Woke Up Alone

He woke up alone.

It was around three o’clock in the morning on Sunday when Alex woke up to find that nobody was laying beside him. He had been tossing and turning in his sleep, reaching out as if he was begging for help. When his eyes finally snapped open, he found himself not looking into her round and vivid brown eyes. He didn’t feel her slim but warm arms wrap around him or hear her soothing voice whisper into his ear to calm him down from his nightmare. Instead, all he was looking at was her side of the bed. The empty side of the bed.

Alex sat up and rubbed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to help himself remain composed. But on the inside, he was far from that and it took every ounce of him not to bury his face in his hands and scream out her name. He couldn’t stay calm, especially after waking up to find that the one thing he feared would happen again had in fact become real.

He wanted to tell himself that this was a dream or that he was being too paranoid, but it was still dark outside and she wasn’t usually gone in the early hours of the morning. Not when it’s at a ridiculous time like this. He knew her too well to know that she hated to wake up early, which was why he was usually the one getting out of bed before her. No, something else was going on and Alex swallowed hard when he pieced things together, all of it narrowing down to one thing.

Meg had left him.

The thought wouldn’t leave his head. No. No. She couldn’t have left him. Things were going so well and he thought she was happy with him; glad that they were finally together and making things work. But then again, it wasn’t like this was something new. Meg leaving him in the middle of the night was such a horrible feeling and the scary part was that it was also familiar. She had left him before and he began thinking back to when that happened.


It was the summer of 2006 when they met. All Time Low was doing Warped Tour for a few weeks that year and the first time he ever saw her was when she was performing on stage. He had been wandering around that day, checking out all the booths and other bands playing. That’s when she sang into the mic, which captured his attention. His first thought upon seeing her was how beautiful she looked. Her long wavy brown hair was glowing from the sun and contrasted with the white floral-patterned sundress she was wearing. Her lips were a deep shade of red, perfectly complimenting her tanned skin and he couldn’t stop staring at those big round eyes.

Her voice was just as captivating as her appearance and it managed to stop Alex from walking any further, choosing to stick around their set to watch this girl play her guitar and provide backup vocals. Most people were more focused on her sister, who was the lead singer, but not Alex. He kept his gaze on the girl strumming away on her guitar and eventually, she noticed him. She smiled at him and it caught him off guard, to which he responded by smiling back despite his cheeks turning red from both embarrassment and the fact that this pretty girl acknowledged him.

After their set was finished and the crowd had dispersed, he stood there for a few minutes, contemplating if she should go up to her and start a conversation. However, after taking a tentative step forward and overthinking about all the possible scenarios that could play out, he backed away from the stage and walked in the other direction. Besides, she was probably busy dealing with equipment and fans and all that. It wasn’t like she’d want to talk to Alex with how weird and awkward he could be. As he moved further away from the stage, he pushed all thoughts of her away and went on to find his band. For that moment, he really thought that was the end of it.

It wasn’t until later when he and the guys were doing a signing at their booth. By that point, he had already forgotten about her and was busy talking to some fans and scribbling his name on all the things they gave him. That was when he felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to find that it wasn’t just another fan. It was her.

She was flashing him that same smile she had earlier. “Hi.”

“H-hi,” Alex managed to utter.

“I came here to say hi to my biggest fan from today.” She smirked. “But it looks like he has some fans of his own.”

He laughed and scratched his head. “Y-yeah, I guess I did end up being your biggest fan. I was, uh, just checking out a bunch of bands and I thought you sounded pretty good. Sorry if my staring creeped you out.”

“It’s totally fine,” she said. “As weird as this sounds, your staring is what brought me here in the first place.”

“Oh, um, really?” He cocked his head to the side.

She nodded. “Yeah, I noticed you kind of stayed a bit after we were done playing. You looked like you wanted to talk, but then you walked away.”

“Well, I was wondering if I should talk to you, but I got a little nervous,” he muttered. “So I just got out of there before I could scare you away.”

“Why would you scare me away?” She giggled, which made a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “I love meeting new people and you seem like a nice guy already.”

“Thanks,” he said. “You seem really nice, too.”

“Allow me to introduce myself.” She extended a hand to him. “I’m Meg.”

He brought up his own hand to shake it. “I’m, uh, I’m Alex. It’s nice to meet you, Meg.”

“So Alex,” she began. “Want to get out of here so we can get to know each other better?”

She hadn’t let go of of him yet and he looked down at their hands, not sure if he should pull away or not. Though he wasn’t going to admit it, he didn’t mind holding her hand. Even if it meant absolutely nothing at the time.

“Get out of here?” He looked over his shoulder to see if there were any other fans that wanted his attention, but they were too busy talking to Jack, Rian, and Zack. Alex faced her again and nodded. “Yeah, sure. Let’s get out of here.”

Without hesitation, she squeezed his hand and took off running with Alex a little surprised by her taking off and not warning him. Lucky he was able to keep up with her, otherwise she would’ve ended up dragging him across the venue. Every few minutes, she’d look back at him and he’d wonder where exactly she was taking them. When he asked, all she did was wink at him and told him to wait until they got there. So Alex just shook his head and laughed, wondering what he got himself into by following this girl.

