I'm Just a Teenage Dirtbag, Baby

After our argument a few days ago, Adam keeps his distance from me when he comes to get Aaron for the day. He’ll barely mumble a hi to me- he won’t even acknowledge Will or Jeff anymore- and then he’ll grab Aaron from the nursery and be right out the door within ten minutes.

This exchange of custody for a few hours goes on for about two weeks. At one point, Adam gets so good at silently getting Aaron out of the apartment, that I don’t even realize he’s gone until I go to do something in his room and the crib is empty.

“Adam,” I say, not looking back at him from the couch while he tries to leave the apartment. I hear him sigh and close the door, wheeling Aaron’s stroller into the living room, sitting down on the chair next to where I’m sitting on the couch.

"Yeah?" he asks, picking at his chewed down fingernails.

"Listen, I've been thinking about what you said the other day, about moving out to Sudbury." He looks up, confused and I continue, "I realized it wasn't fair for you to miss out on so much of your son's life just because I don't want to move. But you didn't even think to run it by me before this? Or maybe think about what I would have to say?"

He grins, dropping his head, "I guess I'm just a teenage dirtbag, babe."

That grin gets me. I fight a smile back, turning to Aaron, taking him out of his stroller and putting him on my lap. He giggles at me and pulls at my necklace to get it into his mouth. Adam gave me that necklace when we were 16 and Aaron seems as attached to it as I am. I shake the thought and pull it out of his grasp, going into the kitchen to get his teething ring out of the freezer with him on my hip.

When I come back into the living room, Adam's looking between me and Aaron in my arms, his former grin becoming an almost fond smile on his face. "We'll go to Sudbury when the season starts. So you can see your son."

But instead of agreeing, he shakes his head, "I don't expect you to do that. You were right in what you said. What if you just visited? Like once a month or something? We have a homestand thats at least a week long pretty much once a month. What if you visited then?" I look at Aaron, chewing on his teething ring and staring at his dad from my lap, then back up at Adam. "I can manage to get home for his birthday and the holidays."

I think it over for less than a minute before I nod. Adam smiles, and Aaron giggles, dropping his teething ring and reaching for Adam who takes him off my lap, lifting him up above him and talking baby to him. I pick up the teething ring from the floor and go into the kitchen to rinse it off and put it back in the freezer. When I come back, Adam's talking to Aaron seriously, though I can't hear him, I recognize his expression.

I see the resemblence between the two has become more prominent, Aaron's smile mirroring his father's, his hair dark and curly, probably able to get as long as Adam's frizzy mop of hair when he gets older.

After a few more minutes, Adam sits Aaron down on his lap and looks at me like he used to before any of this happened. It scares me how much everything has changed in less than a year. I'm not sure I would take any of it back, though; though my relationship with Adam was strained and tested, I think we're finally getting back to where we were last summer.