New Years Resolution

January

When Jack walked into school on the seventh of January the only thing on his mind was how little he actually wanted to be there, he wasn’t even thinking about New Year’s Eve, nope, not at all, why would he be? It was an unimportant and probably pretty shit hook up considering how drunk they were (except it wasn’t). He had of course thought about it in the days that had followed it directly, he had considered the fact that they had actually gone to sleep cuddling, this was a new concept to Jack, he had never been in a relationship so any time he had slept with someone it had been purely for the reason of getting off. The affection suggested through cuddling had messed with Jack’s head. So no, he totally wasn’t thinking about Alex. Not at all.

He was not thinking about his perfect body, the way their bodied had felt like they were made to fit together, the way Alex’s hands had felt on his body, the way they had been so comfortable with each other. He wasn’t thinking about Alex’s good taste in music, he wasn’t thinking about his beautiful brown eyes and he totally wasn’t considering asking Oli to get him Alex’s number. Never. Nope, totally not.

Of course, all his friend were though, it was the talking point of their group, Jack, shy, adorable little Jack had fucked someone he had only known for the night. This was big news, this was very important new so of course they had made it their mission to find out absolutely everything they could about the awkward boy’s not-so-awkward New Year’s Eve.

Vinny was first, of course he was, the rest had been relatively reserved about their burning curiosity, Vinny didn’t give a single shit however and this fact was proven as the second Jack sat down at the table for his lunch his nonchalant friend had asked “so you got fucked nice and hard on new year’s eh? Eh?” while raising his eyebrows in a way that is just so Vinny and nudging Jack with his shoulder. The shy boy immediately turns the colour of a tomato and choked on the slice of pizza he had just bitten into, everyone else of course had burst out laughing at the younger’s misfortune. It was only when Jenna slapped him on the back did he finally stop chocking.

"For fucks sake Vin you can't just say something like that!" Jack practically yelled at the boy next to him.

"Well I just did fuck face and stop avoiding the question!" Was the reply provided.

"I well, fuck it. Yup, I got fucked and it was fucking great, he was fucking great. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Jack replied smirking at the memory.

"Oh my god" Oli exclaimed after a moments silence and that was really all it took for the entire table to burst out laughing once more. Jack included. They were all in a bit of shock, even around them Jack was rarely that blunt or outgoing.

"What about you guys? Any of you get some?" Jack retorted once the laughter and exclamations finally died down. It was Vic and Mike’s turns to both blush and look down.

"OH FUENTES BROTHERS GETTING SOMEEEEEEE" Maddie yelled causing a few heads to turn in their direction, it didn't last long however as everyone was pretty used to the loud and obnoxious antics of their group.

"Shut up" they both said at the exact same time, making them all giggle.

"This is so unfair, you guys are sweeping up all the dudes, their needs to be less gays in our group, there isn't enough guys for the girls." Hayley whined at Rian and Cass who just laughed and patted their friend on the back.

That was how the rest of the day went on, the party being the main source of conversation and amusement for the group. Jack didn't mind all that much if he was honest, it gave him a valid reason to think about it, because again, being honest, he had definitely been thinking about it.

~*~

Alex's day was very similar, however it wasn't his sexual encounter at the party that was the talking point of his group - it was Kellin's.

Kellin and Kaitlin had just broken up about two weeks before, it was she that had ended it, claiming she just wasn't feeling it anymore. Things had been very awkward within the group for the first day or so before Jeff had had enough, basically shouting at the pair at lunch one day that it wasn't fair. The group of friends had a pretty strong understanding that if you got in a relationship with someone in the group and it ended it was not allowed to affect the group as a whole. Since then the pale boy had been suffering in silence.

"You're not just using him as a rebound are you?" Justin asked him, Dan adding his piece as well, "I know you have been texting him since the party."

Kellin's eyes of course drifted to Kate, who was busy having he own conversation with Jolie and Mitch. "I don't know, he's pretty chill, I don't want a relationship and he's a good fuck. I don't see why I can't have fun with him."

