Breaking Hearts Still Looks Pretty Cool

“Gerard, I’m not made of porcelain, you know,” I snapped. He was trying to support my entire body weight as I climbed back on to the bus for the first time since being discharged from hospital.

I immediately felt bad for the edge that was in my voice; I wanted to make Gerard feel lucky to be with me every day, not annoyed at his snappy girlfriend - if he even considered me as his girlfriend. The truth was that I was terrified at the prospect at being back on the bus again. Every corner of the thing was saturated with the horrific memory of the hostage situation; the feeling of doom and despair at imminent death; the echoing sound of a gunshot even still seemed to reverberate around the space.

“Sorry,” he muttered, but not in an annoyed way. When he removed his arms from my waist I felt empty, “are you ok?”

“As long as you’re here,” I answered, reaching blindly for his hand, which he promptly grabbed, kissing me on the cheek.

“I always will be,” he said.

Everyone else was assembled in the living area, and I blushed when I saw perfect pink balloons that looked like fuchsia clouds surrounding the couches, and a pile of what looked like presents. Annabelle seemed to have a fluffy pink and white cake balanced on her knees.

“What is this?” I asked Gerard, who had picked me up from the hospital alone – now I could see why.

“A surprise,” he grinned.

“Welcome back!!” the crowd assembled on the couches called,

“You didn’t have to do this!” I scolded, but I couldn’t help but smile, turning back to Gerard, who was grinning widely in return.

“You were taken hostage, C,” said Frank earnestly, “of course we did!”

“Yeah, enough about that though!” shouted Ray, getting up and bounding over to me with a pink envelope “we all got you presents,”

“That is SO not necessary,” I blushed, wondering if Annabelle had had the same treatment; she may not have her wrist in a brace, or have been Matt’s number one target, but she had been in the same situation. I quickly searched her face for any traces of bitterness, but she was smiling easily with unblemished happiness. I relaxed.

“It is,” insisted Mikey, flushing bright red when I met his eyes. I blushed too; everything about our brief relationship made me want the ground to swallow up. I hated to think what Gerard thought about it. I wondered if it made him jealous, or if Mikey still liked me.

I opened the envelope Ray had given me, and pulled a gift card for Bergdorf’s out,

“Ray!” I shrieked, “This is ridiculous, I am fine and I can’t accept this,”

“You can,” he insisted, pushing the envelope back into my hands, “I went halves with Mikey,”

“Thanks Mikey!” I called appreciatively, but not wrapping him in the same warm hug I had bestowed on Ray; that seemed more appropriate. However, he made a point of getting up and crossing to where I was standing, and putting his thin arms around me. “It doesn’t have to be awkward, you know, C,” he whispered in my ear, “and you’re welcome for the gift,”

I smiled at him as he pulled away, “It was super thoughtful, Mikey, thanks,”

“Psh, mine’s better,” scoffed Frank, handing me a small black box.

I felt like it was my birthday, and ripped off the purple ribbon that surrounded it and opened the lid. Inside was a beautiful Swarovski crystal headband that I recognised from the Jennifer Behr collection. It had been on my wishlist, and I was planning on saving up for it. “Oh my goodness, Frank!” I squealed, “how did you even know?”

“I hacked into your laptop,” he said smugly, “I wanted to get you something really special...don’t expect anything more than a hug voucher for your birthday, though,”

I grabbed him and practically crushed him with a hug, excited for my other presents. Once I get going on a present-opening rampage, there is nothing that can stop me. I turned my eyes hopefully to Annabelle and Bob.

“Sorry, we didn’t get you anything,” she said expressionlessly,

“Oh!” I tried not to sound disappointed, “That’s ok...it’s not like it’s a special occasion, or anything...”

Suddenly, Annabelle lapsed into a fit of giggles, “of course we did you moron!”

She pulled out a familiar looking blue bag.

