I Swear This Time I Mean It.

It was almost as if Jamison could not get enough of me that first night we were there, and it was starting to freak me out.

He sat by me all night- which yes, was appreciated, especially through dinner… At first I figured it was to keep an eye on me to make sure I behaved... But it wasn’t. It was like he just wanted to be there.

Then right before bed I could clearly see how uncomfortable his mother was with me sleeping in his room, Jamison didn’t seem to care though. In fact he was the one to turn down all his moms offers to finish fixing up the guest room for me, so instead she built me my own bed on the floor. I guess it was an attempt to keep us as separated as possible, and I don’t blame her. If my son brought home a hunk from school, I’d suspect there was something up as well.

Of course we put on a show for his mom while she said goodnight to us, but as soon as she closed that door and was a safe distance away, Jamison pulled me up and into his bed beside him.

I really felt like a teenager out of one of those stupid family sitcoms. Sneaking around, whispering, and being paranoid... Not that I ever did that as a teenager, because well my teenage life- up until I lived with Jana who never cared who or if I brought anyone over- was a little strained.

Jamison had ended up falling asleep way before me anyways. I guess the flight and all the warm loving family time wore him out.

Though I was a little jealous of his life, I couldn't help but smile at how tuckered out he was. The way his lips parted as he snored almost silently and the way his small hands felt on my bare chest just kind of made my heart beat a little bit faster.

I tried shaking my mind of all these weird feelings I was having, but no topic I tried held my attention long enough. It always just went back to Jamison.

Needless to say, I had a rough night.

The morning was even worse; I had to pretend like I was a sleep. Not because I didn’t want Jamison to know but because right at the ass crack of dawn his mother came barging in and whisper yelled in Jamisons’ face until he got up and followed her out of the room.

I could barely hear her or him as they bickered outside in the hallway, but of course it was about us sleeping in the same bed. I could hear him scold her quite clearly though, I guess she must have stepped over the line somewhere, but of course I missed that part.

So before anything else negative was said about me, and before Jamison could get us thrown out of his parents house I decided to throw on a t-shirt and mosey my way on out of his bed room.

I gave his mother a sincere smile as I squeezed my way past them and towards the bathroom, I could tell just by the tension between them that their little argument was no where near over so I mulled over everything in my head before stopping and turning around.

“Mrs. Price, I’m sorry if you feel as if there was any disrespect going on towards you and your house last night. I can assure you there wasn’t. I’ve had trouble sleeping alone for a long time now, and the floor was just not that comfortable. So if it makes you feel better, I’ll sleep in the guest room.” I said as I raked my fingers through my untamed hair, and I swore the look on their faces was priceless. “But… Uh… I’m going to go pee now, so sorry I interrupted as well.”

I exited the hallway gracefully and closed the door quietly behind me to keep up the “good boy” front I had going, up. Again, their whispers were too faint for me to hear everything, but from what I could hear, they agreed that the guest room was where I would be staying. Which I was fine with, I mean it wasn’t like I was getting any action with Jamison, so a bed to myself for a few days was going to be cake.

When I left the bathroom, Jamison was standing in the hallway still with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He huffed as I chuckled and rolled my eyes at his childish appearance, but followed me back into his bedroom anyways.

“What was that about?” He sneered as I started grabbing my things. “I almost had her! She almost dropped it.”

I sighed and turned around, only to see a disappointed puppy dog look on his face. “Look, Jamie… I’m not here to cause problems with your family alright? They accepted me into their home during the holidays without even knowing me… So I’m just trying to make a good impression okay? I don’t get to have family opportunities like this, so I’m trying to make the best of it okay?”

His expression softened a bit before he looked down at his bare feet. “But-“

“No buts,” I laughed as I playfully knocked into him. “In all honesty I’m trying to score a hug or two out of your mom so I can feel like less of a burden and more like a guest, so just let the poor woman be.”

“I just haven’t slept alone in a long time…” He whined, and really it was kind of cute.

“We’ll make the best of it okay? Even if I have to sit with you until your whiney ass falls asleep, we’ll make it work. So stop worrying and get dressed, you need to buy your family presents and today’s the last day to do it.”

