Hold Onto Me

*bzzzz... bzzzz... bzzzz...*

I blindly felt around for my cellphone, not wanting to open my eyes. It was way too early, and way too bright for that. I answered my phone and let out a muffled hello.

"Mommy?"

I sat up and turned my lamp on, grinning. She always made me happier.

"Hey, baby! What are you doing up so early?"

"Silly momma, it's not early!" She laughed.

"Huh?"

I looked at the clock and almost fell out of the bed seeing what time it was. It was 15 minutes after 10, and I knew Sharon and Joe had somewhere to be at 11. I quickly finished my conversation with my daughter and threw on some clothes as I ran out of my room. I saw Zacky standing in the hall, staring at a picture I knew was Melody. He saw me standing there and gave me an awkward smile.

"She's so beautiful, Marissa. I can't believe she's mine..." He said quietly.

"I'm actually about to go get her... You can come, if you want?"

"Really?" He asked, grinning.

I nodded, and he quickly put his shirt on. He followed behind as I walked out the door and to my BMW 335i. Zack awkwardly got in beside me and I started the car, and let the radio drown out the tension between the two of us. I saw Zack reach for the radio out of the corner of my eye, and I prayed he didn't turn it down. But he did. And I knew what that meant.

"So, Marissa." He said, looking out the window.

"So, Zachary."

"I don't even know what to say to you. I can't even begin to process this all right now. You kept my daughter away from me, for three years. You, of all people, know what it's like to grow up without your father around. Is that really what you want for Melody? I'm not even going to bring up the fact you completely shattered everyone's heart by leaving, and knowing you had my child made it that much worse. I had no idea if you were okay, if the baby was okay, or if the baby even survived! Do you know what that does to a person? I drove myself mad, Matt cried every single night, Johnny wears his Short Shit hoodie all the time, and Brian was... Well, he acted fine but we all knew he cried too. You destroyed us, and I should be mad, I should be pissed at you. But I'm not, I can't be mad at you. You gave me the most precious gift of all, and I can't wait to meet her and treat her like a princess, and just have her in my life."

I listened and took in everything that he was saying, and it really hurt to know I had caused so much damage. But what did I expect would happen? They would just get over it in about a week? Yeah, no. You never get over something like that.

"Zack... I don't think we should flat out tell her you're her father yet."

"What? Why not?" He asked, hurt.

"I just-"

"She thinks John is her father..."

"What? No! No! John and I both explained to her that he's just her step daddy, not her real daddy. She's only three though, Zack. I think we need to take it slow, let her get to know you and spend some time with the guys and just make it as easy as we can."

"Does she ever ask about me?"

"She used to, but not as much now."

He just nodded, not saying another word. He stayed quiet for a few minutes before he started with the questions.

"So, why'd you start going by Marissa? You hated it before." He smiled softly.

"It's what mom named me, so I thought it was perfect for a new life."

The rest of the car ride was silent, and extremely awkward. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't know what to say. I mean, what do you even say in this situation? Oh, sorry I ran off with your daughter and ruined your life, but it's okay now cause we're back! Yeahhh, that didn't exactly sound like a good thing to say.

Before I knew it, I was pulling into Sharon's driveway. I saw Melody run out of the house, Sharon following close behind yelling at her to stop running. I happily scooped her up in my arms and twirled her around, and she was giggling as loud as she could the entire time. Zack stood nervously by the front of my car, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did.

"Oh my..." Sharon gasped, placing a hand over her mouth.

Her eyes darted back and forth between him and me a few times before she walked inside, mumbling about needing a drink. I sat Melody down, and she looked up at Zacky for a second before giving him the biggest smile I'd ever seen. She extended her hand out and he laughed, but shook it.

"Hi! I'm Melody Caroline Quinn, but you can call me Mel. I'm three!"

"Hi, Mel. I'm Zachary James Baker, but you can call me Zacky. I'm a lot older than you."

"Hey, Mel, baby stay here with Zacky, okay? I'm gonna go talk to Nana for a second."

I slowly entered the house, unsure of what Sharon was going to say. I found her in the kitchen, downing a drink. She looked up at me and just shook her head. I bit my lip to keep from crying, and she rushed to my side and hugged me tight. And I lost it. I couldn't help but cry. All these feelings were just too much for me to handle.

"I don't know what to do, Sharon... They just showed up and he wants to be a part of Melody's life, and I'm just supposed to let him? What happens when she gets attached and he just walks away?" I sobbed into her chest.

"Hey, come on now. Do you honestly think he would walk away? He didn't leave you, sweetheart. You left him, remember? Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt. That goes for all of them, too. You know Matt would never walk away from his niece and the rest of the boys won't either. And Jimmy, look at what happened with him. He's been here for that little girl since the start. You don't realize how lucky she is to have all these people wanting and willing to be a part of her life. Let them, Marissa. It's been far too long, you and John can't keep them away, ya know."

I sucked up my tears, knowing she was right. They all deserved to be a part of her life, and I knew they wouldn't leave like I did. I was just looking for an excuse not to let them in. I just didn't want Melody to get hurt. I didn't want them to come in and wreck everything I had worked so hard for in the past few years. I had to though, for my daughter's sake.

I quickly cleaned myself up and made my way outside, but stopped short as I saw Zacky and Melody playing in the front yard. Melody jumped into Zacky's arms and he spun her around like I had done earlier. It warmed my heart to see that, to see Melody so happy. I opened the door, and both looked up to see me. He had a giant smile on his face, and Mel couldn't stop laughing.

"Momma! Zacky's almost as good at rocketship as you are!" She squealed, running to me.

"Oh, really? That's great, sweetie! Go tell Nana and Pops bye so we can go home! Mommy has a surprise for you." I smiled, as she immediately ran inside.

I turned to Z, who had a few tears running down his face. It pulled at my heart, in a good way. He realized he was crying and he turned his back to me, and wiped his face.

"She's just so perfect. Melody is... Her laughter is the sweetest sound I've ever heard. I want to give her everything in the world. I've only been around her for five minutes and I love that little girl more than anything in the entire world, and I just..." He couldn't finish his sentence due to the fact he was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Zacky..." I whispered, hugging him tightly.

He quickly composed himself as he heard our daughter barrel out of the house. For a tiny child, she sure did sound like a herd of buffalo. I hugged Sharon bye and told her to give Joe my love, then we all loaded up in the car. He watched in amusement as Melody attempted to buckle herself in her seat. I went to help but but she screamed at the top of her lungs, making him look at me with wide eyes.

"I want Zacky to buckle me in!" She said sweetly.

I got in the driver's seat and watched him buckle our child in. I could see his hands fumble and I sensed he was nervous. Mel made sure he was doing it right and gave him a big hug and thank you once he finished.

"You're welcome, sweetie."

The entire way home I listened to Melody and Zacky sing along to Blondie. I couldn't help but sing along with them during some songs. I'd look up in the rear view mirror and see Mel grinning at me, then I'd glance at her father and he would be grinning just as big.