For Us

Safe & Sound
Norman headed home rather early. Not long after we finished our late lunch, he called it a day and said he had some much needed sleep he needed to catch up on. So we all said our goodbyes after making plans to take a boat ride around New York tomorrow, and he left.

Then there was Stella, who had to go to work by five. That kinda left me stuck with Sean, and I wasn’t sure what to do.

I had to talk to him, but every time I tried, I just shot blanks. Couldn’t remember my name for a few seconds. I couldn’t think straight, and he didn’t help when he would look over at me and do that weird eyebrow thing only Sean did.

He was so fucking adorable, and the fucker didn’t even realize it.

We were at Sean’s house because, well, that’s where we were closest to. Stella conveniently had a work uniform over here, so she didn’t even have to run home. She just changed her and left straight for work.

Sean and I were weird. Something was off. I wanted to tell him but kept chickening out.

So we were watching movies. Stupid movies, mostly. Like, we were watching Kung Pow. Okay, seriously? That movie is one of the dumbest movies I had ever seen, but it made me laugh so hard.

Sean laughed, too, and we just enjoyed some time together.

It ended, though, and our popcorn ran out. It wasn’t okay to be awkwardly quiet anymore because there wasn’t a movie on. There weren’t the long ass credits that no one ever actually paid attention to anyways.

There was a main menu, Sean, and me.

I decided not to think. Just start saying whatever came to my mind. “What did I do last night?”

Sean’s eyes didn’t meet mine, but his eyebrows pulled together. “What do you mean?”

“Why are you so . . . edgy all the sudden?” I asked. “I mean, this morning . . . you told me to go away.”

He looked at me now, those blue eyes fighting to hold back the emotions. He wanted to hide them, so badly, but it wasn’t working because they were so intense. “I . . . I was cooking.”

“Don’t, Sean,” I whispered. “Just don’t. What did I do?”

“Nothing that you haven’t done before,” he insisted. “Well, you tried to get me naked, but other than that—”

I groaned and cut him off. “Fucking wonderful.”

He ran his fingers through his spiky brown hair and shrugged. “No big deal, Sparks. Like I said, besides that, you did nothing you haven’t done before. Except . . . nah.”

“Except what, Sean?” I asked.

Once again, he tried to look anywhere except at me, but this time, I wasn’t accepting that. I crawled over and straddled him, holding his face between my hands so he fucking had to look at me.

Sean’s eyes widened to an entirely new level. “E-E-Elli, what are you doing?”

“Look at me, Sean,” I demanded. “Look at me and repeat to me what I fucking told you. Tell me I’m not just fucking crazy!”

He stopped scrambling under me and just stared, eyes locked in their wide position as his mouth fell open, too. “W . . . .”

“I fucking hate you, you know that?” I groaned, and before he knew it, I shoved myself off him and started pacing in front of the couch. “And that’s why I hate you! Because I could never fucking hate you. Even if I wanted to. It drives me fucking crazy! You do! And then today. What the fuck? I poured my fucking heart out to you last night, and you just kinda brushed me off. Like, oh, fuck you, that was weird. Well thanks a lot, Sean! Really!”

“You . . . remember that part?”

“I remember saying what I tried to tell you for years,” I breathed. “I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I remember that I said it. I remember that my drunk, retarded self did something my sober self has tried to do since I first realized you weren’t just my friend.”

“Don’t say that,” he groaned. “Don’t fucking say that! You know how long I’ve waited to hear that from you? I’m the fucking guy. We can’t talk about this shit. I’ve felt fucking crazy! You make me crazy! I almost didn’t leave college because. Of. You! The idea of leaving you behind killed me, Elli. Fucking killed me. And I lost contact. Tried to fucking move on with my life. And, oh! Here you are again, back in my life. Just when I thought we would never see each other again!”

“You act like it’s such a bad thing!” I yelled, not really sure why I was yelling. “Fuck, Sean!”

“It is a bad thing!” he exclaimed. “It’s the worst fucking thing! Because I can’t have you! The one thing in the world I want that I can’t have . . . .”

My heart was pounding and racing all at once, a combination that did fucked up things with my lungs. I felt like I was choking, but I wasn’t. I was breathing just fine.

I could feel my body tremble with the rush of desire, of raw emotions that had fueled the most intense needs for Sean. The most intense fantasies.

It had to be Sean. Fuck, it had to. Since I met that man, he was the only one I imagined. The only one I ever felt the urge to actually be with in the most intimate of ways.

And those desires came up strong, screaming and kicking their way out. I trembled, but I didn’t let fear hold me back.

For once in my life, I didn’t let my fear control me.

I stepped closer to Sean, who looked like he might fucking cry. He was panting, but he didn’t move from the couch. Didn’t take his eyes off me as he waited on my response.

“The one thing in the world you can always have.”

Sean shook his head, eyes widening again. “Don’t . . . don’t fucking tell me that.”

