Take It or Leave It

arcatfire:
it’s the third day of classes and i’m already considering installing an extension to block tumblr when i’m supposed to be doing school work

#tHE WORKLOAD ISNT EVEN V MUCH YET?? #THIS IS CONCERNING???

It was the third week of August and I was tired and I felt like no matter how much I actually slept, it wouldn’t help. I was drained and I knew I should probably be trying to get work but instead I was waiting for a Kik from H, holed up in a cafe. It’d been an hour and I hadn’t gotten anything done.

I was just about to get up and order another cup of tea to try to keep myself awake, when I heard a voice that almost sounded familiar at the counter. My head snapped over my shoulder and I couldn’t believe what I saw. Harry fucking Styles. Of One fucking Direction.

My natural reaction was to turn away and kik H.


aaalivia: wHAT T HE FCUK HARRY ST YLES IS IN THIS CAFE WHAT DO I D O?????

aaalivia: aNSWE R ME THIS IS A CRI SIS


And of course he didn’t answer right away. He hadn’t answered me in twenty minutes.


aaalivia: D O I ASK FOR A PIC TURE DO I BUY HI M A DRINK??

aaalivia: W OULD THAT BE WEI RD?? IVE NEVER MET A C ELEBRITY BEFOR EIM SO SCARED HELP PLS

H: say hi. x

aaalivia: YO URE JOKGIN TELL ME YOURE FUCKIN G JOKING

aaalivia: IM SP SCARE D WHY IS HE IN SOHO ANYWAY LEAVE PLS IM UNC OMFORTABLE


He didn’t answer right away again and I risked another glance at the fucking international celebrity behind me. He was waiting for his drink and checking his phone.


H: He’s just a normal guy you know

aaalivia: dON T

aaalivia: IM SP SCARE D I NEED TO LEAVE I TH INK

aaalivia: Y ES LEAVE THATS W HAT IM GONNA DO

H: Nooooo. Go say hi!!! And ask for a photo

aaalivia: ID P ROBABLY PUKE ON HI S EXPENSI VE ASS BOOTS NO THX

H: It probably wouldn’t be the first time it happened. Seriously get a photo!! This is your first celebrity encounter, it’s important!

aaalivia: NP THATS JSUT A BAD IDEA I DONT NO I DONT T ALK TO PPL I DPNT KNOW AND DEFINI TELY NOT CELEBRITIES

aaalivia: hE JSUT WA LKED BY ME TO GO T O THE BATHRO OM THIS IS MY CHANC E

H: DON’T LEAVE

H: ALIVIA IF YOU LEAVE WITHOUT GETTING A PHOTO I’M DISOWNING YOU

aaalivia: IF I DPNT LEA VE I WILL P UKE


I didn’t get a chance to say anything else. Before I knew it, the men’s bathroom door was swinging open and fucking Harry Styles was walking past me as I tried to hide my face. I was just unlocking my phone and about to send H another all caps and horribly misspelled message with shaky hands when someone was sitting across from me in my booth.

“Hi.”

When I looked up, I nearly fell over. There sat in front of me, in a barely buttoned up flannel and beanie, was Harry Styles.

I wasn’t any superfan like some people I followed on Tumblr, but that didn’t mean anything. A very attractive, very intimidating, very famous person was sat in front of me. And I had no idea why.

“U-um hi?” I tried to keep my voice calm.

“Hi,” he grinned again, as if we’d known each other for ages.

I just stared at him in complete shock. I couldn’t form words in my head, let alone speak any. The closest thing to a celebrity that I’d ever met was the lead singer of a shitty local band back home. He was an asshole.

“Can I, uh, help you?” I hadn’t meant for it come out as rude. I was just shit at words and taken by surprise. I wondered if he was lost. Or if he was meeting someone and thought I was that someone.

He was still grinning at me widely, bright red lips revealing straight white teeth. I was more than uncomfortable.

“Can I get you another drink?” he asked as if I’d been sitting there waiting for him.

“A-are you like looking for someone? Because I think you definitely have the wrong person,” I shook my head. He hadn’t even introduced himself.