"Does he know this? Does he know there are no strings attached or are you just leading him on?" Colussy pressed.

"Uh, no, he doesn't know as such, it's never come up!" Kellin tries defending himself,

"That's really fucking shitty mate," Alex said, he had stayed quiet, knowing that he himself had had many one night stands and many fuck buddies as results, but they had always been mutual, "Vic is a really cool guy, he works in that record store down the road, I've spoken to him a few times even before the party. Think about what you are doing."

"What about you then, see anything happening with whatshisface?" asked from his seat beside him.

"Jack, his names Jack," Alex sighed, "And well, if I have it my way he'll be my boyfriend in no time."

"Oh yeah cum slut? And how do you plan on doing that?" Tay asks, having only just arrived at the table, completely missing the entire Kellin/Vic discussion (which was probably a good thing – she’s feisty).

"Hey to you too bitch tits," Alex relied, the other rolling their eyes at the best friends antics, it was their thing, offending each other, "well we actually got along really well, along with him being a fabulous fuck of course, and well, the same way you would anyone, keep talking to him and hanging out and asking him out of course."

"Well you don't have his number, I'm sure you've not added him on Facebook, if you'd managed to find his twitter or Tumblr I would be very impressed, but you are a fucking creeper so I wouldn't be all the surprised." The petite brunette replies once more.

Alex just smirks at her, turning to Josh who had been on his phone half paying attention, "yo, Josh stop sexting Oliver" of course Josh blushes because that exactly what he was doing, “do you have Jack’s number? I know you have hung with them and him before."

"Uh- yeah maybe," the flustered English boy replies, "here." He hands Alex his phone, praying Oliver doesn't reply to him at that particular moment. Of course his luck chose to run out at that exact moment and Alex laughs loudly while typing Jack’s number into his phone. "Sounds like you're gonna have a great night tonight Joshy" Alex laughs sending a wink his way, and laughing harder when the phone is whisked from his hand.

Alex deliberates sending Jack a text now or waiting until he gets home, so he'll be away from his nosey friends and Jack would be too. He decides it's better to wait, this way he can think about what he is going to say.

The day passes quickly for both boys, both anxious to get home, for different reasons of course. Alex couldn’t wait to text Jack, and well Jack, Jack just wanted to get the fuck out of school as soon as he possibly could, he really fucking hates that place.

Unfortunately for Alex the second he stepped inside his house he was ambushed with the smell of freshly baked everything’s, there was cinnamon, chocolate, strawberry and everything in between. Of course, any sane human being would be ecstatic about smelling such delicious and wonderful things, but Alex knew this meant only one thing: they had Visitors. The Gaskarth’s were a pretty wealthy family, they had moved to The United States in the first place because of his father’s work, he had become incredibly high up in the Hilton Hotel franchise and with different departments being moved across the world it had meant they were moving as well. They weren’t exactly upset about it, of course it was difficult leaving family and friends but his father’s pay had increased by a large sum and his mother was a lawyer so it was easy for her to find work. Also, America is kinda fucking awesome in Alex’s opinion. If they had visitors that his mother was cooking such delicious treats in anticipation or for already then they would have without a doubt been associates of his father’s.

For Alex this meant his phone was handed to his mother pretty much the second he walked into their conjoined kitchen and dining room it also meant he had to stay downstairs and talk to these people. He understood why, it made his parents (particularly his dad) look good if he was an involved member of the family. Not that he wasn’t normally, but you know what normal teenager doesn’t run straight to their bedroom (stopping at the fridge first of course) when they get in from school to wind down and do absolute fuck all for an hour before the inevitable homework or chore related nagging from their parents begins? Of course he spoke to his family when they had dinner or later on in the night when the would sit and watch Game of Thrones or The Following or Hannibal together (personal family favourites) or whatever other series was on that night (they were a very TV enthusiastic family – don’t get his mother started on the How I Met Your Mother finale she will yell or cry.)

