The Babysitter

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Billie woke up, late one night, instinctively reaching for Ava. He had a moment of absolute panic when he encountered empty blankets but calmed when eh saw her cell phone on the bed table. He threw the blankets off, padding to the closed door. He smiled when he got to the hall; Ava had a nasty habit of turning on every damn light in the house. She denied it like hell, but secretly he thought she was at least a little afraid of the dark.

He followed the trail of light switches to the music room. Ava was sitting at the piano, her back to him. Her hands were on the keys, caressing them, but otherwise not making a sound. “Ava?”

Her shoulders tensed but she didn’t move. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment as he padded the rest of the way in the room. “Baby?” He sat down next to her on the bench and she looked at him sidelong.

“I just finished the song,” she murmured quietly. He raised his eyebrows at that. She’d been working on a song off and on since New York. Last time he’d checked she’d said fuck it.

“Does it suck?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s not what I usually play.”

“No?”

“No,” she smiled nervously. Every now and again she’d do something, a gesture or whatever to remind him of her age. It made him want to go all protective. “Would you be honest?”

His lips brushed her shoulder and she smiled, lifting it and wiping her cheek over it. “Play me the song, Ava.”

She blushed, her hands on the keys. Glancing at him sidelong, maybe to be sure he wasn’t bullshitting her, she looked back into the open baby grand. He was suddenly struck with the idea that he’d never heard her sing before. At least something that wasn’t to the radio and slightly off key.

The opening notes were soft, slow, then she got more confidant, the chords more powerful, and then she opened her mouth.

“…There you go again when ya /rub up my skin /I have to catch my breathe /I began to sweat /oh../Lips /tracing down my neck /and its scaring me to death /I just learned to draw me to the clear /just to push me off /just to push me off the edge /Damn I hate the way you know me /and Damn /you kill when you hold me /Like I'm your world /like this wont hurt /like a favorite cursing every nerve /damn /I'm fightin and I'm losin it /damn you /your pullin and a pushin /I'm wrestlin with /I toss and twist /til finally I give in /damn... /I hate being addicted /only /you would have predicted /that I'd be told /I'd want, so then /you can see right through /you can see right through my soul/ Damn I hate the way you know me /and Damn /you kill when you hold me /Like I'm your world /like this wont hurt /like a favorite cursing every nerve /damn /I'm fightin and I'm losin it /damn you /your pullin and a pushin /I'm wrestlin with /I toss and twist /til finally I give in / I get wreckless, scared, confused /I feel desperate /soul for you /and you know it /you know it /you know what I should do /Damn I hate the way you know me /and Damn /you kill when you hold me/ Like I'm your world / like this wont hurt /like a favorite cursing every nerve /damn/ I'm fightin and I'm losin it/ damn you/ your pullin and a pushin/ I'm wrestlin with/ I toss and twist/ baby I give in /damn...”

She had an incredibly powerful voice. When the last ‘damn’ faded he relaxed. When the last chord was struck she dropped her hands, but her foot was on the pedal and the sound rand through the room. It gave him the shivers. When the music faded out she waited. He dind’t say anything for so long Ava was afraid he totally hated it.

“Billie?”

He jumped, then caught himself and raised an ironic eyebrow. “Damn.”

“Really?” She bit her lip, suddenly unsure. Conservatory applications and acceptance letters were one thing, but her actual musician boyfriend was something totally different.

Billie swallowed, “Yeah, you’re really talented.”

Ava arched an eyebrow and picked at the wife beater she wore, “You sound surprised,” she accused finally.

“No, it’s just… okay, yeah a little.” He had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I mean, the way your dad was telling it you’re like Joplin’s second coming so I figured you’d be set if you could play chopsticks.”

“That’s real nice, Billie,” but she was surprised Tom bragged about her like that. He thought she was at the fictitious Rachel’s house again. “I’ll have you know Juliard’s practically beatin’ down my door.”

He didn’t stop the surprise from registering from his face and he rose. “Juliard, huh?”

“Yeah, I just got the call yesterday afternoon.”

No wonder she’d been so happy last night. “East Coast, huh?”

