It's Gonna Be My Year

“So my Dad and I don’t really get along,” I started. “Dad and Tom got along really well and Mum and I got along really well. We all got along ok as a family when I was younger I suppose but then Tom left when I was 12 and he was 18 and then Dad had no one who shared his ideals left. Then I came out as gay and Dad didn’t really like that. He wants grandchildren and since Tom ran away he says I’ve been ‘disgracing the Gaskarth name’. Like what the fuck does that even mean?! Ever since I came out Dad has been working away a lot more and I haven’t seen him since school started. I thought he’d finally left for good. He and Mum argued for hours and hours about his attitude towards me when I was younger. I don’t know how she sat so calmly at that kitchen bench top. I mean he didn’t even help us move house. Anyway now that Tom is back I don’t know what will happen. It’s almost been 3 years. Fuck. What the hell is going on?”
I finished explaining myself to Jack and looked over at him. Hoping he wasn’t too mad at me for not telling him about this for so long. All he did was look at me with sadness in his eyes. Oh no now I’ve made him upset. What do I do? What can I sa-
My mental rant was cut off when he abruptly pulled me into a hug.
“Oh Alex, baby. It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m here,” Jack said soothingly. I didn’t know why he was comforting me until I felt the tears running down my face. As soon as I realised I started sobbing and let Jack hold me through the wave of emotions that had suddenly over taken me, making me feel as if I were actually drowning.

6:57 THAT NIGHT
Jack had held me until my cries had stopped and by then I realised it was 6:45 and I should probably get back. Jack came with me and now we were standing right back in front of my house door. I cautiously opened it, mentally preparing for the yelling match that was about to happen. I held Jack’s hand when I saw that the coast was clear. I walked through the lounge room and made it to the kitchen when I heard clinking coming from the dining room. What the fuck? We never use the dining room anymore. Mum and I just sit in the lounge room and eat. I pulled Jack along and went towards the dining room. What I saw there stunned me. Mum, Dad and Tom were setting a table for five. It was just an ordinary thing that you might expect in a different family but I haven’t seen something like this since I was 12. What is actually going on?
Mum noticed me first.
“Alex, good you’re home on time. I’m assuming Jack is staying over tonight?” She asked.
I quickly glanced towards Jack to make sure that it was ok. I mean I’d love it be but it was up to him. This would be our first sleepover ever. He gave a tiny nod and I turned to Mum again.
“Yes please.”
“Well dinner is nearly ready so you two go wash your hands and then come back for dinner. We are having a roast lamb tonight.”
Jack and I went upstairs to the bathroom.
“Are you alright Alex?” He asked me, concerned.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Are you sure you’re ok with staying here?”
“Of course I am. I, uh, I’ll just need to borrow some of your clothes tomorrow,” he said.
“I don’t believe that will be a problem,” I said, then I kissed him for courage and we went downstairs to face the music.
When Jack and I made it downstairs and sat down the silence was awkward. Mum decided to kick things off.
“So Peter, wasn’t there something you wanted to say to Alex?” Mum asked.
My eyes widened a little in surprise. I had not been expecting that. What game are you playing Mum?
“Uh, yes. Yes there is. Uh Alex, you are my son,” he said and then paused. I decided to take full advantage of this and give him a hard time.
“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed. I honestly thought I was George Clooney’s son. This explains why he’s never visited…” I said sarcastically. Mum shot me a warning look. I just rolled my eyes. Why did he deserve my attention and silence? Oh wait. He fucking didn’t.
“Alex. Look son, I’m sorry for how I treated you and your Mum. I really regret my actions and I was hoping we could be a family again. That’s why I came back. Because I love you guys and want us to be all together again. So what I’m trying to say is: I’m sorry Alex. And I love you.”
I stood up out of anger.
“YOU LOVE ME?! HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME?! YOUR FAGGY SON! YOU DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US AFTER TOM LEFT, SO WHY DO YOU CARE NOW?! I THOUGHT I WAS JUST A ‘DISGRACE’. I’M STILL GAY DAD. AND TOM PROBABLY WON’T STICK AROUND THIS TIME EITHER! SO WHY ARE YOU HERE?”
“Alex, I really do want to start a family again,” he pleaded with me. “Please I’m sorry.”
“Fine. One chance. If you blow it, you are no longer my father.”
Jack took my hand in his and tugged me back into my seat. I let him and the rest of dinner was Dad asking Jack questions about his life. And I have to say I was impressed with his behaviour so far. But why did my comment go unanswered? Would Tom be staying?

We finally got away from my family and got changed into pyjamas.
“Uh Alex, can I borrow a pillow please?” Jack asked.
“Why do you need a pillow?” I asked confused. I mean there were plenty on the bed.
“Oh, uh sorry. Never mind,” he answered. He seemed frightened now. He sat on the floor and started to lay down.
“Uh, Jack, what are you doing?”
“Oh sorry. Did you want me to sleep downstairs? Because I will if this makes you uncomfortable or anything. I mean I don’t want to annoy you or anything and-“
“Jack. Get up here,” I said, cutting him off. He seemed confused but did as I said anyway. I can’t believe he thought I’d make him sleep on the floor! Especially without making up some kind of bed or anything.
He sat cautiously on the edge of the bed, still looking frightened.
“Jack, you’re gonna sleep in the bed.”
“But then where will you sleep? I know you don’t want to sleep near me,” he said quietly.
“Why wouldn’t I want to sleep with you, baby?” I said, then quickly realised how that sounded. “I mean sleep, sleep. Like just us lying together in a bed, sleep.”
“Because I’m me,” Jack said, as if that were reason enough.
“And? I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
“Because I’m ugly and stupid and I don’t know how you put up with me anyway. I don’t know how you’re still going out with me or why you keep sticking up for me. I mean, why?” He seemed a little lost and I broke a little bit at the look on his face and the words. It sounds like no one has ever stuck around before.
I moved closer and put my hands on his shoulders making sure he was looking me in the eye.
“Because, Jack. I really, really like you and I hope you like me too. And the fact that you’re my boyfriend and my best friend. I don’t think you’re dumb baby. You’re so smart, everyone else just ignores it. And I can’t see how you’d ever think you’re ugly. You are the most beautiful person on this planet. Inside and out. You’re kind and intelligent and amazing and really hot and I’m super fucking happy to call you mine.”
He hugged me with the biggest smile on his face I’d ever seen.
“I really, really, really like you too Alex,” he said quietly into my ear.
We ended up spooning, with me being the big spoon, and I had one of the best sleeps I’ve had in years, ever since I was a child.

THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up and checked my phone for the time. I saw I had a text from someone so I untangled my hands from Jack so I could use my phone.
It was from Rian.
“Hey, do you and Jack want to come over and practise today? Also I’ve got some really exciting news!!! I THINK I’VE FOUND US A BASSIST!!! His name is Zack and apparently he’s really good.”
I turned to Jack to wake him up and tell him the exciting news. A bass player! We might actually have a complete band by the end of this weekend! FUCK YES!