More Like a Movie

I was nervous. Actually, nervous didn’t seem like the right term to use. It more or less felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and fall onto the graveled pavement in front of me. Tonight was the party and Vic had suggested we walk, not that I could complain. It was relatively close to the university and I could use the exercise. I just felt like I might throw up, excitement and fear taking over my body. The entire walk over I had been playing with the sleeves of my sweatshirt, just one of my many nervous habits I had developed over the years. I could tell Vic was getting annoyed with me, I but I couldn't help it.

Eventually he reached over and tugged on my arm, making me stop abruptly on the sidewalk. I tried not to make eye contact because I knew what was coming – a lecture telling me to relax. He always did that when I got in one of my moods and I hated it. "Kellin, stop fidgeting.” He said to me when I didn’t let up.

Finally, I sighed and looked up at him. My fingers let go of the fabric, falling to my sides instead so I could at least try to relax. It was stupid to be this afraid. It was only a simple party. Vic would never do anything that would put me in any danger. I had learned to trust him, even though the tiniest part of me still held my reservations. The only thing was that I was going to be so out of my element. I was never the party type, always making the decision to stay in on Friday nights instead of going out. Then again, the kids I was friends with classified themselves as the nerds. I guess that kind of classified me as one, too and so I didn’t exactly roll with the certain crowd. Even when this kid Johnny had his graduation party, he invited everyone in the senior class. I thought about going, I really did. But I let my fear get the best of me. I didn’t want to be alone. Being alone is my biggest fear.

“What’s wrong?” Vic asked, placing a hand on my shoulder and turning my body to be closer to him. “You’re not seriously afraid, are you?”

"I don't know,” I snapped, pulling out of his hold and moving further down the sidewalk. Glancing to my left, I noticed we were in the more residential area now. A blue house sat in front of me, the porch decorated with at least two dozen potted plants and a sign on the fence said “Beware of Dog”. I wondered who lived here and what they were doing right now. If their Wednesday night was just as exciting as mine was about to be. “I’m not afraid, Vic. You don’t understand.”

“So make me,” he stepped closer and I could tell he was being serious, but I wasn’t up for this discussion right now. I’ve always had these sorts of problems, but I wanted to change. That’s what I was trying to do. I could tell I was making progress, because any other time I would be on my way to socialize with a large group of people, I would have thrown myself into a panic attack. But I didn’t have that feeling right now and it wasn’t because of Vic, no. It was because I was moving forward.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I shrugged hoping that he would drop it and we could finish making our way to the party. Now I felt strange standing out here in front of someone’s house. Vic gave me a contemplative look before he gave up on his endeavors. I was thankful.

Instead, he hooked his arm with mine and continued to drag me down the dimly lit sidewalk. I didn’t know where this house was, if it was close by or not because I couldn’t hear anything and I couldn’t imagine disruptive noises like music blaring in this part of town. Vic did say that it was only a short trip away, though. During my thoughts, Vic’s grip on my arm tightened and he pulled me closer.

"Look I know it's like your first time at one of these, but it's not scary. You don't have to do anything you don't want to; drinking or anything like that." Vic said reassuringly. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you and if it gets too uncomfortable or…whatever, we can leave. Okay?” He looked at me expectantly like he was waiting for me to agree. He dropped the subject earlier, but the look in his eyes told me everything. He knew something was going on with me. When I didn’t say anything he started speaking again. I was beginning to think pure silence made him uncomfortable. “If that’s not enough for you, just know that you will be with me all night. I won’t let you out of my sight.”

I snorted and shook my head. "That doesn't make me feel any better," I pointed out. That was partially a lie though. If I had Vic watching out for me, I had no chance to make a fool out of myself and do anything embarrassing.

Vic chuckled and let go of my arm, instead wrapping it around my shoulders. Soon enough we came to a new block and I could see the commotion from our spot on the sidewalk. The loud music pumping into the night air gave the destination away immediately. "Come on, Kellin,” Vic murmured, dragging me across the street. “You and I both know the thought of me being around makes you feel a little better.”

