White Walls

Austin looked up at Hilary with a smile on his lips. “Goddamn…” he murmured, sending a laugh throughout the small crowd sitting before the couple. “Hilary, you are the centre of my universe and the light of my life. I love you so damn much darlin’ and I didn’t even know that was possible. I grew up thinking love was full of shit but you taught me better, you taught me compassion, trust and love. You taught me how to feel- fuck you’re getting me choked up.” Austin chuckled, wiping his eyes as he stood in front of her.

I tried not to let the tears fall as I sat beside John, his hand in mine.

“Whimp,” John teased in my ear.

“I’m carrying your child, take that back.” I smirked in his.

He rolled his eyes playfully and kissed my cheek.

“I love you, babydoll.” Austin sighed happily. “God can I just kiss her now?”

We couldn’t help but laugh, and neither could Hilary. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress. Her long blonde hair was curled softly and sat just under her bust, her veil behind her. Her dress was simple but fitted in all the right places, and she looked like a goddess. None of the boys in the room could take their eyes off of her and I didn’t blame them. Austin definitely shed a few tears when he saw her for the first time.

The pastor chuckled and motioned towards Hilary to say her vows.

“I uh, I didn’t write anything down,” Hilary admitted, “when we had our first fight, you told me to always speak from the heart with you. So that’s what I’m doing,” she chuckled, blushing slightly. “I love you so much Austin Chandler Gibbs…I promise you that I will always stand beside you and I’ll always love and support you. Words could never express my undying appreciation and love for you so I’m not going to bother with them. You know it already.”

“Austin?”

“I do.” He grinned, his hands moving to Hilary’s hips.

“Hilary?”

“I do.”

“Austin, you may now kiss your wife.”

***

Jac: Hil’s all good this morn, had a rough night after what happened with Austin. Eric took Alex out for the day so I could talk 2 her. Stop by later with wine for talk? Xx

I typed back a response before laying back down in my bed.

good to hear, last night was crazy :/ let me know how it goes. See you at 7?

“Babe, get this little nugget out,” John whined softly from the other side of the bed. “Why does he have to sleep with us?”

“He had a nightmare.” I whispered, holding Lucas tightly in my arms as he slept soundly. “Deal with it, O’Callaghan.”

“I think after last night you’ll see I am quite the dealer.” John mused.

“Yeah, thank you for standing up for me,” I sighed, “I know it’s hard to choose between your best friends and your girlfriend, but I appreciate it.”

John shook his head. “It’s not hard at all. And you’re so much more than just my girlfriend. It’s my duty to stick up for you like that babe. You should know that. He doesn’t get to call you names or scream at you like that- nobody does.”

“Except you,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“No way- you call me out on my shit, Leighton.” He said seriously.

I nodded with a sigh. “I know, I know. You treat me well, though. Like your dad treats your mom.”

“I love it when you do that,” he murmured.

“When I do what?” I asked, watching his hand move to my face, his thumb caressing my cheek.

“When you compliment my ma’s parenting, or you compare me to my old man,” he said softly. “I love that you call ma for recipes, or you take her out to lunch. I love that you’re so invested in my family. I’m sorry I don’t get a lot of time to do that with yours.”

I pouted. “I love your family- I consider them my own. My parents don’t always understand our relationship and I mean they love me, but I get on really well with your parents and I’m so thankful for that. And don’t worry about mine, they understand we live a crazy, busy life. It’s okay bub.” I assured, leaning over Lucas to kiss John. “I love you.”

“I love you Leighton.” He sighed, “I’m sorry about last night. I guess if it’s not me ruining your party, it’s another stupid asshole.”

“It’s not your fault,” I insisted, “I guess it was inevitable with how much they’ve been keeping from each
other. I just can’t believe he cheated on her. Did you know about that?” I asked curiously.

“No I didn’t know at all,” John said, shaking his head. “It’s crazy though, three years ago they were the happiest people. They were so in love.”

“Is that why you don’t want to get married?” I asked quietly, knowing I could possibly regret asking later. I couldn’t take it anymore, I just had to know why he didn’t want to marry me. “Because you think we’ll fall out of love like them?”

“I don’t think they fell out of love,” he stated, completely missing the actual question. “I just think they got lost somewhere and never managed to find their way back.”

I sent him a look and he sighed.

“Too obvious, huh?” He mumbled.

I nodded. “I’m not going to get offended if you have a proper reason as to why you don’t want to get married, babe. Just…let me know why. I want to be on the same page here.”

He stopped, as if in thought. “It’s…it’s not that I don’t want to get married-“

“You just don’t want to marry me.” I mumbled slowly, a dark feeling filling my body as I began to pull away from him.