Meg took him to an area in the venue that was away from all the booths, stages, and buses. She stated she wanted to bring him to a place where nobody could bother them and he silently agreed that this was the best spot if they wanted to be alone. Once they stopped running, they both took a moment to catch their breath.

When she was able to speak again, she looked at him. “You can let go now.”

Alex immediately took his hand away. “Oh, sorry. I-I forgot I was still holding it. That was weird of me, wasn’t it? Maybe I should just...”

He didn’t understand why he was acting so nervous around her. Usually, it was the other way around and he was always able to talk to girls with ease. Yet for some reason, this girl made it difficult for him to say a sentence without stumbling on his words. He thought of maybe walking away from her again, thinking if he stayed with her any longer he’d embarrass himself beyond repair. However, she gently put a hand on his shoulder when he took a step.

“Hey,” she said softly, laughing a little to relax him. “It’s okay. Really. Honestly, I don’t care if you’re weird or not. I want to get to know you, Alex. Like I said, you seem like a nice guy.”

With the tone in her voice and the look she was giving him, did he really want to leave her? He didn’t even really want to leave before she said that and when she established she wanted him to stay, his heart fluttered a bit. Ignoring that weird sensation in his stomach, he simply leaned against the metal fence and grinned.

“Alright then,” he said. “Sorry I freaked out a little. I’m a little off today, but I really want to get to know you, too.”

“I can kind of understand why you’re acting like this,” she said and Alex raised an eyebrow at this. “This is probably the first time your band’s playing for this festival and you’re glad to finally make it. This is my first time being here, too.”

Sure, let’s go with that, he thought.

He then cleared his throat and crossed his arms. “Yeah, it’s our first time here and it’s kind of surreal. I mean, I grew up listening to most of the bands that played for Warped and now I’m actually apart of it now. It’s crazy and exciting at the same time.”

The subject of Warped Tour had successfully helped Alex have an actual conversation with her and she couldn’t help but find him adorable as he talked about how it felt to be doing the same thing his idols did years earlier. She saw the light in his eyes and heard the joy in his voice. It was admiring to see how much this meant to him.

“Did you already perform?” she asked.

“Yeah, I played not long after I watched you,” he replied.

“I wish I looked for you sooner then,” she sighed and leaned against the fence as well. She was close enough to him that their shoulders were even touching. “That way I could’ve watched your set.”

“There’s always tomorrow.” He nudged her, earning him a playful shove from her. “I’ll let you know when we’re gonna be on stage and I’ll make sure to see you perform again. I like your music. You have a really nice voice.”

“You think I have a nice voice?” She looked at him incredulously. “But my sister’s the one who does most of the singing. I’m just backup.”

“Backup or not, I heard your voice loud and clear,” Alex told her. “That’s what made me watch you guys in the first place.”

“I’m really not that great of a singer,” she murmured, turning away from him.

“Come on, don’t think like that,” he said. He moved off the fence and walked to the other side of her so she was facing him. “Your singing is beautiful and I really meant it when I said it was the reason I ended up watching your band. You’re talented and you should realize that. That’s why I wanna see you play again tomorrow.”

She grinned widely at his words, her cheeks heating up from all the things he said to her. “Wow, nobody’s really said that to me before. You really are a nice guy.”

“Just being honest.” He shrugged.

“I bet you’re just as talented, too,” she mused. “I’m definitely going to see your band tomorrow. I promise.”

Alex beamed at her, his heart fluttering again. This time it was impossible for him to ignore the feeling, but he did the best he could to stay cool.

“I can’t wait.”

And that’s how it went every single day he was on Warped Tour with her. They would meet up with each other in between sets and she’d always take his hand so they could run off somewhere in the venue where nobody would find them.

It didn’t take long for their bands to meet, either. The second day he went to go watch her perform, Jack was being nosy as hell and kept bugging Alex about why he was in such a hurry to get away from them. Since he was so damn persistent, there was no other choice but to tell him. As for Meg, Dia already was aware of who she was hanging out with since she saw her sister making eye contact with Alex and the fact that Meg left the moment he took off from their stage.

So Jack decided to tag along with Alex to watch her and after insisting—in other words, bothering Alex until he finally gave in—he be introduced, Dia also introduced herself and from then on, they all became friends. That still didn’t stop Alex and Meg from finding some time to be alone together.

He liked talking to her. She never made him feel stupid and he never felt like he had to impress her. He could really be himself; like how he could always make her laugh with his weird jokes and he could goof off whenever she was around. His days were better and it was evident in the way he acted and the smile on his face. As the days went by, the guys noticed his change in attitude. Whatever feelings he had for this girl, they knew that his feelings were beyond friendship.

But All Time Low wasn’t there for long. After three weeks, they were done with Warped Tour which meant he had to part ways with Meg. He hated how fast the week went by and how they didn’t get as much time together, but this wasn’t going to be the last goodbye. He wasn’t going to just leave and act like they weren’t going to see each other again because he wasn’t going to allow that to happen. He didn’t want to forget her and before he had to go, he wanted to let her know exactly how he felt about her.

“I had a lot of fun with you these past few weeks,” she said to him as they both stood outside his tour bus. “It’s too bad it all went by so fast, but I had fun. Looks like we have to say goodbye now.”

