hiya." They shook hands. Sky smiled.

"Good to meet you guys. Oli you're not from around here are you?"

"North England."

"Awesome, that's really cool man. And Kellin, I'm guessing you're from NYC?" I nodded, he smiled.

"Great city...so how long you guys here for?"

"Three weeks." Oli answered. I didn't like the way Sky was looking at him. Eyeing him up like a piece of meat. Okay, maybe he wasn't being quite that obvious, but his flirting was clear as day.

"Great, gives us some time to get to know each other....do you guys surf?" He barely took his eyes off Oli as he asked us.

"No."

"I've always wanted to, never had the chance." Oli said wistfully.

"Well here's your chance water baby. Let's go."

"Kellin, you coming?" Oli turned back.

"No. Thanks, I'll pass for now, see you guys later." They turned and left without further ado.

My parents noticed I was pissed about something when I threw myself down on a chair next to them.
"What's the matter honey? Did you guys have a fight?"

"No. He's gone off surfing with some....guy."

"And you didn't go with them?"

"I don't like the guy he's with....he's dodgy, I know it."

"Oh Kellin, don't assume the worst in everyone."

"Besides, we're in California son, not in New York anymore. People here are more friendly." My dad joined in. I sighed and looked out at where they were by the water, Sky teaching him how to paddle out and jump onto the board.

"I know that. But I don't like that guy he's....different."

"Oh Kellin, if you're going to be grumpy go find something to do. I don't want you making me unhappy too." I didn't have the heart to snap at my mother so I walked back down nearer the beach and a group of guys called me over.

"Kellin! Hi! Over here!" I walked over and one guy held out his hand.

"Hi, I'm Jackson." I shook his hand and he introduced me to the other guys sitting there.

"We're Sky's friends. He told me to look out for ya. Want a beer?" I took one gladly and tried not to crush the can in my hand as I watched Oli jump up onto the board, overbalance and Sky catching him unnecessarily.

"Hey don't worry about Sky man, he's a good guy." Jackson tried to reassure me.

They were out on the water for two hours before they came back, I was still sat with Jackson, the other guys had gone out on the water too.
They walked up to us laughing and pushing each other playfully.

"So how's the newbie?" Jackson said teasingly.

"He's practically a pro already. Gonna be surfing circles round you Jackson." Sky said whilst clapping a hand onto Oli's shoulder, we all jumped when he swore loudly.

"What? Oh! Damn...." Sky turned him round and ran both his hands over his bare back, making my stomach tighten maddeningly.

"Dude that is some mean sunburn. Sorry man, I'm used to being out in it all day I didn't even notice." Oli winced.

"It's cool, I'll get some aftersun-"

"Got it. Lay down." I felt like screaming 'what the hell are you doing?!' when Oli lied down on the sand and Sky knelt over his hips, sitting on his ass and squeezing out a dollop of aftersun onto Kellin's back before starting to rub it in gently. I took another beer and fought the almost overwhelming urges to tear Sky off him, punch him, and walk away without looking back.

Jackson nudged me gently and mouthed 'you ok?' I just nodded. He suggested we go for a walk and I agreed, not wanting to sit there and watch the two of them together.
"Kellin, dude, what is with you right now? You've been cool all afternoon."

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You like him don't you? Oli I mean." I shook my head quickly.

"What?! No of course not! He's a guy! And-"

"Yeah, exactly, AND? Who cares? You obviously have the hots for him. Why else would you be so mad at Sky? He didn't do anything wrong."

"I just don't like Sky, that's all-"

"Bullshit. Look, me and Sky are practically the same person, the only difference is I'm not hitting on Oli, and yet you've been friendly towards me." I sighed.

"I don't know Jackson. I really don't know. But I just feel so fucking angry when I see them together....god dammit we've got three weeks in this place. Three weeks of watching THAT." I gestured back towards them and Jackson sighed.

"Why don't you tell him?"

"What?! I don't even know if I....I mean I can't even....how am I supposed to...no, no I can't do that-" He held up his hands in mock surrender, making me shut up.