“God, Leighton.” He sighed, dropping back down onto the bed. “Of course it’s you I want to marry, when I said you were it for me three years ago, I meant it.” He said firmly, looking up at the ceiling. “I just…I don’t know if it’s what’s best for you- that’s why I said it’s your call.”

“I don’t want it to be my call though,” I frowned, “I want it to be your call.”

“But I don’t know if you marrying me is what’s best for you and Lucas.” He sighed, “Am I making any sense at all?”

I shook my head, sitting up and looking down at Lucas. “No. Not at all. John just say whatever it is you’re trying to say.”

“I’m a fucking mess, Lei.”

My expression softened.

"Even though I've gotten better and I'm on top of almost every aspect in my life, I still have post traumatic stress disorder, and I still have depression. I still snap sometimes and I'm still on medication. I still get frustrated in the studio and I still double-lock doors. I still have bad dreams and I still have side effects some times. I still have an illness." He said firmly. I was beginning to understand his point of view. "I don't want you to have to suffer through that for life. I want to be apart of your family and I want to be with you and Luke forever, but I don't want you to suffer because of my illness. It's not fair on you or our son. So, I'm giving you an out. It's your call." He finished softly. "Know that I love you so damn much and whatever you wanna do, it's okay."

I climbed over Lucas (who was quite a deep sleeper, apparently) and onto John’s hips. I cradled his face between my hands and leant down. “I never want an out with you.” I murmured quietly. God I was the worst person ever- I should be giving him an out with me. “I said I’d never give up on you, remember? Remember that year? That was a big year emotionally and mentally but I’d go through it all again if I had to. That illness isn't just a part of you- it's a part of my life too. It made me stronger babe, you made me stronger.”

“So what does this mean for us?” John asked quietly, eyeing the ring around my neck.

“It’s your call.”

“I want to marry you.”

***

“And m-mama do you know that me and daddy are g-going to play b-ba-ba-b-“

“Bub slow down,” John murmured through his food. He sat beside Lucas at the kitchen bench whilst I stood across from them, eating the sandwich I’d made for lunch. Lucas was too interested in telling me about baseball to even notice his. “Say it slowly.”

“B-b-ase…ball,” he said, quite dramatically. “Mama me and d-daddy are gonna play b-baseball!”

“Oh wow baby, that sounds exciting!” I cooed, pushing his plate forward. “C’mon eat your lunch.”

John looked at me and smiled, shooting me a wink.

I looked away and blushed. I’d been feeling a lot more affectionate towards him as of recently, ever since our talk this morning. We’d decided on ‘soon’. Soon meaning it was definitely in our near future, but we wanted to hold off until after Jac and Eric got married and things died down, including his studio time and my time in my demanding job. “So when are you going to start doing that?” I asked.

“Saturday, me and the little nugget are gonna hit the ball parks.” John nodded.

“Not Saturday,” I shook my head. “Saturday is Shane’s 21st.”

“Well we’ll have to go Sunday Luke, that okay?” John asked. “Or maybe Thursday, so mama can have some alone time.”

“Thursday!” Lucas cheered.

“Some alone time would be nice,” I chuckled. “I need to plan your party and I’ve probably got some maid of honour stuff for Jac to do.”

“You’re her MOH, huh?” John smirked. “I’m the best man. I guess we do get to walk down the aisle.”

“Oh be quiet,” I laughed, shaking my head. “We’ll need to get Lucas a suit too.”

“Then I can be like you daddy!” Lucas clapped excitedly.

John looked up at me with a smile, probably noticing that Lucas hadn’t stuttered through that sentence.

I guess things were looking up.

***

It was a lazy Monday, our only outing consisting of the grocery shopping, which Lucas fell asleep in the cart through. I couldn’t stop swooning over him to the point where John almost forced me to go wait in the car because I was getting on his nerves with the constant photo attempts.

It was now the afternoon and we’d put Lucas down for a nap before retreating to the living room couch to chill out.

“So do you know how Austin is?” I asked, looking up at John.

John sighed. “She kicked him out a few hours ago. Hil got back home from Jac’s and Jac waited with the baby in the car while she went inside to kick Austin out. Apparently she packed his bags for him.” He mused.

“Where’d you hear that?” I asked.

“Jac told Eric, who told Tim, who told me.” John stated. “So Austin’s staying in Tim’s garage. They think it’s really over between them- apparently Austin slept with someone while Hilary was pregnant and she only just found out.”

“You’re kidding,” I sighed, “Alex turns one next month.”

“Exactly,” John nodded. “I can’t believe it all fell to shit so quickly for them.”

I leant on John’s chest, the sadness overtaking me. “It really sucks. Do you remember when they told us they were getting married? John this is so sad.” I mumbled.

“I know darlin’, it’s hard to believe it’s the same couple.” He mused. “I still can’t believe it myself.”

