Better for You

The party was filled with its usual stench of marijuana and alcohol laced with trashy perfume. I continued walking in and saw Harry chatting with Lucy and Zayn and did everything in my power not to react to Lucy. How was it that she irritated me by just standing next to Harry? Oh yea, she kissed my boyfriend and Harry while we were both… Well, whatever we were.

Harry’s head lifted and when his eyes met mine a warm smile took over his face he walked over to me, rolling his lip ring in between his teeth in a very sexy way. “Hey.” I whispered, leaning in to kiss him hello. It was only a short peck but it felt so natural and gave me a familiar warmth that I had only just realised that I had been missing.

“I missed you.” He whispered against my lips as we pulled away and my insides melted slightly at his words.

“I missed you too.” I replied as he led me towards the kitchen.

“Do you want something to...? Oh no wait, you don’t drink do you?” Harry checked, trailing off with a nervous chuckle and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I’d actually quite like something; it’s been a long day.” I told Harry and he poured me some of the pink mixture. I didn’t think before I chugged it back and Harry chuckled, refilling it and handing it bad to me as I downed that one quickly too.

“Woah, you better slow down.” Harry warned me and I shrugged my shoulders, feeling the alcohol buzzing through my veins.

“One more and then I’m done.” I pouted and Harry sighed, refilling my cup one more time and handing it to me. I tried to drink it slowly, but unfortunately the liquid drained down my throat faster than I thought and before long it was all gone and I could feel the effects of the alcohol pumping through my body.

“Ok, so what do you wanna do now?” Harry asked.

“Um, well I was going to talk to Abby, see if she’s come around or not. You can come if you want but it may worsen the situation.” I replied and Harry nodded his head.

“Ok, I’ll just hang out with Zayn and Lucy.” Harry replied, pulling me in for a hug. “Just don’t be gone too long.” He whispered into my hair, so quietly that I could barely hear him. But I did hear him, and my heart physically swooned.

“I love you.” I told him, pecking his lips before going off to find Abby.

It didn’t take me long to find Abby, she was with our large group of friends, hanging around the sofa which they always seem to be sat around. I said hello to everyone in the group before requesting to talk with Abby in private which she allowed and followed me upstairs into a random room.

I took a seat on the bed and Abby remained standing. “Are you still mad at me?” I asked her and she nodded her head up and down.

“You know how I feel about him, Izzy. All he ever does is hurt you. Just because you don’t physically show it, it doesn’t mean that you don’t feel it because I know you must. And we both know that he’s going to screw up again, it’s just a waiting game.” Abby ranted, pacing back and forth along the length of the room.

“But it’s my choice Abby. Yes he’ll hurt me again but I’ll also hurt him again. That’s what happens in relationships. People screw up.” Abby went to interrupt me but I put my hand up to her. “Let me finish, but at the end of the day I love him Abby. I love him with this unconditional love that always seems to drag me back to him whether I try to fight it or not. But you Abby, you’re my best friend and I hoped that you’d be happy for me. Because maybe I’m making a mistake with this, hell this is a huge gamble that could possibly ruin me, but I need my best friend by my side for this Abby, so please can you let me make this mistake?” I asked her as my voice broke and tears almost gathered in my eyes.

“You know that I love you Izzy.” Abby said as tears began streaming down her face and broken sobs came pouring out of her mouth. “I just don’t want to see you hurt because it hurts me. I know that it’s your mistake to make and that I sound like a selfish bitch saying this but I don’t like him and I’m just trying to prevent your heart break.” I nodded my head in acceptance and got up to hug her tightly.

“So are we ok?” I asked her and she nodded her head against my neck. “Good, I’ve missed having you as a friend.” I told her, pulling back to give her a smile.

“Me too, now I need to check on my make-up.” She told me and dashed out of the room and I laughed, and then began walking back down the stairs to find Harry.