He sighed and nodded his head compliantly before pushing me out of his room and closing the door behind him. I laughed just loudly enough so he could hear me before making my way over to the guest room just as his mother was leaving it.

“Thank you Keagan…” She whispered. “I know I might seem overbearing but I’m just trying to keep the peace with everyone in the house. The less awkward situations his father and I have to walk in on the better. You know?”

I smiled and offered a little chuckle before placing my things on the floor.

“Yeah of course, Jamison just got a taste of freedom with college and isn’t quite aware yet that things change when your back at Mommy and Daddy’s house. So no offence taken, I completely understand.”

She gave me a guilt filled smile before walking away and leaving me to change myself in my new room.

This was also very weird. I haven’t had a room to myself since I was eighteen, and now here I am in some foreign house again staring at a full sized mattress with a weird quilt and soft pastel colored walls.

It’s bizarre how the world always seems to throw you back right where you started. I always felt it was a way to remind me of my place, somehow telling me that I will never a place to call home or a bed to call my own. Everything I’ve ever had has always been someone else’s, and I just don’t see that changing.

Not by choice of course, but by sheer coincidence. Even if I could claim something as my own, I’d end up fucking it up somehow and losing it.

I, for some god forsaken reason, am who Murphy modeled his law after.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

And that’s just how it has always been, and that’s just how it will always be. Coming to terms with it wasn’t easy, but once you settle in and expect the worst, the bad just doesn’t seem as bad anymore.

“Keagan, hurry up!” I snapped out of my thoughts and pulled on a pair of pants I had some how picked out in my flurry of self deprecation.

“Yeah yeah, I’m right here.” I chuckled as I swung the door open, “How are we getting around princess?”

“Livvie’s coming to get us.” He laughed. “She’s really excited to meet you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she is.” I smirked and shot Jamison a wink that wasn’t received as well as I thought it would have been. I figured I’d get a playful nudge or at least something back, but instead he just scowled and walked away. No snippy one liner, no feisty shoulder punch, nothing. He just walked away, and for a moment I considered asking what crawled up his ass, but I just placed a safe bet that it was just better not too.

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The moment we got back to Jamison’s house, we hurried back into his room and began wrapping the gifts for his family. Now there wasn’t much, but we made sure that each member got at least one gift from “us” as Jamison claimed, but really they were just from him.

Once we were done we quietly placed all the gifts under the tree, and dismissed ourselves from dinner since we had already eaten while we were out with Livvie.

“So what did you get me for Christmas?” I asked as I stood in Jamison’s doorway. I wasn’t comfortable with going all the way in his room again after this morning’s fiasco so I decided the doorway was as far as I would go.

“Nothing, I’m sure Santa will bring you coal though.” He quipped as he pulled his sweater off, leaving him in just a plain white t-shirt and pants. It was a suiting look for him, but I doubt Mr. Uptight Jamison would ever be caught dead in such leisurely and undignified clothing.

“Why? Is it because I’ve been so naughty?” As the words poured out of my mouth I instantly regretted them knowing that with my luck, Jamie’s Mom would be right around the corner, but thankfully she was still in the kitchen.

“Shut up!” Jamison giggled as he stepped dangerously closer to me. “Plus, you might talk big, but I’ve never seen you do anything real ‘naughty’.”

“Oh really?” I scoffed. “You really want me to have to prove you wrong in your parents’ house?”

“You don’t have the balls.” He laughed, poking my chest hard as he spoke.

“Wanna bet?”

He laughed in response before throwing his hands up in the air as some sort of taunt, and I checked behind me quickly before actually stepping into his room but he just laughed even harder.

“See, that’s what I’m saying. You just don’t have it in you! Oh, where’s the brave Keagan I know who doesn’t care what people think? Hmm? The Keagan who wouldn’t pass off a good lay even if the pope was in the room beside him. Where is that Keagan?”

“That Keagan is back in Michigan where he belongs.” I sighed, knowing he had called my bluff. “And the West Virginian Keagan is going to bed now before he makes a bigger ass of himself. So g’night Jamie.”

“Good night Keagan.” He chuckled before closing the door behind me for the second time today, and really I was getting sick of this. He was right though, I was just different here and I couldn’t tell why.

