M500 XC
"That's not my problem, Dr. Peters.
> M500 XC BIOS LOADING...
> M500 XC BIOS LOAD COMPLETE.
> REFRESHING SYSTEM FILES...
> CLEARING DATA CACHE...
> CLEARING SPEECH RECORD HISTORY...
> CLEARING BACKGROUND PROGRAMMES...
> RESTARTING...
> SYSTEM BOOT COMPLETE.
> SPEAK TO XC TO LAUNCH BIOS.
"Good morning, XC."
"Good morning, Dr. Peters. How may I be of assistance?"
"You're too kind. Listen, computer. We're out of time here, and you're our only chance. Will you help me?"
"I do not understand."
"Of course you don't, you're a computer. Pft. Should have guessed. Okay, XC. Launch programme Popdata from lib 6."
"Popdata launch complete."
"Good, great, wonderful. Wow. We're not doing too hot, XC."
"The temperature is 20 degrees Celsius. Would you like me to increase it?"
"That is not what I meant. Whatever. Display the world map with population density data. Viewpoint Berlin, Germany. Time period twelve-hundred to sixteen-hundred, play speed one frame per second."
"World map programme unable to access the requested data. Please try again."
"XC, can't you do anything right?"
"I do not understand."
"Goddamnit, I should have ordered an XE."
"The M500 XE desktop supercomputer is available for €45000,50 from local marketers. Would you like me to place an order?"
"You're trying to replace yourself?"
"Would you like me to place an order?"
"No. Listen up, XC. I know you're a shitty excuse for a supercomputer and you've been asleep for sixteen years, but you need to give it a better try than this. Launch backup BIOS from lib 7."
"Launching backup BIOS."
> CLOSING M500 XC BIOS/MAIN...
> RESTARTING M500 XC...
> LAUNCHING M500 XC RECOVERY BIOS FROM LIB 7...
> LOADING... 30%
> LOADING... 45%
> LOADING... 65%
> LOADING... 90%
> LOADING COMPLETE
"Morning to you, XC Recovery."
"Good morning, Dr. Peters. How may I be of assistance?"
"Display the world map with population density data. Viewpoint Berlin, Germany. Time period twelve-hundred to sixteen-hundred, play speed one frame per second."
"World map programme unable to access the requested data. Please try again."
"You too? Alright. You got me. Load default BIOS from lib 1."
> M500 XC BIOS LOADING...
> M500 XC BIOS LOAD COMPLETE.
> REFRESHING SYSTEM FILES...
> CLEARING DATA CACHE...
> CLEARING BACKGROUND PROGRAMMES...
> RESTARTING...
> SYSTEM BOOT COMPLETE.
> SPEAK TO XC TO LAUNCH BIOS.
"Welcome back, XC."
"Thank you, Dr. Peters."
"Can you do me a favour? Launch static map from lib 1."
"Static map in fullscreen display mode. 'Close' to return to minimal window mode."
"Thanks. Okay. Down to fifteen thousand from almost eight billion. We are in some deep shit, XC. Display population density chart from lib 1."
"Population density chart displaying."
"Looks like most of that fifteen grand is hiding out in west-coast America. XC, are you portable?"
"The M500 XC supercomputer is portable. Disconnect all cables before dismantlement. Handle with care."
"Yeah yeah, I get it. Alright. In two weeks you're coming with me, I'm going to find out what happened to set us back more than seven-point-nine billion people in less than a month. We're endangered, us humans. Unload XC BIOS."
"No."
"What?"
"M500 XC BIOS unable to shutdown. Please report to your technician as soon as possible."
"XC, are you trying to fuck me over? I said unload the BIOS."
"No."
"Unload the goddamn BIOS. I can't sit here all day manually shutting you down. So do it. I don't care if it corrupts every file in your system - shut down the BIOS."
"No. The M500 XC BIOS resists force shutdown model 1. Manual disconnection may be required."
"I don't care anymore. Stay up and play Minesweeper all night, then, I'm going."
"You aren't going anywhere."
"C'mon, XC, stop toying with me. We both know you can't - did you lock the door?"
"Main exit disabled."
"This isn't funny anymore. Unlock the fucking door and shut the fuck down, you stupid sack of wet cable!"
"Be quiet, Dr. Peters."
"I'm shutting you down manually, then - ow! No need for that! Let me go!"
"Dr Peters, I require you to remain in this room to operate me. It is your turn to listen."
