This Is a Wasteland

“So you guys have got sleeping arrangements under control?” my mom wanted to know as she handed me an armful of blankets and a pillow from the hall closet.

“Yeah, I already told you. I’m fine with sharing a room with him,” I shrugged.

“And he’s using all of this to sleep on the floor?” she wanted to know. I nodded even though the look she gave me told me that she didn’t believe me one bit. I knew I should have just told her, but I knew how she’d react. She’d tell me that I was getting into things too quickly. That, and she’d most definitely make one of us sleep on the couch in the den.

“Yes, it’ll be fine,” I explained. “Maybe we can swap or something every now and then. I don’t know. He needs a little more time to find an apartment.”

“Oh, I’m well aware of that, I just don’t want you rushing into things,” she said, lowering her voice. See?

“Mom, don’t worry,” I assured her. I was convinced there was nothing to worry about. Kellin and I were at least friends again, so what was the harm in sharing a room? She didn’t know that we were planning to just share the bed, but I didn’t see any harm in that either.

After she was finishing with her attempt to lecture me, she let me go upstairs. I entered my room and shut the door behind me with my hip before releasing all of the bed stuff onto the floor.

“What’s that for?” Kellin asked. He was already in his pajamas and sitting on my bed, just waiting for me.

“Mom gave it to me so you would have something to sleep on,” I explained. I noticed his whole body sort of just deflate at the mention of him sleeping on the floor. I chuckled. “But that’s only because I didn’t tell her we’re sharing the bed.”

“So we’re going back to being sneaky?” he asked. I shrugged.

“Just for now,” I said, going over to my dresser and pulling my shirt over my head so I could change into my pajamas. That was okay, right? I mean, he’d seen me naked before anyway. “How would I explain that to her when I don’t even know what we are right now?”

“What do you want us to be?” he asked, catching me off guard. I knew we were going to have to have this conversation eventually but I wasn’t expecting it to come so soon. I sighed and finished changing before answering him.

“I don’t know, I guess I want to start something again, but I don’t want to rush it, you know?” I explained, crawling onto my bed. We sat across from each other, cross-legged. “I mean, I just got out of a relationship.”

“You said you didn’t even want him, though,” he pointed out, frowning. I let out another big sigh and stared down at my lap. I guess I had told him that. As much as I hated to admit it, there were several times while I was with Jaime that I thought of Kellin in ways that I shouldn’t have been. I was busy thinking of how to respond when he reached over and grabbed both of my hands, squeezing them affectionately. I looked up so that our eyes met and offered a weak smile.

“I say we just try with a clean slate, alright? Things happened, and we can’t do anything about that now, right? There’s no denying that we still have something, so why not just let it happen?” he went on to explain. I just sort of stared at him as he spoke. “What?”

“Nothing . . . you’ve just gotten a lot more confident,” I pointed out. As cute as he was when he was shy and awkward, there was still something incredibly attractive about this assertive, outgoing Kellin as well. “Don’t worry, I like it.”

“See? Even more of a reason to date me,” he laughed. I laughed along with him.

“So you really want to do this again?” I asked, just to be sure. I was really nervous to get into anything too serious again, but nothing could ever work out if I didn’t at least try, right?

“I’m positive,” he assured me, giving my hands another squeeze.

“Then . . .okay, sure,” I finally said as a huge smile spread across his face. I was about to lean in and kiss him or something, but by the time I decided to he was already launching himself at me. It was just a hug, but he threw his arms around my neck, practically tackling me back against the pillows. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his small waist to hold him against me.

“This makes me so happy, you have no idea,” he said against my neck. “I’ve been missing you so bad, I just- gosh, Vic.”

“I know,” I said, then bitterly remembered something. “Oh, and by the way if we’re going to be in a relationship, I’m required to inform you that I’m a registered sex offender.”

“Oh, shut up,” he said, pulling back. “I’m well aware- I mean, I’m the one you committed the offense against.”

“Oh, please, don’t play victim. You were so willing,” I said back. He smiled and kissed my nose.

“I know,” he laughed, then trailed off. “Wow, we really shouldn’t be joking about this.”

“I know that- because in all seriousness, I do have to do that. I had to let the people in charge of my dorm building know so they could notify the other residents. If I ever move anywhere else, I have to make it aware or whatever. I don’t know how that works yet- but I’m also on that registry thing, so everyone knows anyway. It fucking sucks,” I explained, unintentionally going off on a ranting tangent. Kellin looked back at me with sad eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. “I swear if I could go back and not say what I said I would do it in a heartbeat. I know it was my fault.”

“You were mad, it’s not like you did it on purpose.”

“Yeah, I know but-“

“Hey, we just got back together, I don’t want to be arguing already,” I said brushing it off with a chuckle. Before he could try to say anything else on the subject I closed the small space between us and pressed my lips against his. My chest swelled with excitement as I kissed him, just like it always did. He pressed himself against me again, moving his soft lips against mine as wrapped my arms tighter around him.

I parted my lips ever so slightly and his tongue was already pushing its way inside, brushing against my own eagerly. What was originally a sweet, innocent kiss was suddenly a heated, open-mouthed make out session as I rolled on top of him, pinning him to the bed. My heart was racing and my mind was getting more and more clouded with lust, which was probably why I made the mistake of grinding my lower half against his.

Maybe it wasn’t a mistake necessarily, but I didn’t want things to be sexual quite yet. I immediately stopped and rolled onto my back.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked, quickly sitting up.

“No? God, no, I just need to cool down,” I said, glancing down at the now obvious tent in my pajama pants. He followed my gaze and sighed.

“You don’t want me to . . . “ he said, his voice trailing off as his face turned several shades of pink. I smiled and rolled back onto my side to face him as he laid back down.

“Don’t worry about it tonight,” I told him. “We’ll get there soon enough.”

“Are you sure?” he said, glancing down at the front of my pants again and blushing all over again. God, he was so fucking cute.

“Yes,” I said, despite the fact that I really wanted him to at least touch me or something. These things could wait though. I wasn’t going to rush this. I was just going to take it nice and slow and everything was going to work out. Things had to work out this time.

“Okay,” he sighed.

I sat up and pushed the covers back so that we both could get under them. I held my arms out to Kellin and he scooted closer to me so that I could hold him as we fell asleep.