Alex sighed. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon.”

“Yeah, maybe.” She averted her eyes, making Alex think there was something wrong.

“Meg,” he began and moved closer toward her.

“Wait.” She placed her hands on his chest. “Before you say goodbye, I have to do something and I feel I should do it now before I chicken out and hate myself later.”

He shot her a puzzled look. “What are you doing?”

She looked up at him and leaned in closer. That’s when she gave him a quick peck on the lips and for the thousandth time that week, his heart was pounding against his chest. He stood there wide-eyed when she pulled away and his legs were shaking. He was so close to falling, but after getting a grip on reality again he was able to prevent himself from meeting the ground.

“I really like you,” she confessed. “I thought I’d tell you before you left and I admit, I’m going to miss you.”

His legs started shaking again and he wasn’t even sure what was considered real anymore. Did she really say that to him? Here he was trying to tell her his true feelings, yet she had beat him to it and he didn’t know if he should believe her.

But he did believe her.

“I really like you, too,” he muttered. “You’re an amazing person, Meg.”

To him, she really was and he had never felt this way about a girl. He wanted her to keep in touch with him; that way it could create a better possibility of them crossing paths again. He hadn’t even stepped on the bus and he was already thinking about the next time they’ll be together. Whatever the next time would be, he certainly hoped it would be soon.


It seemed like the universe was on his side that year because when winter came, All Time Low ended up touring with bands such as Sugarcult and The Pink Spiders. They were told that another band was going to join the tour in Las Vegas and sure enough, that very band ended up being Meg and Dia.

The moment they met again, he greeted her with a kiss. A real kiss, which she gladly reciprocated.

“I told you I’d see you soon,” he said when they parted.

She just giggled and pressed her lips to his once more, the both of them happy to hold each other again. He thought this was going to be a great tour now that they were going to be on the road together again. Restless nights on the tour buses, hanging out backstage, exploring the places they traveled to. He was going to be doing all of these things with her and there was nobody else he’d rather spend more time with. There was one thing that was on Alex’s mind when she wrapped her arms around him and that thing was that he was completely in love with this girl.

He should’ve realized just how fucking stupid he was.

After the show, she held out her hand for him to take it so they could do what they had done in the summer. The only difference was that they weren’t in some big amphitheater or parking lot. They were in a hotel and she brought him up to her room, his lips crashing into hers the moment she closed the door. With his arms still around her waist, they both moved toward the bed and his hands traveled up so he could remove her cardigan.

When they both finally sat down on the bed, she wrapped her arms around his neck and fell back so that he was on top of her. She then ran her fingers through his hair while his lips trailed down to her neck. He sucked on her skin lightly and she gasped a bit at this, but didn’t stop him. Instead, she started unbuttoning his shirt and once he got rid of that, he returned to kissing her lips again. However, that’s when he decided to break away so he could finally tell her what had been eating him up from the inside; the words that were just waiting to be said out loud.

“I love you, Meg,” he whispered.

She froze and took her hands away from him. He noticed this and shifted his body so he was no longer on her, allowing her to sit up. When he finally looked at her, he saw that her smile had faded and he began wishing he could take the words back.

“Y-you love me?” she stuttered. “I-I...no, this is...I don’t...do you really mean that?”

His heart sank at the harshness of reality. He wanted to get off of that bed, put his shirt back on, and leave her room as quickly as possible like when he left that stage the day he first saw her. Run away to prevent the pain from getting to him. But things didn’t work that way and he knew he just had to take a deep breath and talk to her.

“I do mean it,” he mumbled, looking down at the white sheets to avoid her gaze. “I love you. But I could already tell that you don’t feel the same way.”

Meg cupped his cheek, making him look up so that their eyes could meet. “You know I care for you. It’s just that...we’ve only known each other for a few months and for you to say you love me right now, this is all going so fast. Are you sure this is how you feel?”

“It’s only been a few months, but I know how I feel.” he retorted. “I’m serious, I’ve never felt this way about anybody else. Now just be honest and tell me what you have to say about this. I think I can handle it.”

“I’m sorry.” She slowly lowered her hand and set it in her lap. “I really like you and you really are a great guy that I’m glad I met...but I don’t love you. I can’t say that I love you when I don’t feel as strongly for you and if I said it now, that wouldn’t be right for me to just lie.”

“I...I understand,” he stammered and before she could say another word, he got up to grab his shirt. “I put you in an uncomfortable position and I’m a huge dick for doing that. I’ll leave you alone now.”

He slipped on his shirt and immediately walked out the door, not bothering to look back or stay long enough for her to stop him. But he didn’t really need to turn his head to see if she was trying to anyway. He didn’t hear her move and or any indication that she wanted to speak. Alex just focused on the door, swung it open and shut it behind him. He had left so quickly that he didn’t even bother to button his shirt back up when he headed back to his room.

She didn’t go after him.

Later that night, he couldn’t go to sleep. He had been laying in bed since entering his room and just kept staring up at the ceiling in hopes of finally giving into slumber. But he had no luck and sat up in his bed in the dark, replaying the last words he heard from Meg over and over again in his head.