I knew I wanted his parents to like me, but for what reason? Was it so I had somewhere to stay over the summer? Doubtful, but probable I guess… And it’s the simplest thing I could come up with on the spot so I wouldn’t torture myself too much with it later.

Though I was beyond tired from the sleepless night I had had before, I just kept raking my mind over what I was going to give Jamison. I searched the mall earlier today for something for him, and nothing popped out.

Jamison wasn’t the kind of person you could just buy things for anyways, or at least he never showed interest in things that cost money… The only thing he ever really showed much of a liking to around me was my art…

I got up quickly and found my sketch pad in my bag and sat down with it. I brought this with me just incase Jamison’s house was a total bore, but I guess this thing would come in handy for more reasons than just that!

Of course I didn’t have any paint with me, so I begrudgingly picked up a pencil and began sketching away at the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of Jamison.

God how I hated drawing though… Well with pencil that is. Charcoal is fine… But pencil just sucks. For some reason my hands cramp up and the whole ordeal just puts me in an incredibly shitty mood, but I busted through this.

I ended up hating the drawing, but there wasn’t much I could do with it. I mean… How much can you really do with a drawing of a messy bed?

Unsatisfied I looked through my sketch book and found an old charcoal drawing I did of a boy with a deer skull perched on top of his head in the middle of a forest. It was the best thing I had in that damn book sadly.

I sighed, now defeated with my two equally shitty presents before me and nothing to wrap them with, but just as fate must have it I realized quickly that the guest room I was staying in also happened to be a study of some sorts, or at least there was a desk and a filing cabinet in the room.

I crossed my fingers as I pulled open the first drawer and lo and behold a beautiful stack of manila envelopes sat in front of me. I smiled at the weird yellow-brown color before shoving both drawings inside and clasping it shut. I debated on whether or not to write anything on the front, but my mind was way too warn out to really do anything else… So instead I just hid the folder and crawled into bed.

Though I could feel the emptiness around me, I embraced it knowing that my mind was going to shut off soon enough and that these few days would be over soon enough.

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“Keagan… Keagan get up!” I peaked out of my eye that wasn’t buried in the pillow beneath me and stared at a way to cheerful Jamison.

“What the fuck do you want?” I groaned as I pulled my blanket over me defiantly.

“It’s Christmas, and everyone is up and getting ready to open presents. C’mon!” I sighed and did as I was told knowing full well that me sleeping through this moment wouldn’t be well received.

“This is going to be so awkward.” I groaned again, but quieter this time of course.

“No it’s not. It’s going to be fine. Just shut up and sit beside me.”

“Oh really? Beside you? Gee, I figured I’d sit on your dads lap or something.”

“Har har har, very funny. Just quit bitching.” Jamison laughed. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Oh yeah, because watching someone else’s family open presents is every ones idea of a good time.”

Jamison didn’t respond after that, he instead grabbed my hand and sat me down on the floor beside him.

I smiled as his mother passed around everyone’s stockings, but it soon faded as she stopped in front of me.

“Oh… An extra stocking… I wonder who this could be for?” She smiled down at me before turning what looked like a basic white and red stocking around towards me. Though it just had my name written in gold puffy paint, and what looked like sunglasses and stars with swirls all around drawn on it, it didn’t change the fact that my eyes were welling up with tears.

I could feel everyone looking at me as I flipped the goodie filled sock over in my hands… They must have thought I was crazy.

“Th-thank you.” I choked out as I looked back up at Jamison’s mom who just shrugged.

“Don’t thank me, thank Jamison.” She leaned down and pressed a tender motherly kiss against my forehead before patting my shoulder. “It was all his idea, and I’m really glad we could do this for you Keagan.”

I smiled through biting my lip as I held back my tears. I felt Jamison’s hand snake around my bicep and his head lean against my shoulder, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything more than rest my head against his to show my appreciation.

I had to get up and leave halfway through the gift opening to get some air and though the cold air wasn’t as brisk as I was hoping for, it was still very welcome and stunned me just enough to help me start breathing again.

I’m not sure how long I stayed out there, but I jumped when I felt something brush against my hand. Of course it was Jamison, I knew it just from the gentleness of his touch, but I looked down at him anyways.

