Lover Boy, You're Playing With Us Like Toys
Chapter 2
As i open the front door to the small house my stomache does flips. I havent seen my dad for years. The last time i saw him was pretty bad too. What if nothings different? What if he forgot to take his meds or something and he has a meltdown? Grandma and grampie cant possibly be here 24/7. Oh my god, this is terrifying. I cant walk in there. But i do it anyway.
The moment i walk in my eyes meet brown orbs similar to mine. I see the brown hair, now greyed from years of life, that belongs to my father, but what i dont see is the large, chubby man i knew. Instead i see a skinny figure, not healthy but not unhealthy, standing before me. I refuse to meet his eyes, and i dont say anything. Its silent for a few moments before theres footsteps.
"Christofer," my father holds my shoulders and i flinch away. Not purposely, but instinctively. I dont speak and i cant look up. I feel like im just frozen in place. I planned on just saying hi and going to my new room, pretending like everything was fine, but instead my hearts stopped and im at a loss for words. I cant even identify the feelings i have.
My father hugs me tightly while beginning a huge speech. "Son, im so sorry for everything ive ever done. I know theres no way i can ever take that back and i cant express how terrible i feel for that. Its the worst thing anyone could have ever done, and i know you must resent me for that. I also know being here is probably the last thing you wanted, and im terribly sorry. I just want to spend my last moments with my son, in hopes that before i go i can try to make things right. I dont expect you to forgive me, but i want to try to be the father i should have been all along. God, im so so sorry Chris." For the first time in years i look at my father, and he looks horrible. He really means his apology, but i cant except it. He cries in front of me, muttering his sorrys until i speak up.
"Im not going to forgive you, and im not here for you. Im here because my mother wanted me to and im respecting her wishes, not yours." So maybe that was harsh, but i dont care. I go upstairs quickly before i let myself cry. I want to go home, i want to see my Jordan and i dont want to see my father again.
As soon as i lock my bedroom door i set up my lap top to the wifi my grandparents have and i skype Jordan immediately. I promised him i would anyway. As soon as his face pops up on the screen my day gets better.
"Hey baby, hows moving in gone?" Jordan smiles, and i simply shrug. "Not too great." Jordans been with me for over a year, so he knows the entire story of my father. "Dont worry Chrissy, everything will be fine. You just have to survive a year, and nothing will happen to you."
"I know nothing will happen but fuck. Just being in the room with him makes me..." i trail off. I dont know what i feel at all. I guess im pissed, and terrified and depressed. Ive never had a father as far as im concerned and yet here i am.
Jordan looks at me with concern etched all over his gorgeous face. "I love you Jordan. Ill be fine as long as i have you." I give him a weak smile, earning one from him. "I love you too babe, but i have to go, were leaving for Spain now. I promise ill talk to you as soon as i can."
We say our goodbyes and im alone again. Talking to Jordan makxes me feel a million times better, but im still not ready to face my dad. Its too much. I choose to unpack my stuff before i do anything, and after that ill take a nice long shower. my new room is exactly how i remember. I guess its not new, i used to visit all the time and this is where id stay.
Its a decent sized room complete with a little balcony and its very own bathroom. Its the nicest room in the house and im extremely grateful my grandparents gave it to me. Especially now, i can chill on the balcony and smoke whenever i please. The view is pretty nice too. It shows the little pond in the backyard and the river thats about half a mile away.
This house isnt in the town or any place crowded, so theres not tons of buildings. Were on the outskirts of Sheffield. Im pretty happy about that. I hate cities and stuff.
I finish unpacking my stuff and finish my shower all too early, so i think ill go explore whatevers around 'my' house. I guess i should consider it my house, ill be here for about a year.
I walk downstairs, hoping i can just go to my grandmother without any interruptions of my father. Luck is on my side; he went out with my grampie. "Hey ma, is it alright if i go roam around, explore my new town for a bit?" She sits watching some black and white tv show, "of course hun. Just be back by midnight please!" "Of course, bye ma!"
