Easier to Lie

"Alex, I cheated."

If there was ever any one line Alex Gaskarth had never once expected to hear from his loving, caring, all-around perfect boyfriend, it was that.

"Alex, I cheated."

He'd heard if before. Once, when he was dating a girl named Lisa. He loved her, of course he did, but it didn't come as much of a surprise. He'd had his suspicions, he'd had his doubts, and hearing them confirmed had given him that last little boost to just end his (failing) near ten year relationship with the girl.

"I cheated."

This, however, was different. This... this was... it just couldn't be. His Jack wouldn't cheat. He loved Jack in a way that almost physically pained him. His heart would ache just seeing the younger boy so much as grin, the love running rampantly through his veins feeling like lava. It burned him from the inside out, caused that little beating organ in his chest to feel like it had shifted into a time bomb and was about ready to detonate.

Jack felt the same way. Alex knew that. He knew it wholeheartedly that Jack felt the same way. They were... they were made for each other. No matter how cliché it was, he knew they were soul mates. Jack wouldn't cheat.

"I cheated."

"You what?"

"I cheated on you, Alex. That night last month where I went out and you stayed home. I came home crying and told you I'd had a nightmare at Cass and Ri's and had to make sure nothing bad had happened to you. I'm so sorry."

Alex felt dumbstruck. He didn't know how to react. Usually it wasn't this hard to think of something to retort, but Jack's jokes were never as serious. Nonetheless, he laughed.

"Baby, it's not April Fool's Day yet. You still have another couple months to go, alri—"

"Alex," Jack interrupted. His big, brown eyes were wider than usual; pleading. "Alex, Lex... just listen to me. Please."

He could feel it then. The temperature of the blood running through his veins shifting. It was ever so slightly at first, a mere notch on the thermostat. He didn't believe, however, and that's what kept his blood warm enough to flow through his body.

"Okay, baby."

Jack faltered there. The younger man wasn't sure of how much he should say or where he should even begin—he'd honestly never planned on telling Alex, and it had slipped from of his mouth without his consent, but he couldn't take it back now. Would it be too much to delve into the gory details of that night, or would that be what he'd need to get his message across?

"It... It started about a half hour after I got to the club. Everyone was all spread out through the crowd and I'd ended up at the bar... After a few drinks, a guy came up behind me and asked if he could buy me one. I knew I shouldn't have, Alex, I knew it was a bad idea, but you know how I get. You know how much of a fucking dumb ass I a—"

"Jacky, baby, come here," Alex hushed, reaching his arms out and pulling his boyfriend into his chest. The elder knew the signs of an anxiety attack all too well, and those were becoming increasingly more prominent in Jack's demeanor with each syllable that passed the raven-haired man's lips. Jack, however, attempted to push out of the elder's arms.

"He... I said yes, and we started talking, and the drinks kept coming, and I wasn't thinking. We started dancing, and then he asked if I wanted to get out of there, and I hardly remember everything, Alex, please."

"Please what, baby?"

"Please believe me," Jack begged, looking up into his boyfriend's eyes. He knew Alex didn't. He knew the older male would more than likely continue to be in denial until the subject was dropped or Jack decided to change his tactics and go along with the confession as a joke.

"We went back to his place," he pressed on nonetheless, feeling the tears prick in his eyes as more of the memory played out in his mind. "I followed him in my car, which was another fucking stupid thing that I did, and then... please believe me."

"Well..." Alex started, thoughts racing to think of other possible outcomes. "Well, you said you can't really remember what happened, so maybe you just—"

"I woke up naked with him pressed against me," Jack stated deadpan, pushing the roaring building in his ears back. "He was naked, too. That should be more than enough proof."

And, honestly, Alex didn't know what to say. He believed Jack. He didn't want to, but he did.

"You cheated."

Ice seemed to rush from every corner of his being, making it nearly impossible to process anything else. Alex wasn't necessarily angry, he was just... numb. The shattering of his heart wasn't all too detectable. The closing of his trachea went by unnoticed. The only thing the older male could focus on were those two small words.

"I'm sorry, Alex." That one sentence pulled the slighter male's gaze from where it had become glued to the wall across from where he was standing and down to the boy still pressed against his chest, held in place by his own arms. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking, and I love you so much, please understand that. I just... I had to tell you."

Alex could only nod, brain still barely processing the things he was being told. His body was shutting down on him, one slow system at a time. When the grip he had on the younger man was released, he took a step back, eyes still blurred and not actually focusing on anything.

An, "I need to be alone," was all the elder could choke out before turning on his heel and making the short, robotic trip to his bedroom. The door clicked shut behind him, and he couldn't even make it to the bed. Instead, he leaned back against the wood separating him and his (ex?) boyfriend before sliding down to the ground. With his arms wrapped tightly around his legs and his chin resting on his knees, Alex began to think.

Jack knew he should probably go. He didn't necessarily have a destination in mind, but he knew he shouldn't stick around the apartment. Alex needed time to reflect on everything he'd been told.

Grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter and slipping on his Dunks, the boy began his walk to the front door—only making a quick detour to the bedroom. He didn't expect a reply when he knocked, and he also didn't expect a reply when he called an, "I love you," but it was still a sort of slap in the face to not hear the sentiment back.

It was the very least he deserved, after all.