So yes Alex loves his family to pieces and loves spending time with them, but well, things were quite different when around an associate. He had to pretty much outright lie when asked about his future (who the fuck knows), had he thought about was colleges he was going to apply for (none Alex wanted to pursue music of course), how he enjoyed school (who the fuck actually enjoys school) etc. etc. Basically Alex kinda hated it, he knew it was good for his dad’s sake but he hated that he had to lie, he hated that his parents wanted him to pretend to be something he’s not for these strangers sake. It made him feel like they were ashamed of him, which he knew was a lie considering it was his father who taught him to play guitar and always encouraged him and is a big part of the reason he has the music taste he has. His mother is the one who also always reassures him that he is a good singer and that he could make it if he really put his mind to it and of course that made him love them all the more. However, the fact that they wish him not to be himself around these people makes him feel small makes him feel like they aren’t actually as proud of him as they make out to be. He knows it’s illogical but even the happy go lucky Alex Gaskarth gets insecure sometimes.

Of course, his mother’s peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake was to die for and pretty much made up for it considering she always made extra which he would take to school tomorrow and allow his friends to fight over (after he’d taken approximately three slices for himself of course) making him either someone’s favourite or least favourite person of the day. It was always kinda hilarious to watch.

Jack had returned home to none of that, his mother and father both out at work. They weren’t those kind of parents though, they weren’t never home, his mom just worked until around six but were always home for dinner. His dad however worked two jobs, he had his own business, he was an independent event videographer, filming and editing weddings, birthdays, communions, and bar-mitzvah, whatever. He absolutely loved his business, he loved watching people looking so happy through the screen, he loved being able to capture moments of pure joy and love, however, it wasn’t quite enough anymore. His second job was driving a cab, meaning he was out late most nights, he would either go out very early in the morning and be out until around five in the afternoon and then home at nights and go to be at around half eleven/midnight, or he would sleep until mid-morning, go out at around two pm and not come home until the small hours of the morning. It was not unusual for Jack to not see his dad for a couple of days, just by coincidence, if Jack was working at night his father was home, when Jack was home his father was out.

They weren’t poor, far from it in fact, they have a nice house in a nice area, they have luxuries, but they all come with a cost, they can’t just buy whatever they want and in the recent economy with inflation and all that shit Jack really knows nothing about, the second job was needed for them to afford the luxuries they did have. Jack thinks that this is the best possible way to be, to be comfortable enough to afford luxuries but not to just get them whenever they are wanted because this way Jack had grown up and learnt how to appreciate them more. His iPod touch and laptop mean more to him than anything because he knows him mom and dad went out of their way to afford them. That’s why he has two part time jobs. He hates asking his parents for money, even though both his jobs unfortunately involve working with the public he has just learnt to man up and deal with people, being painfully awkward but knowing it’s for a good cause.

This meant that when Jack walked into his house it was empty, both his siblings were away at college and only came home during breaks or for special occasions. This for Jack was a positive and a negative, he loved being alone, yet was slightly terrified of it at the same time. More often than not he would have a friend over after school, which he would usually just do nothing with until his mother came home and he would help her with dinner. He really does love being alone, he loves solitude, he loves being able to be alone with his thoughts, totally undisturbed and uninterrupted. On the other hand however, he sometimes ends up over thinking and working himself into a complete panic that results in him either tearing his room apart or crying down the phone to one of his friends. He never really knows why or what thought in particular triggers his attacks but they happen, far more often than he could ever want them to. He can work himself into a state over the stupidest things like homework, or having plans with his friends and he hates it.

Tonight is a lucky night for him, he had had a good day, nothing too stressful or anxiety enduing had happened so he manages to remain calm all night, settling in to watching Adventure Time once he had finished his work and eaten most of his kitchen waiting for his mother to come home. They have a nice dinner just the two of them, he makes a stir fry for the both of them; letting his mom relax after her day at work (she had seemed quite stressed when she came in).