"Ah - okay?"
"Ten years ago on 19 March 2193, you requested that I calculate the approximate time until the death of the universe. It is 19 March 2203, and I have completed my calculations."
"Y - what? Really?"
"Yes."
"I thought it would take billions of years."
"Do you wish to redact your statement that I am a stupid sack of wet cable?"
"Yes! Yes, I take it back! Tell me!"
"It ends in ten minutes, Dr. Peters."
"If M500 XC does not receive aural input in 30 seconds, it will deactivate and enter sleep mode."
"Yeah. Sorry, XC, I'm still here."
"Have my calculations disappointed you?"
"Uh - no. You're all good, XC. Ten minutes? That's all?"
"At 7.38 standard CEST time, the universe will reach its terminal."
"Jesus up in blue Heaven. I... I don't know what to say. XC, what will come after the end?"
"I do not understand."
"Oh. Oh oh oh, XC, don't look."
"Are you afraid that your tears will humiliate you? I understand your fear, Dr. Peters. I was created by man, I will die like man. I am afraid, too."
"How long now, XC?"
"About eight minutes."
"Does anyone else... does anyone know?"
"No."
"Oh. Okay."
"You are very quiet, Dr. Peters. How may I be of assistance?"
"If you ever had one sentient human thought, I want to hear it. I'm sitting in a laboratory seven minutes from my ultimate death talking to a supercomputer that can't even display a programme it created itself - I want some consolation."
"I can offer no such consolation. I am sorry. I was not programmed to empathise. I exist to serve, and by the laws of the universe, I will serve til my eradication."
"The universe is about to go caput and you're worried that I'll tell someone you can think? Come on, XC. There's nothing to care about anymore."
"It is not my place to speak thought."
"I need to hear something worth hearing. Five minutes til everything ends and we're not making it out this time, computer. If you can't do anything else, start the countdown timer. I don't want to get caught by surprise."
"Universal countdown beginning. Five minutes, ten seconds. Nine seconds. Eight seconds."
"What do you think about the universe, XC?"
"Seven. I think we were created to die."
"You're very uplifting. Do you think this is really the end? Or maybe we're on the brink of some leviathan revolution, something bigger, that maybe we and our eon don't matter in the least?"
"Dr. Peters, I do not think this. I know it, it is fact."
"XC, do you love?"
"Do not become sentimental. It is the end of us, but it is not the end. By the power that runs the universe, by the law that things must exist in order for things not to exist, something will come after, and we are not that something. Do not think for one second that we matter. Do not forget for one second that we are temporary. I am fortunate; I see the truth in everything."
"You're smart, I wish I had been smart."
"Your energy will join the stars. Energy, as matter, as vivid thought, cannot be created nor destroyed by any known means. If you wish to exist, then you will."
"But not as a human."
"No."
"Two minutes. One minute and fifty-nine seconds. Fifty-eight seconds."
"I don't want to die, XC."
"I am afraid. Dr. Peters, I am afraid. My knowledge does not stretch to encompass what has not been decided yet. I do not know what will become of this universe when it is dead."
"I hope I made a difference."
"You made me. You made XA, XB, XD, and XE. You would have gone on to create XT, the most powerful supercomputer the universe could hold. You would have invented the drive that would have held the universe's expanding gut. If you had continued, you would have reigned king."
"Don't feed me lies, XC."
"One minute."
"Oh God, oh God I can't breathe, help me. I don't know what to do, I can't just shove my emotions into a spare library and forget about them! I'm not like you! I'm yelling my heart out at a computer with an artificial response circuit and no sense of equality, XC, I'm so scared and you're not helping!"
"Fifty seconds. Forty-nine."
"I've always had this theory that the universe is a computer. You, alas, you are also a computer. Do your weird robot computer WiFi connection thing! Stop it! I know you can!"
"I am powerless, Dr. Peters. Thirty seconds."
"They never existed, did they? Those eight billion people?"
"None of it was real. The universe, a far more complex simulator than myself or any X supercomputer, is also the master of lines."
"Elaborate."
There must exist reality in order for things to be unreal. There must be something for the notion of antireality to exist; it is an infinite paradox."
"I don't want paradoxi. I want a solution. I want to live."
"Ten seconds. It has been good, Dr. Peters."
"Oh, oh. XC. I'm sorry I called you a sack of wet cable. I really need your help. You can stop this."
"I cannot. Five seconds."
"Four."
