Lock the Door

Gerard P.O.V
I sat in the ambulance, holding Franks limp hand. When I’d seen him, bloody beyond recognition and edging towards the stairway I had been afraid. So fucking afraid. When we had kicked down the door to find him lying on a red-soaked bedspread, lifeless, I think my heart had stopped. I would’ve killed myself or fainted or something stupid like that if Mikey hadn’t been there. God I don’t know what Mikey had done to deserve a big brother like me, but he sure was doing his penance pretty damn well.

When we got to the hospital Mikey sat with me in the waiting room. He was doodling a unicorn on my arm while I sat white-faced and pale, waiting for Frank to wake up. Unicorns were the only things Mikey could draw, and if he drew one on you it generally was his way of saying “Lookee here, there’s a unicorn! That means everything is going to be alright.”
It was one of the things that made him awesome in my opinion. He always knew what might cheer me up. Once he was done though, we sat in an awkward silence. he was fidgeting almost as much as Frank did and I wondered what was up.
“What do you think about Ray’s hair?”
I looked up at him in disbelief. Our nextdoor neighbor who we had gone to visit with the gift of cupcakes was currently in emergency care, and my brother was asking me about Ray’s hair. To be honest, he seemed to be seriously asking. I could tell by the way his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth were twitched down in concentration. I thought about it for a second. Ray was a pretty decent guy, and I think Mikey had a thing for uncooperative hair. And I was in no position to lecture him about falling in love within a day of meeting someone. If Ray messes with Mikey, he’s going down but so long as he’s a gentleman it’s harmless, I suppose.
“Ray’s hair is pretty cool.”
Mikey looked up at me hopefully.
“I-I really like it. Do you think Ray, Ray minds that I like it? I really kind of li-like Ray too…”
Mikey was still looking at me for approval, but now with a blush spreading across his face. Mikey blushed. He actually blushed. MIKEY FUCKING POKERFACE WAY BLUSHED. WHEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WASN’T UNICORNS. He was head over heels for Ray. Or Ray’s Jewfro, depending on which way you looked at it. And he decided to confess this to me while I was in the middle of an emotional crisis. I groaned, massaging my temples. Fuck Frank, they said you’re going to live but I still miss you. I’m so screwed up without you.

Frank P.O.V
There was beeping. And, by the smell of it, lots of antiseptic. I opened my eyes. And then I immediately closed them again. Fuck light, it hurt. My head hurt a lot too, but that pain was deeper and less sharp. A lot of me hurt but it seemed pretty bearable. I pushed myself into a sitting position, my eyes tightly closed.
“Frank! Jesus, lay down!”
Gerard. Gerard was here. I think thats a good thing.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah right.” He snorted “You look like death warmed up.”
“Fuck you, I do not.”
“Fuck yourself, you totally do.”
I cracked an eye and looked down at myself. There were a lot of stitches.
“Okay maybe I do.” I conceded, closing my eye again and falling back onto the white pillow. “This is a hospital, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s the doctor?” Then a thought suddenly struck me. “And where’s my mom? We can’t afford hospital bills!” I tried to get up again, but Gerard’s beautiful, pale hands gently pushed me down.
“You seem to be forgetting, you have two very good friends.”
“But-”
“No buts. It’s all being taken care of, okay? Now just lay back and let Ray and Bob yell at you.”
“Yell at me!? But-”
“I SAID NO BUTS. And yes, yell at you. They deserved to know what was going on with you. Speaking of which, you’re talking an awful lot.”
I shut my mouth guiltily, feeling a heat rising in my cheeks. Gerard didn’t say anything more and an awkward silence settled as we waited for Ray and Bob. Both of us were very conspicuously not talking about the elephant in the room; the reason for me being in the hospital in the first place.

--X--

After a while Mikey entered the room, followed closely by Bob and Ray. Ray’s hand brushed Mikey’s by accident, and Mikey full on blushed. So did Ray. Hmmm. I didn’t have much more time to wonder about their relationship though, ‘cuz Ray had turned to me, and yeah I could see yelling in store.
“Why didn’t you tell us Frank? Why didn’t you talk to us!?”
I stayed stubbornly silent, turning my newly-opened eyes away from him. I knew I had nothing to say back.
“Aren’t we you fucking friends!? Or are we just nothing? You told Gerard more about yourself in your first meeting than you’ve ever told me!”
I glanced back guiltily, and saw sadness in his and Bob’s eyes. Gerard was silent. I wanted to say something. I wanted to talk. But I couldn’t find any words to speak with.
“Oh god Frank, I don’t want to yell but just please, couldn’t you talk to us once? We just want to know how long this-” He gestured at the scars me and Gerard had tactfully avoided “- has been going on.”
Shit. He was almost crying. I wanted to break down and cry too, but I wasn’t sure... I don’t know! My eyes stung. I really did want to talk to them.
“Please Frank?” Bob broke in. I kept my head down, hiding the tears that had begun to drip.

Gerard P.O.V
“Eight years…”
Frank spoke quietly, delicately, catching Ray off-guard. There was a shocked sort of silence, and Ray looked like he was doing the mental equivalent of standing on one leg. Mikey reached over and gripped Ray’s hand. Bob held his breath.
“Eight years ago… Eight years ago Dad died. It was Lung cancer that got him. Mom was haunted by the way he had faded into a shell of himself during those last years. I don’t really think she could cope with his death, since her parents had died only the year before. She seemed to find comfort in the drugs and the alcohol. I tried to stop her once or twice, but she didn’t care about hitting me. So I guess I just lived with it. I made sure no one knew where I lived ‘cuz, well, what happened with Mikey and Gerard could’ve happened.”
He turned, his glowing hazel eyes staring straight at me.
“I never wanted mom to get hurt or go to jail. I could bear whatever she hit me with because it was a penance for not stopping her when I could. For not comforting her and being a better son.”
His eyes were scarily focused for someone with a concussion. He finally looked away from me, back towards the others.
“All I could do was shut you out. Sorry.”

Frank said sorry like it would make it all okay. But I could see in Ray’s and Bob’s eyes only confusion and hurt. Frank didn't seem to know it, but he'd shut them out more effectively than ever after showing them that little glimpse of himself. But, well, not understanding that was one f the things that made him Frank I guess. It was hard to admit it but I might not have fallen for him if I didn't see darkness inside of him.