“It’s not my birthday,” I frowned, “you really shouldn’t have gone the Tiffany’s route,”

“Relax, they just got paid,” she motioned to the boys surrounding us, “and you’re not getting anything nearly as nice for your birthday,”

I felt like crying with happiness as I opened the beautiful charm bracelet, which featured a heart lock, a key, and the initial C.

“I love it,” I said, addressing everyone and unable to keep the tears from my eyes, “I love it all – I can’t believe you guys!”

I purposefully did not look at Gerard because I didn’t want him to think that I expected anything from him. Just being by his side was enough of a reward for surviving Matt’s danger successfully.

“We got you pink lemonade!” said Mikey brightly, trying to break the emotional moment,

“And cake!” added Frank.

“Fantastic,”

A few hours into the little ‘party,’ when there was only a dribble of lemonade left, and the remaining cake was icing-less, because Annabelle and I had picked it off, Gerard stroked my arm.

“Yes?” I turned from listening into the general conversation to his beautiful face.

“Come upstairs with me,”

I nodded, and as we stood up various whoops and wolf-whistles emerged from our friends.

“Oh shut up, guys,” said Gerard, but he was grinning slightly, “it’s not like that,”

“I should hope not!” said Frank, “she is my sister, you know, it’s GROSS”

Gerard and I chuckled as we headed up the stairs.

“So, why did you want me to come up here with you?” I asked wryly.

“For this,” he pressed his lips fiercely to mine, “and also to give you something,”

“What?” I asked, “You didn’t have to get me a gift...”

“And,” Gerard pulled out a black box, “to talk to you,”

I had been dreading this; this was going to be the inevitable talk about what had happened during the days of our complicated love square, I could tell.

“It’s nothing bad,” laughed Gerard, grabbing my hand and towing me over to his bed, “don’t worry,”
He reached out and touched my downturned lips, still laughing. “First, this:”

“You’ve got a hard act to follow,” I said cheekily, motioning to downstairs where my other gifts were assembled.

“I think I can manage,” he said, “That was most of my pay cheque!”

“Then you have to take it back!” I protested,

“Oh, I was exaggerating,” he chuckled, “It’s something I know you want,”

Tentatively, I opened the box, and I gasped at what I saw. I knew the necklace inside it well, because I had been dreaming of owning it since before Gerard and I broke up. It was a classic, beautifully engraved white gold necklace from the garland collection, with sapphires on the chain and my full initials, ‘CEMM’ inscribed.

“It’s-it’s” I tried to say, but he stopped my lips with a passionate kiss.

“Imagine it as a gift to make up for all of the birthdays I missed over the past three years, when I should have been with you,”

“It’s not your fault...”I started to say,

“It is,” he protested, “I should never have...done what I did, and I shouldn’t have taken no for an answer! I should have been there, fighting for you every single day,”

I laughed and ran my hand through his already messy hair, ignoring the tangles.“You’re here now, and that’s all I care about.”

“But,” he bit his lip, subconsciously picking up my standard trait, “I still have a lot to apologise for,”

“Do you?” I asked, biting my lip as well in confusion, “I do...”

He seemed to know what I was talking about, and placed his hands on either side of my face, “You don’t have to apologise for you and...” he paused, “Mikey,” there was pain in his face as he said it, “I know that it was my fault,”

I opened my mouth to apologise, but when he started to talk I closed it again.

“I gave you to him,” his voice cracked as he said it, “In the heat of the moment I told him he could have you, like a possession, like I didn’t even care...”

I didn’t know what to say.

“But it killed me every day I saw you with him...that morning after I went to his room to tell him I changed my mind, but you were already there...”

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” I interjected, wrapping my arms around him.

“It’s just that when Jessica arrived I got so confused...I should have told her she had to go, but...”

“It’s ok,” I repeated,

“I should never have been with her when all I wanted was you,”

“You have me now,” I reminded him, “all is forgiven,”

“I have you now,” he agreed, running a hand from my forehead down to my chest and up again, as if he was memorising my contours.

“I never want anyone else again,”

Neither did I.