"Ok. But you've gotta find a way of dealing with this in the mean time."

"How?" He thought for a few minutes.

"Look, there's this club further down the beach, gay club. Find yourself a guy, and see if you're attracted to him. At least then you'll know if you're gay or not." He looked at me and laughed at the gaping expression across my features.

"Are you insane?!"

"No! Go there, relax, get a few drinks, dance, then find a hot guy and fuck each other's brains out. You'll know then." I laughed, slightly shocked.

"Jesus Christ....I can't...oh man, I'll think about it. But you'd better not tell-"

"Hey. You're a cool guy Kellin, I actually like you - not in that way - so don't stress out man. It's all good." I smiled, nodded and thanked him. By the time we walked back to the other two, Oli had already walked back to the house. Sky smiled.

"Hey guys! Kellin, your friend's a really cool guy. You should come surfing with us tomorrow man, you missed out today."

"Wouldn't wanna be the third wheel Sky." Jackson shot me a look at my bitter tone of voice, and Sky laughed.

"Oh c'mon man you wouldn't be! And hey, I know we only just met, but I'm not gonna hurt him ok? It's cool that you're looking out for your friend, but I swear I'm not a bad guy." I sighed at his pleasantness and just nodded, saying goodbye.

I got to mine and Oli's room and he was sat on his bed. He'd obviously showered and he was just in his boxers. My pulse quickened straight away and when he met my eyes the adrenaline in my body tripled.
"Those guys are cool, huh?"

"I like Jackson."

"I get that you don't like Sky ok Kellin? You've been making that painfully clear all day."

"I'm sorry ok, I just don't like him. He's too sleazy with you. He obviously just wants to get in your pants-"

"Shut up!! You don't know shit about him-"

"And you do?! Oli we only just met these guys today. Neither of us know shit about them!!" We argued in tense whispers, not wanting to wake my parents who were asleep down the hall.
Oli stood up to continue the argument and I had to back off, feeling too hot when he got close to me.

"This is the first time I've felt truly happy and at home anywhere in my life, ok? Don't ruin for me Kellin-" He kept talking but I didn't hear his words.

I was now pressed up against a large chest of drawers, Oli in front of me, still too close, and Jackson's words rang and echoed in my head.

"Kellin!! Are you even listening?" He hissed, making me snap out of it. I swallowed, trying to moisten my dry throat and calm my racing heart to no avail.
I tried to reply but I couldn't string any words together. Oli frowned.

"Kellin are you ok?" My knees started to feel weak and Oli suddenly had his hands on my arm and waist, pulling me over to my bed. He thought I was sick, he didn't understand what was actually going on inside my head until he offered me water.

I shook my head and he went to turn away but I grabbed his wrist. He spun back, shocked, and I kissed him. His bottom lip was between my own and I moved one hand round behind his head as I kissed him. The water slipped out of his hand and fell on my beach towel, seeping onto the floor and soaking our feet.

He didn't move at first but then he tentatively looped his hands round my neck and started kissing me back.
It wasn't until I had him pressed up against the wall, legs round my waist that I thought we'd gone too far. I mustered the will to pull back, and not keep kissing him when I saw the lust-filled expression on his perfect face, and set him on his feet again.

I walked across the room slowly, running a hand through my hair.
"Kellin I-"

"Don't...." My voice came out hoarse as I tried to force down the arousal that flooded my body, and figure out what that arousal meant.

"I had no idea that you were-"

"I'm not." I felt like an idiot, saying something that we both knew was a lie. He'd felt it pressed up against his when we were kissing. He knew.

"Kellin. Look at me." I reluctantly turned around.

"It's ok if you are. You know that right?" I nodded tentatively.

"Come here." I let him say it quietly, and pull me back to him, I let him kiss me slowly and dip a hand inside my boxers, making me moan into his mouth.
I did the same and soon we were both crying out, muffling our sounds in each other's shoulders.

I pulled back from him, feeling suddenly dirty and cold, and went for a shower.
It hurt so much. I knew how I felt about him, I knew what I was, deep down. But there was something in me that wouldn't let me accept it.