He initially thought of just avoiding her for the remainder of the tour or making up some lame excuse for his unrequited confession, but decided how ridiculous those decisions were. Meg didn’t deserve that and he knew that what he really had to do was find her in the morning so they could sit down and talk. Then Alex would apologize for making her feel like she had to love him back and he’d tell her that they’re better off as friends because he was moving way too fast for his own good. It killed him to do that, but that was probably the best option since it looked like a relationship between them wasn’t going to work out.

Just when he began to relax, there was a knock at the door. He groaned and got out of bed to answer the door, guessing it was probably one of the guys. After all, he had been ignoring their calls and they were probably still hanging out or something, wondering why he hadn’t joined them.

“Jack, I’m not in the mood to go out.” When he opened the door, however, he wasn’t met with one of his bandmates. Standing in front of him was Meg, still wearing the dress she had on earlier, her hair no longer in a messy bun and falling over her shoulders. She was twiddling her thumbs, but faced him and had a blank expression.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hi,” he said back. But Alex didn’t want to attempt to do small talk with her. They obviously had to work things out and since she was already there, no point in waiting until the morning. He had to bring it up before it got even more awkward. “Look, about earlier-”

He was then interrupted by her lips crashing into his and his arms went around her waist to pull her close. Meg held his face in her hands and he picked her up and took her inside his room. Once the door closed and they got to the bed, she removed his shirt and pants while he did the same with her dress. She refused to pull away from him and he relished in the feeling of her body against his, the both of them picking up where they had left off hours earlier.

It was a night he wouldn’t forget and it was unforgettable for many reasons. Before, he believed that would be the night he and Meg had realized that they could work. Sure they were off to a rocky start, but they could still deal with their differences, all the bullshit, and any other obstacles that tried to stop them from being happy. As long as they cared for each other, they could last. That’s what he believed. What he didn’t know or expect was that it was actually her own way of saying goodbye.


She was gone by the time he woke up the next morning.

He lay there naked and tangled in the sheets that still smelled of her, not fully realizing that she wasn’t coming back. The first thought that came to his mind at seeing she wasn’t laying beside him was that she probably went back to her room. Eventually, he got up to take a shower and changed before leaving to find her. When he arrived outside her door, he knocked a few times and waited.

Nobody answered. He knocked again, just in case she was in the bathroom and didn’t hear it, but there was still no answer. He still thought nothing of it, assuring himself that she was probably in the lobby or with her band. Perhaps she was even with his own band, as she had gotten pretty close to them in the summer. First, he met up with Jack to ask if he had seen her anywhere, but his best friend simply stated that he hadn’t. So he asked the others, only to get the same answer and the other bands also told him she wasn’t around.

Not even her own sister knew where she was and her bandmates only told Alex that the last time they saw her was when she walked off with him. He began worrying, knowing that something was definitely wrong if nobody knew of her whereabouts. Alex had gone everywhere in the hotel, even going so far to ask random guests if they had seen a girl who matched the description he gave them. His search for her was going no where and he became more desperate to find her, not wanting to come to the conclusion that she wasn’t there anymore.

He still refused to think that later in the day while on the bus, but everyone else had already realized the truth. They didn’t want to accept it but they did and they knew Alex was too in denial to be convinced, so they didn’t say much to him. He stayed by himself in the bunk area while they gave him space, telling themselves that he would come to terms with it when he’s ready. In fact, he hadn’t said much since they left the hotel and Jack hated seeing his friend so silent so he was the first one to approach him.

“Hey,” Jack said as he sat in his bunk that was across from Alex’s. “You’ve been in here for hours. The guys and I just want to know how you’re holding up.”

Alex didn’t look at him. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me."

As if Jack was actually going to believe that. “You know, as your friend, I’m here if you want to talk about it. We’re not worried about you, Alex. We just don’t want you to think you can’t tell us what’s really up.”

“Well, nothing’s up, alright?” he snarled. “I’m fine and I’m just thinking about tonight’s show. Performing for the fans is more important than...”

His voice faltered and he swallowed hard while Jack grimaced at seeing him struggle to finish his sentence. Alex felt a lump in his throat at trying to say her name, silently cursing himself for looking so pathetic over a girl he never really had a chance with. This was not the time for him to be acting like this at all, especially when he had a fucking show to do that night. He was supposed to fake a smile and give them some false reassurance that this wasn’t that big of a deal, but instead he was barely keeping it together and none of them were stupid to think that he was anywhere near being okay.

Jack cleared his throat. “Alex...Alex, please say something.”

He shook his head. “I’m fine. I said I’m fine.”

“If you don’t think you can play our set, it’s understandable,” Jack told him. “Why don’t you just take a break tonight?”

Alex frowned and his eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to take a fucking break. Why the fuck would I take a fucking break?”

“Considering what happened-”

“So what, you think I can’t fucking handle playing tonight?” Alex spat through clenched teeth. “If you think I’m going to just sit here and fucking back out just because of that, then you don’t fucking know me.”

He had stood up from his bunk and had spoken loud enough for Rian and Zack to hear him. They stopped what they were doing to head toward the bunk area while Jack also got up to face Alex.