“Yeah, I haven’t said yes yet, though,” He was distant all of a sudden and it sorta pissed her off. She decided not to mention that she’d also been accepted to Berkeley just to spite him.

“Oh. Well, hey, congratulations,” he felt like a total prick. He heard her turning on the bench and didn’t turn around, staring at a Fender on the wall he’d had since forever. He hadn’t even finished high school. He was silent.

Ava shifted on the bench, “Are you mad?”

He spun, “What? Fr-no! What makes you think that?”

She shrugged, “You were just so quiet, I thought maybe-“

“Ava,” he knelt in front of her, looking up into those liquid eyes. Her hair was platinum blonde with maroon highlights. “Baby you’re so- people would kill for this shot you’re getting.” He laughed, “I’m just a thirty-something punk kid who got lucky, but you-“

“You really think I’m that talented?” She sounded like she didn’t believe it. But there was a note of wonder in her voice that hadn’t been there before. He reached up, touching the curve of her chin.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Ava opened her mouth, paled, then promptly shut her mouth again, getting up from the bench and stepping around him to go stand in front of one of the guitars. She reached up, splaying her hand across the strings and closed her eyes. She heard him come up behind her and didn’t move when he touched her shoulder.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

She didn’t answer.

“Ava?”

“See… there’s this thing and I’m afraid to say anything because I don’t want to scare you or whatever,” she gnawed the skin around her thumb.

He felt his stomach drop and thought for a split second she was pregnant. When she didn’t answer he knew she was pregnant and started trying to figure out what the fuck he was going to do. “Don’t ever be afraid to tell me somethin’, Ava,” when she still didn’t answer he turned her around, forced himself to bite her nose playfully, “You’re scarin’ me, baby. It can’t be as bad as all that.” Dear, sweet, God don’t let it be what he was thinking!

Ava cursed at the look on his face. She knew exactly what he must be thinking. “See, thing is, I’ve never felt like this before. Ever,” she grinned to lighten the mood, “Except for Roger Daltrey and when I met him I offered to have his babies.” Billie rolled his eyes and Ava sighed, remembering, “I was five at the time. But anyway, thing is, I think I’m in love with you, Billie.” He jerked his head like he’d been slapped and she rushed on, “And I mean, it’s okay if you don’t say it back or anything, but there are times when I just want to tell you and I can’t cause- fuck I don’t know, but- well, I just had to say it. Is all,” she finished lamely, waiting for him to tell her she was just a kid and didn’t know shit about what she was talking about.

He didn’t say anything for a second and she pulled away from him.

“Forget it, just let’s go to bed.” She was halfway back upstairs before he caught up to her.

“Ava, stop. Ava- would you wait a second!” He grabbed her around the waist and hauled her to him. “I’m not gonna tell you how you’re just a kid and you’re to young to understand what you just said, okay? Just listen, Ava listen to me.”

She let him hold her, but he could tell she was plotting mutiny any second. She’d pretty much decided he was going to dump her so he decided he’d better talk fast.

“Baby, I just got out of a fucking long relationship. Now- Ava listen, you need to hear this too.” He waited until she’d stopped struggling to continue. “I haven’t had time to dig deep into you yet and I’ve got all this baggage, but I’m hear to tell ya-“

“Billie, just-“

“Would you shut up so I can tell you I fucking love you, already?”

She froze, turning in the near football tackle hold he had her in. “Don’t fucking say it if you don’t mean it.”

He framed her face with one hand, “Do you really think I’d do that to you?” His lips were warm against hers. “Darlin’ when you’re comin’ at this from my end, you gotta know exactly how you feel so yeah. I love you.”

“How long have you known?” She asked finally, tentatively, looking for any clue that he was full of shit so she could punch him.

Billie smiled a smile that made her heart dance. “Since about thirty minutes ago when I damn near had a panic attack cause I thought you’d left without waking me.”

“Oh,” she touched his chest, “Can we, maybe go back to bed and cuddle?”

He laughed out loud, scooping her into his arms and hauling her down the hall. Leaving every God-damn light in the house on.