°
Ive walked around for about an hour now, and i havent found much of interest. Theres a few gas stations and grocery stores, tons of houses and restaurants, but nothing else so far. I walk for another ten minutes in a random direction until i happen to stubble upon a small bar. Lucky for me, you can drink at 16 in the UK. Not any hard liquors but still. Ill be 18 in a few months anyway.
I enter the little bar to find that its quite deserted inside. Theres two men in a corner and a group of five teenagers around a table, plus two people behind the bar working. I have about 200$ on me, and i did have such a long plane ride, so ill treat myself to a few drinks. I hop up on a bar stool and wait for one of the bartenders to serve me. It only takes a moment before a tall, brown haired, tattooed man walks over.
I cant help but look a little too long. His brown eyes are wide, slightly covered by his chocolate coloured hair and his lips are thin, with two silver rings. He wears a t-shit, covering what i assume to be a completely tattoo covered body. I can only assume that because of the tattoos completely covering any skin on his arms, and the rose on his neck. I cant stop myself from thinking thats he may just be one of the most attractive people ive ever even seen.
"Well why dont you just take a picture? Itll last longer." The man speaks in a gorgeous british accent (of course he does, im in England.) He smirks, clearly not really caring about a stranger starring. My cheeks go red any how, and i slightly studder when i speak.
"Uh, yeah can i get a few beers." I dont really know what to order so i say the first thing that i see. "Huh, you dont seem like a beer kinda guy." He responds and leans over the counter with his sands clasped together.
"Well im under eighteen so i dont really know what im allowed to order." I stop starring and collect myself again. Hes just an attractive person, no need to freak out. I have Jordan anyways and hes all i want.
The guy laughs, a beautiful laugh might i add, and he speaks again, "so, where are you coming from? Im Oliver, by the way." He grabs two beers from under the counter before i speak, "im from Missouri, here for my senior year of school. And im Chris."
"Well nice to meet you Chris. Im finishing school this year, maybe ill see you around." Oliver smiles and turns to help some other customers and i begin to finish my drink. My mind starts to wander around, thinking of just random things and my life. I havent really done much this past year, except be with Jordan. Maybe this year ill get things done.
The moment i walk in my eyes meet brown orbs similar to mine. I see the brown hair, now greyed from years of life, that belongs to my father, but what i dont see is the large, chubby man i knew. Instead i see a skinny figure, not healthy but not unhealthy, standing before me. I refuse to meet his eyes, and i dont say anything. Its silent for a few moments before theres footsteps.
"Christofer," my father holds my shoulders and i flinch away. Not purposely, but instinctively. I dont speak and i cant look up. I feel like im just frozen in place. I planned on just saying hi and going to my new room, pretending like everything was fine, but instead my hearts stopped and im at a loss for words. I cant even identify the feelings i have.
My father hugs me tightly while beginning a huge speech. "Son, im so sorry for everything ive ever done. I know theres no way i can ever take that back and i cant express how terrible i feel for that. Its the worst thing anyone could have ever done, and i know you must resent me for that. I also know being here is probably the last thing you wanted, and im terribly sorry. I just want to spend my last moments with my son, in hopes that before i go i can try to make things right. I dont expect you to forgive me, but i want to try to be the father i should have been all along. God, im so so sorry Chris." For the first time in years i look at my father, and he looks horrible. He really means his apology, but i cant except it. He cries in front of me, muttering his sorrys until i speak up.
"Im not going to forgive you, and im not here for you. Im here because my mother wanted me to and im respecting her wishes, not yours." So maybe that was harsh, but i dont care. I go upstairs quickly before i let myself cry. I want to go home, i want to see my Jordan and i dont want to see my father again.
As soon as i lock my bedroom door i set up my lap top to the wifi my grandparents have and i skype Jordan immediately. I promised him i would anyway. As soon as his face pops up on the screen my day gets better.
