‹ Prequel: I Want You On My Team
Let Your Heart, Control Your Mind.
No This Isn't What I Wanted
“Nick.” I looked from his hopeful face to the ring in his hand. My heart was pounding. I could feel it pulsing against my rib cage.
“Alexis, I love you. I know that for the rest of my life I want you to be mine. I want you right here with me. I know there is no one else who could I could love as much as I do. I will love you forever.” I felt tears roll down my cheek. “What’s wrong?” He stood and wiped my cheek with his fingers. I could not find the words I needed to say. He pulled me to my feet and into his arms. I felt better here, but I could still feel the ring box against my back. I tightened my grip on him so he couldn’t see my tears. I was sure he could feel my pounding heart against his chest and his against mine. His fingers ran through my hair trying to calm me down. He didn’t speak, he just held on to me.
An hour later we sat quietly in the SUV speeding toward the hotel. Neither of us spoke a word to each other. He had his arm around my shoulders pressing me against his chest. The elevator ride was silent. The walk down the hall was soundless. There were no words until the hotel room door closed and I whispered the first words since the pier. “I’m going to take a shower.” He nodded sitting on the edge of the bed unbuttoning his shirt.
“Just, please, think about it.”
“Okay.” I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door leaning against it. I heard the ring box snap open and shut in the next room several times as I undressed, started the shower, and leaned against the tile as I let it all out.
Breakfast the next morning was awkward. They all seemed to deduce last night’s outcome before they could even see my bare left ring finger. We came in with bags under our eyes because neither of us could sleep last night. Back to back, breathing ragged, struggling. I wanted to turn over and comfort him, but I didn’t know if he wanted that. I knew that if I turned over I would see the ring box placed on the bedside table judging me. The reckless side of me wanted to say yes. My logical side was the loudest saying you are only nineteen, you have so much to do before you get married and settle into that life. You just graduated high school. This is not the time.
No one said a word. They just watched as we both pushed food around our plates taking in the smallest amount of food.
I didn’t want this. I wanted to go back to the time when everyone was laughing and joking. And I didn’t feel bad about touching him. When I could kiss him just because I wanted.
I would like to say that this period only lasted a day or two, but it had been a week. We still acted as if the other was a ghost. It was painful for both of us. I only had two days left before I would be off to school. Then I would not be able to wait any longer. Delaying the inevitable conversation that we needed to have. I wanted time to rewind. Or to wake up and learn that I had been dreaming this whole time. Something. Anything to change the past week.
“Alexis, I love you. I know that for the rest of my life I want you to be mine. I want you right here with me. I know there is no one else who could I could love as much as I do. I will love you forever.” I felt tears roll down my cheek. “What’s wrong?” He stood and wiped my cheek with his fingers. I could not find the words I needed to say. He pulled me to my feet and into his arms. I felt better here, but I could still feel the ring box against my back. I tightened my grip on him so he couldn’t see my tears. I was sure he could feel my pounding heart against his chest and his against mine. His fingers ran through my hair trying to calm me down. He didn’t speak, he just held on to me.
An hour later we sat quietly in the SUV speeding toward the hotel. Neither of us spoke a word to each other. He had his arm around my shoulders pressing me against his chest. The elevator ride was silent. The walk down the hall was soundless. There were no words until the hotel room door closed and I whispered the first words since the pier. “I’m going to take a shower.” He nodded sitting on the edge of the bed unbuttoning his shirt.
“Just, please, think about it.”
“Okay.” I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door leaning against it. I heard the ring box snap open and shut in the next room several times as I undressed, started the shower, and leaned against the tile as I let it all out.
Breakfast the next morning was awkward. They all seemed to deduce last night’s outcome before they could even see my bare left ring finger. We came in with bags under our eyes because neither of us could sleep last night. Back to back, breathing ragged, struggling. I wanted to turn over and comfort him, but I didn’t know if he wanted that. I knew that if I turned over I would see the ring box placed on the bedside table judging me. The reckless side of me wanted to say yes. My logical side was the loudest saying you are only nineteen, you have so much to do before you get married and settle into that life. You just graduated high school. This is not the time.
No one said a word. They just watched as we both pushed food around our plates taking in the smallest amount of food.
I didn’t want this. I wanted to go back to the time when everyone was laughing and joking. And I didn’t feel bad about touching him. When I could kiss him just because I wanted.
I would like to say that this period only lasted a day or two, but it had been a week. We still acted as if the other was a ghost. It was painful for both of us. I only had two days left before I would be off to school. Then I would not be able to wait any longer. Delaying the inevitable conversation that we needed to have. I wanted time to rewind. Or to wake up and learn that I had been dreaming this whole time. Something. Anything to change the past week.
♠ ♠ ♠
<3 Kelsey