She Ain't You

You never know what love is until you experience it, until everything the person does makes you want to stop and write it down. The feeling in your chest hurts to much to bear when they are away, that the hardest thing in the world is trying to stay angry at them and want to record every compliment they ever say to you. When they're upset, you would do anything to make them smile again and the best feeling in the world is waking up next to them.

The sun had not begun to rise, the white duvet cascaded from my waist and covered the bottom half of my body. My bare torso was heated by the arms that was draped over it, muscles tenses signally a wake up of whom the arms belonged to. A kiss was placed softly to my shoulder, a sensation that makes your feel like the most important person in the world.

I rolled over to face the clean shaven face, his sleepy smile and drowsy eyes made the warmth in my chest rise. His large hands ran down my bare back, squeezed my hips and rubbed circled with his thumbs. Waking up before sunrise, eyes locked and nothing but the sound of our steady breath. He drags the tip of his finger from my thigh up to face and pushes a piece of hair behind my ear.

I want this to be every morning, I need this to be a regular thing but unfortunately, Evgeni had only slept over two or three times. It happens on the occasion that he's to lazy to get up and drive home, or I drove him here. Sometimes I think he makes sure he has a ride home before initiating the booty call. I knew everything about this person lying in front of me, that he furrows his eye brows when he thinks to hard, when he's nervous he only speaks in Russian so he doesn't have to admit he's nervous and he's very insecure about his nose.

Evgeni Malkin is my best friend, now it seems weird that we're sleeping together but it's the cliche love story. I would do anything to get some sort of attention from him and he, well he's a male and having someone regularly to pleasure gives them some sort of ego boost. I met him the first week he came to America, he was nineteen and I was sixteen, he didn't know as much English as he does now but I was just an adolescent sixteen year old with a friend who had a big crush on Sidney Crosby.

Now like most girls would say is that they met the team through some extensive amount of connections, I was just peer pressured into sneaking into the teams quarters of the arena. Not one of my best moments, but then again we did get caught by Mario Lemieux and I had something to show my Dad the next time he saw me. But by Mario's side was a lost foreign kid with a Hockey bag and what my friend Autumn recognized as their draft pick from Russia. Mario was very nice about it, introduced us to Evgeni and then discreetly called security.

Evgeni and I met each other a few times before we actually attempted at a conversation. The next thing I knew I was at Sergei Gonchar's house watching his daughter with Geno. I'm probably the reason why my four best friends met their boyfriends, Autumn, the one with the huge crush on Sidney Crosby was now sharing a four thousand square feet house with him, Keirstyn who's fallen for the glorious Beau Bennett, Faith who now lives in North Carolina after meeting Jeff Skinner coincidentally at Pirates game and the other one Steph, she moved to Chicago to attempt her relationship with Blawkhawks Captain, Jonathan Toews who she met at the 2010 Olympics.

It's good they've had luck with getting into a relationship with their hockey crushes, because I've been family zoned. It's been two months since Evgeni told the press that he thinks of me as a little sister. That's funny because in North America, you shouldn't sleep with your sister.

“What time is it?” Geno asked, his sleepy voice running chills down my back.

“Too early” I said into the pillow and sighing. “About five”

Geno grimaced and then leaned over, his big lips morphed with mine. My hands grabbed his jaw and ran my thumbs down his cheek. Kissing Evgeni was simply the most sensational feeling in the world but what he didn't know was that on my side, it was more emotion.

We were best friends, at first I believed that friends don't kiss but this crush that I had developed on him brought every one of my morals down and I didn't care.

The first time Geno kissed me, we were sitting in the bedroom of my condo that stood fifty stories high and was lined with windows. Geno and I were talking about the trouble we got into, the times we would wait for them to close the arena and sleep over in the locker room, then maintenance would find us in the morning. I began rambling on about it, then I noticed I was talking too much and stopped.

“Remember we'd sit Sid's stall and do our best impressions of him, we would laugh so loud and then....” I started to blush.

“You talk too much” Geno stated, turning over and then leaned over me. “But it's cute”

Then he crashed our lips together.

We proceeded to make out, that night was the first night I got something that I had fantasized about for years. I thought I would finally going to get into a relationship like my best friends. But when we woke up, Geno explained that he still wants to be friends and to continue on. But we couldn't resist each other after that night, we would give each other these looks that would drive each other insane and the next thing we knew we were back in my room, throwing the sheets off the bed.

