With My Life in Her Hands

I can get used to visits like this.

Here we are in my room 'studying.' I don't think we're really studying at this point. Studying would mean trying to memorize the material in front of us to better our education. At this point, I should just put away my textbooks and notes so they won't get out of place and be lost.

I won't though.

I'm perfectly happy with the facade of studying when it allows me to study Willow.

It's fun to catch her looking back.

On cue, a head of darkened red gold rises and I see the Wiccan's fawn eyes looking back at me.

I smile catching her stares and Willow flushes at being caught.

Playing with Willow is more fun than studying.

I look back down to my notes and frown.

What subject am I working on again?

What an I even doing?

I could feel the the corners of my mouth lower in my confusion.

Now I feel Willow watching me again but start putting my notes and textbooks on the floor.

I lean back and lower myself back onto the mattress and I can feel my hair touching my neck.

My back relaxes and a vague ache begins as the strain of sitting up ends.

"What are you doing? You sleepy? If you are, it's fine. I can just go to the science-"

I smile at the back and look at Willow.

"I'm relaxing," I tell her. "You can stay though. I would like it if you stayed," I confess and mindlessly touch the aquamarine gemstone resting right above my chest.

Willow smiles at me and my heart is quick to stop knowing she's smiling at me.

"I'll stay for a little longer."

Willow herself puts her textbook on the floor and I wonder why.

Willow's eyes have darkened again and remind me of the chocolate I love so much.

They stare at the bed almost in concentration.

Does Willow want to lay down on my bed with me?

I slide farther away from the wall getting as close to the edge as I dare.

"You can lay down with me if you want."

My voice sounds so much deeper now even when quiet.

Willow grins at me just raising pink lips again.

"No monkey business?" She questions and I wonder if the Wiccan's serious.

"There are no monkeys in this room," I say firmly to reassure. "If you do want some, they can be found in captivity in yoos."

"Yoos?" She repeats.

"Yes. I haven't gone but heard many different animals are held there."

Willow laughs and the sound makes me want to laugh with her if I knew what was so funny.

"Zoos," she says mirth still in her voice. "They're called zoos."

A little sheepish, I smile even though it's small.

"You are so cute," Willow coos at me smiling. "With your yoos, chocolate and naivety."

I can feel my forehead wrinkle before I speak.

"This cuteness you speak of..it's a good thing?" I question.

"It's a great thing," Willow reassures nodding kind of hard. "Girls shouldn't always be with the slutty. Cute people make you laugh and smile. They're the best kind."

I nod reassured and pat the empty space beside me.

"Lay with me, please."

Willow raises an eyebrow and tilts her head. The expression makes me smile and my stomach turn in the best of ways.

My smile widens when Willow stays there with that same lifted brow expression.

I think I understand 'cute'.

I pat the bed again.

"Please," I add.

Willow's face relaxes as she starts to crawling to the space.

"Let's try again. No funny business?"

It seems redundant to answer since Willow is already coming but I answer anyway.

"We can do something, sure. Not sure if it'll be funny though," I mutter distracted watching Willow finally making it beside me.

I can feel the warm cotton of her sweater against her skin.

Strawberry blond has darkened into almost ruby in the darkness and frame Willow's head like a fiery rainbow.

The darkness seems to amplify just how beautiful Willow is but light enough we can see each other.

I imagine this must be what falling stars feel like.

Completely terrified, they fall with no idea where their going but knowing it's the best thing to ever happen.

I feel almost electric and swallow quietly.

"We can hang out outside of the room," she suggests laying beside me and I can feel the warmth of Willow's skin against mine.

Our hands are so close they are almost touching.

That inch difference feels like mile away.

"Are you sure you have the upper body strength to hold yourself up that long? Wouldn't your arms get tired?" I question distracted.

The Wiccan is kind of tall yes but she's so lean...

Willow laughs and I realize I've misunderstood today's speech yet again.

"I mean like dates. You know...ummm...going out together?"

I think about it before asking.

"Should I be the first to ask?"

Willow shakes her head frowning.

"I'm already planning something so don't worry."

By chance, her eyes glance at a small clock in the corner and widen.

"I have to leave for Buffy's surprise birthday party."

"I've never had a birthday party before. I almost wish I could go."

Willow frowns apologetic.

"I know it's just you haven't met everyone and I like what we have now. The last time I introduced someone he left and it's just.." she struggles to put her thoughts into words.

"We're so new that I don't want to jinx it." Willow finishes.

I can't help turning myself onto my side and kissing her.

Willow tastes like Pepsi and her lips are still so very soft.

I feel surrounded almost like I'm drowning but can't help enjoying every second of it.

Willow withdraws first and sighs.

I would think pillows should be made from Willow's lips but that would mean no lips for Willow which translates into no 'smoochies' for me

I love it when Willow smiles like this: relaxed and euphoric.

Pink lips are spread into a grin and I see the perfect whiteness of her teeth. I'll keep Willow's lips to myself.

"I'm late! I need to go!" Willow nearly shouts and stumbles off the bed.

Soft lips peck at my cheeks before she leaves and I watch the door shut.

I lean back down and sigh.

I love 'studying'.