I Remember

I slowly made my way down the gravel path. My feet led me to a place I had only been a few times, but they knew there way. It had been 10 years since his death and I missed him more and more every day. Brandon was now 13 and looked so much like him and my darling Eveliina was now 10 and knew nothing of her father. Today was the anniversary of his death. I came alone, leaving Brandon and Eveliina with Bam. I just knew this was something I had to do on my own.

I walked up to the grave, cleaning off any dirt that was on the stone. I traced his name as a tear slid down my cheek. I sat on the ground and stared at the only thing left I had of my husband, a cold stone.

“Ville I miss you so much. The days keep getting harder and harder. Brandon is asking about you more and more and Eveliina is starting to get curious. I try to tell them all I can but it is sometimes to hard to talk about you. Bam tells them a lot about you, but as you know most of the stories he has are not for young children.” I said laughing a bit.

“I don’t know what to do, I know that I will have to tell them all bout you. But I don’t know if I can do it. I need your strength baby, I need you to be here for me and help me.” I said as I started to bawl my eyes out.

I sat there for almost and hour just crying and thinking of all the good times we had shared. After the tears stopped flowing I took a look at my watch. It was almost 7pm and I still had to get home and cook for the kids, because we all know Bam can’t cook anything. I stood up looking at the grave once more, before making my way back to Castle Bam.

~At Castle Bam~

I pulled up into the driveway only to find Bam and Brandon skating and Eveliina was playing with her favorite doll. I got out of the car and walked over to them.

“How are my darlings?” I asked as they saw me.

“Mommy!!” Eveliina screamed as she ran to me.

I picked her up and hugging her. Brandon slowly walked over and gave me a short hug before taking Eveliina into the house. Bam came over to me and placed and arm around my shoulder.

“So how was the visit?” he asked with a reassuring smile.

“Not the best I’ve had. What’s wrong with Brandon?” I asked as we walked closer to the house.

“He asked where you were going. I had to tell him, but I think he already knew.” Bam said as we entered the house.

“He seems to be upset about something but wont talk to me about it.” I said making my way down to the kitchen, Bam following.

“I think it has to do with Ville. I think he wants to know more about him than he doesn’t you have to remember he does have some memories of him.” Bam said getting out some meat for dinner.

“I don’t know if I have the strength to talk about him. I had to ask Ville to help me.” I said lowering my gaze to the floor.

“I know Angel. But I’m here for you and for the kids.” Bam said pulling me into a much needed hug.

“Thanks Bammi” I scolded myself for using Ville’s nickname for Bam. But Bam didn’t seem to notice or he didn’t care.

We continued to cook dinner, well I did most of the cooking. But soon we all were sitting down for our meal. As we finished our dinner I felt I had to talk to my kids.

“Brandon, Eveliina, I wanted to talk to you both. You both know I went to daddy’s grave today. . Right?” they both nodded their heads.

“Well I wanted to tell you both that if there is ever anything you want to know, just ask me or Uncle Bam. . . okay?” they both nodded again.

“May I be excused?” Brandon asked as he got up from the table, soon Eveliina followed him. I placed my head in my hands as my kids left the room. I didn’t know what to do. I was trying to be strong but somehow that wasn’t enough for them. I had done everything in my power to give them a happy childhood. I kept my depression about Ville’s death to myself and never once showed it in front of them. I had done everything I could, but it didn’t seem to be enough. I was taken out of my thoughts when Bam spoke.

“Angel why don’t you go to bed. I’ll take care of the dishes. You look like you need some rest.”

“What about the kids?” I asked looking at him with tears in my eyes.

“I’ll take care of them, go get some rest.” He said placing a kiss on my forehead.

I headed up to my room, it was still the same as the day Ville had left to go to LA. I had never taken anything down or redecorated it. I felt that I wanted to feel him around me, for him to comfort me. It was something that had gotten me through the last 10 years. I walked into the room and laid down on the bed, closing my eyes and seeing Ville. He was all I ever saw when I closed my eyes. I got up and went to the closet, and found what I had been hiding all these years. Bam knew about it but didn’t know I still had it. I pulled the photo album down from the shelf. Sliding my hand across the front page. It had been a gift from Ville on our 1st wedding anniversary.

~Flash Back~

He handed me a big box, I stared at it for a moment before looking at him.

“Open it love” he said with a smile across his face.

I opened the box and was greeted with a photo of us, on the day we met. I had tears in my eyes as Ville placed a soft kiss on my lips.

“Open it up.” he said placing his arms around me. I opened the photo album to find every photo of us up till that day was in there and they all had there own caption and were dated. As I looked through I found pictures of us with the guys, pictures of us on our wedding day, picture of us on Brandon was born. I looked over to him crying almost bawling. He just smiled at me and placed a passionate kiss on my lips.

“I love you my beautiful Angel.”

“I love you too Ville.”

~End Flashback~

I sat there on my bed crying as I slowly looked at all the photos. Staring at what Ville considered his handwriting. We had continued to add Photos after that day. But the last photo was taken the day he left for LA. I stared at it every night, wishing he had never left.

I laid down on the bed staring at the photo as I cried myself to sleep, like I had done every night for the past 10 years.