I could have sworn I saw him shoot me a wink and I wasn’t sure if I should groan or blush. The night hasn’t even officially started and I’m already to turn around, go back home, and sleep until I have to wake up for class tomorrow morning. However, more than that, I wanted to do this so I kept walking, hanging my head low as I followed Vic to the house with the sound.

“Jeremy!” Vic’s voice boomed which only caused me to snap my head up to see what was going on. We were standing on the short stoop in front of the door, a guy who looked a couple years older than me was leaning against the frame smiling, two beers in his hands.

“Fuentes!” The guy exclaimed with the same enthusiasm. He handed one of his beers to a pretty blonde girl next to him and quickly threw an arm around Vic, giving him a short hug before pulling back and glancing at me briefly. He didn’t say anything else that would acknowledge the fact that I was standing right here, but I didn’t really care.

With his attention back on Vic, he smiled and took a sip of his beverage, allowing both Vic and I to get a strong whiff of the substance. This dude was already halfway there. I wasn’t sure what to think of that.

“What are you doing here?” Vic asked him confused, pushing us both through the small mob of people that had begun to crowd around the front door for whatever reason. He grabbed my hand and pulled me next to him, holding on tightly like he was afraid I would get lost. Fuck, I thought I might. “Didn’t you graduate?” His head tilted to the side as he waited for an answer.

“Yeah, but you know me and parties,” Jeremy shrugged taking another sip.

“Right,” Vic tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. That wasn’t normal for him. His true, genuine smiles always went that high, making the corners crinkle. “Seriously?”

Jeremy laughed and clapped Vic on the shoulder. “Yeah, seriously. What, I’m not allowed to party anymore? You’re not gonna get all dad on me again are you, Fuentes?”

Vic let out a not so amused laughed and shook his head. “No, not when you’re not a student anymore, man. Shouldn’t you be off in Hollywood producing high budget films?” I could tell Vic was trying to make the conversation more positive, but still serious.

I thought Jeremy would get offended by Vic’s comment, but he simply laughed. It was probably the alcohol. “It didn’t work out,” he said casually. “Who is this?”

Great, now he decides to pay attention to me.

Vic rolled his eyes and dropped the subject, letting go of my hand so he could press it against the small of my back and shove me forward. I hadn’t even realized we were still touching until I felt the breeze through my fingers.

“This is Kellin,” he shouted when the song changed to something considerably louder. “He’s a friend.”

“Friend,” Jeremy smirked. “Well, I’ll let you two socialize. It was nice to meet you.” I nodded at him in response, not getting the chance to say anything because he was turning on his heels, bumping into a group of girls on his way through the hallway.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. As Vic led me through the house, I let Jeremy’s words replay in my head. It didn’t work out. What does that even mean? Vic said he was in Hollywood, producing films or at least trying. That’s the dream for kids like us, to work in Hollywood. If he’s graduated, shouldn’t he be moving on from his life and not partying with college kids?

“What does he mean it didn’t work out?” I decided to ask Vic, hoping I would come off as curious instead of scared.

“Don’t,” was his immediate response and I felt the need to keep my mouth closed, but I couldn’t.

“Don’t what?” I laughed nervously.

He dragged me into the kitchen, placing me against the side of the wall momentarily while he stepped away to find some drinks. I stayed in my place, too afraid to move in fear that I would get lost and wouldn’t find Vic again for the rest of the night. I didn’t have to wait too long, though, because mere minutes later Vic was coming up with two cups. “Drink this,” he demanded and I did as he said, sipping whatever liquid was in the cup and frowning at the poor taste. “Don’t start overthinking,” he finally answered my question from earlier. “It didn’t work out for Jeremy because he was lazy. He gave up. He wasn’t as invested as you or me, alright? So stop worrying. You’re going to make it.” He whispered the last part into my hair before placing a kiss on my head and pulling me along with him.

