Suffocater

It’s been about a few weeks since Danny’s party. So far Sully and I have been on the path to romance. We talk every night and every time we’re in class he sneaks peaks at me and flashes the sweetest smile. I’m smiling more—Addison and Lindsey won’t stop hassling me about it. My mom has been questioning me too, she claims I’m not usually this “smiley.” Sully’s great. That’s all I tell them. I don’t want to make things bigger than they are, although my heart seems to be teeming with the unfamiliar emotion. Hook, line, and I’m sinking to the black abyss.

“Danny’s having another party,” Cassidy says. Her, Lindsey, Addison, Alex, and I are all sitting at one of the round tables in the cafeteria, nibbling away at our lunches. A few other friendly faces are with us, including Blonde Kid whom I later found out is named Mitchell Westerburg.

“Yeah, it’s his birthday this weekend and he’s throwing a birthday party,” Mitch chimes in. Cassidy’s sitting on his lap, though he doesn’t seem to mind much. Him and Cassidy deny any real relationship, but it’s clear to everyone how deeply smitten they are with each other.

Addison speaks up first. There’s an unspoken rule that if Addison can’t go anywhere, then Alex and I are home ridden as well. “I get off work at seven! We should totally go!” Her face is glowing with excitement, but Alex bites her lip apprehensively.

“I’ve got work until midnight,” Alex says.

Addison thinks this over. “Well then we can go to the party, spend the night at my house, check in at midnight, pick you up—“ she refers to Alex—“then we can all do something later.” She looks to everyone for approval and we all nod our heads in compliance. “Great, tell Danny we’re coming.”

xxxxx

Every Friday my parents go to the bar. My dad and I will usually wait around until about 6:30 when my mom comes home and then at around 7, we’ll pile into my mother’s silver Cadillac and take the ten minute drive to Stone Face Pub. It’s a routine I’ve grown quite accustomed to; I relish the time alone I get at home to do whatever I please. Although, no illicit teenage behavior ever occurs in the walls of my parentless home. For the two or so hours I’m home I’ll eat dinner—something from Whole Foods, pick whatever movie from Netflix, and wait until I get the text from my father that it’s time to pick him up. It’s been a great routine for the past year and despite the fact that I don’t do much with my time alone, it’s that precious time that I can gather my thoughts and ponder over anything that’s given my mind a run for its money.

Tonight I’ve bought myself a buffalo chicken wrap, caesar salad, an almond cream cake, and a sweet tea. I decide to watch Clueless. It brings me back to my state of mind before Sully and I started…whatever it is that we’re doing. It makes me laugh knowing that I was so down about him and his ex, Sam. Then the fact that we’re so together right now makes me laugh again about how fast things can happen. Is this why high school relationships are so short-lived? Fire only lasts so long after all.

At that thought, my phone vibrates against my thigh. Without looking at the screen I know who’s name is going to be shown.

Hah no (: your the best (: Sully never typed out the full “haha” nor did he ever use the proper “you’re,” but with every text that he sends me a huge smile forms on my face. This smile is unique, though and so unfamiliar. The teeth, the stretching of the lips, the way my tongue presses up against my teeth may all be the same, but it’s the emotion behind it that makes it looks just a little bit different from my previous grins. It’s a smile that my mom would look at suspiciously and accuse me of talking to a boy, which I guess wouldn’t be wrong.

We’ve been talking about the good things in his life. The amount of cheesiness in this text is immense; I don’t care, though. I adore him for that.

You’re pretty much the best for saying that :) I type back. I can’t concentrate on Clueless anymore, or my delicious piece of almond cream cake. Sully’s like Clueless, almond cream cake, and my favorite sweet tea all rolled into one.

Within seconds I receive Sully’s reply. Hah your adorable (:

I remember Danny’s party tomorrow and proceed to inform him of our fantastic plans to attend. I can only imagine how this party will go now that Sully and I are kind of together. The last one we were barely acquaintances and we stuck our tongues in each other’s mouth. Now that we’ve been talking maybe we’ll have sex in Danny’s bed. At least I have a couple condoms, I guess…

So are you going to Danny’s party tomorrow? I think Lindsey, Cassidy, Addison, and I were gonna go :)

Hah I’ll definitely go (:

The unfamiliar smile comes back.

xxxxxx

“I look okay?”

