Teenage Dirtbag

“Jack, will you just stop drooling already?” Haley said mockingly.
“I’m not drooling!” I exclaimed, though that wasn’t exactly true.
Aimee, a girl I had had a crush on for years, just walked by. My best friend Haley always made fun of my attraction towards her, because in spite of all the years I’ve been in love with her, I had never even talked to her. Actually, I was pretty sure she didn’t even know I existed.
“When are you finally gonna go talk to her?” Haley asked, though she knew the answer already.
“Tomorrow… Maybe…” I muttered.
“Liar” Haley exclaimed. “I don’t understand how you can live like this! It has got to be killing you on the inside to have to see the girl you’re in love with every fucking day and know that she has no clue who you are. Why don’t you just man up and ask her out?”
“Are you crazy woman?” I asked her. “She’d just laugh in my face”
That was very typically Haley. She was pretty much shameless. She didn’t care what other people thought of her, and just did whatever she felt like doing. I admired her for that.
“Then why the fuck are you in love with someone like her?” she asked, her eyebrows burrowed.
“I don’t know, we can’t choose who we fall in love with, now can we?” I replied irritated.
“Sure you can” she shrugged. “I don’t ever fall in love with anyone I wouldn’t want to fall in love with”
“You never fall in love with anyone at all, you mean” I rebounded.
For as long as I knew Haley, which was about 15 years, I had only seen her in love once and that guy fucked her up so bad, she hasn’t been with anyone in 5 years. I had not once heard her mention a guy at all. Haley wasn’t born as tough as she is now. The people around her made her so tough, but not in a good way. I was there when her mother died in a car crash. Haley had been in the car with her and had barely survived the crash herself. Then her father couldn’t deal with her mother’s death and he developed a drinking problem, which would cause him to hit Haley and her little sister Rachel on regular basis. With all she was going through her former boyfriend Jay only made it that much worse. He wasn’t there for her through any of it, and when he found out she had been coming to me for comfort he lost it and beat her up, Haley later told me. I had never seen her trust anyway since then, except for me and her little sister.
“Loving someone makes you weak” she said, laughing the subject away, but I knew she really felt that way. I was literally the only person she trusted enough to let her guard down.
“Don’t look at me like that” she grumbled. I realized I must have had a sympathetic look on my face.
“Like what?”
“Like you feel sorry for me” she said. “Nothing to feel sorry about. I feel sorry for you, being in love with that girl for what, like 4 years?, and never having spoken to her, ever. That’s what makes you miserable, not being on your own. I don’t need anybody. As long as I have you and my sister I’m perfectly happy”
Though I didn’t believe her, she did have a point. Being in love with Aimee for all these years without any recognition at all, was starting to take its toll on me. I had to make a decision. Was I gonna ask her out, or was I gonna forget about her? Neither seemed to work for me.
“You’re right” I recognized. “But it’s not that easy”
“Give me one reason why it isn’t” she dared me.
The school bell then rang, meaning we had to go to class.
“Saved by the bell” Haley teased me. “But seriously, think about it”
I nodded shortly and walked to my English classroom. I sat down next to my other best friend, Alex.
“Hey man!” Alex said enthusiastically when I sat down. “My friend Zack is having a party tonight, you and Haley wanna come?”
“Zack.. Do I know him?” I asked, since the name didn’t ring a bell.
“How should I know? Probably not, he doesn’t go to our school. I met him at the Green Day concert last week”
“Does he even live in Baltimore?” I asked.
“Yes he does. And so what if he didn’t? Wouldn’t your mother allow you to go? You’re such a dork” Alex said, shaking his head.
“Fine, I’ll be there. I don’t know about Haley though” I agreed.
“Please make her come” Alex begged me.
“Yes, about that, when are you gonna tell Haley how you feel about her?” I asked.
“Like, never? I know Haley better than to risk that” Alex laughed.
“Well, according to Haley I should decide whether I’m gonna ask Aimee out, or if I will forget about her. Maybe you should do the same” I said.
“Yeah well, the first one is not exactly an option and the second is not as easy as you make it seem” Alex replied sadly.
I patted him on the back. “I know man, I know”
I knew how Alex felt. For me, Haley might be easy to talk to, but to Alex she is just like Aimee to me, though Haley does know Alex exists. The odds of Haley ever letting her guard down around him weren’t exactly in his favour. Despite her own advice, I’m pretty sure she would not be amused if Alex told her he was in love with her. She would probably get mad at him for not keeping it to himself.
“Why can’t we just be in love with girls we can actually get?” Alex sighed.
“Well, what’s life without a little bit of challenge” I muttered.
“Pretty great actually, I’d say” Alex replied.
“Yeah, because you’re a lazy fuck” I joked.
Our English teacher then asked us to be quiet so he could start with his lesson.