Going to Pasalacqua

“And well... He is beyond lucky I didn't do something else to shut him up!” I heard as we walked past the staff at Lookout records. I knew where he'd be. I opened the door that was cracked ajar in the hallway. It was dim with cigarette smoke wafting up the staircase. Down to the basement we go. It stunk down here of course. I'd only been here maybe once or twice. As soon as I rounded the stairwell, I spotted the familiar head of unnaturally black dreadlocked hair. Yep he had changed it again, dyed it black, grew it out to shoulder length and dreadlocked it. I marched through the crowd gripping Mike's left hand while his other hand was attending his jaw.

I stopped behind him and tapped on his shoulder. When he turned he had a drunken look on his face. Good, so he will most likely not remember this beating.

I slapped him across the face.

Then smiled sweetly up at him as he recovered with a red hand print on his cheek.

“What the hell Adeline!” he cursed.

“What the hell? Speak for yourself Armstrong. What are you doing beating up Mike?” I yell back in his face.

Billie's glazed eyes drifted over and overlooked the wound on his jaw and shrugged “I didn't do that.”

“Oh really?” I say unbelievingly. “Have you been fucking drinking?” I say. Grabbing a bottle from his hand.

He shook his head “No. I'm just holding it for someone.”

“Billie! You have been drinking and smoking pot all damn day?!” I yell.

“Dammit Adeline! This is why I don't make an effort during the week to get extra time off. Ever since you gotten memory back and have another family to run back to when things get too tough, you act like you are all high and mighty with your filthy rich parents.” he growled. Leaning into me. His breath reeked of alcohol after he said he hadn't drank, and the smell was buzzing my head and making me sick.

“You think I act like that?” I whisper. I'd done nothing but love him unconditionally for weeks on end. I moved out of my parents house to live with him.

He laughed and pointed at me “You act exactly like that.”

I clenched my jaw to keep from crying and ended up doing something else instead. I punched him in the jaw “That's for Mike bitch.” I growled. Hovering over him.

He was on his feet quickly “Do you seriously want to start calling names Adeline? Hmm?”he asked. “How about I call you the girl who has a perfect life and never had anything hard. Whos the bitch now?” Getting in my face again and pissing me off and shoved him away from me.

“Dip shit!” I scream in his face.

He laughs. Rolling his eyes smugly “Adeline, grow up. Calling names is for little kids, throwing punches is for adults.” he got in my face again with the wafting smell of alcohol on his breath. “So tell me Sweetie, are you a kid or a adult?”

I clench my jaw and look directly into his piercing green eyes. Before connecting my fist with his jaw. “Oh yeah, alllll adult over here baby.” I smirk. 

Stumbling backwards into Mike when he lunged for me.

“Dude! Chill the fuck out! You wouldn't hurt her.” Mike says. Grabbing Billie's shoulders and shaking him. Getting him to look at him.

Billie growled with he glared at me. “Fucking priss.” he seethed. He upset me just like that and I could no longer contain my emotions. Feeling like the biggest dam baby ever.

Before I could stop myself, the words fell from my mouth “Billie. Maybe we should take a break.” I say. A few helpless tears fell from the corners of my eyes and I wiped them away hastily but Billie saw them anyways and his face became instantly soft. 

“No no no! Adeline sweetie. Come here. Adeline!” he shouted after me but I already shoved through the crowd and was running for the stairs. Which were my escape from this rat hole, I saw Larry Livermore on the stairs “Hey Adeline.” he waved, he obviously hadn't seen our little fit.

He saw the tears that were flowing relentlessly “Oh God are you ok?” he asked.

I shook my head “No. Me and Billie are taking a break.”

He caught on pretty quick and got out of my way, gesturing for me to proceed running up the stairs and put some distance between me and him.

Out on the street I felt lost. I didn't want to go back to Ollie's because I'd have to face Billie and his endless apologies there. I'd be bound to break and give into my decision there. I turn and run I the direction of the cemetery as it began to rain. I was running home.

When I said I was going to kick his ass, I meant physically, not give up on him. I couldn't stop crying as I ran. Eventually falling exhausted onto a familiar wrought iron gate thar surrounded my home. I rubbed at my eyes with the heels on my hands and was sure I probably had mascara everywhere. I stumbled a lot with my blurry vision on the way to the front door. I pushed it open and stood in the foyer dripping wet as it had begun raining outside while I was halfway here. My mom entered the foyer “Hey... Adeline, I didn't know you were coming over.” she smiled.

Then I turned to face her.

