My Heart Can't Be Broken If It's Not Beating

I knew that I needed to sleep tonight.
I knew there was no way I was going to sleep tonight.
I knew that if I did sleep, it wouldn't be pleasant.
I knew what I had to do.

I'd knocked on this door so many times, yet I'd never felt so shaky in doing so. I couldn't even focus on how hard I'd knocked because the sound of my heart pounding in my ears was deafening. And then it completely stopped when he opened the door, hair slightly disheveled, shirtless and looking at me like he knew why I was here.

"Hey Pete," I fought to stutter. He just sighed and looked down at my makeshift pajamas, sweatpants and a tank top.

"Come in," he muttered, head down as he stepped aside.

I walked in and looked around, like I always did when I was in here. It was pretty much the same as my room, bed, desk, drawers. But this time the sheets were all tangled on the just-larger-than-single bed and the lamp on the desk was switched on.

The door shut quietly and I turned to face Pete.

"So how's this going to work?" he questioned, looking annoyed as he crossed his arms over his bare chest.

"Hey, I'm just as annoyed about this as you are."

"Yeah well how do you think I feel, realizing the only reason I've been able to sleep for the first time in years was because I was sharing a bed with you!" he shouted angrily.

"Hmm I don't know, maybe exactly the same way that I feel? Angry, annoyed, frustrated?" I explained, counting the reasons off on my fingers.

"Shut up and get in the bed," he spat, walking over and pulling back the covers onour his bed. I just huffed and followed his instruction, approaching the bed. He made me so angry with these stupid little arguments and I had to resist the urge to slap him.

"Hurry up!" he complained as I sat down in the bed, moving over as far as possible. It was cold but I became immediately comfortable. The bed sank slightly as Pete got in next to me and tried not to touch me at all. Although that was incredibly difficult once we'd realized this bed was definitely not made for two people.

"Move over," he muttered.

"I can't."

"Just try."

"There's a wall there, Pete."

Silence.

"Fine."

I'd moved over as much as possible but in the end there was no way to avoid us right up against each other. We were both facing away from each other, back's touching. Honestly, I found the feeling of his cold skin somewhat comforting as opposed to the greatest feeling in the world (which it was just a couple of days ago). An awkward silence settled upon us and I began wondering what Pete was thinking about. Funny seeing as he wouldn't have that problem with me… But still I found it necessary to ask.

"Can you please turn off the lamp?"

I even felt Pete growl against me. But still, he got out of the bed, switched off the light and returned by my side in no time at all.

"Happy now?" he questioned venomously.

"Of course," I seethed.

And we were back to silence. The room was pitch black and I had to blink just to reassure myself that my eyes were open. Minutes later, there was no need to blink.

*******

I don't know what woke me up the next day but suddenly my eyes were open and I was staring at an unfamiliar wall. When something stirred behind me I turned my head and found myself starring at something quite familiar.

"You woke me up," Pete grumbled unhappily, voice raspy.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Well you… woke up."

Stupid Pete and his stupid sexy, raspy voice.

"Well… That was definitely worth waking up for," he smirked, rolling fully over onto his side so he was facing me as I lay on my back.

"Dammit, Pete, were you reading my mind again?"

"You're the one who wanted to slap me in the face last night and then thought my voice was sexy!"

Ok so he'd definitely started reading my mind again. This was annoying.

"I hate that I have to be here," I told him honestly.

Pete sighed. "I hate that you have to be here too"

Even though I'd just told him the same thing, I couldn't help but feel kind of hurt by his words. Stupid negating emotions.

"Why do I have to be here? For you to sleep, I mean…" I questioned.

"I don't know,” he began. “It's relaxing to be in someone else's mind because of the craziness of my own. Soothing, almost…"

I nodded to myself in the dark before realization hit me, bringing along some questions.

"Wait… you mean that's why you slept? Because you were reading and listening to my thoughts?"

"Yeah…" he answered, sounding confused as to why I’d just rephrased his answer.

I oddly rolled over in the bed so I was now pressed up against his chest but I figured if we were having a conversation I needed to be able to see him, or at least see his outline in the dark.

"But before last night you only slept when I had the fever, I thought you said you couldn't read my mind because of it…"

I couldn't see his face but I knew he was looking at me.

"Yeah… so I kind of lied about that…"

Cue heart pounding in my ears again and probably right against Pete's chest. It made it difficult to form words even after I'd swallowed the lump in my throat.

"So you heard everything? When I had the fever and last night?"

"…Yes."

If the light was on, he would have been able to see how red my face went as I thought about everything that happened those past few days.

"But I don't get it. How does that help you sleep?"

Pete was quiet, like he was trying to word his reason but I definitely wasn't ready to hear what he said next.

"I can read your dreams Riley. See them… Hear them… It's like playing a movie in my head. When you got the fever I could still read your thoughts, especially since you gave up on trying to block them from me. When you passed out I saw your nightmare; I felt the fear because of that girl. The first night we… 'slept together'… I tapped into your head again but this time you were dreaming and for the first time as a vampire, I felt like I was dreaming too."

I stared at Pete in awe, unable to comprehend what he was telling me, but he continued.

"I saw what you saw, Riley, and I felt what you felt." He said the last part quieter than the rest but it didn't matter, I still heard every word.

It was kind of funny considering the only thing going through my mind was ’Shit, he knows how I feel’. He must've heard everything. How I felt being that close to him, how I felt when I dreamt of him. And that scared me.

I suddenly felt incredibly claustrophobic being next to him. I needed to get out. I couldn't be next to him, touch him, look him in the eye. The feeling was overwhelming. What would he think of me? …Did he feel the same?

And then his voice was there and his hand was cool and gentle on my shoulder.

"Riley, you need to calm down," he said with a small smile, and then I was looking up into his eyes again.

"I'm…sorry," was all that came out of my mouth.

Pete smiled, still holding my gaze.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. When I'm around you, I feel human again. I feel your warmth, your heartbeat, your dreams. If anyone should be sorry it's me."

I looked at him in confusion just as I felt the hand on my shoulder reach up and gently hold my cheek. He studied my face but my mind was absolutely blank.

His face drew closer and closer until his lips came in contact with mine. I took a sharp intake of breath before I began to kiss back. His lips were gentle and I found myself being the one to try and deepen the kissalthough he obliged almost immediately. We moved as close together as possible, pressing every part of our bodies up against each other as one hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him. I could feel my body tingling from his cool skin in every place we touched, except for my lips which felt like they were on fire, but it a good way… if it’s possible for a burning feeling to be good. His fingers danced delicately on the skin of my lower back and I had to suppress a moan. I felt Pete smile into the kiss because yes, he'd just heard that. My fingers tangled in his hair and pulled gently, causing Pete to almost growl into my mouth.Payback.

Sometime later, we broke apart. I was completely breathless and now my whole body felt like it was on fire. Pete on the other hand, was no different to how he was before.

"I’ve been wanting to do that for so long," he chuckled, reaching down to hold my hand.

My fingers entwined with his and I grinned. "Yeah there was a fair bit of sexual tension wasn't there? Talk about a second kiss…"

Pete chuckled and rested his forehead against mine.

"I like you, Riley."

I smiled and pecked him on the lips.

"You already know how I feel."