He shook his head quickly, “N-no, no. Sorry, I just,” he paused and shook his head again, “Sorry, I’m Harry. Can I get you another drink?”

I just blinked at him. In the few weeks since I’d found this cafe I’d practically lived in it. I came to read and write and just get out and not be locked away in my apartment. I’d only had one other guy offer to buy me a drink and I politely declined. I wasn’t looking for anything I knew he was looking for. But I got it, the appeal of a manic pixie dream girl writing in the middle of a cafe. And I didn’t think it was any different with a boyband member.

“Alivia,” I said finally, “Are you lost?”

“No,” he smiled, “I’m not.”

I just looked at him with wide eyes, I had no idea why he was sat at my table, staring at me. And maybe it wouldn’t have been so weird if he hadn’t been so forward, as if he knew me.

“Yeah, alright then,” I answered because really I couldn’t say no. I was too interested in why someone like him was asking to buy someone like me a drink.

His green eyes lit up then, “Coffee or tea?”

I told him what I'd been drinking and waited until he was back up at the counter before I pulled my phone out.


aaalivia: H E JSUT S AT DOWN LI KE HE FUCKIGN K NEW ME AND OFF ERED T O BUY ME A DRI NK PLS HELP

aaalivia: I KNPW THIS IS U NBELIEVABLE BUT I CPULD USE SOME MOR AL SUPPORT THX


I turned my head just enough to see Harry waiting for my drink and playing with his phone. I quickly turned back when my phone buzzed.


H: WHAT?? YOU NEED TO BREATHE

H: AND LET HIM BUY YOU A DRINK


I didn’t get a chance to reply because Harry was sliding back into my booth and putting a drink in front of me. Which meant I had to keep it together.

I just took a sip of the tea, “C-can I ask you something?” I mumbled sheepishly. Harry just nodded, “Why’re you buying me a drink?”

I was terrified. In my defense, normal people made me unbearably anxious, how the fuck was I supposed to let a celebrity buy me a drink?

“Oh, I uh, like just thought maybe you needed another drink?” his voice went a little higher, like he wasn’t expecting the question. I just raised my eyebrows at him.

“Well thank you,” I took another sip of my drink. I had no idea what was going on and I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

His big eyes lit up again, “You’re welcome.”

“I’m Alivia by the way, in case like you were wondering,” I told him again because even though he was the one who sat down at my table, I felt like I had to make conversation. I was still incredibly weirded out by the entire thing.

“Harry,” he grinned again, big dimples appearing.

“I know who you are,” I muttered under my breath, unsure why he was introducing himself again. Everyone knew who Harry Styles was.

I watched as the smile flickered on his face, “R-right.”

“I-I didn’t mean it like in a bad way,” I shook my head quickly, “Sorry.”

I didn’t have a very good filter when I was anxious.

Harry just shook his head and the smile returned, all white teeth and dimples, “‘S alright,” but it didn’t really reach his eyes and I made myself look away and close my laptop and books, “S-sorry, ‘m interrupting aren’t I?”

“N-no, no,” I shook my head quickly, feeling my knee involuntarily beginning to bounce under the table, “Wasn’t getting anything done anyway.”

“You’re in school?” he asked then, nodding at my English book. I didn’t want to answer, wanted to question why he’d even sat down across from me and why he was making casual conversation as if he wasn’t a worldwide celebrity.

I nodded though, “Yeah, started a few days ago actually.”

“What’re you studying?”

I soon realized that the thing about Harry was that he really was as charming as everyone said he was. He was always completely focused on what you were saying, eyes wide and nodding occasionally. It should’ve been intimidating really, should’ve made me feel like he was searching for flaws and insecurities like it always felt like everyone else was, but it didn’t. It was comforting, almost familiar.

*

We ended up talking for nearly two hours, about more things than I could count. Until it was dark out and the workers were giving us suspicious looks. Until Harry was asking me out to dinner the next night.

