You're Already the Voice Inside My Head

It takes me ages to walk home, wincing in pain with every step I take.
Can I die yet?
“You’re not going to die Alex”
It would save me the pain.
“You can do it, think about your nice warm bed once you get there”
With my Blink boy saying supportive words in my ears I make it home and just like he said I collapse onto my bed.
“Sleep Alex, it’ll help”
Thank you, really thank you I wouldn’t have made it home without you.
My eyes close and I slip into sleep.

Blink boy? You there?
“Alex, you’re awake?”
Yeah, I was going to start looking you up.
“Alex, are you sure you’re alright?”
Fine, I’m fine.
“Okay, if you’re sure”
What do you remember about seeing Blink? I’m sitting on my bed with my laptop balancing on my lap trying to work out what exactly to search...
“I remember looking forward to it for a long time, and that feeling of excitement when it the day finally came.”
Do you remember how old you were?
“I was a teenager, maybe 14 or 15”
You don’t sound that old; I’d guess you were 17 that means that show would have been 2 years ago....
“What is it?”
I was at that show, it was my first time seeing Blink.
“Oh my god”
This is fucking scary. I google the show and it comes up with pictures of Blink themselves and the crowd.
They are pictures of the crowd but I wouldn’t know which one you are.
“Tell me about it, what do you remember? It might help”
Hmm okay. I waited in line all day to see them; I wanted to be as near the front as I could so when I got in I was at the barrier in front of Mark. I don’t remember much of the supports it was all a bit of blur, though there was still really nice girl fronting one of them. She tried to chat me up after the show... Blink kicked off with What’s My Age Again? Mark was so close to me I think I nearly had a heart attack. Feeling This, Dumpweed, Reckless Abadon and Down. The set-list was amazing, The Rock Show and Adam’s Song that I couldn’t help tearing up to. When All The Small Things started everyone just totally lost it, there was this huge mosh-pit going and everything! Then they ended the night with First Date, Easy Target and...
“Dammit”
You remember?
“With you talking about it I can picture it, this huge room filled with sweaty people all brought together by this band’s music. It felt like magic”
That’s exactly how I felt! That’s what inspired me to start playing myself.
“I felt inspired too”
You can play guitar?
“Yeah, I think I do” I push my laptop off me and reach for my guitar, sending myself into a coughing fit.
“’Lex!” The volume of his voice makes me hold my head for a second, until the eco is gone.
I’m fine and wait, you heard that again?
“I can always hear you when you’re pain”
I can hear you scream my name.
“What?”
When I’m in pain and you call out it’s like you’re screaming inside my head.
“Oh I’m sorry Lex, I don’t mean to”
I know I know I should just stop doing painful things then. I say to try and lighten the mood, my guitar now lying across my lap. I start to strum it and hum along.
“Can you play any Blink songs?”
Of course I can!
“Can you play me one?”
You won’t be able to hear me playing though.
“You’ll just have to it sing it for me”
Are you sure?
“Yes, little ‘Lexi sing for me” I clear my throat, I’m not sure how this is going to work. Can you think singing? Well guess we’ll find out. I start strumming my guitar to one of my favourite songs.
I miss you, I miss you. Hey there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue.
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley, we can live like Jack and Sally is we want to, where you can always find me.
We’ll have Halloween on Christmas and in the night we’ll wish this never ends.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
Where you are I’m so sorry, I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight.
I need someone and always, this sick strange darkness.
Comes creeping back on haunting ever time, and as I stared and counted.
From all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides, like indecision to call you.
And hear your voice of treason, will you come home and stop this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight.
Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head.
I miss you, I miss you.
Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head.
I miss you, I miss you.
Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head.
I miss you, I miss you.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
“Alex, can you sing that line again?”
Which one?
“The Sally one”
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want to, where you can always find me.
“That’s it, I’m sure it is”
Is what?
“My name, my name’s Jack”
Jack! Hello Jack! He laughs at my excitement.
“Yes hello Alex”
Yay you have a name, I finally have a name for the weird voice inside my head.
“Thank you Alex, I wouldn’t have remembered if it wasn’t for you and your beautiful voice”
I’m not that good but thanks.
“You are though” I’m so glad he can’t see me right now; I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.
Thank you, I’m going to go back to sleep for a bit as my body still hurts.
“Sleep well ‘Lex”
Night Jack, aw I love being able to call you Jack.
“Well it is my name” I cough slightly but laugh.
Night, night Jack
“Sleep well Alex” I don’t know what my Jack looks like but I bet he’s smiling right now, where ever he may be.