"Hey baby, hows moving in gone?" Jordan smiles, and i simply shrug. "Not too great." Jordans been with me for over a year, so he knows the entire story of my father. "Dont worry Chrissy, everything will be fine. You just have to survive a year, and nothing will happen to you."
"I know nothing will happen but fuck. Just being in the room with him makes me..." i trail off. I dont know what i feel at all. I guess im pissed, and terrified and depressed. Ive never had a father as far as im concerned and yet here i am.
Jordan looks at me with concern etched all over his gorgeous face. "I love you Jordan. Ill be fine as long as i have you." I give him a weak smile, earning one from him. "I love you too babe, but i have to go, were leaving for Spain now. I promise ill talk to you as soon as i can."
We say our goodbyes and im alone again. Talking to Jordan makxes me feel a million times better, but im still not ready to face my dad. Its too much. I choose to unpack my stuff before i do anything, and after that ill take a nice long shower. my new room is exactly how i remember. I guess its not new, i used to visit all the time and this is where id stay.
Its a decent sized room complete with a little balcony and its very own bathroom. Its the nicest room in the house and im extremely grateful my grandparents gave it to me. Especially now, i can chill on the balcony and smoke whenever i please. The view is pretty nice too. It shows the little pond in the backyard and the river thats about half a mile away.
This house isnt in the town or any place crowded, so theres not tons of buildings. Were on the outskirts of Sheffield. Im pretty happy about that. I hate cities and stuff.
I finish unpacking my stuff and finish my shower all too early, so i think ill go explore whatevers around 'my' house. I guess i should consider it my house, ill be here for about a year.
I walk downstairs, hoping i can just go to my grandmother without any interruptions of my father. Luck is on my side; he went out with my grampie. "Hey ma, is it alright if i go roam around, explore my new town for a bit?" She sits watching some black and white tv show, "of course hun. Just be back by midnight please!" "Of course, bye ma!"
°
Ive walked around for about an hour now, and i havent found much of interest. Theres a few gas stations and grocery stores, tons of houses and restaurants, but nothing else so far. I walk for another ten minutes in a random direction until i happen to stubble upon a small bar. Lucky for me, you can drink at 16 in the UK. Not any hard liquors but still. Ill be 18 in a few months anyway.
I enter the little bar to find that its quite deserted inside. Theres two men in a corner and a group of five teenagers around a table, plus two people behind the bar working. I have about 200$ on me, and i did have such a long plane ride, so ill treat myself to a few drinks. I hop up on a bar stool and wait for one of the bartenders to serve me. It only takes a moment before a tall, brown haired, tattooed man walks over.
I cant help but look a little too long. His brown eyes are wide, slightly covered by his chocolate coloured hair and his lips are thin, with two silver rings. He wears a t-shit, covering what i assume to be a completely tattoo covered body. I can only assume that because of the tattoos completely covering any skin on his arms, and the rose on his neck. I cant stop myself from thinking thats he may just be one of the most attractive people ive ever even seen.
"Well why dont you just take a picture? Itll last longer." The man speaks in a gorgeous british accent (of course he does, im in England.) He smirks, clearly not really caring about a stranger starring. My cheeks go red any how, and i slightly studder when i speak.
"Uh, yeah can i get a few beers." I dont really know what to order so i say the first thing that i see. "Huh, you dont seem like a beer kinda guy." He responds and leans over the counter with his sands clasped together.
"Well im under eighteen so i dont really know what im allowed to order." I stop starring and collect myself again. Hes just an attractive person, no need to freak out. I have Jordan anyways and hes all i want.
The guy laughs, a beautiful laugh might i add, and he speaks again, "so, where are you coming from? Im Oliver, by the way." He grabs two beers from under the counter before i speak, "im from Missouri, here for my senior year of school. And im Chris."
"Well nice to meet you Chris. Im finishing school this year, maybe ill see you around." Oliver smiles and turns to help some other customers and i begin to finish my drink. My mind starts to wander around, thinking of just random things and my life. I havent really done much this past year, except be with Jordan. Maybe this year ill get things done.