I blinked at him for a few seconds, trying to wrap my head around the fact that someone like him wanted anything to do with me. Especially after putting up with me for two hours. And sure, I’d relaxed a lot when he’d started talking about his favorite book (that was also mine) but casual conversation in a secluded cafe was one thing. Going out for dinner with someone like Harry Styles was completely different. It was easy to forget that he was famous when we were talking about books and movies and music. I didn’t think it’d be that easy actually going out in public with him.

“Why do you want to take me out to dinner?” I asked, feeling my heart start to race and my leg begin to bounce again. I hadn’t prepared for this.

Harry seemed sort of taken aback by the question, eyes going wide and tongue running over his lips nervously, “I-I, uh, I just. Really like you. And we get on really well. And I would really like to talk to you some more?”

I blinked at him again.

“I-I mean. Obviously y-you don’t have to. I just. Had a really nice time and I thought maybe you might’ve too?” I was fucked at that point because he sounded so nervous. As if I were something to be intimidated by. And even if I’d wanted to say no, I couldn’t have. Despite the fact that he was famous, there was a cute and interesting and funny guy sitting in front of me that seemed genuinely interested in me.

“Are you asking me out on a date or to dinner?” I asked bluntly. There was a big difference.

“I, um,” he stumbled over his words again, “W-well a date but it could just be dinner. I-if that’s what you wanted?”

I studied him for a second. He’d pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth and he looked like he was certain I was going to shoot him down coldly. I had no idea why he was so nervous all of a sudden, but I hoped he couldn’t tell I was even more nervous.

"Harry, 'm not exactly in the best place for what you're probably looking for," I mumbled and took the lid off my cup to stuff my napkin in it. I wasn't really sure how else to word it. I didn't want him to think it had anything to do with him.

“Th-tha’s okay,” he answered quickly, “We could just go, like, as friends?”

I looked up at him again and took in his nervous expression. It was probably selfish and terrible but I didn’t want to say no. I wanted to go out to dinner with a boy who seemed genuinely interested in me, who told funny stories, who had a bright smile. Even if I wasn’t looking for anything more than friends.

“Y-you really don’t have to,” he insisted, “I get it. ‘S weird cause ‘m like, ‘famous’ and all. We could go somewhere really private if you wanted.”

Before I could think about how my heart felt like it might beat out of my chest or how he was sort of really fucking cute when he was nervous, I smiled a little, “Okay,” I nodded, “I’d like that.”

*

When I got home I thought maybe I was going to have an existential crisis. I hadn’t thought it through at all, was the problem. When I kicked my shoes off, dropped my bag, and practically dove onto my mattress, still in the middle of my living room, I’d completely forgotten that there were messages on my phone waiting to be answered. Until it buzzed again.


H: ARE YOU STILL BREATHING??

H: IM CONCERNED

aaalivia: IM NOT SURE TBH

aaalivia: I DONT THINK IM AWAKE??


I wasn’t really expecting him to reply considering the time difference.


H: HOW’D IT GO THEN??

aaalivia: IDK GOOD I THINK MAYBE I DONT THINK I COMPLETELY WEIRDED HIM OUT??

aaalivia: HE LIKE ASKED ME OUT TO DINNER?? AS FRIENDS?? AND IM V CONFUSED AND SCARED

H: WHAT? WHY ARE YOU SCARED?

aaalivia: OH IDK BC HES FUNNY AND NICE AND FUCKING FAMOUS AND INTIMIDATING


I turned the TV on and reached for my laptop, needing a distraction from what had just happened. I reblogged a few things as I waited for H’s reply and eventually made a post about my day like I usually did.

arcatfire:
HELP WHAT DO U DO WHEN FUNNY ATTRACTIVE BOY ASKS U OUT FOR DINNER AND YOU JUST /CANT/ AND SO U DECIDE TO GO AS FRIENDS???

#IM SO SCARED #THIS IS WHY IM ALONE

*

I didn’t fall asleep until almost four a.m. because I was having a freak out about the entire situation. I woke up, very disoriented, at two in the afternoon. Really I was just glad it was a Saturday.

I spent most of the day just laying around, watching TV and scrolling through Tumblr, mostly trying to distract myself from the fact that Harry fucking Styles would be picking me up for dinner at seven.