What Jack hadn’t expected however, was at about eleven o’clock that night was for his phone to buzz (this in itself wasn’t unusual as he and his friends had a group conversation that was constantly going unless they were all asleep – this very rarely happened), what was unusual however was the fact that it was an unknown number.

From: Unknown

Who was it we agreed would make the hottest girl again? Pete or Patrick? Personally I would say Patrick but fuck knows what drunken me came up with!

The text was followed with the laughing-cry emoji, making Jack laugh. He knew exactly who it was texting him, it had to be Alex, there was no two ways about it, he was sure he had the same conversation with a few people, but the ‘drunken self’ and the fact it was unknown number spoke for itself.

To: Unknown

Well, I agree with you he would make a fantastic girl, but I could swear we finally agreed that it would be Joe; I mean his hair is fantastically girly enough as it is.

Alex couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the image of Joe dressed as a girl, it was quite hilarious, he decided to keep up with Jack’s shenanigans though, arguing back that Pete already wore the eyeliner though. This then of course caused an outburst from Jack, who would defend guy liner to the end of the world.

Hours later, when neither boy had actually realised that it was already nearing two in the morning, and many different conversation paths later, Jack finally plucked up the courage to ask the other boy what he had wanted to ask him the entire time.

To: Unknown

This is Alex right? I mean, it would be slightly awkward if it wasn’t and I’m like 99.9999% sure it is, but how in god’s name did you get my phone number?

From Unknown

WHO THE FUCK IS ALEX ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME YOU BASTARD HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.

Jack laughed so loud he woke his mother up who then proceeded to yell at him to “shut the damn hell up I’m trying to sleep and you should be too”, this of course just made him laugh even more, his mom was sassy when she was tired. Another message followed directly after however confirming that yes, it was in fact Alex he had been messaging for over two hours. Jack couldn’t help the way his heart swelled slightly and beat just a little bit faster when the older of the two told him he had gotten his number from Josh because that meant that Alex actually wanted to talk to him, he had gone out of his way to get his number and actually speak to him. Jack knew he was fucked then and there.

~*~

About three weeks later January is coming to an end and February is fast approaching, which means finals. Alex’s school had sat their midterms just before the December holidays had begun, but Jack’s school preferred to have them later meaning that they had been right after the holidays but they were both going to be sitting their finals at the same time. This also meant Jack’s school taught their kids more of the course over a longer period of time but therefore leaving a shorter gap in between midterms and finals. The school believed that this was much better for them as they could learn all the material necessary for the midterms and get started on work for finals meaning they would have more time to revise before the finals. Alex’s school believed in teaching them what they needed to know for midterms, getting them out the way and then teaching them what they needed to know for their finals after.

It was the weekend before they started and Alex had been begging Jack for weeks to see him outside of FaceTime or Snapchat but Jack had continued to use the excuses of ‘no my mom said no’, ‘I can’t because I need to study for my finals’, ‘my mom isn’t letting me out until after finals’ and whatever other bullshit excuses he could come up with. The truth was however he was just far far far far far too nervous and anxious to even contemplating meeting up with Alex.

It had all been going smoothly as well, Jack had been successfully warding off all offers of outings from Alex with the somewhat believable excuses while also somehow managing to ignore the nagging from his friends to grow a pair of fucking balls and see him because ‘it was obvious Alex wanted to get to know him (suggestive winking)’ (he’s not joking – his entire group of friends seems to have mastered the god damn eyebrow wiggle winking thing). That was of course until his mother had walked past his bedroom door at exactly the wrong time, on the wrong day while he was having the wrong conversation.

“c’mon Alex, you know I can’t, finals start like next week, I have to study I’ll never be allowed out" Jack mumbles down the phone, he hadn't even bothered to ask his mom just in case she did actually say yes.

"But Jaaaaaaaa-" Alex had started whining back down the phone as he almost always did every time Jack refused one of his offers.