Zack decided to step in to calm the situation. “There’s no need to yell. We’re not against you. We’re just trying to help-”

“Shut the fuck up, Zack!” Alex shoved him, seething at the words that had been said. Zack was a bit taken aback by this, but didn’t retaliate. “All of you think you’re helping, but you’re not fucking helping!”

They all looked at him dejectedly, knowing he was too distressed to control his emotions and the only way he could deal with it was by taking things out on them. He was most likely going to regret it later, but up until that point, he had been quiet and if this was the only way he could express himself for the time being, then so be it.

“You really want to help me?” Alex continued to shout, but he no longer sounded angry. Tears were forming in his eyes and his voice was breaking again. “Then leave me the fuck alone. Stop telling me to take a break. Stop fucking suffocating me and trying to get me out of playing the show tonight. The last thing I want to do is do this kind of shit to the fans. I don’t want everyone to wonder why I can’t perform. I don’t want them to know how messed up I really am. I...I don’t want to fuck this up like...like how I fucked things up with her.”

He dropped to his knees and buried his face in his hands, causing Jack to drop onto the floor beside him to pull him into a hug. No longer able to keep things in, Alex allowed himself to finally break down and cry in front of them. He didn’t care about hiding it anymore because there was no point. All he could care about was the girl who had left him without a sound.

He probably looked and sounded so fucking ridiculous, but he faced Jack while trying to wipe away the tears that kept falling. “She’s gone, Jack. Why did she just leave?”

And Jack just sighed, looking sadly at him and giving him the only answer he had. “I don’t know, Alex. But we’re here for you.”

There was no note left on the pillow to tell him where she had went or why she couldn’t stay. No kiss goodbye to give him the sensation of her lips one last time. Nothing. She was really gone and she wasn’t coming back while he was left in pieces.

That night, Alex didn’t perform.


It didn’t get much better for him during the months that followed. When the tour was over, he didn’t leave his place much or answer any calls. The only time he used his phone was when he tried calling her despite getting no answer each time. Her voicemail was the only way he could still hear her voice and was part of the reason why he still called.

Not even the phone calls were able to last because soon her number was no longer available. That was the last connection to her that he had been holding onto and just like Meg, it was gone. He tried to take his mind off of her since there was nothing else from her that was left. He attempted to let his memories of this girl fade away and slip past his mind while he moved on.

He tried to find solace in Lisa, dragging himself out of his room to go to her place. Like always, she took him back and for the next few weeks, he actually had a reason to get out of the house. The guys weren’t really fond of him doing this to himself, but he ignored their disapproval and continued to see her. Except, being with Lisa wasn’t the same as it used to be and since getting back together with her, he had noticed how different he felt around her. While he had began to smile and talk to all his friends again, he still didn’t consider himself happy. Deep down, he didn’t really want Lisa and at this revelation, he was disgusted with what he had been doing to her this whole time.

All the dates, all the kisses, and all those nights they fucked; all were just ways to occupy his mind away from any thoughts of her. Lisa wasn’t his savior. She was simply a distraction; a replacement who he always ended up running to because she was “safe” and because she let him. No matter how long they’ve known each other or how much they’ve been through together, he will never love her as much as he loved Meg. Which is why he ended things, explaining to her that they both were hurting each other by staying in this toxic relationship. He told Lisa that he wasn’t the one and the only way for her to actually find someone who truly loved her, she had to stop settling with him. They were done and though it broke her heart at first, she understood.

It seemed like things were looking up for him and he was back to focusing on music. He was writing songs again for the new album after the whole thing with Lisa was dealt with, but then his mind was filled with images of Meg yet again. Alex wondered what she was doing and where she was. Unlike him, he was sure she was doing good. She was probably still traveling the world with her sister, playing her guitar and mesmerizing audiences with her voice and beauty. Maybe on her days off, she was reading old books in the coffee shop, wearing one of her cap sleeve dresses and her favorite pair of combat boots. What he wondered the most, however, was if he crossed her mind. Were there times when she would try to picture what he was doing? Had she ever looked at her phone and thought of answering back any of the calls or listen to the messages he left on her voicemail? Did he leave an impact on her as much as she did on him?

Well, he would never know. He had no way of ever speaking or seeing her again, so it was almost as if they were never in each other’s lives. She never tried calling him back, she changed her number, and there was no address given to him, so not even a letter for her was optional. He wished there was some way, anything he could do to reach out to her.

And that’s when he figured it out.

“I wrote another song,” he told the guys one day. Before that, they only had maybe a couple of other tracks already written and he had called them to come over so he could show what he got.

They were all sitting on the couch, looking at the old notebook he had kept for years while he sat in a nearby chair and tuned his guitar. All his attention was toward his guitar to make it seem like he wasn’t anxiously waiting for their opinions on his new lyrics. He had written them the night before, not once putting his pencil down or looking up from the notebook. It had been a while since he’d been so emotionally invested into a song and hopefully they could see how much passion he put into it.

“Wow, Alex,” Rian breathed. He set down the notebook on the coffee table and turned to him. “You really wrote all this yesterday?”

He nodded, gripping tightly onto the neck of the guitar. Before Rian spoke up, those few moments of silence felt like forever and he was glad something was said because he was able to breathe easy again.

“This is really good,” Jack mused. “This is probably the best song you’ve written so far.”

