Hell Above

“Can I ask you something?”

At the sound of Jack’s voice, Alex breaks his concentration from the window, looking over to the younger. Jack is sat on the hardwood of the floor in his bedroom, back pressed against the wall beside the window, with his legs bent at the knee. Alex is opposite to him, sitting Indian style against the bedframe in front of the window, facing the city outside.

The blonde nods in response, turning his attention back to the window, head tilted slightly up to see over the ledge from his position on the floor.

“I guess – I mean, you've never really talked about your life before I met you.”

“Jack –”

“All I’m asking is that you talk to me.” Jack says, cutting the elder off.

Alex sighs, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth. He’s quiet for a few minutes, eyes unfocused as he looks out at the buildings around them. Jack watches him, lips turning up a bit at the way the sunlight is streaming against Alex’s skin, splaying out into the man’s hair.

“What do you want to know?” The blonde says finally, turning his head to meet Jack’s eyes. The left side of Alex’s face is cast in shadow, turned away from the window as he looks at the younger.

It’s obvious how tired the man is. Neither of them had gotten much sleep the night before after the entire shower incident had blown over. Alex had a rough time, fidgeting and shifting around every few minutes for hours until sleep finally took him early in the morning. Despite being used to the blonde’s restlessness, Jack hadn't been able to fall asleep either, not until he was positive the elder was sound asleep beside him. They’d managed a few hours of undisturbed sleep, well into the early afternoon and so Alex had opted to stay home instead of working today.

“Everything.” Jack shrugs, reaching across the small space between them to run his finger along the curve of Alex’s knee over his sweatpants. The elder follows the movement of Jack’s hand with his eyes, considering exactly how to go about voicing what Jack wants to know.

He clears his throat, leaning up off of the bedframe to sit up a little straighter. “I guess I should have told you all this a while ago, huh?” He raises his head again, looking up to see Jack looking back.

“You’re only like 5 years late.” Jack agrees, and despite the words, his tone is light.

Alex smiles slightly before shifting his gaze down to his lap. “I don’t really know where to start.”

“The beginning is always a safe bet.” The younger says, eyes fixed on the way Alex’s eyelashes are casting minuscule shadows against the sunlight painting his cheeks.

“Yeah.” Alex accepts, not lifting his head. “The beginning,” he repeats, “okay.”

He’s quiet for a few moments before he begins, “I had a pretty decent childhood. At least I thought so, but I was so young, and I guess things always seem better when you’re little.” The blonde pauses, and Jack watches him lift his head to look back out the window.

“I had just turned nine when my mom left.” He shifts, unfolding his legs from their crossed position on the floor in favor of pulling them against his chest, resting his chin on top of his knees, not moving his eyes from the window. “I was in fourth grade, still thought girls had cooties, and all.”

He folds his arms around himself, settling his hands over top of his bare feet against the wood. The position makes him look so much younger than he is. “I never really figured out why she left. Looking back now that I’m older, I think I could’ve seen it coming. It was obvious she wasn't happy, but I was just a kid, I didn't understand any of that at the time.”

“I don’t think she ever really wanted to settle down, she didn't want a family, truthfully. I think she finally gave up, and just couldn't stay anymore. I don’t blame her.” He shrugs, flicking his eyes over to Jack’s dark ones as he relays, “I look just like her.”

Alex smiles, and it’s almost painful for Jack to see. “You’re beautiful.”

The blonde nods. “She was.” He dismisses, and Jack doesn't miss his use of past tense.

He’s quiet for a few moments before continuing. “Things weren't really the same after that. My dad and I had never been close, I’d always sort of gravitated towards my mom, so after she left I was really alone. I guess I got used to it over the years, since I sucked at making friends.” Alex says, looking up to see Jack grinning slightly.

“You do suck at making friends, you’re not a people person.” Jack voices, ducking to the left when Alex reaches forward to punch him in the arm.

The blonde leans back against the bedframe again. “I guess, yeah.” Alex rests the back of his head against the side of the mattress, looking back over to the window. “My dad had always been a drinker, but it got worse after my mom walked out. I didn't really notice it until a year or two later. I was about eleven, maybe twelve, when I realized how bad it had gotten. He was never sober anymore, not really.”

“I was fourteen the first time he hit me. I’d talked back to him and he slapped me. I remember thinking that if I’d just kept my mouth shut, it wouldn't have happened.” Jack can hear the strain in the other man’s voice, can clearly see Alex reliving the events as he speaks about them. The younger reaches over, taking Alex’s hand in his own and resting them over the blonde’s bare foot.

Alex crinkles his toes, looking down at their joined hands as he speaks. “It took me a few years to realize that wasn't true. After I stopped talking back, just did what he asked and bit my tongue otherwise, but the abuse continued – got worse – I realized that it wasn't my fault. It didn't really help anything, but it eased my conscious a bit.”

The blonde flicks his eyes up to meet Jack’s, reading the younger’s expression easily.

“It was never bad.” Alex says, dropping his gaze back to his feet as he answers Jack’s unspoken question. “I was never hospitalized or anything. There was one time I almost broke my arm, I landed on it funny when he pushed me, but other than that, it wasn't ever too bad. I could handle it, y’know. He just pushed me around a lot, and hit me. I made it out fine.” He concludes, shrugging slightly.

He raises his head, meeting Jack’s eyes. The younger looks like he wants to contradict him, say that even if Alex could handle it, he still shouldn't have had to. But he doesn't, instead Jack asks, “Do you remember when we met?”

Alex nods, smiling despite himself as he says, “Yeah.”

Jack smiles, “You wouldn't give me the time of day back then, no matter how many times I tried to get you to talk to me.” He chuckles, lips curving up into a smirk. “You were such a little shit, I was considering actually paying you just to sit you down and actually have a conversation.”

Alex laughs, the noise and the honey of his eyes mixed with the sunlight doing funny things to Jack’s heart. “I walked in to get a fucking coffee, and you shouted at me from across the god damned cafe.” He says, earning a chuckle from Jack in response. “Everyone in there was staring at me, and I had no idea what to do, so I gave in and sat down across from you.”

“Yep. Vinny was our server, and he came over and made a joke about you being my date, and I made a joke about his dick size and you fucking giggled, and that’s how we became friends.” Jack says, leaning up and shifting onto his knees. Alex laughs, giving the younger that cheeky smile that he loves so much.

Jack ducks down, kissing the grin off of Alex’s lips, using the bed behind the elder to prop himself up. The blonde kisses back, laughing into Jack’s mouth when the younger mumbles “such a little shit” against his lips.