Oh, Calamity

“Hey, Kat, wake up. We have to get to school.” I heard Jack say as I was coming into consciousness. I groaned. “I know but we’ll be late if you don’t get up and get ready.” I groaned again before reluctantly getting up from the bed I shared with Jack last night.

“You said I could borrow some of May’s clothing right?” I asked, rubbing my hands over my eyes.

“Yeah, here.” He handed me a plain purple t-shirt, some dark skinny jeans and one of his black jackets. I hurried to change, not even caring about him being in the same room anymore. I found his hair brush and brushed out all the annoying knots and tangles before grabbing my shoes, slipping them on and heading downstairs. We didn’t have time for a real breakfast, but I managed to get a Pop Tart.

“Here’s your bag, Kat.” Jack said, handing me my backpack as we walked out the door.

“I thought I left this at Alex’s?” I said more as a question than a statement.

“I ran over there this morning and asked Isobel to get it for me and explained the situation.” He shrugged. I gave a sad smile.

“Thanks.”

-

“Jack, I’m nervous.” I said, biting my lip as we grew closer to the school a few minutes later. Jack decided to drive us today instead of walk and I didn’t mind. His car had heat unlike the winter going on outside.

“How come, Kit Kat?” He looked at me for just a second, then focused on the road again.

“Alex is in my english class and he sits with us at lunch. We just broke up and I have no doubt that Lisa is going to be throwing herself at him.” Jack didn’t answer right away. He parked the car and we sat there for a couple of minutes.

“Well,” Jack finally spoke. “We don’t have to sit with Alex at lunch. Lisa is a bitch and he’s an idiot. For whatever classes you have together just avoid him or ignore him. Or we can skip.”

“I can’t skip school. I’ll deal with it. I can’t run from my problems.” We got out of the car and walked to the front doors, and for the whole two minutes of walking all I wondered was did I really mean my words? Once at the doors, my heartbeat picked up and I grew anxious. What if I saw Alex with Lisa? What if those nasty girls say something to me? I tried to push the discomfort aside so I could pull open the doors.

Walking inside, everything seemed okay. No one was paying attention to who just walked through the doors and no snide comments were made. As we grew closer to the end of the hallway, that forms into a T, I saw him. I could hear Jack saying my name, but I didn’t pay him any mind. The world disappeared around me as I saw Alex laugh at something Lisa said. His briefly looked up and his gaze met mine. Our eyes met and locked onto each other and my breathing stopped. My hands shook and my mind spun.

“No..” I said in a barely audible voice. The world finally came back into place around me and I tore off towards the girls restroom, with Jack yelling after me. I nearly collided with Cassie and Brooke as I entered the restroom and before they could even get a word out I had turned around and ran back out. I ran right past Jack and to the doors leading to the football field.

Once in the middle of the field, I collapsed feeling defeated, dizzy and nauseous. My head spun and I could barely get myself to stand again without falling right back over. My body was shaking and even though it was the beginning of January, I felt hot. Sweat poured down my face and I curled into the fetal position. I tried to even out my breathing, but they only came in short, rigid breaths-slash-sobs. The pain wouldn’t go away. I just wanted the pain to go away. It was unbearable. I just wanted the pain to leave my body.

-

The thing about panic attacks and anxiety attacks is that they can happen from anything that triggers you. It can happen at any moment too. You could be in school, like me, or home or even on a plane. They really suck because you feel like you’re dying and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Well, you can stop it sometimes, but some people, like me, don’t have that kind of control. Another thing is that when you pass out from having an attack, you don’t know where you are when you wake up, or if you’re awake. It all feels like a dream.

That’s why when I woke up to white ceilings, I had no idea if I was dreaming of a heaven of some sorts, or if I was waking up in the nurses office. I blinked a few times and decided I was actually awake. I sat up, ignoring the slight ache in my bones. No one was around me, and I couldn’t see the nurses desk from the stiff bed I was laying on.

“N-nurse Carter?” My voice was hoarse but apparently I had projected loud enough because she came in a second later.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling?” She asked, a concerned look on her face.

“Terrible.” I said, my voice a little smoother this time. Nurse Carter nodded and left for a minute. She came back with a cup of water and a granola bar.

“Here, drink this and eat this. It might help you feel better.” She smiled softly as I graciously took the water and food. “Once you’re done with those two things, if you feel well enough to walk around I’ll call Mrs. Gaskarth to come pick you up.”

“You don’t need to do that, nurse lady.” I couldn’t help but give a small smile as Jack walked in. “I can take her home.”

“What are you doing out of class, Mr. Barakat?” she frowned.

“I called Mrs. Gaskarth right after bringing her here. She called the school and they gave me permission to take her home.” Still frowning, Nurse Carter sighed.

“Fine. I’ll allow it this once.” She got up and went into the other room, where her desk was.

“Hey, Kat.” Jack said once she was settled.

“Hey.”

“Are you feeling better?” I nodded. “Good. Let’s get you home, okay?”

-

Jack drove me back to his house instead of Alex’s. He knew that if I saw Alex there I would probably have another attack. I’m not sure if he was wrong about that and honestly, I didn’t want to find out. He carried me bridal style up to his room, despite my protests that I was fine.

“I’m just looking out for you, Kate.”

“That’s a new one. That nickname doesn’t make sense! My name isn’t Katie or anything.” I laughed. He shrugged.

“I just felt like calling you Kate.” He set me down on his bed once we were in his room and then laid down next to me. “That really scared me today, Kit Kat. I didn’t know what to do when I finally found you. You were unconscious and it terrified me. I had no idea what happened to you.”

“I’m sorry Jacky. I didn’t mean to have an anxiety attack.” I bit my lip. “When I saw Alex with Lisa, it just triggered so many emotions, memories. It flooded me. It overwhelmed me.” I said quietly. Jack wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.

“I know. It’s okay.” He said, brushing his lips against my hair. “I just want to get back at him.”

“For what?”

“Breaking your heart.” He held on to me tightly and even though I had no feelings for Jack romantically, I felt safe in his arms. They held all the warmth of the world, where as I felt as cold as the ice in Antarctica.

“Well, what would you suggest?” I asked.

“Hmmm. You could get a rebound guy to make him jealous.”

“I don’t want to use some innocent person like that.” I frowned.

“Well, what if it was someone you know?” Jack smiled.

“I’m not going to pretend to date you Jack.”

“Not me, someone else.”

“Like who?”

“Who would Alex hate to see you go out with?” Jack asked.

“Are you suggesting I go out with another member of All Time Low? Rian is taken.”

“Zack isn’t.” I opened my mouth to reply but I stopped myself. He was right. Zack was single, and even though he went to Towson and not Dulaney, I could still see him at their band practice and invite him over. It would make Alex so terribly frustrated and jealous. It was genius.

“Let’s see what he has to say then.”