“What the fuck?” I breathed, and I felt shame hitting me in the fucking gut. Shame and hardcore embarrassment. Here I was, practically telling him he could whatever the fuck he wanted with me—throwing myself at him, almost—and he was telling me to stop talking. Stop telling him the things I needed to say all those years ago . . . .

This was humiliating. He didn’t even want me like that.

He stood from the couch with something that burned so brightly in his eyes that all my shame and humiliation just disappeared.

Sean wanted me in all of those ways, too.

My heart felt like it might kill me right about then. It was on the verge of exploding, but before it did, it was beating fast and strong. So painfully wonderful.

He didn’t say anything at first, just took my face in one hand and looked at me. Let the desire swimming in his eyes be noticed, let me understand this wasn’t just a one-sided yearning.
“You are so fucking beautiful it hurts.”

I felt my heart skip a couple beats as I sucked in a fresh breath, closing my eyes to shut out the zoo in my stomach. Or at least try to pretend it wasn’t there. “Sean, please . . . please just—”

I didn’t have to say anything, though. Sean didn’t give me a chance to finish my question because he already did it for me.

His lips on mine . . . for fuck’s sake, it was addictive. I could see myself needing that feeling more than Mountain Dew.

I felt Sean’s hands snake around my waist, pulling my body roughly against his own. Strong arms held me in place, but it wasn’t actually necessary. Fuck, I wasn’t going anywhere.

The way he was clinging to me was incredible—magical. It was like no other kiss I had ever experienced. Sean . . . he was like nothing I had ever experienced.

Before I knew it, I was thrown into the wall nearest me. I hadn’t realized we were stumbling around his living room, not until this.

His hands pressed against the wall, holding me in place, and his lips were fierce against mine. This was absolutely unreal, so I just went with it.

My fingers knotted in his hair, pulling a soft moan out of him. Fuck, was that a turn on. I grabbed his hair tighter, held onto it—and him—like I was out of options.

There were never any other options once he came along.

In this moment, my entire world exploded into a raging inferno, and if it burnt the house down, I wouldn’t have noticed. This one thing that started as a spark had ignited every passion inside of me, and I felt my knees growing very weak. Every part of my body was tingling and burning with the most forceful electric current yet, and parts of my body I didn’t even know existed were brought to my attention.

This was somehow the most powerful thing in all of the universe. A single kiss could change someone’s life, forever. They say kissing is like drinking salt water when you’re thirsty. Each time you do it, you just want more. I actually understood and believed that now.

He picked me up suddenly, though, and I had no idea what was going on. His lips were still on mine, so I just wrapped my legs around his waist to make this easier for both of us. It seemed to spark something new, though, and suddenly, I felt his tongue rub across my bottom lip.

“Show me how bad you want me,” I breathed in-between kisses.

No one had ever done that, not in the way I was asking. They begged and even tried to demand that I sleep with them, but they never really showed me they wanted me as much as they wanted sex in general.

Then Sean came along, and I decided, fuck all those other guys. I want him to want me. So that was the end of my love life.

Well, the end of the beginning, it seemed.

Sean deepened the kiss, only for a brief moment, before pulling away. When he did, his deep blue eyes peered into the depths of my own. “Fuck, Elli. I want you more than I could even begin trying to explain to you. You, Elli—no one but you.”

He wasn’t finished, though. I could see it in his eyes as he began slowly pulling my t-shirt over my head.

I had never been this exposed around anyone—aside from Stella and Norman, but those bitches were my siblings. They didn’t count, and Norman was a total accident.

But this . . . all my feelings were out on the table. I was giving Sean complete control over me right now. He could have me in any way he wanted . . . .

He threw my shirt to the side, but his gaze didn’t move away from my face, not yet. His fingers began slowly running down my slender stomach, tracing circles around my belly button tenderly. His eyes weren’t set in mine anymore, but I didn’t really mind. When he placed his hands flat against my stomach, he leaned over and began kissing my neck. Kissing, biting . . . whatever he felt like doing.

Sean only smiled against the skin of my neck as the tiniest whimper escaped from in-between my lips. He didn’t say anything, but his hands slid around to my back, where his fingers began playing with the edges of my pants. They slid around to play with the front, and I began squirming. The skin there was tender, right around the button of my pants and the edge of my panties . . . it felt so good.

It was easy getting Sean out of his shirt, easier than it was getting me out of mine, and that was enticing in its own right. Sean, shirtless, kissing me . . . .

If this is a fucking dream, I might cry for ten hours straight.

Something buzzed. An annoying buzzing that I wished would just go away.

Sean actually groaned out-loud, but he didn’t stop kissing me. Not just yet. He kissed me, stopped, kissed me again, and then actually took a couple steps back.

“Don’t fucking move,” he begged, and the raw lust burning in his eyes locked me right where I was.

Then there was my own desire holding me still . . . but, ya know, Sean was fucking horny for me.

He stepped by the door and pushed a little button next to a speaker. “Yeah?”

“Mr. Flanery, your girlfriend’s here.”