I Swear This Time I Mean It.

It's been a whole week since we've been back and I still haven't gotten a chance to slice me off a piece of that Jamison pie.

Each time we get anywhere near naked, something comes up and takes precedent over me getting it in and this was actually starting to become a huge problem for me.

Sure, I think a little teasing here and there is fine, and in fact I usually like it; but come on. I was seriously getting tired of taking showers so I could relieve myself.

Not tonight though. Tonight was our night. Jamison only had one evening class tonight since it was Friday so he wouldn't be that tired, tomorrow neither of us had to do anything so waking up early wasn't an issue, and I planned on pulling out all the stops so there was no way something could interrupt us.

While Jamison was at class I picked up a few great smelling candles, some familiar sounding wine, and managed to wash my bedding.

I had dinner ready and on standby just incase Jamison was hungry by chance too. Like I said, nothing was going to interrupt us tonight.

Once everything was in order and perfect, I had about five minutes to spare so I freshened myself up and positioned myself on my bed.

I knew I looked goofy, and I knew there was nothing really sensual about the way I was laying, but there was enough pressure with the candles and the whine, I figured me being weird would kind of lighten the mood enough to make this situation not so overwhelming for my precious little Jamie.

As soon as I heard the door open, my stomach clenched and my lungs went straight in to my throat. I seriously felt like a kid in a candy store right now, and I just couldn't wait to dive in to all of my goodies.

"Keagan? Why is it so dark in here?" Jamie asked just before coming around the corner to see all the arrangements I had made.

"Do I still need to explain? And it's not dark in here! I set up a mood!"

"Oh really?" He laughed as he set down his bag and sat down on the bed beside me. "What kind of mood is that? Hmm?"

"A sexy one!" I exclaimed as I motioned around. "Wine, smelly candles, food, clean sheet, c'mon Jamie! A mood, the mood, the only mood that matters!"

"Oh that mood." Jamie chuckled before maneuvering his way next to me and in to my arms. "You sure did out do yourself this time."

"Did I?" I smirked before kissing his cheek. "Because I was thinking about hiring a string quartet to tie all this ambiance I set up together."

"No no, this is way more than enough."

"Is it too much? I got dinner as well... Should I have started with that?" I asked, oddly having my nerves get the better of me now.

"Calm down." He chuckled before grasping my shirt and pulling me on top of him.

"Well now that's kind of hard-" he hushed me with his lips, stopping me from probably saying some stupid over sexualized quip about our current positions.

I could feel him smiling through the kiss as I moaned when he wrapped his thin, but strong, legs around my waist in an attempt to pull me down closer to him.

The friction between us built to an ungodly high as we rocked against each other, his hips moving perfectly in time with mine.

I tried my hardest to stay as graceful and as calm as I could with him, but this usually just wasn't me. Never before had I really had to take my time with someone, I mean sure, the actual sex lasted a while, but by the time my companions and I had reached whatever bed or secluded location we needed, foreplay was no longer necessary.

But I think with a few sessions I could get used to this.

Jamison was just so... Elegant though. Almost like something you'd see on television. Every angle for him was a perfect angle, he moaned so softly when I kissed his neck... And, he just made me want to bring out more of him. I didn't even care about myself now, I just wanted to please him. I wanted to be the one to erase every memory he had with Russ, and I wanted to make sure that each one was replaced with a memory of me.

"Keagan... Keagan! Stop!" Jamison said in a complete panic which tore me back to reality, and I all but threw myself off of him.

"What?! What's wrong?" I asked, now in a frenzy myself.

"I... I don't know... I just, don't you feel like, maybe this shouldn't happen?"

"No... What do you mean?"

"I just, I mean that maybe we're trying to force this. Clearly all the interruptions have been happening for a reason..."

"So you're saying that you and I shouldn't be... You and I?"

"No, I'm just saying that I don't think that I'm ever going to be ready with this much uncertainty between us..." He sighed, which ultimately caused me to groan.

"Are you really fretting this hard over a stupid label?"

"It's not a stupid label, it's a sense of security, it's-"

"Oh, so that's what this is really about." I interrupted, my voice raising ever so slightly. "Your opinion of me is still so low, and I'm coming to realize that no matter what I do, it's just never going to be good enough for you... Is it Jamison?"

"Keagan that's not at all what's going on here."

"Then why the fuck are you so hung up on whether or not we call ourselves boyfriends or not?"

"Because!" He shouted as he covered his face in frustration. "Because I don't want to be hurt like that again, I just can't be another persons friend with benefits Keagan."

"And there it is, there is your opinion of me." I laughed. "You can't trust me, and usually I would agree with you on that, but for fucks sake Jamie... I've given you everything I have! I've bared my soul to you, and you can't even give me the same courtesy with a little fucking ounce of trust when I tell you that you're the only one I want?"

"Then why..." I watched as the tears welled up behind his eyes. "Why can't you just call me your boyfriend?"

I paused and thought over his words and why I couldn't really justify bending this once for him and taking the stupid label.

"Because... Maybe for once Jamie, maybe for just this one time you just shouldn't get what you want. And maybe for once, I deserve a little bit better than this."

I immediately regretted the words that came out of my mouth, but it was too late to take them back, so I watched as thousands of mixed emotions swirled over his delicate features before he just couldn't look at me anymore.

"I think you should go..." He said, barely above a whisper.

"Yeah... I think you might be right... I'm sorry Jamie." I grabbed one of my pillows and a hoodie before taking my keys and leaving.

As soon as I was a safe distance away I had to stop and catch my breath. I hadn't even been running, but it feels like I just finished three marathons. It hurts, my chest... It just fucking hurt.

And there was nothing I could do to fix it.

He'd be stupid to even think about trying to "get back" with me after what I said, and I'd be just as stupid to try something out with someone who clearly doesn't trust me.

So instead of doing anything, I just made my way on to the couch in the student lounge and made myself comfortable; because there was no telling when I'd be welcomed back into my own room.