I examined myself in the mirror. I’m wearing a shrunken light pink sweater with a black tank top underneath, jeans, and my favorite black boots. I straightened my hair this time. Addison sat on her bed, fiddling around with her bed sheets.

Addison looks up and smiles. “Yes, of course!”

I look back into the mirror and grin at the well-dressed woman staring back at me. This time I won’t be caught dead in some stupid St. Patrick’s Day socks. “Awesome, thank you,” I say.

“No problem. We’re just waiting on Cassidy, right? Lindsey said she’d meet us there.” I nod in reply and fling myself onto her twin sized bed. It’s been a few hours since I last texted Sully and my fingers are crying out in confusion. For these past two weeks it’s been a nonstop texting spree with Sully and my phone battery despised me for it. When I wasn’t texting Sully I was in school, which meant I was most likely talking to him in person. Life became the Sully show and I gladly sat down and watched.

The only thing is that it’s also been three weeks since I’ve kissed him. Last weekend we all went on a hike up the La Luz trails and I spent most my time catching up with the group than conversing with my cute blonde. Not like I didn’t enjoy simply being around him, but more personal communication is something my body’s been craving. I’m going into tonight with hope, after all Danny’s parties have produced good results so far.

“Hey guys.” I didn’t notice Cassidy had walked in. She was wearing a grey crop top with the words OMG emblazoned in silver glitter across the chest, tight dark wash jeans, and sparkly silver Vans. Often times I envied her super x-small figure, but then I remember that I have big boobs and she’s rocking an A-cup. Not to be a bitch, Cassidy would actually know how to use big boobs for her advantage, unlike me who seems to exude a large amount of awkward specific to those named Selena Valdez.

Addison pops off her bed like a Jack-in-the-Box and throws her purse over her shoulder. “Okay, ready to go?” She has a hungry grin on her face. The amount of cleavage she’s showing is equally as hungry.

“Yes!” Cassidy says.

“Yep,” I say. I’m so ready.

We pile into Addison’s Honda Accord—I refused to drive this weekend after carting everyone around two weeks ago. We ended up going to Colby’s apartment much to my chagrin, so I had to tote everyone around all night and into the ungodly hours of Sunday. This night Addison’s only carrying the two of us, which I think is unfair since I carried about five drunk teenagers in my Tahoe.

“You excited to see Sully?” Addison pries as we approach a red light. She smiles at me, anticipation dripping off her teeth like saliva.

I smile too, it’s inevitable when the topic is Sully. “Yes,” I say, “Really, really excited.” I laugh at how anxious I am to see him, it’s so unlike me. Addison’s smile widens and she fixates her gaze back on the road as the light turns green.

“That’s so cute,” Cassidy says, “I love you guys together.” I turn to look at Cassidy and smile back at her.

The rest of the ride goes on with mindless conversations concerning Mitch, Lindsey’s whereabouts, how ghetto Danny’s neighborhood is, and how many people are actually at this party. We park down the street since my previous parking spot is taken by a myriad of vehicles. At least Danny has a better turn out than his last party, especially since it’s his birthday party. I’m glad to see that he has people that actually care about him. I for one feel slightly guilty about attending the birthday party of a boy I barely know, and I can’t really explain that I’m practically in love with his friend.

We approach the door as we previously did at Danny’s last party. I glanced at the window looking into the kitchen and did a double-take when I saw a cluster of middle-aged men and women. Was that a grandpa in the corner?

“Shit, his family’s here,” I say, “Did anyone know that this was a huge family birthday party?” I looked nervously at Cassidy and Addison who share my same look of anxiety.

Addison peeked through the window. “Fuck, both sets of grandparents are here. I don’t know about this…”

“Should we just knock?” Cassidy asks, ignoring the fact that the whole Danny clan is holed up in his kitchen. Hell, they must be everywhere judging by the amount of cars parked in Danny’s driveway.

I shrug and knock on the door. We wait for a couple minutes until no one answers and we finally call Lindsey to open the door for us.

“Hey, why didn’t you just knock?” Lindsey says as she swings open the front door.

Addison ignores the questions and says, “Did you know this was a family party?” We all walk through the threshold and pause in the foyer for a moment.