------

The minutes and hours seemed to meld together, and Alex didn't move a single inch as he thought through everything.

He thought about Lisa. How he'd felt when he'd learned that yes, she had been cheating on him. How it hurt but he also hardly cared. He'd figured she was anyway, so that helped to soften the blow.

He thought about what Jack meant to him. The measures he would go to just to get the tiniest of smiles was inane. Alex was only happy when he was making Jack happy... did he even know how to be happy without the younger anymore?

He thought about how Lisa had been constantly cheating on him—with not only one other guy, but multiple other men. How she'd not only cheated on him, but them as well. How she was sober and completely conscious of her actions.

Did Jack being drunk constitute his infidelity? Would it happen again? Was he willing to risk it?

Scenarios were tossed back and forth as the feeling began to return to Alex's body. Everything hurt. It seemed physically impossible to breathe. The way air would get caught in his throat before leaving him in shaky gasps, how the expansion of his lungs on each forced inhale would press against his broken heart.

The cracks and splinters only seemed to get bigger the longer he pondered his options. His decision should've been simple. He had a broken heart, and he should've returned the favor—not in the form of cheating, but in the form of a break-up.

However, that didn't stop him from searching deeper. He hurt now because of the information he'd been given, yes, but was he also in pain because of the fact that he knew that without Jack, this is how he'd spend his days? Without Jack, he wouldn't know how to function? He didn't think he could get over not waking up to the same dopey grin every morning, not kissing the same oversized nose at spontaneous points of the day just to hear that same so-very-unmanly giggle, not feeling the same heart beat in sync with his own as the younger pressed against him every time they cuddled.

He did manage to get over Lisa. It had been a struggle, and Jack had been the one to bring him out of that rut, but he'd done it anyway. He could find a new Jack. There were over seven billion people in the world, and there was bound to be someone out there... someone better...

But Alex knew that wasn't so. It had to be Alex and Jack. Jack and Alex. Soul mates in the most cliché form. He would just end up alone without Jack... alone with no additional chance of future heartbreak and despair...

Alex had never put so much thought into a single decision in his entire life.

------

Come back to the apartment.

Jack knew what that text meant. It had been nearly a quarter of a day since he'd originally left, and it didn't take a genius to realize that Alex had packed all of his things in that time. The fact that there was no 'baby' at the end confirmed all of his suspicions.

The young man had only gone a few blocks over to a park that seemed pretty much empty and sat under a tree where he'd cried himself dry once more. He was willing to face the repercussions of his actions, but it was still taking a toll on him. He never expected to lose the love of his life, especially for something so... so reckless and overall stupid.

With a shaky sigh and a final rub at his bloodshot eyes, Jack stood to his feet and headed to his car. The drive back was too short for his liking. He realized it wasn't the best to dwell and put off the inevitable, but he still found himself wishing for the ability.

Entering the apartment building took effort, as did the walk to the elevator and then the twenty or so steps to the elder's apartment. He paused outside the door, though, unsure if he was supposed to just walk in or not. Since this was the end, would he be required to knock?

Either way, he did. Holding his breath, Jack waited, keeping his head tilted towards the ground even as he heard the door open. What shocked him was the feeling of a pair of familiar arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him into a firm body. A face was pressed into Jack's neck as he stood there, too surprised to move.

"I don't care," Alex suddenly whispered, his lips brushing his boyfriend's neck softly. "I love you; I don't care."

Those two phrases were repeated like a broken record as the men stood in the doorway. Alex continually squeezed Jack closer, nuzzling everywhere he could reach. It was when Jack finally realized what was happening that he pushed the elder away.

"No," he said, shaking his head as Alex's face fell. "No, you can't... you should be mad. You should hate me. Tell me you never want to see me again." The demand confused Alex, to say the least.

"Is that... do you want me to hate you?" he asked, picking his words carefully as his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out. Jack was supposed to be happy, to say he loved Alex back. They had to kiss and make up and be happy together. That was how this was meant to work.

Jack was conflicted. Did he want Alex to hate him? No, of course not, but he didn't want this to just all be brushed under the rug. He didn't want to feel like he could just get away with whatever the hell he wanted.

And because Alex was Alex and just sort of knew these things, he let a soft smile slide onto his lips, pulling Jack back into his body despite the other male's protests.

"I'm mad at you, y'know. You kinda lost a lot of my trust. You're gonna have to work pretty damn hard to get it back. I'm willing to try if you are."

And yeah, that was a little more like it. Jack was still a bit uncomfortable with how he was just getting off the hook, but before he could voice it, Alex's right hand had moved from holding him close and down to the front of his jeans. A vice-like grip was suddenly squeezing around Jack, causing a squeak of fear and pain to rip from his throat.

"But just know," Alex said, voice dropping dangerously as he got closer to Jack's ear, hold tightening impossibly more, "that this right here? It's mine, baby. It's not yours to just give to any whore who shows interest. Got it?"

With another whimper of pain and furious nod of his head, Alex was letting go of his boyfriend and leaning in for a kiss.

"Glad we understand each other," he murmured against the younger's lips, turning his head to kiss away the few tears streaming down Jack's cheeks. "Love you, baby."

And, fearing the consequence of keeping quiet in hopes of not giving Alex any further proof of the pain he'd inflicted, Jack was able to choke out an, "I love you, too."