Touch.

John made his way out of the dark room, his entire body radiated heat and he could feel the sweat forming on his forehead as he rubbed his tired blood-shot eyes. He’d been woken up by the same nightmare. Not again, he thought. His memory recovered the nightmare as he remembered. She wore plain white, but it was dripping blood. Her face was as pale as snow, tears streaming down her face. “They killed me,” she cried, “You weren’t there for me.” He tried to tell himself it was just a nightmare but he couldn’t. He walked towards her, tears forming in his eyes, “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. She touched his cold cheek, and without any words a dagger was pushed into her back, she fell on his arms, gasping for life. That was it. He’d wake up the moment she was stabbed. That was it. “Lennon.” He whispered looking at his thin face in the bathroom’s mirror, even saying her name made his entire body tingle. He had been not eating well, nor sleeping ever since that day. His mom made a huge fuss about it, and she visited his apartment every evening just to make sure he had eaten well. “Stop torturing yourself, John.” She’d say, looking at him. “None of this was your fault.” But he knew that it was just a white lie. He knew that he had made a mistake, a huge mistake. He let out a breath, rubbing his washed face with a towel. Walking out of the bathroom, he jumped a little spotting his best friend sipping a beer, lying on the couch.
“What’re you doing here?” John mumbled, making his way to the fridge. The last thing he had was a fruit salad that his mom forced him to have this morning. He felt his stomach grumble. Maybe the fruit salad wasn’t enough to get me through the day, he thought. But then he remembered, that was yesterday. Grabbing some leftovers he found in the fridge, he threw himself on the couch next to his friend.
“I just thought I’d check up on you, man.” Eric said lightly, finishing his beer as he rested his legs on the coffee table in front of him.
“It’s 3 in the morning, Eric.” John reminded him. “Why would you check up on me when I’m most probably asleep?” He asked, taking a bite of his food.
“’Cause you’re my buddy.” Eric raised both of his hands into the air. John felt like something was going on with Eric. He’s not being normal, John thought. Knowing Eric for almost 11 years, John understood everything about him. He would definitely not visit him when it’s 3 in the morning. Hell, he wouldn’t even visit him on regular days unless John called or asked him to come. “How’re you, dude?” Eric asked, trying to change the subject. Even though the living room was partly dark, he could still see the outline of his face, not daring to even look at his eyes. “Wait, what woke you up?” Eric questioned, looking upwards. There was silence for a short amount of time. “It’s that nightmare again isn’t it?” Eric knew everything, and to answer his question, John just looked down at his feet. Eric shook his head. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself, John?” he pulled his legs down the coffee table and sat straight to face John. “This isn’t you . It’s been almost a year; you have to get over it.”
I can’t get over it, John simply thought. He still feels her body next to his whenever he’d lie on his bed. He still remembers the day she told him she loved him for the first time, or the day they decided to move in together, and that one time she asked him to dance. He remembers telling her “But there’s no music, Lennon.” They were standing next to a lake, watching the sun set. She just rested her ear by his chest and moved her body slowly. That was the day he promised himself to ask her to marry him.
“I can’t simply get over it,” John said, looking towards the blank wall. “You know, it’s sometimes different.” He started, “The dream, I mean. Sometimes she’d tell me other things, and sometimes she looked better than I’d ever seen her. But then again, that dagger.” He explained, “It just… It just appears out of nowhere and forms that red hole in her back.” His eyes watered, just by remembering that. He looked away rubbing them swiftly, trying his best not to make it obvious.
“You’re right..” Eric trailed, “I don’t think if I were in your place I’d be able to get over it. It’s hard.” He nodded, thinking. They were left in silence, but John could notice that Eric was thinking deeply.
“You know what? Why don’t we go find her? Look for her. Do anything to talk to her.” He could see Eric’s eyes lighting up, as the idea popped to his best friend’s head. John shook his head. “Seriously, I can’t see you like this anymore and do nothing.” Eric begged. “Please, trust me with this one.” But John couldn’t even trust Eric with ten bucks, how would he ever trust him with that? “Come on.” He groaned, “Please.”
Maybe I could do this, John thought to himself. Maybe I can find her.