“It’s like only yesterday we were sitting in Hilary’s moms’ backyard watching them say their vows.” I mused. “Do you know why he cheated?”

John shrugged. “I don’t think Hil even knows.”

“Are you still on his side?” I asked, looking up at him.

John sighed. “I don’t want to be on anyone’s side, Lei. He’s still one of my best friends, I’m just pissed at how he treated you and how he spoke to Hilary. The fact that he cheated doesn’t change our friendship- that’s their business.”

I bit my lip and looked away.

“You’re allowed to be on Hilary’s side,” John chuckled, kissing my forehead. “It’s alright darlin’.”

“I just don’t want them to get a divorce, John.” I whimpered, burying my face into his chest.

“Leighton,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around me. “Baby it’s okay.”

“It’s not though,” I whined as the tears filled my eyes. “Johnny she’s my goddaughter and I don’t want her to grow up with divorced parents. I don’t want them to divorce either because I used to idolise their relationship.”

“You did?” John mused, rubbing my shoulder.

“Yeah,” I sniffed, looking at him through my glasses. “They were so cute on their wedding day.”

“Stop being such a girl,” John chuckled, kissing my nose. “Honestly babe, if they get divorced it’ll be because they know it’s the right thing to do. We just have to trust their decisions.” He said maturely.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. “You’re right, I’m being-“

I was cut off by my phone going off, indicating that I had a text message. “Hold on,” I mumbled as I leant forward and grabbed it from the coffee table in front of us, only to frown in confusion at the message.

Tate: nice ass ;)

“What?” I mumbled. “What is she on about?”

John looked over my shoulder and his eyes widened. “Ugh I don’t know, you wanna watch a movie?”

I looked up at him curiously. “Do you know what she’s talking about?”

He avoided my eye contact and shook his head, lifting the remote. “I think Bambi’s still in there-“

“John,” I warned, “I know you’re lying.”

He dropped the remote and groaned, covering his face.

“What is she talking about?!” I exclaimed, shoving him. “Why is she complimenting my ass?!”

“Do you remember a few weeks ago when we were laying in bed with Lucas? And uh…you were wearing those really hot lace panties?” He mumbled, looking at his hands that were playing with mine.

My eyes narrowed. “John…”

“Okay so I may or may not have uploaded a photo I took of you- but it’s not an unflattering photo of you! I just…really like your butt.” He mumbled, biting softly on my shoulder as he leant down.

I pushed him away and started tapping like a maniac on my phone, in search of the picture. I brought up the app and waited for it to load his account. “I swear to god if it’s-“

“Oh my god you have nothing to worry about!” John groaned, dropping his head back onto the back of the couch.

When the picture finally loaded, my eyes widened. It was taken from the back, so you couldn’t tell it was me, but just about everyone would know it was considering there wouldn’t be another blonde that John would be posting photos of- and not this scantily clad.

I smacked him in the chest. “What if my parents saw this? Huh?” I scoffed, typing a rude comment before shutting the device off. “What if Lucas finds that on the internet when he’s older?” I scolded.

“You can’t be posting stuff like a teenager!”

“Well you shouldn’t have an ass that can turn me on like a teenager.” He smirked, falling back on the couch and pulling me on top of him, his hands going straight for what seemed to be his favourite part of my body.

“Get off,” I laughed, pushing his hands away, attempting to sit up.

“I’m sorry babe, I didn’t think you’d mind.” He pouted. “It’s only been up for an hour or so, I can take it down if you want- I just wanted to show off my girls’ gorgeous butt.”

“Well don’t come running to me if I want to show off yours one day,” I teased, climbing off of the couch when I heard Lucas calling for me, indicating he’d woken up from his afternoon nap.

“Hey Leighton?” John murmured, grabbing my hand before I headed down the hall.

“Hmm?” I hummed, turning back to him.

“Don’t worry about Hilary and Austin. It’ll turn out okay.” He assured softly.

I leant down and kissed him quickly. “I know.” I murmured, before continuing to get my whining boy.
I also knew it’d take a hell of a lot before it got to ‘okay’.

***

It was around seven thirty when there was a knock at the door. I was busy cooking dinner with Lucas so John opted to answer it.

“Look who rocked up,” He called as he walked through the main living area, Jac and Eric following in his footsteps.

“It’s a good thing I decided to cook for five.” I joked, greeting them both.

“Well lucky I brought wine,” Jac retorted, shooting me a wink. “I brought the boy so they could play.” She mused, taking a seat at the kitchen bench.

“You two are just gonna gossip about Austin and Hil.” Eric stated as he leant against the kitchen bench.

“Well yes, but we’re not on your boys’ side.” Jac pointed out. “Conflict of interest, my darling.”