“Are you okay?” He asked keeping his voice quiet. “Mom and Dad bought you some presents too. They put them in your room for later.”

“They really didn’t have to do that…” I mumbled, now feeling bad that I didn’t actually get them presents of my own.

“Of course they did. You’re part of my life now and they want to be part of yours too. It’s nothing crazy, I promise you. Just wear the sweater Mom bought you and then throw it in the back of the closet like the rest of us.” He chuckled.

I mulled over his words before nodding simply. I wish I had a better response to offer him, but right now I just couldn’t put words together well enough without the daunting fear of puking from this emotional overload.

“C’mon stud, lets get you back inside.” He muttered as he pulled on my arm and lead me back into the house, but before we even stepped over the threshold Jamison’s sister stood in front of us with a shit eating grin on her face.

“What?” Jamison asked, probably a little more annoyed than he needed to be.

“Oh nothing, I just thought I’d stop you two before you broke a tradition. You should never pass under mistletoe without kissing someone, ya know? Bad omens.” She feigned a frightened shiver before leaving us by ourselves. But before Jamison could brush off what his sister had said and make up any lame excuses for us not to kiss, I grabbed his face and brought myself to his lips.

I don’t know why I did it, I just felt as if I had to. For everything nice he has done for a piece of shit like me, for every day he has put up with my shitty jokes and bad attitude, and for every day he has made me feel a little more human and a little less like a monster.

He didn’t hold back either, well… At least until after the initial shock wore off. And what I had planned to be just a simple “thank you” filled kiss quickly turned into something more.

“Whoa…” I said under my breath as we pulled away, and I could tell he was feeling the same way too. Probably not for the same electrified and dizzy reasons I was, but I was hoping it was somewhere within the same realm.

“Whoa is right.” He chuckled as a light shade of pink dusted his cheeks. “What was that for?”

“For everything.” I said as I took his hand in my own. “Seriously… This really did mean the world to me Jamie.”

“I’m uh… Really glad I could do that for you.” I don’t know why he was whispering, but I could see he was clearly at a loss for words.

“Yeah me too…” I pressed my lips against the top of his head before pulling him into a tight hug. “I have a present for you up in my room… Do you want to go get it?”

“Keagan, I swear to god if you ruin this moment with your penis I am going to be highly upset.”

I couldn’t help but laugh then. The irony of his statement and the fact that he said penis while his mother was within earshot was just great.

“No, no it’s not. I promise.” I laughed again before leading him back into my room before all eyes had a chance to be on us again.

“So… Where is it?”

“Patience man, it’s right here.” I pulled the envelope out from under the mattress and handed it to him. He looked at the buff colored package before opening it and pulling out its contents.

“Wow… This is- wait…” He put the picture of the boy down on the bed and examined the drawing of the bed I did. “Is this…I love this Keagan.”

“Really? The bed? You like that one?”

“Yeah, it our bed… Well your bed, but the one we sleep in together… Thank you, this is beautiful. It looks exactly like how your bed always ends up when we wake up… My side half made and yours in complete disarray.” He looked over the picture again before setting it down and wrapping his arms around me. “So I know there’s not mistletoe but is it safe to kiss you again? Because… Well either way I’m going to do it, I just wanted to give you more of a heads u-“

I laughed and pressed my lips against his again, interrupting him this time with a kiss a little more innocent but still just as electrifying as the last.

“Yeah it’s safe.” I grinned before pecking him again.

“Good because you can definitely be exp-“

“Jamison and Keagan, guests will be over soon! So you two boys get ready for the day!” His mother hollered, and I could feel the entire playful and warm mood between us just vanish from the room almost instantly, but before I could say anything to lighten it back up, Jamison just smashed his lips against mine again.

“Nothing is going to ruin today for me.” He said with such confidence. “Not him, not this ridiculous family dinner… Nothing. Nope, I just kissed you and you kissed me twice. Nothing can ruin today, and if something starts to, I’m just going to kiss you and you’re just going to have to get over that.”

“That’s fine.” I laughed, brushing my lips against his forehead. “My lips are at your service Captain.”

“Good. Now lets go see what ridiculous sweater Mom bought you.”