When I got to the bottom my eyes scanned the room for Harry’s brown curls but when they landed on them Harry was next to Lucy and her friend and some other people. I inhaled a deep breath before walking over there and plastering a smile on my face. “Hey.” I greeted, and Lucy didn’t even bother faking a smile as she glared at me.

“What do you want?” Lucy asked in a curt voice.

“Drop it Lucy.” Harry warned her.

“To see my boyfriend.” I replied, mustering the fakest smile and flashing it at her proudly.

“Well, I was in the middle of talking to Harry and so if you could go then that would be great.” Lucy quipped and I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever you have to say to Harry you can say to me.” I retorted and Lucy seemed to be a little bit shocked by my reply.

“Trust me; you don’t want to know what I was saying to him.” She answered in a dark tone. I looked up at Harry and he kept a straight face as he looked down at me.

“Lucy, you’ve done a lot of shit to me so I swear to God if you make one move on-“ I began as Harry put his hand over my mouth and backed me away.

“That sassy mouth of yours will put you in a lot of trouble if you don’t put a filter on it.” Harry joked, but I knew that he was being serious despite his light tone.

“She just pisses me off.” I replied.

“I know, but you can’t start fights like that with girls like her.” Harry replied. What does he mean, ‘girls like her’? “Come on, let’s go over here.” Harry said as he led me towards a large group where
Zayn was sitting.

Zayn looked up at us as we neared him, “Ah, Look! It’s Harry and Izzy! Do you guys wanna play? We’re playing truth or dare.”

“Really? I used to play that in primary school!” I replied and everyone gave me weird looks, oh… They don’t have primary schools over here. “Uhm, when I was like 9.” I flushed and they all nodded their heads as Harry and I sat down in the circle.

“Well I happen to love a good dare, wouldn’t you agree Harry?” Zayn asked with a menacing looking in his eyes.

“Uhm, yea I guess.” Harry replied, looking slightly uncomfortable until Zayn changed the subject and dared one of the girls to take off her top. Real mature there Zayn.

“Hmm, Izzy… I dare you to kiss Ronnie.” Zayn dared me. I didn’t even know who the hell Ronnie was, but there was no way that I was going to kiss him.

“No.” I replied sharply, noticing Harry tense next to me.

“Aww come on, it’s just one kiss.” Zayn pouted.

“She said fucking no.” Harry said lowly, through gritted teeth. And Zayn smirked at him but let it go.

“Fine, pussy out then.” He muttered and I rolled my eyes when I felt my phone vibrating in my back jean pocket. When I got my phone out I noticed Mike’s name on the screen. I furrowed my eyebrows and excused myself to take the call outside.

“Hello?” I said.

“Izzy?” Mike checked.

“Yea, it’s me. What’s up?”

“I just, I had this weird dream where you were in a car crash and I needed to check if it was true or not.”

“Aha, nope. I’m fine it was just a dream.” I replied and I could hear Mike sigh with relief from the other end of the line.

“Thank god. You looked so broken in my dream, it was so real I just, I freaked out Izzy. I can’t lose you from my life.” Mike replied, and I could hear the honesty in his voice and I missed him so much in that moment. Not as a boyfriend but as a friend. We’d been friends for most of my life and didn’t want to lose that friendship.

“Well hopefully you won’t, not anytime soon at least.” I replied when I heard a coughing from behind me and as I turned around I saw Harry with a very pissed off look on his face. What’s his problem?

“Look Mike, I’m really sorry but I’ve got to go.”

“What’s the matter with you?” I asked him with a confused expression, walking past Harry and upstairs to his bedroom. If we were going to have a fight I didn’t want it to be in front of a crowd.

“You were just talking to your ex-boyfriend and you’re asking me why I’m mad?” Harry asked as we stepped into his room and he slammed the door shut behind him.

“But it’s not like I was doing anything wrong Harry. He’s my ex-boyfriend and you’re my boyfriend. I was only talking to him because he called and we’re friends, and don’t you dare tell me who I can and cannot be friends with.” I told Harry. I couldn’t believe that we were having a conversation about me speaking with Mike.