“It is,” Zack agreed. “It really tells a story and I can see you put your heart into this one.”

“Of course he did.” Jack picked up the notebook and silently mouthed the lyrics, trying to imagine how they’d be with a melody. It made sense why Alex worked so hard on writing it and why he wanted to know what they thought right away. The moment he saw what the title of the song was, it all became clear why this was so important to Alex. “This song is for her.”

Though Alex didn’t look surprised. “Yeah, it is. I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about her a lot lately and thinking back at what happened months ago...it made me write this. I guess it’s me telling myself that I should let go of my feelings for her. But then I also wrote it in hopes that she’d one day hear it. That she’d want to find me again so we could get closure or something.”

They weren’t sure she would ever end up listening to it, but it was best they stay positive. This wasn’t something they could predict and the only thing they could do was let things run their course and hope for the best. If it was meant to be, then she’ll hear what he had to say and maybe one day she’ll actually come back to him.

“I’m sure she’ll hear it one day.” Rian gave him a slight smile. “Then maybe you two can finally get the closure you deserve. Or even work things out.”

“But for now,” Jack said. “Why don’t you show us how this whole song sounds?”

Alex set the guitar back on his lap. “Sure.”


April of 2007 was when they began recording So Wrong, It’s Right. The song he wrote for her was one of the last ones recorded and also one of the most difficult for a few reasons. For one, there was a verse in the song that was supposed to be sung by someone else. Juliet, the singer of Automatic Loveletter and a good friend of theirs, sang it and they all thought she sounded incredible when they listened to the recording of her vocals.

As perfect as her voice was, Alex secretly wished that was Meg singing. When he had written that, her voice was all that he had in mind and he would be lying if he didn’t say he wrote it specifically for her. He missed her voice. In fact, he just missed everything about her.

The other reason was that it was hard for him to sing it without falling apart. Writing it was one thing, but when he sang it for the first time, all the memories of her came crashing down on him and the one that couldn’t leave his head was that morning when he woke up alone. The more he let his thoughts trace back to that morning, the more it hurt and he just wanted things to be different. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to feel whole again, but life was cruel and he couldn’t change the past no matter how much he wanted to.

He managed to pull through and finally record it. When the album was finished, he was astonished by how it all sounded. The band liked how things turned out and it was amazing how they really got it done. It was a rough couple of months and he was a fucking mess at times, but they did it. He was a little proud of himself and he was definitely proud of his bandmates, thankful that they were there for him. If it weren’t for them, he didn’t know what he’d do.

The album was released in September and to promote their new CD, they were back on tour. He had to admit, it was actually fun to be playing in front of crowds again and he loved seeing their response to the album. When they’d meet with fans before and after the shows, kids would go on and on about how much they loved their new songs and they’d even tell him their favorites. Needless to say, a few of them would mention that song, asking him if there was some special meaning behind the song. He was honest with them, stating that it was about a girl he had fallen for and fans would gush about how sweet that was. Strangely, they didn’t ask who this girl was, but he was relieved they didn’t. He wasn’t sure if he could handle that. Well, actually he knew he couldn’t handle that.

There were numerous times when that song had been apart of their setlist and every time he added it, he would immediately cut it. It had become fairly popular among their fans and he really wanted to perform it for them, he really did. The problem was that he wasn’t sure if he was really ready to do that. The first time he sang it, he broke down about halfway through the song and when he recorded it, it took him a million times to get it right without getting choked up. That was already bad enough, so he definitely didn’t think he’d be able to sing this song in front of all these huge crowds without becoming a wreck by the end of it.

They had been touring for several weeks and it was around winter again. It had been about a year since he’d last seen her and still nothing even though the album was out. That was when he made a decision to finally play the song live, knowing that the fans have earned it and that he was never going to get over her if he kept putting it off. There was no reason for him to be afraid of some song that apparently didn’t mean anything to the girl he wrote it for. It meant something to him and he’s sure it meant a lot to the fans as well. With their support, he could do it.

It was mid-December and they were playing somewhere in Utah. Despite the great energy that the band and the audience had that night, Alex began to get a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach as it got closer to the end of their show. They were playing the song last and when the moment finally arrived, he got his acoustic guitar out. Jack whispered into his ear to ask if he was alright and he nodded. Ignoring how shaky his hands were and how his knees seemed weak, he pushed all feelings of doubt away and focused. He was the only one on the stage now and this wasn’t the time to freak out. The rest of the band were taking a backseat; it was just going to be him. He stepped forward to the mic and the crowd grew quiet, waiting for him to speak up.

“First of all, I just want to say thank you guys for making this such a great night,” he said with a smile. Everyone took a few minutes to cheer, but lowered the volume again so he could continue. “Really, all of you being here and enjoying our music means a lot and I don’t know what I’d do without all the love you give us. Which is why I feel like I should give the love back by playing something we haven’t played live yet until now.”

Some people screamed and a myriad of voices filled the venue, all excited to be the first ones to hear whatever song it was that the band had in store for them. All eyes were on Alex, letting him know that they were still listening.

“This song is...” he paused and briefly looked away. “It’s a special song and I wrote it for a girl who I fell in love with and broke my heart. To be honest, I still love her and I’m still hoping she’ll hear this one day and like it. But right now what really matters is that you guys like it and tonight, this song is for you because you guys keep me going through all the hard times.”