We didn’t talk about it again and I decided not to let my mind go into overdrive here where I was supposed to be having fun. I followed Vic around wherever he went, eventually stopping when we ran into a small group of people. I recognized Tony and Mike instantly. They smiled at me and Vic before going back to their conversation with a girl I didn’t recognize. There were two other guys there as well, both unfamiliar, but I had a feeling that would all change soon.

“Hey guys,” Vic called out, gathering their attention. They smiled at Vic and cheered when the saw him, but once their eyes drifted to me they just stared curiously. “This is Kellin,” he said introducing me first. “Kellin, you know Mike and Tony,” he pointed to the two in the back. “With them is Jenna and up here we have Justin, the gracious host, and Jack.”

“Hello,” I gave an awkward wave, hoping I didn’t seem too out of place. They all smiled and returned the gesture.

“You’re new,” Jack said, looking me over. His watchful eyes made me want to cower away, but I stayed put, fighting the urge to hide. “Vic doesn’t usually bring new kids around.”

“He’s one of those dorks from journalism. Don’t pay any attention to what he says,” Vic whispered in my ear. I laughed it off and nodded to Jack, letting him know I got his point in what he was trying to say. “Drink up,” Vic murmured and took a large swig of the beverage in the cup. I followed close behind.



Vic once told me I was a happy drunk. I didn’t really get what he meant at first, but now that I’m here, sitting on his lap laughing at practically everything that comes out of anyone’s mouth, I understand. I liked feeling like this. My worries ceased to exist and the only thing I could focus on were the smiling faces around me and Vic’s hand on the top of my thigh. I wasn’t really thinking as I placed my hand on top of his, slotting his fingers with mine. I liked it, though, so I smiled down at our hands and sighed contently, leaning back on him.

He was engrossed in a conversation with a guy named Alex and someone named Dan or Campbell, or something to do with soup – I don’t know, my attention was elsewhere when we were introduced. I listened along half-heartedly, not caring until I felt a tug on my arm. Alex smiled at me and waved, seemingly trying to pull me into conversation. “So you go to school with Vic?” he asked and I nodded. “What’s your major?”

“Er, screenwriting?” I said in question form. I don’t know why. These guys had no idea what our school was like seeing as how they went somewhere on the other side of town. “I’m uh, a writer.” I added thinking that would sound simple.

“A writer?” Alex raised a brow, glancing between me and Vic. I felt Vic’s fingers try to pull away from mine, but I wasn’t having that.

“Yes,” I said kind of annoyed and that’s when Vic stopped trying to pull away from me. I was so sick of getting criticized for this just because everyone kept a fucking secret from me. “Why does everyone give me that stupid look?”

“Anyway,” Vic interrupted, tapping my side with his free hand so I would stand up. I gladly did so, suddenly no longer interested in being around people anymore. Funny how one look or tone of voice could change my mood. “Let’s get some fresh air.” He said his goodbyes to his friends and I joined him, excusing myself harshly.

We were silent as we pushed through crowds of people to the backyard. He knew that I was tense. As happy as I felt, I hated when I felt like someone was insulting me. I opened the sliding glass door, stepping out before Vic did. The temperature outside was low, but it had begun to grow hot and stuffy inside and besides I think I needed the cold air to calm me down. I went to speak as soon as we were side by side, but he pressed a finger to my lips silencing me. It was probably best. I didn’t want to argue.

Vic grabbed my hand again and led me to a picnic table that was situated underneath a tree with a tire swing. The sight made me laugh. Something I noticed about this place was although at the moment, it was packed full of drunken students, it still had a childhood feel to it. I reached for the swing, wanting to test out its sturdiness, but Vic had other plans.