“But you had a relationship with Mike.” Harry argued, which aggravated me a lot seeing as he was just hanging around with Lucy.

“And you had a relationship with Lucy but you don’t see me complaining.” I quipped, catching Harry off guard.

“But we weren’t in a relationship. We just fucked from time to time. You were in-fucking-love with Mike.” Harry back fired.

“And so that makes it ok?” I screeched. “You were inside of Lucy, Harry. You did this hugely intimate thing with her that I’ve never done with anyone Harry; and that’s just the same as me having a relationship with Mike.”

“Well you didn’t mind the girls that were hanging around with Zayn.”

“You slept with them as well?” My heart dropped and I wasn’t sure if my heart could take the answer.

“Yes; and pretty much everyone in this party, so if you have a problem with the girls that I’ve fucked then you might as well move to a different campus.” Harry spat harshly and I couldn’t believe that he threw that at me.

When he noticed my reaction he looked slightly guilty, but didn’t say anything. My anger over Harry had quickly been replaced by hurt and I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I needed to leave. I needed to leave now I told myself as I searched in my bag for my keys. My hands were trembling, from the overload of emotion and the alcohol that I earlier consumed, and caused me to drop my keys.

When I went to pick them up Harry picked them up and held them high and out of my reach. “Give me my keys Harry. I’m done playing games here.”

“No; you’re in no state to drive.”

“Harry, I need to go; just give me the damn keys.”

“No, I’ll drive you.” He replied and didn’t wait for my response as he descended down the stairs while I followed him.

When we reached the car Harry unlocked it and got in the driver’s seat and I got into the passenger’s seat. “Look Izzy, I’m sorry about what I said ok. I was pissed off and I said some stuff that I didn’t mean.” Harry told me, trying to look at me in eyes but I just turned my face away from him so that I was staring out of the window.

“Take me home.” I told him and I knew without having to look at him that he had lost hope in his eyes.

The car ride was tense and silent but neither one of us were willing to break the silence. Thankfully my dorm wasn’t too far from the frat house and so the ride wasn’t more than a couple of minutes, however when we got there I got out of the car and so did Harry.

“Go away Harry. I’m seriously done with this.” I warned Harry as we walked up the stairs but Harry clearly ignored me as he continued to walk up the stairs towards the dorm. As I reached the dorm I unlocked the door and entered it, with Harry hot on my trail.

“I’m sorry Izzy. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that ok.”

“Yes you did Harry. That’s exactly why you said it. You were mad at me because I was winning the argument and so you said that.” I replied, my voice neither soft nor harsh; just a nonchalant balance.

“It’s not true though, I haven’t slept with all of the girls in the group; just two of them. “ Harry quietly mentioned, and I felt slightly better now that I knew that Harry hadn’t been with every girl on campus.

“Ok.” I replied with distance clear in my voice. The amount of arguments that we have shared has finally begun to take its toll on me and was pulling me away from him, despite our gravitational force which seems to always pull us back together.

“Izzy, please don’t be like this. I can feel you pulling away from me and I hate it. I fucking hate it.” Harry whimpers.

“I’m not pulling away from you Harry; you’re the one who was pushing me away. You pull and push me away constantly Harry and I’m getting tired of it. Just pick ok. You either chose to be in a relationship with me where you don’t get pissed off with me over me having a phone call with my friend and say mean things or you walk out that door right now and don’t come back, because I’m seriously done with this shit.” I told Harry and he took two large strides towards me and kissed my lips passionately in a kiss which I naturally replied to by locking my fingers in his hair while his arms go around my waist.

As Harry pulled back he rested his forehead on mine and stared into my eyes. “I don’t want to lose you Izzy. You’re all I have.” Harry told me and my heart fluttered while my insides melted but I simply nodded my head and leaned in to kiss Harry again. This is what Harry does to me. I should still be mad at him over what he said, but instead I am making out with him and I can’t find the energy to give a damn about how wrong it is.