He was close to shedding tears, but he inhaled deeply and kept himself under control. “This song is called ‘Remembering Sunday’. I hope you guys like it.”

Their screams were louder this time. They couldn’t believe it. This was the song they had been waiting to hear for a while and for them to be the first ones to experience this, they were truly honored. Alex began strumming the first few chords and flashed the audience a wide grin as they stared at him in awe. Seeing the look on their faces made him feel a little more confident and he began singing the first verse with ease.

He surprised himself by actually singing it without messing up and everyone had their hands in the air, singing along with him. That was the reaction he had been aiming for because they all deserved this; they deserved a good night. He was still smiling, but his eyes trailed down as he sang because he was close to crying again. The words he wrote still affected him and as he stood in front of the crowd, he still couldn’t help but picture how it’d be if she was there. She would see him doing what he loved most and she’d see how he was trying all he could to become a better person. She’d see how he was doing all of this for her, even if it meant he was also letting her go.

It really hit him. He loved her so much that he’d leave her alone. For good.

It started getting harder for him to sing because the tears were falling and he was having difficulty keeping his voice steady. It was getting closer to Juliet’s part and he wasn’t even sure if he was going to last. He didn’t sound as good as he had in the beginning and that part was never fucking easy for him to get through without sobbing and the fans were worried for his well-being at the moment. His band was about to help him, but he looked up and his eyes widened.

Right there, standing in the crowd, was Meg.

He blinked a few times, staring at her in disbelief while she looked back at him. She wasn’t very close to the front. In fact, she was closer to the back but that didn’t stop him from spotting her. She stuck out; her brown eyes shining from the lights in the building and her lips painted with bright red lipstick. While everyone around her looked sweaty and tired, she looked more beautiful than ever and just smiled.

This had to be a dream or a figment of his twisted fucked up imagination. That had to be it. He had finally gotten to the point where he was now hallucinating and he was seeing things. There was no way she could really be there watching him, right? They haven’t seen each other in a year and she just happens to be at this show. It was way too much of a coincidence for this to be real. Maybe he was more screwed up than he thought.

Whether he was delusional or not, seeing her—if that was even her—standing there ultimately helped him sing the rest of the song. He focused on playing and sang loud and clear, his voice coming out strong and hitting all the notes he was supposed to hit. All the while, he was gazing at her and he couldn’t look away. When he finished the song, everybody’s response was to cheer as loud as they could, still finding his performance astounding despite him having a little trouble. No matter what he did, they all still cared for him and were just glad that he was okay.

He looked at the band and saw that they were clapping and smiling at him, proud that he did it. A smile crossed his features once more and he looked back at the crowd, searching for her. Except when he looked back at where he saw her, she wasn’t standing there anymore. Alex’s smile disappeared and he wiped his tear-stained cheeks, questioning what the hell was wrong with him.

Backstage, he sat in the bathroom for a while. Alex felt like he was about to bang his head against the bathroom stall, trying to understand what just happened. He could’ve sworn he saw her. Did he finally lose it and go crazy? This was giving him a headache and he was about ready to scream, but the sound of the bathroom door opening stopped him from doing so.

“Alex? You in here?”

It was Jack. Alex got up and opened the stall door. “Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?”

“I’ve been looking for you because we’re all ready to go,” he said. “Everyone’s on the bus.”

Alex rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know I was in here that long. I’m ready to go.”

“Hey, quit looking like somebody took candy from you or whatever,” Jack put a hand on his shoulder. “You played a great show today, especially when you finished our set. You should be happy.”

“You’re right,” he muttered. “I guess I’m just tired, but I’m also glad our show turned out good tonight.”

Jack put an arm around him and they left the bathroom to head down the hall where the exit was. “Ah, that’s the spirit. Now let’s head to the bus. You’ve got somebody waiting for ya there.”

“Wait, what?” Alex furrowed his brow. “What are you talking about? Who could be waiting for me? And why would they be waiting for me?”

“You gotta calm down and quit asking all these questions.” Jack rolled his eyes. “Just chill out and wait until we get to the bus, alright?”

Alex glared at him and sighed. “Fine. But if this turns out to be a prank, I’m kicking your ass.”

They reached the exit and Jack quickly went behind Alex to push him out the door toward the bus. “I’d like to see you try, but no. As hilarious as I am, it’s not a prank. It’s better than that and you’ll thank me later.” Once they got to the bus, Jack opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing Alex to go in. “You first, buddy.”

He didn’t bother to ask why Jack was so eager to get him on the bus. It appeared that whoever was waiting for him must be really important. He walked up the steps of the bus and was immediately met by this so-called guest, who was quietly sitting on the couch. That’s when he froze.

Meg was sitting on the couch.

It wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t his imagination. He wasn’t going crazy because she was really there. She stood up and walked toward Alex while everyone else headed toward the back lounge in order to give them privacy.

Only one word escaped her lips and it was what she always said to break the silence. “Hi.”

“You’re really here,” he whispered. “I saw you at the show, but I wasn’t sure if it was really you. I seriously thought I was losing my mind.”