Sometimes I regret that I ever let it happen, my feelings for him only grew stronger and I knew it wasn't the same on his end. Last week he told me he met someone, a casual conversation topic for him but a life crisis for me.

It was during a game he wanted to watch, it was the first game Alex had come back from since his lower body injury. People probably don't know that the two of the biggest Russian hockey players in the league truly care about each other, Alex and Geno are going to be team mates at the Olympics and Geno wanted to make sure his friend was okay to help him represent their country. Even if Alex had slashed Geno's forearm in their last game with each other.

“Have you called Alex since his injury?” I asked him, since I had nothing to do tonight, Geno asked me to come watch with him and I decided to make dinner.

“Da, He say, 'he good for Russia” Geno answered and laughed. I looked back at him, to catch him smiling down at his phone and that was an action I knew all too familiar about.

“Who ya texting?” I asked casually, while turning to face the pot of pasta and now have my back to him.

“No one” He answered and I scoff.

“Yeah right, now I know it's someone” I state and he signs.

“I met girl”

I swear part of my world fell apart, Geno's had girlfriends before and I've hated all of them but I never said so. But this time around it was worse, Evgeni and I were sleeping together and then he tells me he met someone. I thought that maybe from that day, he would stop driving me insane but then again, here we are, in bed after a night with little to no sleep.

“You better get going” I whisper against his lips and he just pressed harder on them. A few more minutes of breathless kissing, he pulls away and then kisses my cheek.

I can't help but watch him stand up, search for his boxers and then slip them on. He then continues to search for the rest of his clothing but can't seem to find his clothes. I giggle and sit up, holding the sheet to my torso.

“No doubt they're probably in the hallway” I state, Geno just smirks and walks out my bedroom door to pick up his clothes. He then enters the bathroom and when I hear the shower run, I pop up from the bed to grab an over sized green sweater. I pull on some boy short underwear and check my phone.

saw you went home with G, Keirstyn and I are coming over at twelve – Autumn

I sighed and sat down on the wooden window seat. The roads just began to become busy for the early risers who's 9 to 5 jobs require a drive into the city. I know I was privileged to be in this big condo, that out looked the beautiful city of Pittsburgh but I couldn't help but feel a bit alone.

I didn't hear Geno come out of the shower, but then I heard a snap and turned around to see him holding up my Polaroid camera up.

“Oh my god, you didn't” I cried and run up to him, noticing her was shirtless. I grabbed the film that was sliding out of the camera and looked at it. I shook the film and then look at it as it appeared. The picture was actually kind of cool, with the city in the back ground.

“Look good” Geno stated then he grabbed his shirt and unfortunately pulled his shirt on. “See later?” He asked, and I nod.

Evgeni leans down to kiss my lips one more time before leaving the room to gather his clothes and make his way over to his house.

As soon as I hear the door to my condo close and lock, I sigh and decide to have a shower myself.

--

I sat on the couch wearing flannel shorts and a sweater. I laid upside down on the couch and watched Sports net. Then I heard the door open, glancing at the clock it was a bit after noon and I wasn't worried.

“Girls” I greeted, eyes not leaving the high lights.

“She's in shut down mode” Keirstyn said, and jumped over the couch to sit beside me.

“Of course she is, G and her had sex and now he's galloping around the arena as a single man” Autumn snickered and I sighed.

“Interesting you two are so happy about my absolutely miserable state” I countered.

“I don't understand why you're miserable” Keirstyn responded and hit me in the stomach. “You're getting some”

“Yeah, but Tori always wants more then some” Autumn states and I groan.

“Can we please not talk about it?” I ask, turning over and rub my temples as the blood no longer rushed to my head.

“Sure, how about we talk about Faith and Jeff?” Keirstyn proposed and I look at her with confusion.
“They had some stupid fight and Faith's coming back here until he realizes he's wrong”

“Really?” I asked, laughing a bit and shaking my head. “What was it about?”

“She didn't say” Autumn answered, looking down and laughing at her phone.

Keirstyn and I looked at each other, smiling.

“Sidney” We both sang in unison.

“You two are like thirteen year old girls” Autumn hissed, blushing.

Autumn has never been a giddy type of girl, until she met Sidney and the years of holding in ever giggle was let out. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't jealous of my friends and their relationships, the guys of their dreams were kissing the ground they walked on and the only thing Geno is kissing, is the way to my vagina.

“What are we going to do today?” I asked, there was silence after my question and I looked at both of them, guilt written on their faces. “Wow, you guys made plans with your boyfriends on girls day”

“It's not really girls day if we end up at the arena at the end of the night” Autumn babbled and I sighed.