Lindsey shook her head. “Nope, I seriously thought this was another party-party,” she says as we stutter into the kitchen. No one wants to be the first one into the lion’s den.

A woman with mousy brown hair tied into a bun and an unappealing maroon sweater approaches us with an almost painful grin, like it kills her a little each time a new, unfamiliar girl came to the party. “Hello, I need names,” she says with a mock of enthusiasm.

Addison and I share a quick look of horror. “I’m Addison,” she says.

“Cassidy.”

“Selena,” I say, though I seriously debated on giving her a fake name. Maybe I could be Rebecca for a night. For some reason I feel like she’s going to submit my name to the FBI and do a thorough background search.

“Nice to meet you girls!” The enthusiasm drips off of her heinous smile. “The rest of the gang’s in the back if you want to join them.”

And here I am enjoying this interrogation.

Lindsey leads the way to the back. Memories of Danny’s party a few weeks ago form in my head. This was the place where everything began. A few weeks ago I was walking this same path to come face-to-face with a boy I didn’t even think I had a chance with, now some would say that we’re “together.” A smile tears through my cheeks, one that I do my best to control. This party I actually have someone waiting for my by the fire. My stomach drowns with the urge to curl up in his arms, but Mitch, Mitchell , Josh, Danny, and a bunch of other randoms are surrounding the fire as well, so I take a seat beside the fire near Mitch and Cassidy.

I take a quick peek at Sully. He’s talking to Josh and Mitchell Harris, another of his best friends and Lindsey’s ex-boyfriend. Sully’s wearing a light blue t-shirt that brings out the blue in his eyes. They crinkle with laughter which on many is a sign of age, but with him it makes him look like a little boy, which is incredibly endearing. Between conversations, he looks over and smiles at me, his grin reaching his eyes and causing them to crinkle even more. He’s so adorable, much different from the overly-confident Cody Dons.

Sully begins pushing through the throng of people, the goofy grin still on his face. Just as he finally reaches me, Danny bursts through the crowd and announces to everyone that they’re cutting the cake. I allow Addison to follow the group first and Alex and I follow suite. I perk up on the tip of my toes to see where Sully could’ve possibly gone. Of course he’s in the front alongside Josh. They actually know Danny.

Addison, Alex, Lindsey, and Cassidy soon file into the kitchen, which surprisingly manages to hold all of us in, though tightly like a belt around a beer belly. I don’t really care too much to see Danny blow out his candles, truthfully the cake looks like one of those generic Walmart cakes that have the too-sweet frosting and funny tasting icing. Plus, I feel like it’s some sort of rule that if you don’t bring the birthday boy a gift then you don’t get cake.

Danny’s mother fiddles with the candles, they won’t light up and she insists that these are the best candles you can buy. But, I’m pretty sure candle quality isn’t something most people give too shits about.

“Hey.” I turn to find Sully there, towering over me more than usual. He’s wearing a goofy grin on his face, one that seems to make the crooked inwardness of his left canine tooth so attractive.

“Hey,” I reply, “how’s it going?”

“Great—now.” He turns to look at Danny finally making his birthday wish and blow out those godforsaken candles. Instead of watching the birthday boy, I watch how close our hand are to each other. I pretend like I’m looking at my shoes—or at least I’m hoping that’s what it looks like. The fine hairs on his arm brush mine and I notice a small scar peeking out from the inside of his wrist. He moves his hands into his pockets and gently leans back into the wall behind us. The veins exposed paint a blue map, one that I would love to explore.

“Did you get him a gift?” I ask. He looks down at me again, though with a new shyness that I remember him having the first time I met him.

He nods. “Yeah, but we’re going to give it to him later—it’s a little inappropriate.” He smiles again and I laugh, though more or less because of the idea of a inappropriate gift and more or less because butterflies are tickling the inside of my stomach.

An applause rips through the crowd as Danny begins passing out slices of white cake to his guests. His mom comes over to us and I shake my head, denying a slice of cheap-ass cake. Lindsey beckons us to head back outside, but this time to the front where Danny apparently has a vintage bus just layin’ around.

I hear a chorus of talking swarming behind us, and I turn to see the rest of the teenage guests following us to the bus—including Sully. We make quick eye contact, but enough for me to know that this bus will create some of my best memories.