“Oh Adie, sweetie. What's wrong?” she ran forward and hugged me, more so trying to keep me from falling and sulking in the middle of the floor in fetal position.

Dad entered the living room. I bawled my eyes out into my moms shoulder and she rubbed my back and stoked my hair trying to calm me down. But instead it only encouraged the tears, all of these actions reminding me greatly of Billie. The one of which I'd put a gap between me and him. Was it the right decision? I began to question everything I'd said to him and felt horrible.

“Here honey, go upstairs and change into some dry clothes.” mom said when the phone rang in the kitchen. Dad told me I'd be okay. I nodded weakly and climbed the stairs to my room. Each step dragging and feeling heavier than the last. The heavy clomped of my wet chucks that I'd gotten from Hollie when I'd first moved in with them. I kicked them off on the wood floor of my bedroom. I yanked the soaked t-shirt over my head and pull my wet shorts off awkwardly. Following up by pulling on a pair of grey, dry sweats that were a little big on me and one of my old girly tops. A juniper green v-neck shirt. Then doing something very stupid, I ran across my room, the pitter patter of my damp feet on the wood I approached my picture window and with a little elbow grease, Yankee open the window, filling the air with the cool smell of fresh rain. Though it was still pouring out it seemed to detox me from my emotions temporarily. Then I heard talking downstairs. Sure I looked like shit, I peeked in my mirror apprehensively and saw the eyeliner and mascara stains on my cheeks. I hastily grabbed a tissue and scrubbed the blackness from my skin before walking quietly down the stairs again with red swollen eyes. Sore beyond believe of my rush of tears only moments ago. My hair was still soaked and dripped down my back. I entered the foyer. Not expecting to see him there... 

Billie stood in the doorway chatting easily with my parents. I grimace at the sight of him, I hadn't told my parents exactly why I'd been crying in the first place. Billie's eyes lashed upon me like a whip and I winced from his stare. He looked a tad sobered up but I could tell after months of being with him when he was still drunk. He covered it up well as he talked to my parents about how his band was going. I hid a snarl for him as the room had become quite quiet by our toxic energy.

“Adie honey I'm sorry.” he said. Holding his arms open wide for me to run into. It may have been the hardest possible thing to ignore the impulses that told me to run to him and forgive him. He called me some nasty names that will require some mending.

“Whoa whoa whoa, sorry for what exactly?” dad asks. Trying to figure out the hostile glares I'm giving Billie. And the sympathetic smiles he's trying to get me to accept.

“Mom, dad. Can I talk to Billie alone for a second?” I ask flatly without looking away from his glassy eyes. Emphasizing the Billie part harshly.

Mom and dad exchanged a few looks and then left the foyer into the kitchen where they would be sure to eavesdrop. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest and looked down at the wood floor under my feet with some degree of interest.

“Adeline.” he began, his tone already begging and hard to resist “I'm so so sorry.” 

I purse my lips to hole back the explosion of cuss words, name calling and blame I wanted to hurl at him.
“You can't be sorry. You've done this shit for weeks and you know it.” I say without looking at his eyes. I cannot become aggressively attached to him if I do not look into his eyes, which were really more of a mind control type of thing.
His expression was dumbfounded like he couldn't believe what I was saying. That I was accusing. 

“Adeline come on, it's just a bit of fun. It's so much damn stress being down there in that fucking basement all the damn time with no break.” he plead.

I give him a hard look with no sympathy “Billie, please explain to me how in the hell getting drunk and smoked off your ass helps you avoid stress? I have to deal with you when you come back every night drunk and won't respond to questions with a coherent answer.” I refuse to say anything that could bring me more tears like the fact that I miss him, who he was before he signed onto Lookout. The guy I'd sit on the beach with all day with no worries of ever changing. The guy I'd dance at Gilman with on the weekends and cheered on when his band preformed. I was the ultimate Green Day/Sweet Children fangirl.

“Oh Adeline! Come on we can make some changes, I'll drink and smoke less, I'll—” he plead before I cut him off “No! Billie. Not less. Completely. I'm sick of this shit.” I finally look up into his pleading eyes and it was the mistake of my life because I could see a little of the boy I had convinced my parents to let me live with because I loved him. I had convinced myself I loved him. I still do, beyond words. We are just at a rough patch and the clouds with pass and we will be fine.

I walk towards him. But not for the comfort he is surely radiating. I put my hands on his chest and lightly push him out the door. Gripping the door as I stared at him and his eyes on the porch. He looked like a kicked puppy. “I'm sorry Billie.” I mumble “I just need a little time.”