“No, I’m not picking you up if you fall off,” he chuckled and sat down on the table top. I joined him, lying down instead and pulling him so he was placed next to me. His body felt warm, something else I’ve picked up from being near him – he was always warm. I sighed and found the stars above me, squinting my eyes like I could actually count them. It was impossible. They were endless.

“Are you having fun?” Vic whispered from beside me. The obvious answer was yes. Here I was, at my first college party, drunk with a cute guy next to me. I had opened up a bit more tonight, meeting new people and putting myself out there. I could definitely see myself coming back in the future, with or without Vic. Speaking of, his question still lingered in the air and I noticed he sat up a bit to look at me. I wanted to mess with him a bit.

I shrugged carelessly and exhaled my breath into the night air. “It’s okay, I guess.”

“Just okay?” he moved so he was hovering over me, a smirk plastered on his face. “Well then what can I do to make sure it’s everything you hoped it would be?”

I began blushing when I noticed how close he was and every instinct told me to push him away, but I just couldn’t. I wanted him here. And I wanted him to kiss me, as stupid as it was; I craved it. Ever since last night when he teased me, I’d been thinking about it. That’s why instead of meeting his eyes, I let my gaze fall upon the fullness of his lips wondering if they felt as soft as they looked, or how he tasted. Subconsciously, I licked my own and let my eyes shift from his lips to his body, slowly checking him out as he leaned closer.

“I really want to kiss you,” he suddenly said making my eyes go wide. I met his stare and inhaled a shaky breath. He just said he wanted to kiss me.

“I really want you to kiss me,” I finally admitted. A smile broke out across his face and I could smell the alcohol on his breath when he inched his face closer to mine. Seeing him this close, I noticed the redness in the whites of his eyes and for a split second I thought maybe this was a bad idea, but the thought quickly went away. I was just as drunk as he was. Is there even anything such as a perfect first kiss anyway?

Before Vic could plant his lips on mine, I got nervous and pushed him back slightly. I was practically trembling and I couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or from him. Either way, I frowned and shook my head. “What if I’m no good?”

“You know what they say,” he said as he put his hand around my wrist to remove it from his chest. “Practice makes perfect.” I opened my mouth to say something, but it was quickly covered with his and nothing else mattered.

In a second, my eyes fluttered closed and I did what my body told me to do, pushing back gently against his lips. Every inch of me felt a tingle from my head to my toes and my mind went into total chaos, I didn’t know what to focus on first. This was my first kiss, ever. The first time I’ve been this close to anyone and the fact that it was Vic added to the intensity. It was rough yet sweet clouding my thoughts. His lips were just as soft as I imagined and he smelled like the forest and tasted even better; licking eagerly at my bottom lip, slipping his tongue into my mouth when I obliged greeting me with a burst of cherry flavor.

I knew we'd need to breathe and he tried to pull away, but I pressed my palm to the back of his head and tangled my fingers in his hair, keeping his face to mine. He didn't fight it and kissed me back harder, pushing me back onto the picnic table. At this point my lungs were burning, feeling like they'd give out but I just moaned into the kiss when Vic's tongue glided against mine. He laughed into my mouth and pulled away, making me gasp for air. I blinked a couple of times and focused on him. His breathing was labored as was mine and his lips were red.

We just stared at each other for a few seconds in silence. I didn't say anything else as I wrapped my hand around his neck and brought him back down between my legs. He steadied himself on top of me and went back to kissing me. The sound of lips smacking and heavy breathing filled my ears and I couldn't get enough of him.

“Kellin,” he gasped and pulled away once again, his breath hitting my face.

“Sorry,” I laughed and sat up a little once he slid off of me and back to his place on the table next to me. I laid there in shock, trying my best to regain my breath, only now paying attention to how hard my heart was beating. Drunk or not, that kiss was perfect. I only hoped that come tomorrow he wouldn’t regret it, because I certainly would not.

“For the record,” Vic mumbled, finding my hand and tangling our fingers, “you’re very good.”