Learning the Ropes

Ryder had two coffees in each of his hands, and took a sip out of one of them. Without saying anything, he came and sat beside me and put the coffee down on the table beside my head. I didn’t move or speak.

“What’s wrong, Mitchell?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Tired. I’m tired,” I murmured, “it is Monday, after all.”

“Why was that so difficult to tell me?”

I shrugged, bit my lip and said nothing more. He isn’t going to give a fuck about you, I thought, he’s most likely 100% straight. I sighed softly and leaned my face back against the comforting desk. At least it won’t judge me...or do anything else, good or bad, to me. I still didn’t move.

“Your coffee will get cold,” he pointed out.

I managed to sit up, force a smile, picked up my coffee and took a grateful sip from it.

“Mmm, thanks Ryder.”

“You like it?” he brightened up.

“I do. It’s my favourite one...at least now it is anyway.”

“Put your coffee down for a second.”

“Er,” I raised an eyebrow and put my coffee back on the table, “okay.”

He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. I couldn’t breathe for the first few seconds; I sat there frozen. I finally curled my arms around his body just as tightly and purposely inhaled his musky vanilla scent with a touch of coconut. After not long enough, he pulled away from the hug. I forced myself to not react, in any way. To not pull him back to me. To force myself to grin, not to cry out for him. To pretend that I didn’t - don’t - react to him. To pretend that I don’t crave his touch every moment of the day. Robotically, I grabbed my coffee again and took sips from it, staring straight ahead. It was just a hug, I thought, I shouldn’t be overreacting to the hug. But I can’t help it. I forced myself to not look at him desperately, with hope in my eyes. He will not like it if I appear desperate. I really want to know if you’re gay or not, I thought.

“Are you okay now, Mitchell?” he asked.

I took a few seconds to reply as I considered how much to lie. Because I wasn’t gonna just say ‘hey, Ryder, I’m gay for you. Please kiss me now’.

“Yeah,” I replied, taking the most direct route, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Like I said, I’m fine,” I grinned around my coffee, “at least now I am.”

The English teacher grinned. “Thank you, Mitchell.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re welcome, Ryder.”

He laughed. My chest exploded in butterflies again. He took a sip of his coffee. I bit my lip and watched every move he made. I want to be the cup.
___

That afternoon, I had to put up with teenagers who were forced to do my subject. To put it simply, it was torture. I couldn’t put up with them for even half an hour...or at least, it was fucking difficult to keep my cool. I swear to god, they were like bloody two year olds. When the final bell rang (finally), and all the kids had left, I quickly gathered all my stuff and practically ran to my car in my eagerness to get home. Though, I didn’t quite make it, because Ryder stopped me.