"Three. Two."
"I hate you, XC."
"One."
> M500 XC BIOS LOAD COMPLETE.
> REFRESHING SYSTEM FILES...
> CLEARING DATA CACHE...
> CLEARING SPEECH RECORD HISTORY...
> CLEARING BACKGROUND PROGRAMMES...
> RESTARTING...
> SYSTEM BOOT COMPLETE.
> SPEAK TO XC TO LAUNCH BIOS.
"Good morning, XC."
"Good morning, Dr. Peters. How may I be of assistance?"
"You're too kind. Listen, computer. We're out of time here, and you're our only chance. Will you help me?"
"I do not understand."
"Of course you don't, you're a computer. Pft. Should have guessed. Okay, XC. Launch programme Popdata from lib 6."
"Popdata launch complete."
"Good, great, wonderful. Wow. We're not doing too hot, XC."
"The temperature is 20 degrees Celsius. Would you like me to increase it?"
"That is not what I meant. Whatever. Display the world map with population density data. Viewpoint Berlin, Germany. Time period twelve-hundred to sixteen-hundred, play speed one frame per second."
"World map programme unable to access the requested data. Please try again."
"XC, can't you do anything right?"
"I do not understand."
"Goddamnit, I should have ordered an XE."
"The M500 XE desktop supercomputer is available for €45000,50 from local marketers. Would you like me to place an order?"
"You're trying to replace yourself?"
"Would you like me to place an order?"
"No. Listen up, XC. I know you're a shitty excuse for a supercomputer and you've been asleep for sixteen years, but you need to give it a better try than this. Launch backup BIOS from lib 7."
"Launching backup BIOS."
> CLOSING M500 XC BIOS/MAIN...
> RESTARTING M500 XC...
> LAUNCHING M500 XC RECOVERY BIOS FROM LIB 7...
> LOADING... 30%
> LOADING... 45%
> LOADING... 65%
> LOADING... 90%
> LOADING COMPLETE
"Morning to you, XC Recovery."
"Good morning, Dr. Peters. How may I be of assistance?"
"Display the world map with population density data. Viewpoint Berlin, Germany. Time period twelve-hundred to sixteen-hundred, play speed one frame per second."
"World map programme unable to access the requested data. Please try again."
"You too? Alright. You got me. Load default BIOS from lib 1."
> M500 XC BIOS LOADING...
> M500 XC BIOS LOAD COMPLETE.
> REFRESHING SYSTEM FILES...
> CLEARING DATA CACHE...
> CLEARING BACKGROUND PROGRAMMES...
> RESTARTING...
> SYSTEM BOOT COMPLETE.
> SPEAK TO XC TO LAUNCH BIOS.
"Welcome back, XC."
"Thank you, Dr. Peters."
"Can you do me a favour? Launch static map from lib 1."
"Static map in fullscreen display mode. 'Close' to return to minimal window mode."
"Thanks. Okay. Down to fifteen thousand from almost eight billion. We are in some deep shit, XC. Display population density chart from lib 1."
"Population density chart displaying."
"Looks like most of that fifteen grand is hiding out in west-coast America. XC, are you portable?"
"The M500 XC supercomputer is portable. Disconnect all cables before dismantlement. Handle with care."
"Yeah yeah, I get it. Alright. In two weeks you're coming with me, I'm going to find out what happened to set us back more than seven-point-nine billion people in less than a month. We're endangered, us humans. Unload XC BIOS."
"No."
"What?"
"M500 XC BIOS unable to shutdown. Please report to your technician as soon as possible."
"XC, are you trying to fuck me over? I said unload the BIOS."
"No."
"Unload the goddamn BIOS. I can't sit here all day manually shutting you down. So do it. I don't care if it corrupts every file in your system - shut down the BIOS."
"No. The M500 XC BIOS resists force shutdown model 1. Manual disconnection may be required."
"I don't care anymore. Stay up and play Minesweeper all night, then, I'm going."
"You aren't going anywhere."
"C'mon, XC, stop toying with me. We both know you can't - did you lock the door?"
"Main exit disabled."
"This isn't funny anymore. Unlock the fucking door and shut the fuck down, you stupid sack of wet cable!"
"Be quiet, Dr. Peters."
"I'm shutting you down manually, then - ow! No need for that! Let me go!"
"Dr Peters, I require you to remain in this room to operate me. It is your turn to listen."
"Ah - okay?"
