Letters

Time was flying by quickly. The end of January was hard for Alan, as it was the past two times. But that day, Alan took a decision. He needed to change, and go on. He knew that was what Zoey wanted. She wanted him to move on, and not to end his life with hers. But staring at the grave in front of him, he found it really hard. How could he be with a girl, while all he wanted was another person? He had to try. He couldn't continue his life this way. Yes, once in a while he would find a girl nice enough, and hook up with her. But he would never bring a girl back home. It was too full of memories. And they would have to do their business into the room Katelynn was sleeping in. And that was gross.

The then Valentines day came and passed. Once again all he was seeing was her grave. He missed her. But he needed to move on.

"I've met a girl." He whispered, looking at the grave. Why did he felt like he needed to tell her, he didn't know. Maybe that would help him stop feeling so guilty. As if he had cheated on her. "She's really nice. She's an friend of Amanda, and she likes all the girls." He looked up at the sky. "Maybe I should start something with her. I'm not sure."

He signed. "She's just so... Not you." Yes, the girl was nice, and he knew she would agree if he asked her out. She had never met Katelynn, even if she probably knew she existed. He didn't think it was a good idea for them to meet. She wasn't a mom of substitution for Katelynn. No one would be her mother. No one could replace Zoey. "It feels weird, being with someone else is."

He missed her.

So much that it hurt.

"Daddy! Com' Com'!"

Katelynn was singsonging from the couch. She was currently watching Cinderella, as Alan was working on songs on his computer. He was always working. He never really stopped.

Alan rolled his eyes at Katelynn's call, before standing up, and walking to the couch.

"What happened?"

"I wanna be a princess!" She jumped up and down on the couch.

Allan smiled and sat beside her. "You like princesses?"

"Yes, they so pwetty" She crawled on his knees, to sat on his lap.

"Who's your favorite?" He asked, fixing her hair band.

"Bwave!" She yelled.

"You look just like her, Kat." He smiled as her curly wild red hair, and bright green eyes. "You're even prettier."

"Weally?" She squealed, her disbelieving eyes wide open.

"Yes, really. You're the most beautiful princess, you know? As pretty as a truck." He smirked.

"Meanie daddy!" She frowned, turning her head away.

"A truck is cute you know." He laughed. "I'm joking you're cuter than a truck."

She smiled. "You too daddy."

"Really princess? I'm cuter than a truck?" He smiled wide as she nodded in agreement.

She turned around in his arms, in order to be watching the television.

She watched for a few minutes, in silence. Her back was against Alan's chest, as he stroked her hair.

"She's mean." She said pointing to Cinderella's step mother. "They are too." Now her two step sisters were on the screen. Alan smiled.

They watched the movie together, Alan's work on songs long forgotten.

"Daddy, can I have ice cream?" She asked after some time.

"Sure." He took her in his arms, and stood up. He went to the kitchen, and settled her on the counter. She clapped her hands, and swung her feet. "Wait here." He smiled as he went to take some ice cream from the freezer. He took some kids sized ice cream cone. Vanilla and strawberry taste. Her favorite. He opened the packaging, and gave it to her. She instantly started to try to eat it. Notice the 'try'.

"In your mouth, princess, not on your face." Alan sighed. She had take the ice cream a few seconds before, and she already had some on her nose. He cleaned it with some tissue, before taking her back in his arms to the couch.

He turned the Disney back on, a smile on his face.

Alan was eating the cone of Katelynn, since she only liked the ice cream, when a knock on the front door disturbed the end of the movie.

"Come in!" Allan yelled, to cozy to stand up.

"Hey bro!" They heard Austin cheer from the door.

Recognizing the voice, Katelynn jumped off of Alan's lap to crash on Austin's legs. He laughed before picking her up in his arms.

"Hey kiddo! How are you?"

"Gweat, Au'tin! We'we wa'ching Cindewella!"

"Aww with daddy?" He smirked at Alan, as the young father returned a black glance.

"Yeah, we even ate ice cweam!"

"Wow, that's nice!" Austin smiled as he sat down on the couch, sitting Katelynn on his lap.

"Yes, I love ice cream!" She smiled.