“Well I think we’re all adults here, aren’t we? My darling..” Eric threw back.

Out of habit, we all looked at Lucas, who was too busy playing with John’s phone to notice.

“So how did last night go?” I asked curiously, diving straight into the questions. I moved away from the oven to grab a few wine glasses. We’d made homemade pizzas for dinner, which would actually go incredibly well with the wine Jac had brought over. “Babe there’s another glass in the sink- can you clean that out?” I asked John as Jac opened the bottle.

“No I’m good, I’ll stick to soda.” He murmured, before turning back to Jac.

I was surprised with his answer but impressed, nonetheless.

“She was a mess,” Jac sighed, pouring the three glasses of wine. “Wouldn’t stop crying when we got home- and neither would Alex.”

“My god dude, I nearly came round here.” Eric scoffed, nudging John.

“You’re so weak,” I scoffed at him. “She had a right to be upset.”

“You’re right,” Eric nodded, “and I’m not saying she didn’t, it just sucked to see her like that. I don’t know how he could be so shitty to her.”

“He was absolutely wasted,” John stated, walking around the bench to sit beside Lucas, pulling him into his lap so Eric could sit in his place. “I think if he was sober, it would have gone differently.”

“There was no chance- he was drinking when he got out of the car.” I recalled, taking a sip of my wine.
“You saw him.”

“Yeah Hilary said he’d been drinking a lot,” Jac nodded, “this morning she was saying how often he went out and came home drunk. They haven’t slept in the same bed for months.”

“God I can’t imagine going through that,” Eric mumbled.

“The no sex part?” John smirked, looking over at his best friend.

“Hell yeah dude.” Eric laughed, high-fiving him.

I sent Jac a look and she rolled her eyes, grabbing Eric’s ear and twisting it so he yelped in pain.

“Anyway,” she muttered, leaning forward. “Hil kicked him out when I dropped her off today. We went back and I waited in the car with Alex while she got him to leave. He was so pissed when he saw me in the car with her.”

“He didn’t do anything, did he?” John frowned seriously.

“No, no.” Jac insisted, shaking her head. “When he saw Alex he didn’t look angry, he just looked really sad. He really loves her and to be honest I think he’s most upset about not being able to see his daughter over his wife.”

“Do you think she really meant what she said about making sure he doesn’t see Alex anymore?” I asked, jumping a little as the timer went off, indicating that the pizzas’ were ready.

“I hope not, I think she was just caught up in the moment.” Jac sighed, lifting her glass to her lips.

“P-pizza mama!” Lucas cheered as I moved to take them out of the oven. “Aunt Jacky I helped make them!”

“Did you really?” Jac gasped. “They look fantastic, Lukey.”

He blushed a little and turned back to John’s phone. I knew he had a soft spot for Jac and it was adorable.

“So what’s going to happen now?” John asked, no sympathy in his voice. I assumed that was for Austin, and not Hilary.

“She wants to separate, do counselling, all of that, but he’s not open to anything that entails him not being around for Alex or telling a stranger about their problems.” Jac explained. “She thinks he’s got a lot of personal stuff he’s not talking about with her.”

John looked over at Eric who sent him a look. Did they know something? They were sharing that look that led me to believe otherwise.

“What do you two know?” I questioned, grabbing four china plates and one plastic one.

“The other night, when he was over,” John began, rubbing the back of his neck. “He uh…said he was going through some family stuff- stuff with his dad, y’know? Among…other stuff.”

“Which we now realise would be him cheating on her.” Eric finished with a nod.

“I can’t believe how messy this has gotten,” I mused, filling Lucas’ plate and passing it to John before doing my own. “I didn’t expect to ever see them fight in public.”

“I wish I could have seen it,” Eric groaned, filling both his and Jac’s plates, “no one pulled me in.”

Jac rolled her eyes as she took a bite from her pizza. “You’re literally fifteen years old, you get that, right?”

“Well you agreed to marry a fifteen year old.” Eric smirked back.

“Please, a change of topic is needed,” I nodded quickly, “let’s talk about the wedding.”

The mood changed into something somewhat lighter and more enjoyable. It felt good to talk about something we could actually look forward to. I worried about Austin and Hilary and it was tiring, worrying about other people’s problems. I just wanted to live my life for a little while without worrying so much. I know that was basically impossible, but I wanted to try at least. It wasn’t like I didn’t care, I just wanted to let them sort it out themselves.

Jac and Eric let us in on all the arrangements they’d made so far, including bridesmaids and groomsmen. Both John and myself were first choice, then Eric had Jared, Tim and Max. Jac then had Parker, Ashley and Hilary. We had dress fittings in a few weeks as the boys had fittings for their tuxes. It only made it more real and I was beginning to get extremely excited for my best friend.

A little jealous too.