“Don’t worry, you weren’t,” she giggled and cupped his cheek. “I’m really here. I listened to what you wrote for me and I...I just had to come here as soon as I found out you were playing near where I live. I want to say how sorry I am.”

“Sorry?” he repeated, placing his hand over hers. “No, you shouldn’t be sorry after what I said-”

“The truth is that I love you, too, Alex,” she confessed. “That night you told me, I got scared. I felt the same way about you but before I met you, I got hurt. I was so afraid of getting close to someone that I pushed you away and ran. I realized that I never should’ve left and I’m so sorry for messing you up like that. I couldn’t get myself to call you back because I thought you hated me for leaving and didn’t want anything to do with me. But then I heard that song and calling you just wasn’t enough. I had to find you again and I did.”

“I could never hate you.” Alex let his other hand hold her waist. “Ever since you left, I’ve never stopped thinking about you.”

She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back. I was so stupid and I came here because I want to move forward from all that. I want to be with you, Alex, and I don’t ever want to leave. Can we start over?”

He moved her hair out of her face and smiled down at her. “Of course we can. Because I also want to be with you and I never want to let you go.”

Meg smiled back at him and leaned in closer while Alex also began leaning in. Finally, their lips met and his heart was beating rapidly at the feeling of her lips against his again. He couldn’t think straight and his legs were barely able to keep him up, but he was too busy dealing with the blissful sensation that the moment provided.

Nothing else mattered at that point except the fact that he was holding Meg again and could finally call her his.


That was seven years ago.

Seven years ago, she came back to him after leaving the year before. She had told him that she wasn’t going to slip away again, but by the looks of it, history had apparently repeated itself. Alex began panicking and got out of bed, looking around the house to see if she was still around. He never thought he’d end up frantically searching for her again, but here he was doing it. It got even worse when he didn’t find her anywhere.

She wasn’t sleeping in the living room or sitting in the kitchen. She wasn’t in the bathroom, either. Alex started pacing back and forth, nearly hyperventilating at the thought of her gone. A part of him had been fearing that this day would come, but he always hoped to God that he was wrong. He then began thinking irrationally, believing he could catch her before she could disappear from him forever. So he walked over to the front door and opened it to...

...find her sitting on the porch swing. In one hand, she was holding her favorite mug and was wrapped in a throw blanket. Her hair was up in a loose bun and she was wearing a hoodie and a pair of his old sweats. She was startled by the sound of the door opening, but let out a sigh of relief when she saw it was only him.

“Jesus, you scared me. I almost had a heart attack.” She held her hand over her heart. “What are you doing up right now?”

“I could ask you the same question,” he muttered. “It’s three. In the morning.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said. “So I decided to just make myself a cup of coffee and sit outside here for a bit. What about you?”

“Nightmare.” He walked over and sat down next to her. There was a light breeze outside, which made him shiver and she adjusted the blanket so that they could both be warm. Alex nodded to let her know he appreciated the gesture, but couldn’t help but also be so relieved that she hadn’t left.

After putting her mug down on the small table near the swing, she scooted closer to him and slipped her hand into his. “What’s wrong? Was it a really bad nightmare?”

“No, that’s not it.” He shook his head. “When I woke up, you weren’t there and I thought you...for a second I really believed that you...”

“That I left you,” Meg finished. She frowned and leaned her head on his shoulder, sad that she understood why this scared him so much. “Oh, Lex. No, I’d never let myself put you through that again. That was a stupid mistake that I never should’ve made.”

“I know it was.” He put an arm around her. “I guess to this day, I still feel like I don’t deserve you. Like it’s still unbelievable that someone as amazing as you is actually with me and I keep thinking that I’ll fuck things up again and you could leave anytime. And because of what happened last night, I started overthinking and...do you really want to be with me? Am I the one you really want, Meg?”

She kissed his neck and nuzzled against it, wanting to let him know that he shouldn’t be so insecure. It saddened her that he thought he wasn’t good enough for her. If anything, she thought she didn’t deserve him. He was always so loving, so selfless toward her and she had never fallen for anyone as hard as she had fallen for Alex. “I want you and no one else. Remember what I said all those years ago when I said I didn’t want to leave? I meant it. That’s why I’m still here. That’s why I said ‘yes’.”

They both looked down her left hand, where the gorgeous diamond ring he had given her the night before was on her finger.

“I want to marry you, Alex Gaskarth.” She grinned. “And I want to spend the rest of my days with you for as long as I live. So please, you don’t have to be scared anymore. You don’t have to feel like you’re not worth it because you are. I’m not going anywhere.”

Alex leaned in and kissed her, feeling way better thanks to her words. He and Meg really were meant to be together and they were going to make things last. They were going to get married and move into a beautiful home with a white picket fence, where they’ll raise a family. He’ll continue to write songs for her while she’ll sing to him. Their lives were filled with happiness and this was what they truly deserved. This was fate. They had let things run their course and fate was what brought them together.

“I love you, Meg.”

“I love you, too, Alex.”

His heart always fluttered whenever she said it back. He let her lean against him as they both looked up at the night sky for a bit until she finally fell asleep. Alex laughed softly and put the blanket around her before picking his beautiful fiancée up and carrying her inside.