I Guess I'll Never Get To Call You Mine
CHUCK
Have you ever felt like what you’re currently doing and feeling makes no sense but you keep on doing and feeling it anyway? I know I ought to tell my friends and family soon, but I couldn’t bear the thought of it. I know I ought to be happy, but for some reason there’s the constant sinking feeling in my heart that I didn’t know the cause of.
Ashley is so happy. She’d been on long shopping trips with those two friends of her, Violet and Carol, and talking enthusiastically on our upcoming wedding. She wanted to get married before our baby was born, so we’re doing it as soon as possible. In three weeks we would both go to the wedding registrar office and get a justice of peace to oversee the marriage contract. Ashley wanted it to be small and private—much more romantic, she’d gushed—so it would be just to the two of us besides the official in charge of the ceremony. “And then afterward we can entertain guests in a reception!” she said enthusiastically.
I didn’t know what to say, or what to think or feel for the matter. I let her plan everything, and didn’t even bother informing my parents and brother. I increasingly went to fewer and fewer band meetings, preferring to spend most of my time locked up in my apartment. I heard that the collaboration between Simple Plan and The Youngbloods is going well, and that we’ve got a few songs down already. Seb told me that David even took up some songwriting in my absence.
“That’s great,” I said dully to the phone. What else can I say? The story that I’ve made up is that I haven’t been feeling well, and would require a long rest. They were worried but I wouldn’t let them see me unless I’m in the mood. That doesn’t keep them from calling from time to time to keep me updated though. “We really miss you, buddy,” Seb said. “It’s not the same without you here.” “Hmm.” “Aline asked if you received any of her texts or phone calls.” “Tell her I haven’t checked.” “Well, she said she really wanted to talk to you.” “Tell her I’m not interested.” There was a pause. “What is wrong with you?” Seb said incredulously. I sighed.
“Last time I checked, she wanted me to leave her alone.” “Aw come on Chuck that fight is past due date. It’s all good now.” “Why would she want to talk to me anyway?” I said bitterly. “She’s got David.” “What’s David got to do with all this? I thought you two made up,” Seb said coldly. “And at least David’s actually participating in the songwriting process. He’s got a lot of good ideas, actually. He and Aline—” “I’m not interested in hearing anything about David and Aline.” “You brought it up!” Seb said exasperatedly. “What’s with you nowadays? You’ve been cutting everyone off for the past three weeks! Everyone is worried about you. We’re worried, your parents are upset and even the fans were asking after you in Twitter. Dude, is there something you need to tell us?”
There is such genuine concern in Seb’s tone of voice that I almost blurted out the truth. “No, I’m fine,” I said dejectedly. “I’m just…tired, that’s all. Seb, look, I’m sorry. We can meet up next weekend and spend some quality band time.” “Well, the others and I are meeting up with J.S. tonight,” Seb informed me, sounding a bit more cheerful now that I actually planned to go out. “Remember Jean-Sébastien? He was in Reset, and in our high school too.” “Yeah, I do,” I sighed. “But not today, Seb. I don’t feel good.” “Are you sure? It’s going to be fun. We haven’t seen him for a long time.” “I’m pretty sure. Now good-bye, I’m going to bed.”
Ashley is so happy. She’d been on long shopping trips with those two friends of her, Violet and Carol, and talking enthusiastically on our upcoming wedding. She wanted to get married before our baby was born, so we’re doing it as soon as possible. In three weeks we would both go to the wedding registrar office and get a justice of peace to oversee the marriage contract. Ashley wanted it to be small and private—much more romantic, she’d gushed—so it would be just to the two of us besides the official in charge of the ceremony. “And then afterward we can entertain guests in a reception!” she said enthusiastically.
I didn’t know what to say, or what to think or feel for the matter. I let her plan everything, and didn’t even bother informing my parents and brother. I increasingly went to fewer and fewer band meetings, preferring to spend most of my time locked up in my apartment. I heard that the collaboration between Simple Plan and The Youngbloods is going well, and that we’ve got a few songs down already. Seb told me that David even took up some songwriting in my absence.
“That’s great,” I said dully to the phone. What else can I say? The story that I’ve made up is that I haven’t been feeling well, and would require a long rest. They were worried but I wouldn’t let them see me unless I’m in the mood. That doesn’t keep them from calling from time to time to keep me updated though. “We really miss you, buddy,” Seb said. “It’s not the same without you here.” “Hmm.” “Aline asked if you received any of her texts or phone calls.” “Tell her I haven’t checked.” “Well, she said she really wanted to talk to you.” “Tell her I’m not interested.” There was a pause. “What is wrong with you?” Seb said incredulously. I sighed.
“Last time I checked, she wanted me to leave her alone.” “Aw come on Chuck that fight is past due date. It’s all good now.” “Why would she want to talk to me anyway?” I said bitterly. “She’s got David.” “What’s David got to do with all this? I thought you two made up,” Seb said coldly. “And at least David’s actually participating in the songwriting process. He’s got a lot of good ideas, actually. He and Aline—” “I’m not interested in hearing anything about David and Aline.” “You brought it up!” Seb said exasperatedly. “What’s with you nowadays? You’ve been cutting everyone off for the past three weeks! Everyone is worried about you. We’re worried, your parents are upset and even the fans were asking after you in Twitter. Dude, is there something you need to tell us?”
There is such genuine concern in Seb’s tone of voice that I almost blurted out the truth. “No, I’m fine,” I said dejectedly. “I’m just…tired, that’s all. Seb, look, I’m sorry. We can meet up next weekend and spend some quality band time.” “Well, the others and I are meeting up with J.S. tonight,” Seb informed me, sounding a bit more cheerful now that I actually planned to go out. “Remember Jean-Sébastien? He was in Reset, and in our high school too.” “Yeah, I do,” I sighed. “But not today, Seb. I don’t feel good.” “Are you sure? It’s going to be fun. We haven’t seen him for a long time.” “I’m pretty sure. Now good-bye, I’m going to bed.”