It took me much longer than it should’ve to get ready. I tried to remind myself that it was absolutely not a date. Just two ‘friends’ going for dinner. And so what if one of them was famous and charming and gorgeous?

By the time 6:55 rolled around, I was staring in the mirror, contemplating calling off the whole thing. I had no idea where we were going which meant I had no idea what I was supposed to wear. I’d opted for a black skater skirt with a white collared shirt and grey sweater on top, paired with chunky black brogues and white frilly socks. Casual but nice.

Before I could talk myself into calling Harry (because yeah, we got each other’s numbers) and cancelling, my phone was buzzing with a text.

Hiiii. I need your address... x

Well like your flat number? x

I ran a hand through my hair. I didn’t think he was actually coming up to my door.

You don’t have to come up. I’m ready, I was just about to come down..

Friends don’t make other friends walk down by themselves. x

I wanted to roll my eyes and tell him I was already on my way down. But instead I sent him my apartment number and floor and went back to looking in the mirror and trying not to lose my shit.

It was only a minute before there was a knock on the door. I was almost 100% certain my heart was going to beat out of my chest as I forced myself to grab my bag and open the door.

Harry was stood there, wearing just a pair of tight jeans and a white t-shirt. Simple, really fucking simple but gorgeous nonetheless. And all of a sudden I felt much too overdressed in my skirt.

“Hi,” I mumbled, unsure if I was supposed to let him in or not.

“Hiii,” he grinned widely at me, “You look nice.”

I thought maybe if I spoke I was going to choke on my tongue.

“Thank you,” I tried to smile and hoped it didn’t look like a grimace, “So do you.”

“Are you ready?” He asked and I felt my stomach churn.

But I forced a nod and straightened my skirt, “Yeah.”

*

I was terrified, horrified even. I’d walked out of my apartment and gotten into a car in actual public with actual Harry Styles. And he hadn’t told me we were going somewhere ridiculously private and expensive.

“H-Harry this is like, expensive,” was the first thing I could say to him as we walked into the establishment.

He hesitated a little, “I-I just thought it’d be best? Like privacy wise?”

I just nodded even though I was nauseous.

“I-is it okay? W-we could go somewhere else? I just. I don’t really know of anywhere else?” Harry’s eyes were wide and nervous as we stopped in the entryway.

I shook my head, “N-no it’s fine. It’s okay.”

“A-are you sure?” Harry asked, big green eyes searching my blue ones nervously. He was standing so close to me the tips of his boots were nearly touching mine, as if the closer he got the easier it would be to tell if I was lying, if it really was too much. It was oddly comforting.

“Yeah. Jus’ like. I don’t think I have the money for this,” I mumbled, bringing a hand up to run through my hair in an attempt to distract myself from the fact that I could feel his body heat.

“D-don’t worry about it, yeah? ‘S my pleasure to take you out,” he seemed much more relieved all of a sudden and a little smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“H-Harry I don’t think-” I quickly shook my head and tried to explain to him that no, he couldn’t just take me out somewhere like this and expect to pay for more than half of the bill. We were friends.

“Alivia,” he cut me off, “Friends buy friends dinner, yeah?”

And before I could try to disagree, he was pulling away with a smile and asking for a reservation under his name.

It was an hour later and I thought maybe it was the worst dinner I’d ever been to. It wasn’t Harry though, he was wonderful.

For starters, I couldn’t pronounce majority of the menu. I’d never even heard of any of it. And it was all ridiculously overpriced. Harry ordered some sort of appetizer that I managed to drop on myself. Despite how private and exclusive the restaurant was, people still stared. And there was nothing I hated more than attention on me, especially when I was already making an ass out of myself.

My sweater was stained and I didn't know if I'd be able to fix it. Harry had been nothing but nice about it, offering to buy me a new sweater (or jumper as he called it) nearly every five minutes or when I’d look down at the stain again.

I really just wanted to go home, as terrible as that sounded. I wanted to crawl into bed and cry because I fucked it up with a cute boy. Not even just a cute boy. A kind and funny and sweet boy who’d been nothing but wonderful. And I’d made a complete idiot out of myself.