“Don't be bitter” Keirstyn pouted and I shook my head.

“I'm not bitter” I stated and turned to lay upside down again. “Why did you guys come over anyway?”

“To tell you that we weren't free” Keirstyn responds and I laugh.

“Well go on your way, have fun in your little love lives and I'll go change my relationship status on Facebook to Complicated so the people back home don't know I'm still a total loser” I exaggerate and flail my arms around for dramatic appearance.

“You're not a total loser”Autumn added and I scoffed.

“Thanks”

“Plus we came to ask if Faith could come and stay with you?” Keirstyn asked, and I waved my hand.

“Sure whatever”

“Great, well you have fun” Autumn said, slapping her hand on my stomach and I groan. They laugh as they make their way out the door. As soon as the door closes, my one of two cats, Jethro decides to jump on the couch with me and sits on my stomach.

I pet away at the black and white cat's head, watching the television and then my mind went back to Geno. I thought about him too much, too much to be healthy and I just wished I could stop what we were doing, to prevent hurting myself any further. My phone begins to ring, I grab him and answer it quickly.

“Hiya” I answer, usually my greetings are cheery but today was having non of it.

“Wow you sound like you're dying” Steph says into the phone and I let out a sarcastic har har.

“I'm a bit hungover and I'm still fucking my best friend who will never know my real feelings for him because he sees me as a little sister, which makes no sense because we're having sex but that's what I love about him, he contradicts himself with no clue and for fuck sakes”

“Wow” Was the only thing Steph could say.

“Not to mention all my friends are in happy relationships, minus Faith for now but I'm extremely jealous of all of you because I wish someone would just come into my life and love me” I explain, wow Autumn was right, I do sound like a thirteen year old girl.

“Aww, don't worry” Steph cooes and I roll my eyes. “You'll find someone”

“That's what I have been told since High School, you just have to wait, he'll come soon or my favourite you'll never find him if you're looking” I explained and continued to pet Jethro's fur.

“Well at least Geno is giving you some love” Steph answers and scoff.

“That's not what I meant”

“I'm sorry!” She exclaimed and sighs. “What do you want me to say?”

The phrase my Mom uses when I tell her any of my problems, the answer no know in the right mind knows how to answer because they are a billion things I want her to tell me. But I know I won't believe her.

“I don't know Steph” I cried and ran a hand down my face. “I'm having a mid life crisis”

“Seems you are” She responds. “Well I called to tell ask you something”

“Go on”

“Well, since Faith is coming over and some people are heading out to the Olympics, maybe I could visit you guys” She proposed and I smile.

“You don't need to ask Steph” I answer and she laughs.

“Well maybe I could stay at your place”

“Yeah sure, but you have to fight with Faith for the guest room” I answer and she laughs.

“I'm sure having some sort of argument with Faith is on the horizon” She joked and we both laugh until silence fell over both of us.

“I miss you Steph” I breathed out and Steph cooed.

“I miss you too” She responded and then giggled. “I know you probably don't want to hear it but can I tell you something that Jon did?”

“Sure why not?” I answer, I know how she felt. When something happens and you can't help but want to tell the world, even if the world isn't listening.

“Well he wanted to take me out before the Olympics, so last night he took me to dinner and then we went skating at the ice rink” She explained, squealing a bit. “But that's not the best part, he took me to the Cloud Gate and pulled me under it, then he told me how much he loved me and how he loves the way I smile and all this shit, I almost cried”

“Wow Steph, that's amazing” I tried to sound sincere, I was very happy for her don't get me wrong but you can't help but feel jealous.

“I know, he's just so amazing”

“I'm happy for you Steph” I state and she laughs.

“Thanks” She answers and then sighs. “Listen, I promise that someone will enter your life and wisk you off your feet and you'll be the one telling me about him”

“I hope so”

“It will, I mean who wouldn't want to date you. You'd rather watch action movies than watch romantic movies, you love hockey and isn't afraid to walk around your condo with no pants on” She explains and I laugh. “It will happen Tor, trust me”

“I do”

“Well, I have to go and pick Jon up” She starts and I smile.

“Text me when you're coming” I answer and she humms. “See you Steph”

“Bye”

The dial tone comes to my ear before I hang up. I then sit up and hold Jethro close. I scratch his chin and he reaches up to head butt me.

“At least you love me” I jokingly say and then turn back to the television.