Inexperienced

“So then how many boyfriends have you had?”

“Uh…none?” I looked at them and their jaws dropped.

They were gaping at me and trying to form coherent sentences.

“But…Wait…What? HOW?!” Kaner and Jon stared at me, waiting for my answer.

I shrugged and took a sip from my water bottle.

“Like I said, I’ve never really been the type of girl that guys were into.”

They were still trying to process this new information.

“So you’ve been single for the past twenty-two years?” Jon asked, still trying to believe it. “No. That’s not possible. Nope.”

“Well, believe it.” I shrugged. This really wasn’t something I discussed with just anyone. Well I don’t think I’ve ever discussed this with anyone. Besides my brother and Natalie. But that was basically it. It’s not something you go announcing to the entire world. Well, at least I don’t .

“But you’ve hooked up with guys, right?” Kaner asked. “I mean, surely you’ve hooked up with guys. Look at you, you’re a total babe. There’s no way you’ve never hooked up with a guy before. I mean, come on,” he said, wagging his eyebrows up and down.

Creep.

Smiling, I felt my face flush and looked down. “Thanks Kaner,” I said. “But I’ve never ‘hooked’ up with anyone either. Come on, I’m not that kind of girl.”

Looking back up at them, they were literally just staring at me.

They stayed like that for about three minutes until Jon finally broke the silence.

“So…wait…are you a…uh…well…have you umm…have you never…” Jon couldn’t even finish his sentence but I knew where he was getting at.

Looking at him straight in the eyes I answered his unspoken question.

“Yes Jon, I’m a virgin.”

I can’t believe I was actually discussing my personal non-existent love and sex life with these two. I barely knew them. Yet I felt like they weren’t going to judge me. It was kind of an instant connection with these two, along with the rest of the team. But these two were definitely something else.

“Woah,” he said.

What a great response.

“Yea. Thanks.” I looked back down.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jon said, “I just…seriously I just can’t believe that. It’s mind blowing that you’ve never…you know…hooked up with someone. But you know, that’s cool. A lot of girls are like that. I respect that, I really do. It’s cool, really.” He rambled on and on, trying to explain himself.

I reached over and covered his mouth with my hand.

“Jonny, shut up. It’s fine,” I giggled.

These boys sure were cute when they got nerveous.

“Wait,” Patrick said, grabbing my arm. “so…have you ever been kissed?” Kaner asked softly.

Oh great.

Still looking down, I laughed and shook my head no.

This is ridiculous. Why am I even talking about this?

I couldn’t even talk anymore. I felt my throat tighten and my eyes started to sting.

I hated thinking about these things. They just made me feel crappier. It’s why I was always focused on work and school. I didn’t want to think about these things. I didn’t have time for these things.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jon scooted closer to me. He grabbed my chin and tilted my face up, meeting my eyes.

A few tears fell but he wiped them away gently with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to pry,” he said.

“Yea, we’re sorry Karen. We didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Patrick said, scooting closer to me as well.

“No, it’s okay guys. It’s just…I hate thinking about these things, you know? I feel so…I don’t know…I’ve always felt like I was never enough. The fact that I’m almost twenty-three years old and I’ve never even been kissed is just…I don’t know…it’s fucking depressing, I guess,” I chuckled.

Jon’s jaw tightened. Never breaking eye contact, he grabbed my hands and held them in his. “Don’t you ever say that about yourself. Have you even looked in the mirror? You’re so beautiful, Karen. You really are. I mean, you have the most beautiful brown eyes. And your lips…man…any guy would be lucky to kiss those lips. And your body…yea…you have a great body.”

Kaner nodded his head furiously in agreement.

“He’s right. And we’re not just saying that because we’re your friends. Did you not see how the entire team reacted when you walked in? Literally every single guy in that room’s jaw dropped. Not to mention Jarred wouldn’t even take his eyes off of you,” Patrick said nudging my side. “You’re beautiful. Honestly.”

“Never forget that,” Jon added.

“Yea, I’d totally make sweet passionate love to you,” Patrick said smiling cheekily.

“Wow, thanks so much Kaner. It’s so great to hear that,” I chuckled, wiping away a few stay tears.

This kid really did know how to make a girl feel special.

“I’m serious!” Patrick scooted even closer and put his arm around my shoulder. “You’re a total babe.”

Jon smacked his arm away but he just laughed and stuck his tongue out at him.

“Back off Jonny Boy, I called her the second she walked in.” Kaner winked at me.

I laughed as Jon also scooted text to me.

“Uh, excuse you, I called her the second I met her. I win.”

“Wow guys, I’m a person, not an object,” I laughed, smacking both of them on their head.
“Anyway, I worked my ass off to get in shape. But it was worth it. Freshman, Sophomore, and part of Junior year were a bit challenging for me. Everywhere I would walk, I’d see the prettiest girls with their boyfriends. Almost every girl looked like a freaking model. And then there was me. I wasn’t overweight, but I wasn’t a size three like most girls. I wasn’t the skinniest or the prettiest. The guys I was friends with only saw me as a sister or a good friend. By the end of Junior year, I had lost about twenty pounds. I actually had a waist, I was a size three, and some guys finally noticed me. But they were all jerks and I saw how they completely ignored other girls. They made girls feel like shit. They made me feel like shit. I didn’t do this for them. I don’t do it to get any attention from them or from anyone else. I did it for me.”

“Then all those idiots missed out,” Patrick said softly. “Cause we’ve only known you for a day and we already love you. I loved you the moment you walked in. Even though this sounds cheesy and cliché, you’re beautiful just the way you are. You have an amazing personality, too. I mean, look how quickly you got along with the guys. You shouldn’t have to change for anyone because there’s going to be someone who’s going to love you for you, not for your body.”

I looked over at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, making him blush.

“Thank you Kaner. You don’t know what that means to me,” I said smiling at him.

“What about me? I think you’re perfect too. Even though I was a complete ass to you at first. And again, I apologize for that. But after a couple of hours of hanging out with you and getting to know you and the type of person you are I love you too,” Jon pouted.

“Yea you were an ass,” I said crossing my arms over my chest. “But you did man up and apologize. And you made me feel a billion times better. So thank you for that Jon.”

I leaned over and softly kissed his cheek.

Damn. He smelled really good. “Nice cologne,” I mumbled, making him blush.

That was definitely Armani Code. My absolute favorite cologne on a guy.

The entire night was spent like this. I’ve never opened up to anyone this much. In that short period of time together, I learned so much about them and they learned almost every little thing about me. I started laughing at one point because it made me realize that this is what sleepover was like. Then they smacked me with the pillows when I told them.

When we realized that it was three in the morning, we cleaned up and I walked them to the door.

Kaner turned around and kissed my forehead, saying goodnight. He did his bro shake with Jon and walked over to his apartment.

Then it was just Jon and I.

He just stood there staring at me.

“You really are beautiful, you know. Even though I just met you today, I meant every single word I said. Any guy would be so incredibly lucky to have you,” he said softly, almost whispering.

I looked down for a second and met his gaze again. “Thank you, Jon. For everything.”

He stood there, hesitant.

I froze.

Was he going to kiss me?

Fuck, how should I know? But how the fuck does someone even know when someone’s gonna kiss them?! There should be some kind of sign for us newbies.

Just then, his phone started vibrating really loudly and it ruined our moment. Lovely.

He took his phone out from his pocket and checked what it was. Looking back up at me, he kissed my cheek and said goodnight. Walking back to his apartment, he looked back at me and gave me a small smile.

I closed my door and slumped down. Dylan ran over to me and started licking my hand. “What the hell was that Dylan?”