“I-I’m like really sorry, about like everything,” Harry apologized as our plates were cleared.

I shook my head quickly, trying not to make eye contact with the waiter or him, “‘S not your fault.”

The worst part about being uncomfortable with the entire situation and establishment was that Harry could tell. And worst of all, I could tell he could tell. The entire night. I knew he knew that I was probably having a bad time and I knew he could tell that I wanted to go home. And I also knew he thought it was his fault.

“No, it is,” he shook his head, “I’m really sorry. For like your jumper and honestly if you want me to buy you a new one, I will.”

“No, ‘s old anyway,” I lied. It was a $50 sweater that I’d splurged on and convinced myself it was okay because it’d go with everything. “‘S really not your fault. You don’t have to apologize cause I’m a wreck.”

I’d said it to lighten the mood, maybe get him to laugh and break the awkward tension. I’d failed miserably.

“Let me at least pay to have it cleaned then? It looks like one of those dry clean only ones,” he offered after the waiter took the rest of our plates away and promised to return with the bill.

“It’s not even worth it,” I shook my head again, “‘S like a hundred percent cotton. It’s just a sweater.”

I looked up when he sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. I thought maybe I was going to be sick.

“Alivia, I’m really sorry,” he looked at me sincerely, “I didn’t. I just thought that you’d rather go someplace private and I’m really sorry. I didn’t think about this being weird for you and I should’ve. And I definitely shouldn’t have ordered the appetizer. And, fuck. I’m just really so sorry I ruined this. And your jumper.”

I just shook my head. I didn’t want him to blame himself for it. I didn’t want him to think it was his fault. And the fact that he did, only made my throat close up even more.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” I managed to insist even though I still felt like my heart was going to explode in chest, “You weren’t the one that dumped food on my sweater.”

He shook his head, “Feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad,” I mumbled and looked down to straighten my skirt under the table, feeling like the guilt was going to swallow me whole, “You haven’t done anything wrong. ‘S fine. ‘M fine.”

“A-are we fine?”

My head snapped up to look at him. His bottom lip was between his teeth and his eyes were wide again. I felt like maybe I was going to faint.

“W-we?” I stammered, suddenly feeling like the large room was much too small.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that,” he shook his head, eyes getting even wider, “I just. I meant like us as friends? Are we okay?”

I just looked at him for a minute, “Y-yeah, we’re good.”

*

Truth was, we weren’t good. As soon as I got home I dropped onto my bed. It sucked. The night sucked. And it was all my fault. No one had humiliated me but me. All I could do was hope he’d had such a bad night he’d delete my number and forget all about me. And make a text post.

arcatfire:
alcohol would be nice rn
#what else do you do when you want to wash your brain out w bleach??

anonymous asked:
A WHAT HAPPENED IS THIS ABOUT DINNER W CUTE BOY??))))):

arcatfire answered:
I FCUKD U P SO BAD DONT LOOK AT ME

#ITS LIKE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT W URSELF BC YOU KEEP RELIVING IT

anonymous asked:
WHAT HAPPENED????????

arcatfire answered:
IDK I JUST OVERALL MADE AN ASS OUT OF MYSELF BC ANXIETY AND RUINED MY FAVORITE SWEATER LOL~
#KILL ME PLS

anonymous asked:
SSHHHHHH HE PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS ENDEARING

arcatfire answered:
NOO HE TOOK ME SOMEWHERE NICE AND EVERYTHING AND I WASNT READY AND FCUUUK KEEP ME AWAY FROM PPL

I answered a few anons and reblogged things in an attempt to keep my mind off of it. Until my phone buzzed.


H: Are you alright?? x

aaalivia: why are you awake? are /you/ alright??


I had absolutely no idea why H was awake when it was nearly 3:30 in the morning there.


H: Yeah, just woke up and checked Tumblr and saw you were having a freak out. You okay though? x

aaalivia: idk i made an ass out of myself in front of harry styles is anyone surprised

aaalivia: you should go back to sleep btw don’t let my pity party keep you up

H: Don’t mind, not really all that tired now anyway.