The Pain of Remembering

John Moore POV:

I walked off the ice and to the locker room with Derick laughing at a joke he made when I got the news.

“John, there’s a call for you in the office, it’s urgent.” AV told me and I rushed off after exchanging a look with Derick.

“Hello?” I asked as I picked the phone up.

“Is this Mr. Moore?” A formal male voice questioned on the line.

“Ummm… yes? Who is this?” I replied.

“This is the hospital. You wife, Ally, has been checked in here.” The man explained.

“I’ll be there soon.” I said quickly as I hung up and ran for my car.

Once I was at the hospital and had the room number I ran down the hallway to her room. Outside my two year old daughter was waiting with a nurse.

“Daddy!” Alexis called as she ran into my arms.

“Hey, Princess, how are you?” I greeted as I picked her up.

“You two can go in and see her if you want.” The nurse offered before leaving to tend to other business.

I opened the door to find my wife hooked up to machines. As she saw us come in she smiled slightly.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Alexis called as she squirmed around, trying to find a way toget out of my grip.

“Hi there, baby girl.” She greeted as I put Alexis down. She walked over to her mom and started blabbing about how nice the nurse had been outside.

“Mr. Moore, can I speak to you outside for a second?” The doctor asked as he stood in the doorway.

“Stay with Mommy, Lexi, Daddy will be right back.” I told her as I closed the door behind me.

“I’m sorry to tell you this but your wife has stage four brain cancer. She only has about two to three weeks to live.” The doctor told me.

“What do you mean she only has two or three weeks to live? She’s been getting treatment for years now! What’s the problem?” I hissed, not wanting to make a scene in the middle of the hall.

“I’m afraid that it’s gotten too out of hand. The tumor is growing back too fast. It’s not worth the money it will cost your family. She has even decided that she doesn’t want any more treatment.” The doctor explained quietly to me. I could feel my chest tightening. What would I tell our baby girl? When had Ally made this decision without me? Why hadn’t she told me this is what she wanted?

“Johnny!” I heard from down the hallway. It was Derick. “Heard you were off to the hospital and I figured that maybe you’d want me to take Lexi home for you.”

“Thanks, Derick.” I replied and opened the door again, putting on a fake smile. “Lexi you’re going to go home with Uncle Derick, okay? Daddy will be home in a little bit.” I told her and she ran over to Brass.

“Hey kiddo, you ready to go?” He asked, picking her up.

“Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!” She called and they left. You could hear Lexi giggling at something Brass had said until they finally were gone.

“So I take it you heard?” She asked weakly, looking at me sadly as I pulled up a chair.

“Why are you ready to give up? I have the money to keep you here and get you the treatment you need.” I explained to her, hoping that I may change her mind.

“John, I don’t want to be living in a hospital my whole life. I don’t want you throwing away your money on a lost cause.” She told me.

“Don’t talk like that. You’re not a lost cause.” I growled, not willing to even think like that.

“Yes I am, John. All I do is go to the hospital. I’m barely home anymore. It’s better off this way.” She said, desperately.

“I need you. Our daughter needs you.” I begged, tears rolling down my cheeks.

“I don’t want her depending on me. One day the money will run out and I won’t be there when she really needs me. It’s better for her to have someone else to take that role.” She said, tears rolling down her cheeks now.

“You shouldn’t be talking like this, you’re only 22.” I told her, brushing her tears away.

“I’ll be 23 in two weeks.” She commented.

“I love you so much.” I said as though it was the last time I would.

“I love you more.” She replied, kissing my cheek.

“Get some rest. I’ll try to see you after practice tomorrow.” I told her as I got up and left the room.
As soon as I got in the car I called our head coach; there was no way I would be playing in that game tonight against the Penguins. I had to watch Lexi and let this news sink in.

“Hello?” AV answered.

“AV, I can’t play tonight. Some personal stuff just happened. Can you make me a healthy scratch for tonight? I swear I’ll be at practice tomorrow.” I promised him.

“Sorry to hear that something happened, I hope it works itself out. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.” He said as he hung up.

I drove home silently thinking about what had happened. In two to three weeks my wife would be dead. She had fought so hard but now cancer would claim its next victim. I would be a widower.

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“Daddy! Daddy!” I heard as I walked in the door.

“Hey there my little princess!” I greeted her as I scooped her up in my arms. Derick followed her and gave me a sad smile. I would tell him as soon as my daughter went to take her nap.

“Daddy, can we color together?” She asked me.

“Later, sweetheart, I think that you need to go take your nap now.” I told her and carried her to her bed. She fell asleep almost immediately.

“So what happened?” Derick asked me as I sat down.