Apartment 4C

“I need to go,” Alfie muttered.

“Please don’t,” Jake blurted.

Alfie gritted his teeth.

“I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret. So yeah, I’m going. I’ll call you when I want to talk,” Alfie said firmly.

*

Jake waited. Jake waited as patiently as he could without falling to pieces. Jake waited for Alfie to call him but that call didn’t come. Not that day, not the day after and sure as hell not the day after that. He was barely sleeping, barely eating, and he knew Elliot and Gabe were worried about him. But what could he do apart from give Alfie his space? He knew he’d fucked up by just letting that creep Simon into his office again and he deserved Alfie’s anger.

Maybe not his silence, but definitely his anger.

By the time Friday rolled around though, Jake couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t bear the thought of spending the weekend drowning in his thoughts without his work to distract him. So when Jake finished work early for the afternoon, he headed straight back home…but went up to Alfie’s apartment instead.

He couldn’t remember if Alfie was working today or not. He couldn’t remember the previously memorised work schedule simply because he had too many other thoughts on his mind. So he just had to take a chance. He given Alfie enough time, right?

Taking a deep breath, Jake knocked on Alfie’s door, chewing his bottom lip as he waited. Luck seemed to finally be on his side, because Alfie opened the door. Jake really fought not to gasp at how awful Alfie looked, how wrung-out and exhausted, and he wished he’d come up sooner.

But as he stepped forward to comfort Alfie, his boyfriend (he could still call him that, right?) side-stepped. Jake couldn’t conceal the hurt on his face which made Alfie wince. Good. That was an asshole move.

“I, um...you didn’t call,”

“I said I would when I was ready,” Alfie replied stiffly.

“But it’s been three days! And you know I didn’t do anything!” Jake protested.

This wasn’t fair!

Alfie gritted his teeth slightly, before ushering Jake into his apartment. Jake was immediately overwhelmed with the feeling that this wasn’t going to end in his favour, which only made him panic.

“You know I didn’t want anything to do with that guy. You know that,”

“Yeah, I do,” Alfie said, laughing humourlessly, “but that doesn’t change the fact that you told me you could handle him, and you didn’t,”

Jake swallowed the lump rising in his throat, refusing to break down just yet.

“I wasn’t welcoming him advances, Alfie. I tried to get him to leave. That isn’t fair,” Jake choked.

“What isn’t fair is that I had to see another man trying to seduce my boyfriend!” Alfie shot back.

Jake whimpered, but Alfie only shook his head.

“I know you didn’t want him. I know you wouldn’t do that to me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stop the fact that guys like him are going to be all over you all the time. And I can’t change the fact that you won’t do a damn thing about it,”

W-What?

“I kicked him out of my office the first time! And I reported him to my boss!” Jake defended.

“Yeah, and look how well that worked out! I trusted you, Jake, and you didn’t do enough to deter him! How am I supposed to trust that the next hot academic who sniffs around you won’t end up in your pants, huh?”

Jake couldn’t stop the tears building up in his eyes, nor could he stop the whimper that tore out of his mouth.

“I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t,”

“Wouldn’t you? How am I supposed to know that you won’t be won over by some smart guy who’ll charm you away from me if you can’t even deter the one you don’t want?” Alfie said angrily.

This…This was what it was all about? This is what Alfie had been plaguing himself with?

“I don’t care how smart people are! I don’t care that you don’t count yourself as academic! I only care about you!” Jake insisted.

“And how long will that last? How long will it be until the next guy comes along and proves to you that I’m not good enough?” Alfie retorted.

“I only want you. I only want to be with you,” Jake repeated.

What more was he meant to say? What more could he say? This was clearly what Alfie had been stewing in over the past few days. How could he break him out of that?

“And what if I can’t do this to myself anymore, huh? What if I can’t deal with being too stupid for you?” Alfie growled.

No. No Alfie couldn’t do this!

“You don’t mean that,” Jake choked.

“Yeah, I do. I can’t stand being the dumb boyfriend, Jake. I can’t do it anymore,” Alfie said firmly.

No! He couldn’t…he couldn’t do this…how could he do this?

“But I need you,” Jake whispered, tears finally rolling down his cheeks.

His tears seemed to break Alfie’s anger, but only into a sad resolution.

“I think you should leave,” Alfie said.

“But…”

Alfie walked past him and opened the front door. “You need to leave,”

This…This was it. He’d lost the one person he truly cared about, in the space of 10 minutes.

Alfie wouldn’t look at Jake as he walked towards him, staring down at his shoes. But Jake noticed how his hands were shaking, how his teeth were sunk deep into his bottom lip. Alfie had convinced himself he needed to do this. That was all there was to it.

“You’re making a mistake,” Jake said, sniffing as he tried to dry his cheeks.

He watched Alfie swallow heavily, his heart breaking as Alfie shook his head.

That was it. There wasn’t anything else he could do.

“I’m sorry,” was all Jake could say.

Alfie’s brow furrowed, a frown spreading across his lips, but Jake left before he could say anything. He couldn’t take any more hurt, not Alfie’s and not his own. He just couldn’t. Jake barely made it to his own apartment before he sank to the floor, tears flowing freely, sobs only just muffled by his hand. How had this happened? What had he done to deserve this?