Time was flying. Katelynn was growing fast. Alan aged, in may, and it had a bittersweet taste in his mouth. Sweet, as any birthday, because of the happiness of the celebration. Bitter, because it was another year without her. It felt as if as the time passed he was growing away from her. As if each year he grew older, it was tearing him away from her. It was adding distance between them.

His girlfriend, Amanda's friend, left in June. She said she couldn't continue being the second girl, and that she wanted to be happy with a man that would really care about her. Alan knew she was right, so he let her go,without feeling really sad. It was true: he didn't care about her.

And with the Summer, Warped tour started. Katelynn was coming for the first two weeks of the tour.

"Come here, princess." Austin called after Katelynn. She was fascinated by everything she saw, in the big hall.

Alan turned to watch her come to them. She was wearing a pink jacket, over a bright orange tutu, with black leggings. Honestly? She was really cute. She was holding a pink luggage. She had argued, and said she wanted her bag with her stuff. In reality, all she had was her stuffed, some games, and two shirts.

Her stuff, Alan was carrying them. His bag was twice it's usual size.

They were currently walking through the airport, to catch a flight to new York, were the tour started. Katelynn was exited, and kept talking about the flight, since it was her very first. Her sight was putting smiles on every faces.

"Comin' Au'tin!" She ran to him, laughing. He caught her hand as she was falling, because her small legs were still clumsy.

They checked their bags in, and walked to the security. Katelynn was tired, so she rested into Alan's arms. She had her arms around his neck, but her head faced were they were going. He let her go for the security check.

Austin caught her on the other side, and she curled against his torso. Alan took his phone out, ready to film her reactions, as they walked out to the plane. Her eyes wet huge as she saw the dimension of the place.

"So big" she said, in awe.

"That's what they always tell me." Justin smirked next to her. Tino smacked his shoulder.

They walked into the plane, Katelynn left speechless. She was admiring everything. The stewardess smiled wide at Katelynn and Austin.

Katelynn sat down, her face watching outside, through the window. She had choose the sit the closest to it, Alan right next to her. He sat her down, and buckled her up, as the plane started.

Tino, who was on the other end, took a pic of everyone. Katelynn had a huge smile, while Alan was slightly stressed. Planes weren't his favorite thing. And with Katelynn inside, it was worst. Because as they waited for the captain the take off, he felt as if he wasn't in control of her life. He couldn't protect her, if something happened. And he hated that feeling. It was the worst.

"Daddy! Daddy!! Look!" She yelled, catching his attention. She was pointing outside. "We mowing!" Her eyes were huge.

Alan couldn't fight the smile, even if he was nervous. "Are, we are moving. And yes, and we're not even in the sky yet."

"We gonna fly? Like bi'ds?"

"Yes we are, you'll see." He smiled, and fixed her hair.

"Smiile!" Phil, next to Alan called. Alan and Katelynn turned to the guitarist, smile in their faces.

He snapped the pic. "Just a reminder of your very first fly, Katelynn."

They were cut short by the call of security, as the steward stared to explain the exists, and all the rules. Alan unbuckled Katelynn, after she complained that she couldn't see, and so she stood up on her seat, holding the seat before her not to fall.

She admired the talking steward. Alan took out his phone, not listening a message he had heard a hundred times, and snapped a pic of her admiring face. He posted the pic with "first plane ever" as caption, before turning his phone on the plane mode.

"Daddy!" She pointed at the huge building they were seeing through the glass. "What is it?"

"The airport. We were just in there."

Her eyes went wide in surprise. To her, the airport, from the outside looked like a big building over her head, with a big roof, that went way further than the actual walls. They had parked the car under that big roof, before walking inside. But there she couldn't see any car, or big roof, but she nodded.

And then, something else stroke her. "Daddy, we go fast!"

"Watch out, we gonna fly soon." He smiled to her. She was about to stand, but he caught her, and pulled her back on the seat.

And the plane took off, as Katelynn was mesmerized, and everyone who could hear her was smiling wide. During the whole flight, she kept looking out, and asking what it was, or just asking him to look at a pretty cloud. No matter what she asked, he applied.

Then they landed, and Katelynn was terrified. She kept looking at the ground, that was coming closer and closer, and then back at Alan, her eyes wide.

