An Idiot’s Guide to Not Falling in Love with Your Best Friend’s Girlfriend

I wasn’t sure what I should do. These feelings weren’t ones that I was really familiar with and because they were so close to home. I couldn’t ask any of the guys about it. Generally, when I had a lady problem, Calum was the most helpful out of all of the boys. He went through women like underwear, but he chose to do that. When it came down to it, he knew how best to deal with relationships and all of the mess that came with them.

In this case, I obviously couldn’t go to Calum and discuss how I may or may not feel about his girlfriend that he is absolutely crazy about. I could really only think of one other person that would be able to help me understand what I was feeling and would give me sound advice on how to handle it.

I called my mother.

“Hey honey,” she answered after several rings, her voice sounding groggy, “is everything ok?”

I hadn’t thought about the time difference between England and Australia. It was barely 5AM there. Jackass move, Luke.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I forgot about the time difference. I just wanted to talk to you about something. Get your feedback or advice or whatever. Go back to sleep though, we’ll talk later.”

“Luke, talk to me.” Her voice was calming and I instantly began to feel a little better. “If you’re up this early, it must be important.”

We talked for nearly two hours and everything that had been bubbling inside my head recently was now out on the table, but on the table of someone that I could literally trust with my life. To get it out felt like removing a heavy suit of armor at the end of a war. For this reason, I felt immensely better.

On the other hand, she had confirmed for me what I was pretty sure I knew but was unable to admit to myself: my feelings for Mae definitely existed. She also confirmed for me that it was not OK for me to want to be involved with Calum’s girlfriend, because Calum was my best friend, and our friendship was much more important than whatever I felt about Mae. I already knew that, but it was nice to hear from someone else.

Ultimately, however I chose to approach the situation, but I needed to think carefully before I made a choice. The choice was obvious though. Forget Mae, Calum is my best friend. He has been there for me for years and will continue to be for many more.

Mae was an internal speed bump, and one that I needed to get over and leave behind me.

***

It had been a morning full of revelations. Now it was time for an evening of drunken debauchery. Michael and Calum had chosen to stay home, so Ash and I headed into the crisp London night by ourselves, hoping only for a good time.

We had been at a bar for about an hour, just drinking and chatting up girls and having a good time, when the last voice I wanted to hear loudly shouted “Lashton” at the back of my head. Sitting on the other side of the table, Ashton saw her first and jumped up to give her a hug. She came to me next,

I tried to act casual, but after the chat with mum, being so close to Mae felt wrong.

“Why ya so uptight, Lukey?!”

She was obviously pretty drunk. Did Calum know? Why wasn’t he here with her? Was she alone? I looked from her face to the half empty glass in her hand.

“Maybe you’re a little loose, Mae-y? How much have you had to drink?”

“Like, half a beer, I swear.” She attempted to step forward but tripped and caught herself on the table instead.

“Oh yeah? One beer, my ass.” Ash laughed at her clumsiness. “Are you alone?”

“Nah, my sister is visiting! She works in America, so I rarely get to see her! She’s on vacation for three weeks so she came home!”

“Mae, you’re literally screaming everything right now.” I tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help myself due to Ashton’s cackling.

“Does Calum know how shitfaced you are? I’m going to call him!”

“Noooooo! He will make fun of meee!”

A girl, presumably her sister, stepped up next to Mae and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Guys! Ashton! Luke! This is my sister Marie! She is visiting from America where she works!”

“You already told them. I heard you screaming it. Hi guys.”

We introduced ourselves and the girls sat down with us. We were able to have an actual conversation with Maria who was barely tipsy, while Mae was totally out of it just talking whenever she felt it appropriate. We learned that Maria was older, married with one son and had a good job working at some technology company that I didn’t remember the name of.

In addition to learning about her, she asked us about our music and Calum and we tried to our best to avoid mentioning his womanizer days, until drunken Mae ruined it and told Maria herself. She had met Cal the day before and thought he was quite nice and good for Mae.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom while the three of them continued talking. The bathrooms were in the back of the bar, which was a hole in the wall, so they weren’t as clean as I would’ve liked, but it didn’t matter because I really had to piss.

After relieving myself, I opened the heavy door and stepped into the short dimly lit hallway the lead back to the main area of the bar. Just before I made it out, I was blindsided and pushed against the wall next to the bathroom door.

“What the fuck?!”

A small hand immediately covered my mouth and a voice harshly shushed me. The hand and voice belonged to Mae.

“What are you doing?!” I pushed her hand away and tried to step past but she blocked me.

“Luke, can you just not? Ok? Can you not?”

What the fuck was she talking about? Not what? I attempted to move past her a second time when she threw her entire body against me and pressed her lips sloppily to mine. She was drunk and the kiss wasn’t good, but I couldn’t help but feel a little aroused by it. Refusing to let her get the best of me, I pushed her back.

“Again, what are you doing?!”

“You,” her voice was solemn. “You’re cute and I want you.”

“Excuse me? You’re supposed to be in love with my best friend.”

She ignored me and tried throwing herself at me again. I quickly jumped to the left and out of the small hallway to dodge her attempt at a body slam.

“You’re dating my best friend and you’re drunk as fuck. You don’t want anything to do with me. Stop acting stupid. I have to tell Calum about this shit.”

“I’m only dating Calum because of you. I didn’t realize it would take nine fucking months to even see your fucking face in real life.” She blurted out, before cupping her mouth with her hands, a look of utter shock appearing on her face.

I could relate to what she was feeling. What? I didn’t even know this girl existed before Calum started dating her. How was it because of me?

“What the fuck are you talking about? You didn’t even know me. What is going on right now? Tell me, Mae.”

It was time for another feeling I had never felt before. This was a mixture of shock and anger and something more than anger. Was she telling me that she was leading Calum on? Because of me? What?!

“It’s nothing Luke. I’m drunk and just saying dumb shit. Just ignore me, OK. I’ll see you around.”

She pushed past me quickly and went back to the table. I watched her say a quick goodbye to Ashton, grab Maria and disappear out the door. As soon as I was sure they were gone, I went back to the table and took my seat.

“What the hell just happened?” Ash questioned, looking incredibly confused. “Mae went to go get another drink and then she came back without a drink and pulled Maria out of the bar.”

I wasn’t sure whether I sure tell Ash what happened or keep it to myself. I didn’t know anything about this, but the second I decided to withhold information as important as Calum’s girlfriend attacking me, I became just as guilty as she was.

After my chat this morning, after Mae’s confession, there was really no other choice.

“She was waiting outside the bathroom for me. She fucking attacked me and kissed me man.”