A Love Story

Professor Addams announced that we would get our essays back in the second half of class, as a way of keeping us around and keeping us from talking about our marks while he tries to teach. Riaz and I stand in the same line to get our essays that are organized alphabetically by first name. My heart races at the close proximity and the dawning idea of a returned mark.

Riaz heads outside with a wave to me and the crowd of students pushes forward to the front of the room to grab their essays. I pull mine out and stand by Professor Addams to read mine through.

I look at my mark and stare shocked.

"Saina, I think you did really well on this essay." Professor Addams says leaning against the podium.

"Thank you, I worked really hard on it. I was really confused at first. Sorry about all the emails."

Professor Addams waves his hands in front of him.

"By all means, it's important to clarify the instructions. Quite a few students lost marks on the format because they didn't ask anyone." Professor Addams smiles.

"Um, actually Dr. Addams, I was wondering about that Program you mentioned at McGill."

"Oh yes, the co-op masters of business and innovation."

"I really want to apply actually after fourth year-"

"Fourth year? You could apply now. And say no more, consider it done. I'll have a chat with one of my colleagues there. Drop by my office next week after exams and we can chat."

"Oh thanks sir, that would be perfect!" I say.

Another student waiting behind me edges closer to Dr. Addams. I smile and head to the door.

After my conversation with Dr. Addams after my final third year exam it became clear that I can go to McGill this September with my grades if I take one more course. Since I already have a major in commerce and a minor in sociology, I don't need another major in human resources to get in. Dr. Addams basically set me up. I'm going to do my masters straight from university.

After talking to my parents, it was all settled, I was moving out. After summer passed with a few meetings with my friends, a couple of assignments and a couple of rainy day movies I started packing. I let them all know I was headed to McGill. They were a little too shocked to ask for what reason I was going, they assumed that I was just continuing my degree, when really I graduated. My parents came in to my graduation. Because I had fast-tracked most of my courses I had enough to graduate and be accepted to McGill.

I got a decent one bedroom apartment with a kitchen on the seventh floor of a nice condo building. My parents made the two hour drive to help me settle in, and with warm wishes and prayers they headed home.

Once they left, I sat down on my new bed in my new space and took a deep breath. I won't get to see my friends for months, maybe not even see Riaz for a whole year if he gets too busy.

I bite my lip. The thought just coming to my mind.

But really, to him I wasn't good enough anyways. Too fat, too religious, too, maybe, too unfashionable?

I begin my classes and throw myself into studies. I go to the gym every night before I head back to my apartment. I wake up and do pushes ups. I try wearing skinny jeans for the first time with long flowy tops. I never used to wear such tight figure fitting clothes.

I make my hijab loose fitting so my neck is exposed and I can wear earrings and necklaces. My collarbone protrudes nicely the more I work out, my arms become slim, so I start to wax them and wear three quarter sleeves.

One night at a house party with my friends Stacy, Jess and I start to dance. The lights are pretty bright and the girls and guys are getting pretty close, but I dance. I recall the night that Riaz and I swayed together to the beat, immersed in each others' eyes. Stacey disappears into the crowd and Jess sways towards me.

"Sunny, why do you wear that cloth around your head?"

"It's part of my religion Jessica, don't you watch TV?" I say, high on adrenaline, laughing and giggling at the laughter around me.

"So you wear it so you can get to heaven right?"

"Exactly! So men don't think of me as an object first, they are forced to think of my actions and words before they can think about my body."

"Oh, but you're hair? Really?" Jess squints her amber eyes at me and her straight hair falls over her shoulder.

"Yeah," I flip Jessica's hair and I watch it fall. "You're hair is a huge attraction to men. It has appeal girl, that's why we spend billions of dollars on styling it. Marketing people aren't stupid! Anyways, forget all this, let's dance!"

A new song starts and Jess and I take turns spinning each other around.

Stacey is about three years older than me and Jess is two, they both take the same courses as I do. We've even kickstarted a business while we are here. I design clothes, Stacy and I manage the material costs and Jess puts the outfits together. We are going for a semi-chic but affordable fashion line that doesn't drain the pocket and doesn't require people to buy skimpy outfits that are half ripped on the hanger. Business Casual basically.

So we call it JSS Business Wear. We've gotten pretty popular in class from our idea. I mean it's only been a few months into the semester and we've got our website running. That's far ahead of quite a few others who plan to start up their dreams once they graduate, of course not counting those that already have their careers set out and are just doing some part time studies to boost themselves in that.

For winter break I told my parents on the phone about my start up. They understand. I've sent my mom a few tops and she's been gushing about how great they are.

I wake up and stretch my arms. The time is 6:00AM and I rush to shower and curl my hair. I spritz perfume on my pressure points, pull on a pair of skinny jeans and a white silky JSS top.

I meet Stacey first in the coffee shop where we meet for breakfast on Friday mornings before class.

"Wow Sunny! You look gorgeous. Your hair looks great, girl!" Stacey hugs me and pulls at my finally exposed hair.

I grin nervously and am glad I put enough make up on this morning.

"Thanks Stacey, I'm trying something new." I say and grab a coffee.

Jess comes in equally surprised.

"Wow, what made you take off your scarf Saina?" Jess says eyeing me uncertainly.

"I..."

"She's free now! I knew my girl was a feminist at heart. Look at her fighting barriers and looking good while she does it." Stacey says and snaps her manicured fingers.

"Free? I don't want to make you feel weird or anything, but don't you go to Hell if you take off your scarf, you know, in Islam?" Jess says this and looks into my eyes nervously, like she's afraid of the answer.

Do I go to Hell, no man, why would I go to Hell?

"God's forgiving Jess, it's hard to wear it nowadays anyways. It's so hot!" I say flip my hair.

"But look those people are wearing hats, they're fine. That guy is wearing a jacket. It's ten degrees, it's cold. And doesn't Islam originate from the hottest places on earth, how do those women survive?"

"Jessica, leave it alone girl, you're bringing the mood down." Jess looks out the window, frustrated at the sudden snap that sounded as all meaning died from our conversation.

"You look great honey, just keep doing what you're doing! Fight oppression!" Stacey throws her arms in the air and I laugh to ease the atmosphere. To ease myself. To try at least.

Jess stands up and orders a coffee.

Will I go to Hell? Pfft. Rules are made to be broken.

But still. I believe in God, so shouldn't I follow His rules?