Once out of the plane, they went to a van, with a smiling long haired elderly man as a driver. He became instantly friend with Katelynn.

Teddy drove them to the place where everyone was. A lot of bands were already there. Everyone cheered on them, making Katelynn impressed. She was hiding in Alan's shoulder, turning her head from time to time to watch people. But she would instantly hide every time someone looked at her -which was all the time.

Kellin, and the whole Sleeping With Sirens band, was there and he went to take Katelynn. He had already met her, but she didn't remember.

"Hey sweetie, here's Kellin, one of dad's friend." Alan smiled to her, in a calming voice.

She waved with her small hand, before turning back to hide.

"Copeland is gonna be here soon, so they can play together, once she's there."

"Yeah, sure!" Alan smiled.

They put all their stuff into their bus. Alan decided that Katelynn would sleep with him, in his bunk. It was easier: she was too small to sleep alone in a whole bunk, and she was scared to sleep alone in big beds. Or at least bed that seemed big to her. The bus was also too small to add somewhere a baby bed. So she would sleep with him. It didn't bothered him much, he already slept with her a lot at home.

The life on the bus was really weird with Katelynn. Usually, it was reckless, but with Katelynn on the bus, they had to be responsible. For the whole time Katelynn stayed, Alan didn't get drunk once. Obviously, he drank, but never much. He had to be a dad, and assume his job. She deserved the best, and that was what he was going to gave her. Or try to. Because he knew she deserved better than him. She deserved a real family, with no fucked up members. But she was here and he wouldn't surrender, never. She was his daughter and he would gave her the best he could. He would take care of her, she was his baby.

"Daddy, I want one!"

They were currently drinking beers with the bus, watching harry potter.

For the past ten minutes, Katelynn had been complaining because she wanted to drink like the grown ups. He had gave her some apple juice pack, but she was still not satisfied. She wanted to drink in a bottle like them.

"Daddy, pleaaaase!"

Alan knew she was only using her cries, and the fact that he would do anything fore her. She was doing that some times, like every kids. He knew he shouldn't crave so easily, but her puppy dog eyes, and her annoying unstopping begging was making it hard to decline.

"Dadd-"

"Fine!" Alan sighed, fed up. He took an old empty beer bottle, and washed it twice, before filling it with Apple juice. Finally he added a long straw.

He went back to the back of the bus, handing Katelynn her apple juice. The guys laughed at him, at the fact that she had him wrapped around her finger.

"Let's have a toast!" Austin smiled, taking his phone out. "To our adorable princess Katelynn!"

Everyone rose their beer, Katelynn included. Austin snapped a pic of everyone cheering, Katelynn right in the muddle of the picture, the beer bottle between her two small hands. Then she sat back down, drinking up her apple juice, on Alan's lap. He kissed the top of her head. Everyone smiled at them.

Before the end of the movie, or the end of her apple juice, Katelynn fell asleep. Alan placed their drinks on the table, before picking her up in his arms, and led her to his bunk. He laid her on the mattress, before taking his shirt and pants off, amd laying next to her. He stroked her hair softly.

" you' dwess is pwetty." Katelynn said, her eyes shinny as she saw Copeland's dress. It was a purple princess dress. Katelynn thought she looked like Rapunzel.

"Mommy gave it to me!" Copeland bragged. Everyone smiled at her cuteness. She had been in love with the dress since her mother gave it to her, a week before.

"You're a cute princess" Austin smiled.

"I want a princess dress too!" Katelynn cheered. "I wanna be Cinderella!"

Alan laughed. As Copeland answered to her friend. "Ask your mommy, she will gave one to you."

And a thick, dark silence instantly fell on every grown up.

"My mommy?" Katelynn asked, her head pointing the left.

"Yes your mommy." She said as if it was obvious.

"I don't have a mommy."

Alan was frozen. None of his muscles could move. Even his brain was frozen. He couldn't process what was happening before his eyes.

"Everyone has a mo-"

"Come here, Cope." Kellin interrupted. He gave a sorry look to Alan, before standing up, bringing Copeland with him.

"Daddy, everyone has a mommy?" Katelynn asked, her big eyes surprised.