Letters to You
October 27th, 2013
It’s been a while now… but I still want to talk to you. There are so many things we left unsaid and all of it is pulling on my heartstrings. It’s difficult to let go of things you are so uncertain of, I don’t know if it’s the end for you and me so why should I try to forget if you might be coming back in a month or so?
When I think back at what we had I remember the happiness I felt in your arms, the way I felt so safe with somebody for the first time. I felt things with you that seem impossible to forget… I sometimes wonder if the reason you didn’t want us to have a proper ending was because you knew I wouldn’t be able to let go.
I wonder about so many things actually… I wonder if it hurts, like everyone tells me it should, that your best friend kissed me. I wonder if it hurts knowing that I’m gone now. I wonder if you carry some type of hatred or anger towards me for what happened.
All I can say is that I was in love with you, and I might still be in love with you… but that night, when we were both drunk and stupidly decided to talk to one another, you scared me. You told me that you’d never touch me that way, you’d never lay your hands on me like that… yet you grabbed both of my shoulders and yelled in my face. You broke that promise to me and I’ve never been able to tell you.
You told me I was not just another girl and you told me how much I meant to you – yet after that, you never looked at me again. It’s as if every time you try to open up to me, you shut down right after and drop me like hot coals.
When I think back at what we had I remember the happiness I felt in your arms, the way I felt so safe with somebody for the first time. I felt things with you that seem impossible to forget… I sometimes wonder if the reason you didn’t want us to have a proper ending was because you knew I wouldn’t be able to let go.
I wonder about so many things actually… I wonder if it hurts, like everyone tells me it should, that your best friend kissed me. I wonder if it hurts knowing that I’m gone now. I wonder if you carry some type of hatred or anger towards me for what happened.
All I can say is that I was in love with you, and I might still be in love with you… but that night, when we were both drunk and stupidly decided to talk to one another, you scared me. You told me that you’d never touch me that way, you’d never lay your hands on me like that… yet you grabbed both of my shoulders and yelled in my face. You broke that promise to me and I’ve never been able to tell you.
You told me I was not just another girl and you told me how much I meant to you – yet after that, you never looked at me again. It’s as if every time you try to open up to me, you shut down right after and drop me like hot coals.