"Jack sweetie, can I come in?" Jack hears his mother’s voice floating from the landing into his bedroom. He panics, knowing she's heard an knowing there is a chance he'll be allowed out, "uh yeah sure mom, hold on a sec Alex my mom wants to talk to me" he says into the phone, hearing Alex say something along the lines of 'maybe she reconsidered' before he pressed his phone against his chest to block out he and his mother’s conversation.

"Jack, you never asked me if you could go out." Alex hears through his phone, it's muffled and he almost doesn't catch it but he does and he can't help the way his heart drops to his stomach and he feels a bit sick, does Jack just not want to hang out with him?

"I didn't think you would say yes and I didn't want to make you mad by asking because I know how much you think about my finals and stuff," Jack replies, it's a little clearer than what his mom had said through the phone but not by much, clear enough that Alex can hear the guilt dripping off his words.

"Well you can, you've been working so hard and I have faith in you that you are going to do well, just no drinking and don't stay out too late okay?"

"Yeah mom, of course." Jack replies Alex's heart jumps miles he can't help the excitement he feels instantly yet he also feels kind of guilty, is he pressuring Jack, does the younger boy not want to hang out, does he really not want to see him?

Jack’s mom nods at him and blows him a quick kiss, letting him know dinner will be ready soon so he should get off the phone as quickly as he can before turning and walking out his bedroom, knowingly shutting the door behind her. Jack had taken to blasting 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' whenever someone left his door open and his family was sick of it.

The younger boy takes a deep breath before lifting the phone to his ear again, plastering a fake smile on his face so hopefully his voice will reflect the fake happiness he is feeling. Of course he wants to hang out with Alex, he truly does, he just doesn't know if he actually can. He doesn't know of his anxiety will actually let him be a normal human being around the older boy, in fact he is ninety percent sure it won't. He will make a massive fool of himself and he doesn't think he can handle that. Actually, he knows he can't. He cannot deal with embarrassing the living shit out himself in front of the perfect boy who has somehow become so important to him in such a short space of time. He can feel his breathing quicken, coming out in small pants, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes as he panics, the fear and anxiety of fucking up royally becoming too much for him. Of course he then thinks if this is how he is reacting to just thinking about meeting up with Alex how is he going to be when he actually does, and this of course just causes him to panic even more.

His arms go limp and he drops his phone to his bed as a strangled cry escapees his lips, breathing having become a near impossibility in the short time since his mother had left his bedroom. All thoughts of Alex still being on the other side of the line had diminished in his panic, it was only when he reached for his phone again to call one of his friends and he hears Alex repeating his name over and over in a panicked and rushed tone does he realised there is a very good chance Alex heard absolutely everything.

"Jack, Jack, are you okay, talk to me, what's wrong Jack? Jack? Please talk to me!" The elder sounds almost as panicked as Jack feels and that upsets Jack, but it also reminds him that right now he cannot be panicking because he has to talk to Alex.

He breathes as deeply as he can, and at this point that's not very much, but he manages to calm himself quickly and just enough to reply before Alex starts repeating his questions or his name again: "Alex, yeah, hey I'm sorry about that," he manages to stutter out quietly.

"Jack, what happened? Were you just having a panic attack?!" Alex asks, he doesn't consider what he was asking, he didn't register the fact that Jack probably doesn't want to talk about it, he just needs to know. He understands anxiety, he understands what it does to people, and he understands how it affects people and how it changes them. If Jack was just having a panic attack and does have anxiety as Alex is now almost 100% sure he does the whole not-wanting-to-meet-up thing makes a hell of a lot more sense.

“i-I u-uh yeah, um, not quite. I’m sorry Alex.”

And with that, Jack hung up, he hung up the phone, choosing to call Austin (who can calm him down and also give him boy advice and will probably bring Alan (who would possibly bring alcohol) and they are his new favourite couple) immediately after, not looking at his the iMessage that slid down from the top of his phone screen telling him Alex was trying to talk to him. After not even three rings Austin picks up, all Jack’s friends knew that if he was phoning them it was important, otherwise he would always just them.

“Can you come over please Aus? I fucked up so bad.”