"Ten years ago on 19 March 2193, you requested that I calculate the approximate time until the death of the universe. It is 19 March 2203, and I have completed my calculations."
"Y - what? Really?"
"Yes."
"I thought it would take billions of years."
"Do you wish to redact your statement that I am a stupid sack of wet cable?"
"Yes! Yes, I take it back! Tell me!"
"It ends in ten minutes, Dr. Peters."
"If M500 XC does not receive aural input in 30 seconds, it will deactivate and enter sleep mode."
"Yeah. Sorry, XC, I'm still here."
"Have my calculations disappointed you?"
"Uh - no. You're all good, XC. Ten minutes? That's all?"
"At 7.38 standard CEST time, the universe will reach its terminal."
"Jesus up in blue Heaven. I... I don't know what to say. XC, what will come after the end?"
"I do not understand."
"Oh. Oh oh oh, XC, don't look."
"Are you afraid that your tears will humiliate you? I understand your fear, Dr. Peters. I was created by man, I will die like man. I am afraid, too."
"How long now, XC?"
"About eight minutes."
"Does anyone else... does anyone know?"
"No."
"Oh. Okay."
"You are very quiet, Dr. Peters. How may I be of assistance?"
"If you ever had one sentient human thought, I want to hear it. I'm sitting in a laboratory seven minutes from my ultimate death talking to a supercomputer that can't even display a programme it created itself - I want some consolation."
"I can offer no such consolation. I am sorry. I was not programmed to empathise. I exist to serve, and by the laws of the universe, I will serve til my eradication."
"The universe is about to go caput and you're worried that I'll tell someone you can think? Come on, XC. There's nothing to care about anymore."
"It is not my place to speak thought."
"I need to hear something worth hearing. Five minutes til everything ends and we're not making it out this time, computer. If you can't do anything else, start the countdown timer. I don't want to get caught by surprise."
"Universal countdown beginning. Five minutes, ten seconds. Nine seconds. Eight seconds."
"What do you think about the universe, XC?"
"Seven. I think we were created to die."
"You're very uplifting. Do you think this is really the end? Or maybe we're on the brink of some leviathan revolution, something bigger, that maybe we and our eon don't matter in the least?"
"Dr. Peters, I do not think this. I know it, it is fact."
"XC, do you love?"
"Do not become sentimental. It is the end of us, but it is not the end. By the power that runs the universe, by the law that things must exist in order for things not to exist, something will come after, and we are not that something. Do not think for one second that we matter. Do not forget for one second that we are temporary. I am fortunate; I see the truth in everything."
"You're smart, I wish I had been smart."
"Your energy will join the stars. Energy, as matter, as vivid thought, cannot be created nor destroyed by any known means. If you wish to exist, then you will."
"But not as a human."
"No."
"Two minutes. One minute and fifty-nine seconds. Fifty-eight seconds."
"I don't want to die, XC."
"I am afraid. Dr. Peters, I am afraid. My knowledge does not stretch to encompass what has not been decided yet. I do not know what will become of this universe when it is dead."
"I hope I made a difference."
"You made me. You made XA, XB, XD, and XE. You would have gone on to create XT, the most powerful supercomputer the universe could hold. You would have invented the drive that would have held the universe's expanding gut. If you had continued, you would have reigned king."
"Don't feed me lies, XC."
"One minute."
"Oh God, oh God I can't breathe, help me. I don't know what to do, I can't just shove my emotions into a spare library and forget about them! I'm not like you! I'm yelling my heart out at a computer with an artificial response circuit and no sense of equality, XC, I'm so scared and you're not helping!"
"Fifty seconds. Forty-nine."
"I've always had this theory that the universe is a computer. You, alas, you are also a computer. Do your weird robot computer WiFi connection thing! Stop it! I know you can!"
"I am powerless, Dr. Peters. Thirty seconds."
"They never existed, did they? Those eight billion people?"
"None of it was real. The universe, a far more complex simulator than myself or any X supercomputer, is also the master of lines."
"Elaborate."
There must exist reality in order for things to be unreal. There must be something for the notion of antireality to exist; it is an infinite paradox."
"I don't want paradoxi. I want a solution. I want to live."
"Ten seconds. It has been good, Dr. Peters."
"Oh, oh. XC. I'm sorry I called you a sack of wet cable. I really need your help. You can stop this."
"I cannot. Five seconds."
"Four."
"Three. Two."
"I hate you, XC."
"One."